10-no-4 Days to Become a Social Media Expert

Yes, those are panties. Based on the utter (ly made up) success of Get More Twitter Followers TODAY post, I have decided that I, too, am a SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT. But why keep this to myself, I thought? (When I could tell you about it and seem smarter!) And so, I devised a 10 4 day course to make YOU a social media EXPERT. This is really all it takes. Get your LinkedIn profile ready, gang! You’ve got a new title to put on the summary part. YOU are going to be the next SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT!!!


10, no 4!!! Days to Become a Social Media EXPERT

DAY 1 – Discover that everyone else is blogging and find a website that lets you get a FREE blog for FREE. Sign up and get the free account. Type in your first post: “I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with this thing, but here I am. I’ve got a great idea.” Then, wait a month and put up another blog post. But don’t let that stop you from your quest.

DAY 2 – Get an email from someone who wouldn’t talk to you in high school saying that they want to be your friend on something called MyFace or something. Get an account there and write up your bio. (It’s okay to fib a little). Discover the world of vampires and food fights and share quizzes with the other people. Extra points for tagging your friends in unflattering photos.

DAY 3 – Learn that blogging is dead. Discover that everyone is using Pownce tweetering on this Twitter thing, and get right on that. Answer the question “What are you doing?” very literally. “I am eating leftovers and watching an Idol rerun.” Annnnd, don’t forget to Get More Twitter Followers TODAY.

DAY 4 – Announce that you are now a SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT (it’s okay that this is a day early), and put up a website where you offer a seminar. $97 is enough. Also, write a 24 124 page ebook (well, you don’t have to write if you find enough really good blog posts to copy and paste together from other sites), and sell that for $27 USD. Then, make sure every one of your profiles on every social site you’ve joined (should be like 70) says “Social Media Expert” in the title. Oh, and while you’re there, consider putting up an avatar pic.

That’s it. You can just PRINT MONEY at this point! Was that too hard??? No, I don’t think so! But if it was, here are a few more tips:

  • Tie the tools to business process.
  • Ruthlessly explore the value of the tools and methods to your company’s goals.
  • Build relationships before testing your business objectives.
  • Read voraciously.
  • Ask several questions.
  • Explore and test new services as potential augmentation of your business plans, but stop using services that don’t serve you.
  • Keep a timer handy so you don’t drown.

Fair?

OR

Consider pre-ordering Trust Agents and supporting Chris and Julien Smith:

Trust Agents

Inspired by a comment on Twitter from @grizzlysgrowls (in the good sense)

Photo credit C.C. Chapman

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  • http://www.thejimgaudet.com/blog/ thejimgaudet

    “Read voraciously.” for sure. I couldn't count the number of articles I read daily, But it is all for knowledge

  • http://bdentzy.com Bryan Entzminger

    That's great! Thank you. Much easier than being a pirate.

  • Kathleen

    As an unapologetic language geek, I applaud you for correctly using “methods” instead of the more popular (but WRONG) “methodologies.”

    That made my little heart go pitter-patter. It truly did.

    I've been toying with plans for a business and a blog; now I realize I've been taking the wrong approach. Forget strategy, a business model, or a USP – I'm going to implement this plan today! ;-)

  • prefabrik

    The David Report Blog covers the intersection of design, culture and business life with a creative and humanistic approach. We write about the latest and most interesting news, ideas and concepts concerning art, design, architecture, music, travel and fashion with a holistic and culturally connected mindset.

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  • http://gregcryns.blogspot.com greg_cryns

    Dare I say it? This one is even better than “Get More Twitter Followers TODAY” which I liked a whole lot. I think I know who may have touched this off for you but I never name names. Of course, there are hundreds (thousands?) who match that person, for sure. Is Brogan actually getting better? Will Twitter ever get better from yesterday? Will Facebook soon have more signups than there are people in the world? Stay tuned!

  • http://www.thesociallatte.com Jack Smith

    Wow, so true. I just saw this add in Entrepreneur magazine that about sent me off the deep end… http://www.thesociallatte.com/social-media-expe

    The extra tips are great and so true. Oops, my timer just went off, gotta go!

  • http://www.TheSocialMediaBible.com StevenGroves

    Too funny Chris! How freaking many of these people are there in the world today?!

  • jennyonthespot

    heh heh… So full of wisdom, as usual… heh heh :)

  • mikejohansson

    Chris: This is spot on. You have a geat way of saying “The Emporer Has No Clothes” and my only hope is that all the naked “Social Media Experts” out there a.) catch cold and b.) “get this.” Oh, and sorry for the “naked Social Media Expet” mental imagery – its my mental wedgie gift of the day! :-) – Mike Johansson, a Social Media not-Expert, @mikefixs

  • http://jeffkorhan.com Jeff Korhan

    Chris – Glad to see you getting back to your good self. You were really getting kind of….corporate there for a while. We can get that from the WSJ. Sarcasm will get you everywhere!

  • http://twitter.com/JeffCole53 JeffCole53

    Chris, your post is so on the mark. I know so many people who set up a Twitter account and suddenly think they are social media “experts.” It is amazing. People just don't understand how long it takes to become really good at social media.

    I took a 10-week course offered by Australian Simon U. Ford to learn to use social media. It taught me what it takes to understand how social media works and what do to with it once you know how to use. It showed me how to link sites in a continuous campaign. I am constantly amazed by people who download a couple of videos and think they know what they are doing. Or instructors who promise to make people experts in a weekend. It ain't gonna happen.

    The other key – and I would recommend this to anyone thinking of taking a social media course – is make sure the instructor knows what he or she is doing. Ford sold thousands of copies of an E-Book using social media tactics. He has a very successful Australian events promotion company that uses social media almost exclusively. I took his course because he run successful social media campaigns. That's a key.

    Learning social media takes time and patience. Unfortunately, most people don't want to spend any time doing what it takes.

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  • marywhitecornell

    Chris-
    On the floor laughing – thanks for starting my day off with a smile. BTW your post about how to get twitter followers was very helpful.

  • http://twitter.com/MarandaGibson Maranda Gibson

    Wow. Between this and the Get More Twitter Followers TODAY post, I simply don't know how I am going to spend all of this money. Thanks Chris, as always, for giving me a little laugh mid-morning.

  • http://www.rosskimbarovsky.com/ Ross Kimbarovsky

    Funny…and so true. But of course, your 4 day guide didn't anticipate that someone could come up with a THREE day guide! Reminds me of this scene from There's Something About Mary:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9mioHO4hoM

  • reycarr

    The only thing you left out was a phrase at the end of each paragraph that was a link and said “Learn the Secret of How to Do This” then the link would take you to a pay page where for just $49.95 you could get the e-book that revealed the rest of the story.

  • http://www.dougmcisaac.com dougmcisaac

    Chis,

    Awesome post, I was laughing so hard I almost missed the tips. I'm hoping others don't miss them, because they are the meat of what you share with us consistently and are at the core of what I believe as well.

    I constantly have clients contacting me because they read an article on Twitter or Facebook or “insert hot social media site name here”and now they MUST get an account and will I set it up for them. I stop them and say first I need to understand your business objectives and your goals for being on the site.

    This is just like the days of “I need to get a website” Too many businesses believe the hype and are diving in without understanding why they are diving in.

    Thanks

    Doug McIsaac

  • http://www.pjmullen.com PJ Mullen

    I'm going to hold out for your method on how to go from newbie to guru in four hours :)

  • http://twitter.com/zaneology Zane Aveton

    Either I'm on post-surgery meds or you're being sarcastic..or… both! LOL. I love it. Thx for the serious laugh today.

  • Lucinda DeVries

    Does it count if my blog is still void of any writing at all? I plan on writing but I am working on the printing money portion. I decided just to skip step 1-4 all together!

  • loisgeller

    I want one of Bruce's aprons too. I think this is very funny. It just reminds me though of direct mail, when it was considered the “magic bullet”. And, there were all kinds of people doing it, experts, and hucksters.
    As in direct marketing, it needs a strategy and that is the best part of what Chris is telling us here.

  • http://geekmommy.net GeekMommy

    So adore you.

    I needed that laugh this morning! :)

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  • nicheslayer

    Mr. Brogan,
    While I appreciate you shrinking the time it would take me (I mean, this friend of mine) to gain expert status from 10 days to only 4, I can't help but question why you even bothered with the blogging, or the bloated social network littered with ex-girlfriends and guys who used to bully me (I mean, this friend of mine) in junior high.

    Isn't Twitter all one needs? A Twitter account and a tweet scheduler (insert affiliate link here) that does the work while I (yes, actually it's me I'm talking about now) count da Benjamins!

    So I think with a sharper knife, you can cut this down to only 2 days. But an excellent effort all the same!

  • kagey

    I think I started to fall in love with you during this post.

  • http://www.rsenthilkumar.com/ Senthilkumar

    That was a good read…

  • http://gawed.wordpress.com Gawed

    Read Voraciously:

    what are your recommendations for reading (books, blogs, magazines, webs) to really become a social media expert wanting to open his own business social media consulting firm?

  • johnperkins

    ” No, it makes us tweeters”

    No, it makes you twits”

    :D

  • http://www.technogati.com/ Surender Sharma

    Chris it seems that you are Commention on Leo of ZenHabbits and Darren of Problogger.
    Isn't it ?

  • http://www.SocialMediaCommando.com JoeMescher

    BILLY MAYS HERE!!

    I appreciate the gentle mocking of people who claim to be Social Media Experts just because they looked up the meaning of SEO and SEM.

    As for me, well, Social Media Commando isn't a Social Media Expert…

    But I can Add up all the Change in your Purse Really Fast!

  • http://www.smexec.com/ Sean

    Nice one Chirs!

    Reminds me of something what Syndrome might say, something like “When everyone's a Social Media Expert, no one will be.”

  • http://www.smexec.com/ Sean

    Ooopss! Sorry about the typo CHRIS. I need to proofread my posts more often.

  • Paul_Durban

    Dang it! I spit Diet Coke all over myself. Friggin hysterical.

    I wonder if I can become a dry cleaner in 4 days…

  • jonathan_rivera

    The sad truth is that this post is spot on.

    So many people get into this social media thing just to make money with no real commitment. Then they go sell the $27 ebook, get some suckers to buy it and never look back.

    I took Simon's course too and one thing I learned was to always add value. Most of these people are so busy taking value that they never get their heads out of their a$$es long enough to see that they look like idiots to the rest of us that know better.

    I got a good laugh from this post Chris, love everything you do, THANKS!

  • http://gelbendorf.com gelbendorf

    Chris, you are the man!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bruce-Barber/675885708 Bruce Barber

    Elizabeth – You have just officially made my day!

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  • http://www.personaltrainingdallas.com/ ken karnack

    If I have Hubspot, do I still need to have a Word press account along with my existing program? It seems llike too much work. thanks

  • http://Blog.HubSpot.com/ Mike Volpe

    If you have HubSpot, you can (and should!) use the HubSpot blog software. We use it for our own blog, and hundreds of HubSpot customers do the same thing because it is specifically built for a business blog. Anyone who already has a WordPress blog can keep that and still use HubSpot if they like. HubSpot integrates with other websites/blogs.

  • Batman

    Great stuff as always Chris. Not one thing that I could add, or disagree with….

    Well, maybe just one. You forgot to work in the phrase, “Follow Me On Twitter.” Clearly, a social media expert would know this key phrase to use to gain millions of followers in one day.

  • http://www.EventsListed.com EventsListed

    Day 15.

    Go back to your employer. See if it's not to late to get your old job back,…

  • http://www.loususi.com loususi

    ha hA HA Hilarious! hoo hoO ;] too fnckin' funny … i'm glad i went back in time and caught up w/ this one …

    i apsolutely LOVE: You can just PRINT MONEY at this point! … i mean, this will likely be the future for the US Treasury anyhow … download and print your budget for the week …

    AND

    of course

    i LOVED the MyFace reference … i too have often tried to tittytwist the nomenclature for the new social web landScape of tools, tricks an' the like … and besides MyFace, others that came up were SpaceBook, SpacedIn, FacedIn, FaceOut, FaceOff, Twatter, Pussederous, Bebo ( oh wait, that's real, grrrrrrr … or NOT? ), SpaceIn, and the list could potentially go on ( but could be a bit too predictable … ) …

    Thanks for more social web amazingness …

  • http://www.personaltrainingdallas.com kenkarnack

    Thanks Mike. I am new at the HUB, and loving every minute of it. You guys rock.. I am trying my best to be social, just hard to see what site or blog is best to use. I am in fitness as a personal trainer but i may start ansewering blogs in the political views since my market is mistly business people.

  • http://www.facebook.com/robert.plumer Robert Plumer

    I is there any way to speed this process up? I'm a fast learner I could do the program in a day! Do I get a special avatar or certificate I could print out for myself?

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  • Hadass Eviatar

    Gee, you sound just like some of the people who end up in my Spam folder. Well done, Chris ;-).

  • annewalshcoach

    Hi Chris, thanks for this post. Actually does Social Media Expert come in tablet form so I don't have to spend 4 days on it and if so where can I get it ? LOL But if you are seriously interested in taking the first steps to becoming an expert, Simon U. Ford has already given serious time and commitment to learning and teaching how to use social media and he has offered a huge amount of value…that's a major thing I have really learned from him. (kinda like you Chris!) He has already used social media techniques to sell thousands of copies of an excellent e-book (Social Traffic: Conversation marketing in a new media scape) and got Google Friend connect high up in Youtube rankings..he's one to watch.

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