11 Miles and Swamp

August 23, 2004 · Comments

In the first mile, I saw a little baby deer hauling butt too get away from me. I saw an owl roughly the size of a bathroom trash can fly away from me. Oh, and there was this swamp stuff. Shin-deep water the color of coffee and the smell of sh…..

Did I mention running into the running club?

When I got to the top of the ski hill in exasperation (because getting there means not only did I miss a turn somewhere, but now I was committed to climbing a REALLY steep hill), I descended, only to run into five people ascending while laughing and joking amongst themselves. I invited myself to follow along, and we struck up immediate conversation at the top of the hill.

So, I decide to run with them for a while, and we descend the hill together. I’m feeling great. I’m so thankful I’m in the midst of these people. I’m really excited that I’m running along with all these talented folks.

Then we hit straight flat ground.

They were SO much faster than me. I struggled to keep their pace (somewhere around 8 minute miles or faster) for a half mile, and then after a while, I deemed it okay to be NEAR them. Then, to hear them was enough. Then, they were gone, and I felt like a big failure.

Man, that was one of the most crushing things I’ve felt in a while. It brought back EVERY experience I had with sports over my youth. I was always okay, but never good enough to blend in. The only times I excelled were when brute strength or raw power were required. There was no faking it with these runners, one of which who’d won last year’s 50 miler.

I felt like crud. And when I realized just how much like crud I felt was when I realized I was only a half mile from my car. I could just walk away and forget about it. I could go home, or better, go drown my sorrows in bad breakfast food. After all, it was early morning still. I’d run SOME of my miles. Why not quit?

But obviously, that wasn’t going to happen.

I forced myself (it felt like PUSHING a MULE) to go left instead of right, and I sketched out another 6 miles of running on a course that would keep me going in a wide loop but not the full distance of the course. I made every step matter, focusing on form, focusing on breathing, focusing on the fact that I only started and May and that this is where I am in my personal race.

No excuses. None. I don’t permit them. I am where I am. And where I ended up was 11 miles of running within my allotted time, and some more lessons learned. I’m really glad I got out for my run. It was time well spent.

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  • Chris, I've gone on a few group runs with the Somerville Road Runners and I am always, always last. Don't feel bad. You just started running, like you said, and that 50 miler guy has probably been running since high school. It will come in time, honest. Glad you pushed through and finished. You're so far ahead of me and I look to you for inspiration now!!!! :)
  • I know exactly how you feel! I used to run with the running club around here but I stopped because I always found myself comparing myself to others and pushing for a pace that just wasn't meant to be.

    I'm glad you kept running instead of giving up. Congrats on the 11 miles and for providing a great lesson that we can probably all learn from.
  • You know, sometimes you have to ask yourself why you're running (in general, and on a given day). If its just for the joy of being outdoors, then cool. If you're trying to transform yourself and get better, faster, stronger, then you have to push yourself. My advice? Join the club. When I hooked up with the Gazelles here in Austin, I was the slowest runner in the club. When I join back up after my MCL retreats, I probably will be again. But there has never been a time when I was with them when I wasn't pushing myself. And there hasn't been another time where I gained speed, strength and confidence anywhere near as fast. These two things are probably related.
  • You know, sometimes you have to ask yourself why you're running (in general, and on a given day). If its just for the joy of being outdoors, then cool. If you're trying to transform yourself and get better, faster, stronger, then you have to push yourself. My advice? Join the club. When I hooked up with the Gazelles here in Austin, I was the slowest runner in the club. When I join back up after my MCL retreats, I probably will be again. But there has never been a time when I was with them when I wasn't pushing myself. And there hasn't been another time where I gained speed, strength and confidence anywhere near as fast. These two things are probably related.
  • I understand what Richard is saying...but there's a place and time for that, isn't there? To push before one is ready for that kind of speed can mean injury. I think what you are doing is amazing, Chris. You should feel proud of where your personal race is.
  • I've said it before: "You are where you are". Be proud Chris. You've done some amazing stuff.

    You've also gotta remember it doesn't matter how fast you are or get, there will always be runner's smokin' past ya and that ain't a bad thing. Personally, I love that aspect of running especially given that 99% of runners who are faster than me are SUPER supportive of me whereever I am in relation to them. I love having people to look up to and learn from.

    You kick ass Chris. Plain and simple. You gotta know that!!!
  • You are WINNING your personal race just by getting out there and LOVING what you are doing.
  • I hope that you don't take my previous comment as any kind of slight - for the record, I think that you're doing great as well! Just offering an other perspective - personally, I just love being challenged.
  • Anonymous
    I've been passed before on the road, and it freakin' sucks. But then I remember that I've only been running seriously for a year or two now, and that those people probably have been running since high school, if not earlier. And I also remember that two years ago, I used to run 12, 12.5-minute miles, and now I'm running under 10-minute miles and still improving. So don't knock yourself, you're getting better and you have an extremely admirable mental attitude and tenacity. I think you rock. :) -Dani, dani@manyfires.com, http://manyfires.diaryland.com
  • I found some great running places for you to get away from that running club in Munich, ma friend! shrug it off! drei weissbiers for Chris for getting in 11 miles!!!!!
  • shrug it off. i found some great places you could be running in Munich! drei weissbiers for Chris for running 11 miles AFTER the club incident!
  • Anonymous
    Past insecurities dragged into the present can feel like a brick up side the head. I'm so glad that you didn't allow it to shake your resolve.

    ~ Lara
  • Man, this is weird. I just ranted about something like this, except my final analysis was to drive on and conquer my NEXT goal. Thanks for reminding me to appreciate that I accomplished my LAST goal, too. Awesome story!
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