In the first mile, I saw a little baby deer hauling butt too get away from me. I saw an owl roughly the size of a bathroom trash can fly away from me. Oh, and there was this swamp stuff. Shin-deep water the color of coffee and the smell of sh…..
Did I mention running into the running club?
When I got to the top of the ski hill in exasperation (because getting there means not only did I miss a turn somewhere, but now I was committed to climbing a REALLY steep hill), I descended, only to run into five people ascending while laughing and joking amongst themselves. I invited myself to follow along, and we struck up immediate conversation at the top of the hill.
So, I decide to run with them for a while, and we descend the hill together. I’m feeling great. I’m so thankful I’m in the midst of these people. I’m really excited that I’m running along with all these talented folks.
Then we hit straight flat ground.
They were SO much faster than me. I struggled to keep their pace (somewhere around 8 minute miles or faster) for a half mile, and then after a while, I deemed it okay to be NEAR them. Then, to hear them was enough. Then, they were gone, and I felt like a big failure.
Man, that was one of the most crushing things I’ve felt in a while. It brought back EVERY experience I had with sports over my youth. I was always okay, but never good enough to blend in. The only times I excelled were when brute strength or raw power were required. There was no faking it with these runners, one of which who’d won last year’s 50 miler.
I felt like crud. And when I realized just how much like crud I felt was when I realized I was only a half mile from my car. I could just walk away and forget about it. I could go home, or better, go drown my sorrows in bad breakfast food. After all, it was early morning still. I’d run SOME of my miles. Why not quit?
But obviously, that wasn’t going to happen.
I forced myself (it felt like PUSHING a MULE) to go left instead of right, and I sketched out another 6 miles of running on a course that would keep me going in a wide loop but not the full distance of the course. I made every step matter, focusing on form, focusing on breathing, focusing on the fact that I only started and May and that this is where I am in my personal race.
No excuses. None. I don’t permit them. I am where I am. And where I ended up was 11 miles of running within my allotted time, and some more lessons learned. I’m really glad I got out for my run. It was time well spent.
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