Because You Know What You’re Going to Say

I’m a fan of the new Jerry Seinfeld project, Comedians in cars getting coffee. In a recent episode with Joel Hodgson (creator of Mystery Science Theater 3000), there’s a part where Jerry asks why diners are always set up to look like the past. Joel says, “Because you know what you’re going to say.” Meaning, we are so comfortable in a diner because we have a lot of background to pull from, so it lends itself to easier conversation. (You can watch the episode here.)

Confidence Is Born From Such Scraps As This

Did you ever wonder why most people when faced with meeting someone else for the first time lead with the weather, where one is from, and/or what one does? It’s because you know what you’re going to say about that. We can all talk about the humidity, too much rain, or what people from Texas are known for. It’s easy territory.

When we feel less confident, it’s quite often because we don’t know what to say next, right? But just like the diner Jerry and Joel find themselves in, you’re stuck to repeating the comfortable past, and not exploring what could be, what’s next.

Dare to Not Know What to Say Next

To be brave, then, requires that we be really willing to not know what’s coming next, and to not always have the right thing to say on hand. It means feeling comfortable with not being the expert. And more so, it means knowing that we will escape into our bigger dreams only when we are willing to shed the familiar.

The beauty of bravery is creating a new language to bring meaning to our discoveries. Once you start changing the world, even in small ways, you are on a path to places that haven’t yet been named. It’s scary and scintillating all at once.

What do you say to that?

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http://stevegarfield.com Steve Garfield

I love this: “be really willing to not know what’s coming next”
- http://rickmanelius.com Rick Manelius
  
  For the past 3 years, I’ve derived a large portion of my income from being both a technology developer and a constultant. For the longest time, I used to feel guilty about not knowing everything and would spend tons of extra hours trying to stay ahead of the curve (itself a moving target).
  
  I heard a talk about 1.5 years ago when someone else in my field said something along the lines of “I’m not paid to do this because I know everything. But I can figure it out very quickly as needed, and that’s why I don’t feel bad learning on the job”.
  
  This memory really jumped out at me when reading the very quote you cited… because it takes a lot of courage to not know everything and yet confidently take on projects knowing you’ll figure it out along the way! :)
  - http://chrisbrogan.com/ Chris Brogan
    
    Absolutely correct. You’re paid to solve problems, not be an encyclopedia.
    - Stan Bush
      
      You continue to help clear this up. Thanks
    - http://rickmanelius.com Rick Manelius
      
      I couldn’t have said it better… so now I know what I’m going to say next time! :)
    - Mary E. Ulrich
      
      This is exactly why No Child Left Behind sucks. Many teachers are frustrated because they have to teach to the test, which is an “encyclopedia” mentality instead of a problem-solving model that would help students their entire lives.
  - http://twitter.com/denniscallahan Dennis Callahan
    
    I also like the word “willing.” We all have different
    comfort zones that are warm and safe for us. The beauty of bravery is moving from our comfort zones into
    a “doing something different” zone.
    
    The more time we spend in the “doing something different zone”, the more
    natural we feel out of our comfort zones. Just like Rick said, “we figure it out along the way.”
http://garridon.wordpress.com/ Linda Adams

This reminded me of “table topics” in Toastmasters. That’s a 2 1/2 minute speech that you have no time to prepare for. The Table Topics Master gives you the topic and all you have is the time it takes to walk up to the podium to come up with something, and sometimes you’re still figuring it out as you talk. The hardest ones are the topics where you know absolutely nothing about the topic, and it takes a lot of skill to still be able to give a good speech.
http://www.bobarron.com/ Bo Barron, CCIM

I’m really not sure what to say to this…oh, I guess that’s the point!
orangish

Small talk, and falling back on routine things to say is almost imperative in business, which i find very frustrating. I like to get into a rich discussion right off the bat, but i do feel small talk is necessary to ease into more serious topics. I think it’s interesting that you brought up diners because i don’t think any of us are expecting the diner staff, to be attractive,politer, or attentive to our eating needs, but yet we still eat there because we feel comfortable.
marketing expertise

As the old adage goes – you listen only as well as you hear. And with the nearly unlimited “Soap Box” broadcasting platforms afforded to us by today’s technology – everyone one is just waiting for you to finish (or not, as the case may be…) to get their two cents in the the conversation – “opinion” (significantly more so than “content”) is king!

The “conversation,” however, is no longer a conversation, it’s a volley of sorts, with each player making their case – irrespective of the validity behind the other players comments or position – in what masquerades as dialog.

(Effective) Marketing is communication, and communication is power – open your ears and your heart, absorb and reflect (thoroughly and thoughtfully) before opening your mouth – open mouth = final stage in the communication process.
http://www.matthewreedcoaching.com/ Matthew Reed

the hardest thing I’ve had to learn as a coach is to instead of thinking of what I want to say, I actually listen. I like the way you put it here @chrisbrogan:disqus ,
“dare to now know what to say next.”
You are spot on, that place is a place of real confidence.

Also think about who you go to a diner to get coffee with, You go there with your mates. The people you’ve generally known the longest. The diner for coffee is a hard place for the first meet up.
http://twitter.com/mshelicop Leigh Kramer

Yup. I’ve been practicing this for a LONG TIME…and so has my husband. He’s really good at it. With situations where I feel I have little at stake – like meeting new people socially – this is no problem, in fact it is fun for me. But in business, it appears to be another story. But is it? I was just saying the other day that as a consultant, I always feel I have to have an answer, and the right answer. I can’t just react authentically in the moment. But husband says, no, you are more powerful with people when you can NOT KNOW and TRUST YOURSELF. I always admire colleagues and other professionals who don’t have a spiel – who can do the dance of a real conversation with another, under any circumstance. And when I am willing to do that, not knowing how it is going to turn out, I feel way more satisfied about the interaction.
Thank you.
Simon Ekin

Thanks Chris, I love it. You have touched on the thing I am most passionate about: confronting fear and being courageous. We should throw ourselves into uncertainty with gay abandon! It is a riot! Si
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