Confidence Matters More Than Anything

“Mystery,” the host of the Pick-up Artist, is also featured prominently in the book “The Game.”

I devoured that book in about a day, it’s utterly fascinating for all the reasons you mention. The author joined forces with Mystery to run pick-up seminars, and all their techniques can be easily tweaked and applied to just about any setting that would otherwise be intimidating. It’s definitely not only useful to wannabe ladies’ men.

One thing I noticed though. Techniques like that are great for inspiring confidence, but fostering real relationships has to come from within. Getting a girl to come home with you, or give you her phone number, is definitely not the same as building a relationship with her. That’s an entirely different set of “skills,” for lack of a better word…

Confidence is a learned behavior, I am always much more confident when I have learned something really well after doing it a few times.

Practice makes perfect, whether you are talking to to people, giving a presentation, or building the next new website. Very few people have confidence right off the bat, and grow more comfortable/confident each time they do something.

You can be confident at anything, it just takes some trial runs.

I do really well picking up chicks
for me it’s because i know all the tricks
confidence?
well sure
but it’s also about making them think they have something interesting to say

I just finished reading Toby Young’s How Lose Friends and Alienate People. In it, he describes trying to sell a story idea to editors at Vanity Fair. He starts off shaky but then quickly realizes the way to persuade them is to act 100% sure that his idea is right and to ignore it would be perilous. Even though it was an act, it worked. The feature issue went ahead.

(Here via Liz Strauss….)

Levels of confidence are often relative. That is, when talking to an “8″, my confidence is thorough. Put me across the table from a “10″, and my insecurities boil, sinking my confidence.

Confidence can be circumstantial. Maybe I start off with lots of confidence, but depending on the reactions I observe – encouragement or dismissal, say – my confidence can, umm, grow or shrink.

I think there are two keys to being confident: 1) How we account for victories and failures (do you give yourself credit, or blame/credit the circumstances) and 2) Trying a lot. If you try a lot, fail a lot, but win a lot, I think the confidence sticks. If you only try once or twice, and you fail either or both times, those failures loom a lot larger than if you try, say, 100 times and fail 75. You’ve still got 25 victories there, and that means a lot.

Levels of confidence are often relative. That is, when talking to an “8″, my confidence is thorough. Put me across the table from a “10″, and my insecurities boil, sinking my confidence.

Confidence can be circumstantial. Maybe I start off with lots of confidence, but depending on the reactions I observe – encouragement or dismissal, say – my confidence can, umm, grow or shrink.

I think there are two keys to being confident: 1) How we account for victories and failures (do you give yourself credit, or blame/credit the circumstances) and 2) Trying a lot. If you try a lot, fail a lot, but win a lot, I think the confidence sticks. If you only try once or twice, and you fail either or both times, those failures loom a lot larger than if you try, say, 100 times and fail 75. You’ve still got 25 victories there, and that means a lot.

As someone who is, shall we say, confidence deficient, I LOVE “If they can’t eat you, do it.” I’ve also been telling myself, “play like you mean it.” Because in a lot of areas, lack of confidence equals waste of time. If I make a presentation and don’t believe in it enough to think my audience will believe in it, I might as well skip it and go fly a kite instead, because that will be a better use of my time.

This, by the way, I know, but execution is another thing.

Good stuff, one of the deep topics that comes up when attempting anything that stretches comfort zones. I’ve felt this myself, and your post reminds me of the old saw “fake it ’till you make it.” Of course there’s an issue – when does faking morph into making?

Other connections: A client just mentioned yesterday that TV show. She also got a nice insight from it, in her case on having a good value proposition (heh heh).

I remember when i had gone to an interview and i had met a person who did not know anything about related to the job but the way he handled himself was like a professional and he got selected for it. And when i asked him how he got the job without having much knowledge in that domain… he just answered one word…that is “CONFIDENCE.” With confidence can accomplish even the most difficult goals.

Somehow, the men on The Pick Up Artist have been convinced that they are failures. The host pushes them, through competitiveness that they can supercede their own perceptions of themselves. Who, in our lives, has convinced us of our own strengths and abilities?
yes, you can make/create your own confidence, but I believe there is someone or something, that instigates self empowerment.

Chris, this makes me think of my mantra, “put the cart before the horse.” Walking out in front of yourself, despite the cautions, the gremlins, your experience, your education, the predictions, you name it. There simply comes a time when you have to claim it, and do it.

I also read “The Game” but, like Chris, found it to be more like a bag of tricks. You just simply need to be confident. Even if you fake it (I guess that’s why The Game suggests to wear ridiculous outfits). Though I realize now the bag of tricks can be applied to blogging and podcasting when building an audience.

I’ve stuttered all my life so my confidence is really hampered by the fact that I appear unintelligent despite what I’m taking about! the only thing I do to help me feel confident is knowing what I’m talking about. For example, I’m not nervous in job interviews because I know what my skills are and can prove them. No need to fake confidence there! If I’m talking to a hot girl, my confidence depends on how friendly she is (I know, very anti-TheGame of me).

The easiest way to instantly feel more confident – smile. Seriously, if you are feeling vulnerable a simple smile will do wonders.

Also maintaining eye contact with your audience is a small but effective way to boost confidence.

I have zero issues with confidence. None. I find that so many people do though.

I agree with Rick M. “Confidence can be circumstantial”. You can be totally confident in one area and lacking in another.

For me, I found that one sure way to destroy confidence was to appear unsure. In my former occupation as a tech intructor I never used the words “I don’t know” if I didn’t know the answer. That was a surefire way to lose my classes confidence in me. If I didn’t know an answer, I always used “that is an excellent question” and later researched it and got back to the student.

Confidence is key in my book. In everything you do you must be confident in both yourself and in what it is your doing. Otherwise no one will take you serious and you’ll be wasting your time.

“Are YOU confident? What are you tactics for feeling more confident? If you’re not very confident, how has that affected your days?”

Unfortunately, I’m not very confident. It affects many aspects of my life — even my online projects. I often have (seemingly) good ideas, but I don’t put them in practice because I’m afraid no one will be interested. However, I’m trying to overcome this problem. :)

Are YOU confident? What are you tactics for feeling more confident? If you’re not very confident, how has that affected your days?