Confidence

I think confidence can’t be really learned, more realized.

Confidence means to those that view confidence in others that they know what they are doing. (Whether or not they actually do know what they are doing.) The thing is, though, that there are very few if any of us that really know what we are doing so we constantly look to others and their confidence. We should all have confidence, though, not that we know what we are doing but that we are capable of dealing with each situation as we run into it.

I have two ways to think about confidence. The first is the “presentation” side, what you see in a confident person. I recognize confidence from quiet: Confident people don’t move around much unless they are moving with intention. Confident salespeople move toward you smoothly, but once they’ve shaken your hand they go still and listen. Confident speakers start off by being still and quiet, and wait a beat to let you quiet your mind and start listening. Confident managers managers quit moving and talking, and attend to what their subordinates are saying. Confident riders (my daughter rides horses) move as little as possible, and communicate with the horse in small movements that are nearly invisible.

Internally, confidence is about efficacy: Do I believe that I’ll accomplish a task. I can gauge my own confidence by procrastination. If I’m not confident in an outcome, I’ll put the task off and do something else. I then either learn something that makes me more confident, or I’ll wait until the last minute to start something, and blame procrastination (rather than lack of confidence) for not doing it well.

I’ve been trying to replace procrastination with learning. I’m not terribly confident that I’m succeeding. :-)

tc>

I have two ways to think about confidence. The first is the “presentation” side, what you see in a confident person. I recognize confidence from quiet: Confident people don’t move around much unless they are moving with intention. Confident salespeople move toward you smoothly, but once they’ve shaken your hand they go still and listen. Confident speakers start off by being still and quiet, and wait a beat to let you quiet your mind and start listening. Confident managers managers quit moving and talking, and attend to what their subordinates are saying. Confident riders (my daughter rides horses) move as little as possible, and communicate with the horse in small movements that are nearly invisible.

Internally, confidence is about efficacy: Do I believe that I’ll accomplish a task. I can gauge my own confidence by procrastination. If I’m not confident in an outcome, I’ll put the task off and do something else. I then either learn something that makes me more confident, or I’ll wait until the last minute to start something, and blame procrastination (rather than lack of confidence) for not doing it well.

I’ve been trying to replace procrastination with learning. I’m not terribly confident that I’m succeeding. :-)

tc>

Only when I know I’m not lying.

I feel confident in situations where I’m sure I can comport myself well no matter what nasty surprises events, life, and other people may throw at me.

In other words, confidence comes from knowing in your gut that no matter what happens, you can display grace under fire while you deal with the situation.

IMHO, confidence springs from different things. It can be founded on:
- education (“I graduated from a top-tier university” or “I have a PhD in this subject”)
- wealth (“I can always throw money at the problem to fix it or make it go away”)
- knowledge & experience (“Been there, done that. Nothing surprises me anymore” or “I know more about this topic than anyone else in the room”)
- relationships (“I know exactly who to call to bail me out of this situation.”)
- or any combination of the above.

Confidence is therefore very dependent on context. For example, I can be a confident speaker for my field of expertise, and at the same time be a total basket case about being a first-time parent.

When I meet people for the first time, I am less inclined to think well of someone who seems to lack confidence. When I know very little about a person, I have to assume that they can assess their own capabilities better than I can. And if they don’t believe in themselves, I can’t help but ask myself why I should believe in them?

I think that’s why the ability to exude confidence when you first meet someone makes a world of difference in first impressions.

Confidence can be faked, of course. But faking it is also dangerous , because it’s extremely disappointing to get past someone’s glossy exterior only to find nothing underneath.

I *definitely* look up to people who have demonstrated time and again that there’s substance to support their facade of confidence.

Wondering about “appearing confident”. Is it different form *being* confident?
Also, how is confidence tied up with self-esteem?

There’s also a negative side to confidence. People who jump into things without proper planning because they’re confident they can handle anything can be successful risk-takers, disruptive assholes, or both.

The less one’s confidence is backed up by wisdom and experience, the more dangerous it is. You may have a lot of confidence in your athletic ability, but that doesn’t mean you should take the black diamond slope your first time skiing.

I most certainly am not a confident person.

I continuously second-guess and third-guess myself, underestimate what little abilities I have (see, there I go again), and resign myself to being incapable of realizing and unable to ever realize the futile dreams and projects I do have.

Pessimistic? Probably. Depressing? No doubt. Capable of being changed? Doubtful. This is so ingrained into my personality though — you have a better chance of making water not wet than making me confident about doing or accomplishing anything.

Perhaps that’s why I’m destined to never really be successful.

I recommend taking an Improv course. It’s a fun way to learn about confidence, and not being afraid of making an ass out of yourself form time to time.

D

I was getting long winded in my post here, so I took it over to my blog.

http://ldpodcast.wordpress.com/

Suffice it to say that I think confidence should start from trust and faith; It can be a social mask we use where others see us as confident long before we feel it ourselves- because it’s a lot harder to declare yourself an expert (in a non-charlatan way) than to be seen as an expert by others.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. one has to be careful of where they walk.

Additional thoughts- is confidence all about presence?
Attitude?your general approach to life?

“It’s all about the energy.”

Confidence is the absence of doubt.

Some have no reason to doubt, and live life with aplomb;

Some are not mindful enough to doubt, and can seem arrogant.

Competence is objective performance of a skill set. Confidence is a feeling, a sense. It is not necessarily rooted in factual data (see Bryce’s sense of a lack of confidence regardless of the facts, regardless of data regarding competence.)

I am far more competent than I am confident about many things. Unfortunately, I am more cofident than I am competent in some others. The secret is to root your confidence in a right understanding of your competencies.

Before I read any comments I wanted to write what confidence is to me. When people tell me. “You were so confident in a business meeting or a sports game or whatever”
I usually am 1 either passionite about what ever it is or 2 I dont care what anyone thinks. Which is happening more and more as I get older. Otherwise I depend on depends undergarments and try to smile a lot.

Confidence is attitude on a mission.

Be confident.
Be humble.
The more successful you become, the humble you should be.

Wow CBro – interesting subject. This is probably something for me to best respond to by posting on one of my blogs.

I can say that part right now – Frequently, when I am speaking to someone, there are certain things which I hear myself saying, and “how” I am saying it – those are my most confident moments.

Generally, they come along when I am being myself the “most” and not worried that what I am saying might be controversial, or that it might piss someone off.

In that light, I feel that I “am” a confident person, but many times, as I am saying or doing something, I am aware (or unaware) of how the people around me are going to react – then I begin to focus on that, which makes me appear less-confident.

Wow – see what I mean, I’d need several more pages to really put into words what I am thinking.

;-)

True Confidence is:

To take counsel of your doubts while believing you can achieve your goals,

To acknowledge your fears without being limited by them,

To moderate your confidence with humility because you know what failure by hubris tastes like,

And, perhaps most importantly, the knowledge that you wield your superpowers for good.

Embrace “confident” people, they’ll inspire yours. Beware of “confidence” people, they’ll abuse yours.

i think one of the ways one can gain confidence is by experiencing failure.