Connecting People

May 21, 2007 · Comments

Connecting The other day I gave a few answers to what it was that I do. I left out all the details, because that sounded kind of boring, but I missed one important part, the piece of the puzzle that means the most to me. What I love most about what I do is connecting people.

Here’s a list of things that help me with that role in my life:

A Passion for People

It’s pretty hard to fake a love for people. I won’t go so far as to say you have to be born with it. I think someone can learn to love people. But it’s a pretty solid requirement for what I do that you love people, love learning about new people, and want to know more about passionate, energetic humans and what they’re doing.

Abundance Mentality

The phrase comes from Covey’sThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. An abundance mentality suggests that there’s plenty to go around. It’s the notion of “a rising tide raises all boats.” It’s the belief that if you and everyone nurtures the environment, good things will come to everyone eventually. No, not just by magic. There’s hard work involved. But the opposite of an abundance mentality is a scarcity mentality. “If that person gets a contract, I’ll never get it, so I better work harder than them.”

This goes a long way towards how I approach things. I believe that everyone gets their turn.

A Few Good Questions

First, it’s important to know what the people you meet are passionate about, and what it is they need to be successful in their business. Second, it becomes important to know who these people might want to meet in their travels, or what might be useful to their future desires. These questions, sprinkled into regular conversation, become useful to understanding what your friends and colleagues might need next in their own personal journeys.

I guess that’s important, too. It’s easier to naturally connect people once you realize that we’re all the star in our own stories. Think from the perspective of the people you’re talking with, on all sides, and that helps a great deal.

Remember Just Enough

More often than not, here’s the trickiest part. It’s about remembering something from another conversation at just the right time to be helpful to the current conversation. While talking with a friend who was visiting New York City, I told her she might check out another friend, who runs a great video content network. I just suspected there’d be something there. Sure enough, they really enjoyed meeting each other, and might even do business. Sometimes, it’s just knowing someone who does something that someone else needs. For instance, when I think of anyone needing help with technological marketing tools, I think of Chris Penn. When I think of someone wanting to better understand Second Life, I think of C.C. Chapman. Who’s the first person on my mind when I think, “How do I make a videoblog?” Steve Garfield.

On the other side of this equation, it’s easier to do this if you are known for something or if you promote one talent of yours over others. But hey, I work with a lot of diverse friends. It all gets sorted out.

Asking Others

Connecting also involves reaching out when you don’t know the answers yourself. I’ve made a career out of not knowing things. I find that it helps me learn even bigger things. The trick is asking. Ask. Ask all the time. Reach out and say, “Who here knows how to make a useful registration management system?” And see what comes back. Asking helps really open up the network.

What’s In It For Me?

My answer: nothing but a feeling of satisfaction and happiness when friends connect successfully. I love connecting people because I think it’s great to see wonderful, deserving people find their way to great experiences. Sure, if any of you become amazingly rich from something I helped with, remember me for your entourage. I’m not above carrying your poodle or whatever. But ultimately, I just think that with enough people helping each other, we’ll all find our way to our goals. Altruistic? I don’t think so.

What about you? What are YOUR skills for connecting people? What do you get out of it? And some folks aren’t connectors. If not, what do you say about your experience with connectors?

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  • Dan
    I want more information, please tell me more .
  • Great article.

    Abundance Mentality a great term.
  • jonnygoldstein
    I love knowing people from different fields and areas. I love being able to help someone by hooking them up with someone who can help them. It's fun. I'm interested in what people do, where they are from, what they like.

    Then again, sometimes I go on some navel gazing benders and don't get out as much. I ebb and flow in terms of my connection making.

    It's fun having ties to different communities. I think about it kind of visually---like: this person connects to this person, who knows this person, who is that persons cousin, etc.
  • David Finch .
    Caught your name and that of Maureen Marovitch being filmmakers.Has anyone ever looked
    into the possibility of a documentary of the 2 jewish orphanages in Montreal 1909-1942. The two books are available to you upon requeast.
    the website tells all.
    Myer
  • Thanks for the link to John Carman... *great* title for a blog post!
  • John Carman's follow-up post is here: http://avenuedesignstudios.com/?p=20 (not sure what ate this. )
  • Connections: I find that you never know what other people know unless you're willing to strike up conversations. I was at a geek thing last week, and noticed someone's knitted purse; and found out three people in the vacinity were knitters, plus one had a blog about it- the Village Knitiot (and she's a video game programmer by day). This confirmed to me you have to be open and willing to talk about anything- you just never know.
    You might share old friends, grown up in the same town, but never known it- Don't be afraid to talk about things off the subject at hand- that forms stronger connections than the surface "topical" things, anyway.
  • Chris, great post-- I was thinking of connections after hearing about a HS classmate who died last week. Just so happens she was a Newsday columnist and was writing about her struggles with cancer. Her last column relates to your posts, I think: "No Time for Last-Minute Commiserators. The point I take in this context is: make connections, but don't let them fade. Nurture them , keep them and value them.
    I had some thoughts on it as well, if you don't mind me linking to my own blog post:
  • Chris,

    Thank you for this article. I never thought of myself as a connector - but I think I am too!

    Thanks for the inspiration ..
  • I think the net, and recently, Twitter and Jaiku allows even those who are not extroverts to help people connect.

    Twitter allows you to connect to others without an introduction. You can 'follow' a person, and when that person sees you are following them, they are naturally curious to see who you are.

    In this 2.0 world, meeting Bill Sobel and Chris Brogan have been the key connections in the last year.

    Connecting comes naturally to many of us, it seems like it is this innate thing - in my head at least - to see how you can help someone achieve their goal.
  • Norm
    Have you ever read the book, "Never Eat Alone?"
  • One more thing... I love Dan's phrase "notes in the margins of our lives". That's one of the best summarizations of the microblogging many of us are doing on Twitter and Jaiku.
  • Chris:

    Spot on, as usual! Yes... being a connector (and a storyteller) is how I tend to think of myself quite often. And, not surprisingly, I tend to gravitate toward other connectors as well which increases the network of connections. A virtuous loop if ever there was one.

    A great book to add to the pile is Tim Sanders' Love is the Killer App". He talks about being a "love cat" which has much in common with the model you're defining in this post.
  • I love Connectors!! Especially alphageek connectors. I'm more of a Gladwell Maven, and I love the fact that I can _always_ count on something really interesting coming my way when I get that IM/email/call from one of my connector friends that starts "Hey, I was talking to this guy I met at SomeReallyInterestingEvent and I thought of you right away, let me tell you about it..."
  • Chris, very nice! While I've never thought of myself as a connector I find myself constantly connecting.

    Thanks for sharing what you do!!
  • Nice piece, Chris! Well-written description of what's involved with connecting people. Like you, a large part of my role both within my formal "work" and also within my other interests is helping connect people. You're right that "asking" is a key element. I've always believed that everyone has a story to tell, and it's always amazing to me the random connections that can occur when you start to find out where people's passions lie. I've learned an amazing amount and developed some wonderful friendships (and helped make some great connections) simply by having those random conversations with people and listening to their passions. Actually "listening" is key... and that's increasingly hard to do in our world of "partial attention".

    To a certain degree, I think that part of the appeal of Twitter, Jaiku and even just blogging in general is learning about other people's larger "stories". Some people complain about Twitter entries being so mundane sometimes ("Awake and not quite functional" is one I currently see), yet in aggregate they are the "notes in the margin" of our lives, and they help build those stronger connections and help us learn more about each other... and help us recall people when the opportunity is there to connect them with others.

    Anyway, thanks for continuing to write great pieces like this... makes for an enjoyable way to start my day. Thanks, Dan
  • bgavin
    Abundance mentality...
    A rising tide lifts all boats.

    As opposed to a "fixed pie" -- the more pie you get, the less I get.
    http://www.halverson-law.com/1-4-1.htm
  • Chris, I never thought of myself as a connector because I'm not the kind of person who knows everyone in town or attends a lot of events. However, recently I've become a connector because I find it easy to make connections online -- which is "the happening place" these days -- and I love helping others connect with the people or information they need to get a job done. And it's fun!

    When I make it big, I'm going to buy a poodle, just so you can carry it around for me. LOL

    Seriously, thanks for being a role model/mentor for those of us learning to be connectors and community builders. And thanks to Jeff Pulver for recognizing and fostering your natural talent in this area.
  • Excellent article Chris, it's always so inspiring to read your blog posts.

    I don't know if I'd call myself a connector, but I love discovering what people are passionate and enthusiastic about, particularly when it's not immediately obvious.

    For example, I met a guy the other week (suit, grey hair, fairly severe expression) at a business event on European Banking, a pretty dry subject I'm sure you'll agree.

    When we first started talking, he wasn't particularly enthused. Then somehow we got onto the subject of live music and his whole attitude and demeanor changed. His face lit up, he became totally animated and it's like he was a different person. It turned out that as well as being a banker, he was also a guitarist. So we spent the next hour having a hugely enjoyable conversation about a subject we were both passionate about.

    So the moral of the story is, talk to people, find out what interests them and sometimes you can make connections where you least expect to.

    Cheers
  • Deb Block-Schwenk
    Chris, this is a great and thought-provoking post to contemplate first thing in the morning.

    My stereotype of "connectors" is those chirpy, outgoing people who get invited to lots of parties. I find that rather intimidating, personally.

    But your view not only feels more natural to me, but also as something that can be learned. I'm learning to ask more, and as I meet people who I find fascinating it starts to become natural to connect one fascinating person with another.

    So I guess I'm a novice connector. Your post is inspiring in articulating your feelings around connecting people, which is extraordinarily helpful.
  • mdy
    You're definitely a Connector, Chris!

    I've only been follow you on Twitter for a while, but it's obvious that you enjoy introducing people who have the potential to really click.

    Anyway, I thought I'd point out a book that also expounds on this topic -- "One Phone Call Away" by Jeffrey W. Meshel. I read it a couple of years ago and it was the first thing that came to mind while I was reading your post.

    Another book is "Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without" by Tom Rath (see http://www.vitalfriends.com) . He also uses the term "Connector" -- "Bridge-builders who get to know you -- and then connect you to others."

    I hope you never tire of connecting people. Cheers.
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