Considering Social Network Etiquette

Nice post, Chris.

Facebook has the “limited profile” option, which lets you have a slightly trimmed version of who you are visible to people you want to connect with but to whom don’t want to expose everything, which is nice.

Someone put up a picture of me doing something I really don’t want out there! What do I do?

Is it rude to ask “How do I know you?” in response to a friend request?
No, not at all. I mean, not in and of itself. If you slept with this person last night and you don’t remember who they are, that might be rude. By and large, people understand, particularly if they met you in a large event, that people can be deluged with requests and a quick refresher is not at all unreasonable.

Where can I have a directory I never need to update?
Most social networking tools allow for direct messaging, so if all else fails, you can use DM to find any of your contacts. However, Facebook and Myspace have standard fields for other contact info, and on Facebook, many people publish phone numbers there that might not elsewhere, because of the higher security.

Where can I share photos?
Flickr is designed primarily for sharing photos, but doesn’t offer many other capabilities. Facebook offers a lot of space for photos, but the format and size are highly limited. Flickr for high quality.

Where do I go to have a customized page where I can build my identity?
Myspace offers tremendous customization in terms of graphics and color scheme and the ability to embed music and video into your page. virb does a lot of this as well, but also has the advantage that you don’t have to view other peoples’ customizations if you don’t want to. Facebook’s apps duplicate some of myspaces’ functionality, but do not let you change the basic look of the page. Myspace is by default public, so it may be a more effective center, whereas you need to provide a public link to your facebook profile. By default, no one who isn’t registered on facebook can see your facebook page.

Where do I go if I want to win contests?
Facebook has sponsored contests sometimes, and often there are ads with prizes/contests available, but maybe you want Sugarloot? They’re ALL about winning things.

Where do I get help finding a job?
The Grand-daddy of job-centric networks is LinkedIn, but it’s still invite only. Ask around your friends. Facebook also started a marketplace recently and there’s a job section there, and they hooked their “career center” into jobster.com. That said, it’s not common practice to ask someone about a job on a general purpose social networking site unless they’ve posted about it specifically.

Maybe this is a separate post, but if you know why most people are on a network, it can help avoid a social blunder.

Nice post, Chris.

Facebook has the “limited profile” option, which lets you have a slightly trimmed version of who you are visible to people you want to connect with but to whom don’t want to expose everything, which is nice.

Someone put up a picture of me doing something I really don’t want out there! What do I do?

Is it rude to ask “How do I know you?” in response to a friend request?
No, not at all. I mean, not in and of itself. If you slept with this person last night and you don’t remember who they are, that might be rude. By and large, people understand, particularly if they met you in a large event, that people can be deluged with requests and a quick refresher is not at all unreasonable.

Where can I have a directory I never need to update?
Most social networking tools allow for direct messaging, so if all else fails, you can use DM to find any of your contacts. However, Facebook and Myspace have standard fields for other contact info, and on Facebook, many people publish phone numbers there that might not elsewhere, because of the higher security.

Where can I share photos?
Flickr is designed primarily for sharing photos, but doesn’t offer many other capabilities. Facebook offers a lot of space for photos, but the format and size are highly limited. Flickr for high quality.

Where do I go to have a customized page where I can build my identity?
Myspace offers tremendous customization in terms of graphics and color scheme and the ability to embed music and video into your page. virb does a lot of this as well, but also has the advantage that you don’t have to view other peoples’ customizations if you don’t want to. Facebook’s apps duplicate some of myspaces’ functionality, but do not let you change the basic look of the page. Myspace is by default public, so it may be a more effective center, whereas you need to provide a public link to your facebook profile. By default, no one who isn’t registered on facebook can see your facebook page.

Where do I go if I want to win contests?
Facebook has sponsored contests sometimes, and often there are ads with prizes/contests available, but maybe you want Sugarloot? They’re ALL about winning things.

Where do I get help finding a job?
The Grand-daddy of job-centric networks is LinkedIn, but it’s still invite only. Ask around your friends. Facebook also started a marketplace recently and there’s a job section there, and they hooked their “career center” into jobster.com. That said, it’s not common practice to ask someone about a job on a general purpose social networking site unless they’ve posted about it specifically.

Maybe this is a separate post, but if you know why most people are on a network, it can help avoid a social blunder.

very good compilation going on here Chris. I’m in full agreement so far…

very good compilation going on here Chris. I’m in full agreement so far…

Thanks for a very thoughtful post.

Each of these social networks struggles hard to differentiate itself and this attracts sometimes only slightly different overlapping social groups, but sometimes very different, so to come up with overall rules which apply everywhere is almost impossible. What’s netiquette in MySpace is different to, say, Facebook, and certainly to Twitter where the demographic and expectations are based on knowledge of different social memes.

I do think there are class differences and that means manners differences. I wouldn’t dream of (for example) using **profanity in jest** within LinkedIn, but I certainly would in MySpace, where it’s de rigeur. Equally, if I write for a newspaper or journal, I am going to use / avoid certain turns of phrase, depending on the publishing outlet.

I am still surprised at the extent of personal information that people are prepared to freely offer up to Facebook, Twitter, Pownce, especially regarding their physical / geographical whereabouts. We’re possibly only a few moments away from criminal activity, based around someone knowing that someone else is miles from their home, and using that information to remove items of value in their absence. Now, unless you’re naturally suspicious you maybe won’t think in such terms of vulnerability; but this is where the danger lies in social networking – they are wide open to be exploited by anyone, from any background, with any motive, and we rather kid ourselves that the bubble we play inside is protective. It isn’t, and this is why people can get hurt. In the end, social networks are only as well behaved and pleasant as the people using them.

Thanks for a very thoughtful post.

Each of these social networks struggles hard to differentiate itself and this attracts sometimes only slightly different overlapping social groups, but sometimes very different, so to come up with overall rules which apply everywhere is almost impossible. What’s netiquette in MySpace is different to, say, Facebook, and certainly to Twitter where the demographic and expectations are based on knowledge of different social memes.

I do think there are class differences and that means manners differences. I wouldn’t dream of (for example) using **profanity in jest** within LinkedIn, but I certainly would in MySpace, where it’s de rigeur. Equally, if I write for a newspaper or journal, I am going to use / avoid certain turns of phrase, depending on the publishing outlet.

I am still surprised at the extent of personal information that people are prepared to freely offer up to Facebook, Twitter, Pownce, especially regarding their physical / geographical whereabouts. We’re possibly only a few moments away from criminal activity, based around someone knowing that someone else is miles from their home, and using that information to remove items of value in their absence. Now, unless you’re naturally suspicious you maybe won’t think in such terms of vulnerability; but this is where the danger lies in social networking – they are wide open to be exploited by anyone, from any background, with any motive, and we rather kid ourselves that the bubble we play inside is protective. It isn’t, and this is why people can get hurt. In the end, social networks are only as well behaved and pleasant as the people using them.

Chris,

Good stuff (it feels really uncomfortable for an English person to keep passing complements, sorry if I sound muted).

I have one thought so far, in the section:

“I hate all the @ conversations in Twitter. Can’t people just use Direct Messages?
People use @username because it’s easier, because it allows others to follow a conversation, and because with the new Replies tab (in Twitter), it makes following a conversation easier. It’s the social norm there now. ”

I would like to add. @s are not all about conversation they are also about communication and building community (see your previous post). large ,long winded @ conversations do tend to get up my nose – but that is just me. The odd ‘high there’ or ‘yeh – been there – sucks doesn’t it’, add a human interactive touch to what otherwise is a potentially voyeuristic medium.

AJ

It’s sometimes hard to get the lay of the digital land, and this is why posts like this are so important. I belong to a few parenting-centric social networks, and it’s interesting to me how those Community norms are somewhat different than those elsewhere.
What strikes me is that we need to understand that there should be fundamentally little difference between what you would do online or offline. If you wouldn’t tell someone to their face you want to break up with them, but instead would casually back out of the friendship, then do the same online. Remember, you are talking to real people with real feelings, and being kind and considerate of others is always better than being rude, or nasty or simply callous.
I use twitter as my virtual water cooler for my online “associates” – like work friends. Some people I feel closer to than others, but it’s like a work environment. You might not love everyone, but everyone is unique, has their own world view, and there can be surprising little treasures in even the darkest corners. So while we may all feel a little overwhelmed by the vast amount of communication online, don’t take your frustration out on others- manage your own channels and engagement in them instead.
You control your own actions and emotions- other people won’t make you mad unless you let them, and that seems to be giving up a lot of personal power to strangers, if you ask me.

It’s sometimes hard to get the lay of the digital land, and this is why posts like this are so important. I belong to a few parenting-centric social networks, and it’s interesting to me how those Community norms are somewhat different than those elsewhere.
What strikes me is that we need to understand that there should be fundamentally little difference between what you would do online or offline. If you wouldn’t tell someone to their face you want to break up with them, but instead would casually back out of the friendship, then do the same online. Remember, you are talking to real people with real feelings, and being kind and considerate of others is always better than being rude, or nasty or simply callous.
I use twitter as my virtual water cooler for my online “associates” – like work friends. Some people I feel closer to than others, but it’s like a work environment. You might not love everyone, but everyone is unique, has their own world view, and there can be surprising little treasures in even the darkest corners. So while we may all feel a little overwhelmed by the vast amount of communication online, don’t take your frustration out on others- manage your own channels and engagement in them instead.
You control your own actions and emotions- other people won’t make you mad unless you let them, and that seems to be giving up a lot of personal power to strangers, if you ask me.

I agree with what Dean said about privacy and what people put on social networking profiles or what they add to updates on Twitter. Like him, I’m amazed sometimes at what people will add to their profiles, including addresses, cell phone numbers, detailed running commentaries about one’s whereabouts, compromising photos, etc.

Whenever someone adds something to their profile, or adds a friend, they need to understand that no matter what their privacy setting is, they are broadcasting that information to the world.

I agree with what Dean said about privacy and what people put on social networking profiles or what they add to updates on Twitter. Like him, I’m amazed sometimes at what people will add to their profiles, including addresses, cell phone numbers, detailed running commentaries about one’s whereabouts, compromising photos, etc.

Whenever someone adds something to their profile, or adds a friend, they need to understand that no matter what their privacy setting is, they are broadcasting that information to the world.

Interesting post, Chris, as usual.

I like that this was positioned as Etiquette and not as Rules. O’Reilly’s Rules for Bloggers really annoyed some people. Etiquette somehow seems more in line with what we are trying to build here.

I wonder if it is worthwhile to talk about who you *friend*. Or are those annoying friend accumulators (esp on Facebook) not going to be paying attention?

Interesting post, Chris, as usual.

I like that this was positioned as Etiquette and not as Rules. O’Reilly’s Rules for Bloggers really annoyed some people. Etiquette somehow seems more in line with what we are trying to build here.

I wonder if it is worthwhile to talk about who you *friend*. Or are those annoying friend accumulators (esp on Facebook) not going to be paying attention?

I actually agreed with everything you wrote, your own answers. If I have a person I don’t feel like following on twitter anymore, I just drop them silently, not start a ruckus over it. Also, if someone is making me uncomfortable, I do the same–silently and without fanfare, as you said. Now as far as setting up a new account on twitter/pownce/facebook, I did so one friend at a time–I don’t believe in the address book dump. I tend to get my point across better online than I do in person–I get in trouble in person all the time–I guess because online I have time to think about what I want to say, and say it correctly, as opposed to when I’m face-to-face with someone and don’t have a lot of time to formulate my responses. Does that make sense?

I actually agreed with everything you wrote, your own answers. If I have a person I don’t feel like following on twitter anymore, I just drop them silently, not start a ruckus over it. Also, if someone is making me uncomfortable, I do the same–silently and without fanfare, as you said. Now as far as setting up a new account on twitter/pownce/facebook, I did so one friend at a time–I don’t believe in the address book dump. I tend to get my point across better online than I do in person–I get in trouble in person all the time–I guess because online I have time to think about what I want to say, and say it correctly, as opposed to when I’m face-to-face with someone and don’t have a lot of time to formulate my responses. Does that make sense?

Great post, Chris!

Personally I like the use of @ in tweets. If people like you, Paull, CC and CSpenn hadn’t used @s…I wouldn’t have found half of the people I now have on my twitter friends list! One thing is looking at your friends’ lists and see who they’ve added, but the @s give me more of an idea on who I would probably +like+ to add…based on the conversations I am seeing happening between you guys.

Great post, Chris!

Personally I like the use of @ in tweets. If people like you, Paull, CC and CSpenn hadn’t used @s…I wouldn’t have found half of the people I now have on my twitter friends list! One thing is looking at your friends’ lists and see who they’ve added, but the @s give me more of an idea on who I would probably +like+ to add…based on the conversations I am seeing happening between you guys.

I’d like to see the question “Is it rude to ask “How do I know you?” in response to a friend request?” turned around into an etiquette point about how to add or follow people you don’t know personally because you find their tweets/posts useful in some way. Would it be polite to direct message them in advance to let them know you’re adding them and why, even though they don’t know you?

I’d like to see the question “Is it rude to ask “How do I know you?” in response to a friend request?” turned around into an etiquette point about how to add or follow people you don’t know personally because you find their tweets/posts useful in some way. Would it be polite to direct message them in advance to let them know you’re adding them and why, even though they don’t know you?

Chris:

I’ve been told that I tend to be abrasive in some social networking situations. Yeah, I kind of am, but that’s my personality. I try to be careful, but sometimes I just let something fly.

Anyway, I believe that if you post a comment to someone’s blog and they decide they don’t like it and subsequently delete it, they should address any response to you privately through email. However, should the blogger choose to respond to you publicly (i.e. through another comment or blog post), they should leave your original comment.

Recently, I responded to a post on an entertainer’s website and this person didn’t like what I said. The entertainer not only deleted my post, but edited the original blog post. Rather than responding to me using the email address I had provided, the entertainer said something to me in a comment to the post. Basically, the entertainer left it to subsequent readers of the blog post and comments to assume that I’d said something pretty awful, as opposed to mildly insulting.

Sure, if you have a blog site, it’s your site and you make the rules, but if your rules include being able to respond to people’s comments even after they are deleted, perhaps you should post that policy so commenters will know about it beforehand.

Chris:

I’ve been told that I tend to be abrasive in some social networking situations. Yeah, I kind of am, but that’s my personality. I try to be careful, but sometimes I just let something fly.

Anyway, I believe that if you post a comment to someone’s blog and they decide they don’t like it and subsequently delete it, they should address any response to you privately through email. However, should the blogger choose to respond to you publicly (i.e. through another comment or blog post), they should leave your original comment.

Recently, I responded to a post on an entertainer’s website and this person didn’t like what I said. The entertainer not only deleted my post, but edited the original blog post. Rather than responding to me using the email address I had provided, the entertainer said something to me in a comment to the post. Basically, the entertainer left it to subsequent readers of the blog post and comments to assume that I’d said something pretty awful, as opposed to mildly insulting.

Sure, if you have a blog site, it’s your site and you make the rules, but if your rules include being able to respond to people’s comments even after they are deleted, perhaps you should post that policy so commenters will know about it beforehand.

I have a personal preference for “open” communities like Twitter for socialization. Invites seem necessary for business communication, but feel too “exclusive” in social situations. I always feel a little put out when someone asks “how do I know you?” in Twitter. The answer (for me) is sometimes simply “I found your page through another friend and I liked your tweets”. I don’t go down to the local pub when I need a job, and I wouldn’t expect a prospective employer to allow me to walk right in, sit down and start chatting everyone up at the office.

With all that being said, I really like the use of @ in Twitter. It’s like a party, and @ lets you overhear people’s conversations, so you can decide if you want to jump in, and maybe introduce yourself to someone new. Direct messages, invites, privacy, exclusivity, I see these as necessary for business, but a total drag for socialization.

I have a personal preference for “open” communities like Twitter for socialization. Invites seem necessary for business communication, but feel too “exclusive” in social situations. I always feel a little put out when someone asks “how do I know you?” in Twitter. The answer (for me) is sometimes simply “I found your page through another friend and I liked your tweets”. I don’t go down to the local pub when I need a job, and I wouldn’t expect a prospective employer to allow me to walk right in, sit down and start chatting everyone up at the office.

With all that being said, I really like the use of @ in Twitter. It’s like a party, and @ lets you overhear people’s conversations, so you can decide if you want to jump in, and maybe introduce yourself to someone new. Direct messages, invites, privacy, exclusivity, I see these as necessary for business, but a total drag for socialization.

My reply is long.

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