November 23, 2010 173 Comments

Criticism is an Important Part of Thinking

Here I Am

Some strange events lately have led me to write this post. You may or may not know, but I receive a criticism about me (my ideas, people’s perception of me, how I comment, how I don’t comment, whatever) about once a week. Some times, it’s a post for the intention of link bait (getting more people to engage based on calling someone who has an audience onto the carpet). But lots of times, there’s a real kernel of value to a criticism, especially if it’s about some aspect of my work or my ideas as posted here. (I’m less interested in debating my hairstyle or my parenting choices, but you get the point.)

What Makes for a Good Criticism

A good criticism (and by good, I mean useful) is one where someone latches on to something that bugs them about me, and then they explain it in a way that they can point to examples of me doing this thing, and how they’d have done it differently. For instance, Danny Brown, a long time critic of mine, said he didn’t like that I answered people in my comments section in a snarky way, and so he unsubscribed to my blog (which was a surprise, because he still comments on it pretty regularly, I feel). Perfectly good criticism. I can be snarky. It comes usually after a bunch of people take a bunch of shots at perceptions of me, versus at specifics. Danny is spot on. I shouldn’t be snarky. I should let him and others be snarky, because it’s better suited on them.

What Makes for a Bad Criticism

Criticisms where people can’t really pin down what bothers them, or criticisms against perceptions of me are really hard for me to work with. “Chris Brogan is arrogant” is a bit tricky, because first, I disagree, and second, I think I’m confident, which is sometimes confused with arrogant. When I push for this one, people then often come back and say, “Well, such and such said you were,” or “I tweeted you and you didn’t reply.” Let me handle that last one: I don’t live on Twitter. I live in this much larger box, and I sometimes spend my time on Twitter, just like I sometimes spend time on LinkedIn. If your feelings are hurt that I didn’t reply back to you, I apologize, but then, that’s more a situation for you to consider, not me.

What Makes for the Worst Criticism

The critics I have the hardest time answering are the ones who compete with me, and feel somehow upset with me due to perceptions or issues arising from competition, but without the clear and obvious statement of that competitive experience listed. I get this one a lot. I get people who are saying (without saying), “I am blogging about why Chris Brogan is a jerkbag because I’m selling what he’s selling slightly differently.” I used to get this somewhat more often in the way old days.

What bugs me is that I’m not very competitive. My goal? Helping my prospects and clients. I spend my extra hours trying to figure out how to do that better. It irks me that other people somehow have the time and the inclination to write blog posts complaining about why they don’t like me, instead of spending their time taking prospects from me. Wouldn’t that be more fun? Wouldn’t you rather show my prospects your amazing work, instead of writing about why you think I’m a poopypants?

The Whole “A List” Bologna

Several people have a thing against the “A List” of social media marketing, and some folks consider me to be on this list. First, okay, I’m one of the top social media marketers, or at least the top KNOWN social media marketers. Let that one sink in. I’m not the best marketer out there. Hell, I know 1/149545th of what Christopher Penn knows about marketing. I know less than Sean Bohan. I know less than plenty of people.

I’m the most KNOWN person (or one of them) in Social Media marketing. If that makes me the A-list, sure thing. Does that give me magical powers? Did I do something specific to get here? No to the first question, and yes to the second question. To the second, what I did was work my ass off. I worked, I experimented, I took on clients and figured out things, I came up with ideas, I wrote a few books and got them published. I did a whole lot to get to be the most known person.

That, however, doesn’t mean that I consider myself godlike. You have to spend no more than about 20 minutes with me in person to determine that I am about as human as the next guy. I pay someone to put on my pants one leg at a time, just like you. I don’t consider myself infallible. In fact, I am the first person to admit to things I didn’t even do, just because I’d prefer to learn than to worry about who gets blame or credit.

One of the saddest things I’ve heard in recent weeks is that when someone writes a criticism about me, there’s this whole silent group who secretly says, “It’s about time.” Or “finally, someone stands up to Brogan.” Really? Is it that hard to do? I’ve got a four year old (almost 5) boy who tells me when I’m wrong. My eight year old daughter isn’t that shy. You can’t tell me when you think I’m in the wrong? I somehow doubt this.

When You Disagree

Please, by all means, disagree with me. Please point out the flaws in my ways. Please tell me when you think I’ve got it wrong. (Besides, you’re doing it wrong.) Write your post. Email me. Tweet it. Whatever. The delivery mechanism is fine.

Just be clear in what you’re criticizing. Show examples when you can (because that helps me learn). And if you’re just trying to bait me because you’re competing with me, save us both the effort, and go lure my prospects to your better offering. Because then we’ll both learn.

Believe me, I’m not over here worrying about you. I have my priorities: family, colleagues, clients.

Criticize at will.

ChrisBrogan.com runs on the Genesis Framework

Genesis Theme Framework

The Genesis Framework empowers you to quickly and easily build incredible websites with WordPress. Whether you're a novice or advanced developer, Genesis provides you with the secure and search-engine-optimized foundation that takes WordPress to places you never thought it could go.

With automatic theme updates and world-class support included, Genesis is the smart choice for your WordPress website or blog.

Become a StudioPress Affiliate

Newer Comments →
  • http://twitter.com/SocialPsiTina SociologistTina

    Very intriguing post. Well said, and I’m glad somebody finally said it!

  • http://www.mikeslife.org Mike CJ

    ” I pay someone to put on my pants one leg at a time, just like you.”

    Fabulous line!

    What it all comes back to is a lesson I was taught many years ago. If you need to criticise anyone, focus on the behaviour rather than the person.

  • Anonymous

    It looks to me like a lot of what gets directed at you isn’t real criticism at all, it’s projection. Haters gon’ hate.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Hate the game, not the player. : )

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Hate the game, not the player. : )

  • Anonymous

    Chris if everyone liked you, I would worry, probably means you are doing something really wrong. Love your fate.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Love your fate. Shit, that’s tattoo-worthy.

      • Anonymous

        Can’t claim ownership of that slogan though, it’s from a guy called Nietzche

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Love your fate. Shit, that’s tattoo-worthy.

  • http://twitter.com/markvanbaale Mark Van Baale

    I will be right up front for those who criticize you. I have met you in person and you are right, you are as human as the rest of us. You take time to connect with those in person and make them feel special when you are talking with them. Thanks for that sincerity that not everyone has. Don’t let the haters get you down. Keep doing great work that you have always done. :-)

  • http://lovehateadvertising.wordpress.com/ Mitch Devine

    About that beard…

  • http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

    Um, this is probably going to get long.

    Let me tell you what I see from my vantage point on the far-off mountain.

    Whatever you want to call the group of people of which you are a member – heavy hitters, superstars, influencers, whatever – you all came into this game when it was just beginning. You knew, well, each other, but there wasn’t a “you” that you had to compete against, nor was there a you who could reach down and help.

    Now, things have changed quite a lot. When I first joined Twitter, it took an incredibly long period of time to start finding my voice and building my community. When you first start in this Social Media world, the prospects of ever even getting your voice heard seem so overwhelmingly small. There is the layer where the “A-listers” are at. Then there are the people who are biting on your heels, if you will. There are the people who think they are in one of those 2 groups. I call it a granite ceiling. You can break through, but with a spoon, it can be time-consuming.

    Meanwhile, in Batman’s lair…

    It seems to me like people in your space of Social Media are becoming kind of like the Kardashians. The number of public spats, blog posts that call BS on nameless denizens of the super people along with some plebeians, posts that are openly about each other – they’re increasing, exponentially.

    Now here’s the problem with that – and it doesn’t matter who starts it or who wins – it makes folks like me, who learn from lots of different people, look and feel kind of foolish. “Yeah, um…I really admire that person who just threw 15 f-bombs on Twitter. Errrrrr.”

    Here’s the other problem with that. While some folks like me are recoiling at the ugly behavior, others are gravitating towards it. People who support you will go over and bash people who are bashing you. Then that person’s community of friends will come over and bash your people.

    In short, my friend, the upper echelon of Social Media is on the verge of creating an environment where there is general warfare, and it makes me nervous and slightly nauseous. I know there is a lot of pressure on you and many others. I know it stinks when someone is whacking your Achilles tendon with a baseball bat. However, my opinion is that you ALL need to take it offline, or at least off the public waves. Even posts like this, which are more defensive rather than on the offense, are stirring the pot of distemper we have going on.

    I don’t want to have to take sides between you and tons of other people I respect. I don’t want to see my community that I’m trying to build fall apart because some are on team so and so while others are on team so and so. What I want is to learn so that I can do my stuff better and meet cool people. That’s why I’m here. Isn’t that why everyone is here, ultimately?

    I think you and other “A-listers” or whatever you want to call folks who have been here awhile and are REALLY good at it — I think you need to back away from these public spats. While it is a lot of pressure, you know the saying. With great power comes great responsibility. This is the house you all built – the onus is on you to show people new to this world how to behave. My pleadings for peace on Social Media earth won’t mean a darn if there’s a Brogan or a Clark or a Barone or a whomever duking it out on pay-per-view. People will just say, “I guess that’s the way it is now.”

    Get back to teaching. Get back to what you’re here for. Other folks, get back to what you’re here for. In the end, we are all lucky we have the time and luxury to use this technology. Imagine how people in Haiti would feel if they signed on and just saw everyone smacking each other. Bad. Ungrateful. We can ALL do better.

    • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

      Marjorie,

      I agree with you sometimes these channels become similar to battle fields throughout the platforms. I only disagree with taking sides (sometimes we have to take sides). We can learn from everyone even the ones that we think do things wrong but eventually you have to follow those who have similar values and interests.

    • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

      Marjorie,

      I agree with you sometimes these channels become similar to battle fields throughout the platforms. I only disagree with taking sides (sometimes we have to take sides). We can learn from everyone even the ones that we think do things wrong but eventually you have to follow those who have similar values and interests.

    • http://twitter.com/susangiurleo susangiurleo

      Well said, Marjorie.

    • http://twitter.com/susangiurleo susangiurleo

      Well said, Marjorie.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      The funniest part of being considered the A-list was that I started on the Z-list like everyone else. My A-list was (is!) Doc Searls, Robert Scoble, Guy Kawasaki, Steve Rubel, Tara Hunt, and all those kinds. I made a point of spending time with everyone on that list and then some. I’ve met tens of thousands of bloggers. Know why?

      As for the fighting, I just absorb as much as I can and then I get pissed after taking as many hits as I can in a row. Is it the right way? No one’s teaching me. My preacher said I’d turned all four cheeks. : )

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      The funniest part of being considered the A-list was that I started on the Z-list like everyone else. My A-list was (is!) Doc Searls, Robert Scoble, Guy Kawasaki, Steve Rubel, Tara Hunt, and all those kinds. I made a point of spending time with everyone on that list and then some. I’ve met tens of thousands of bloggers. Know why?

      As for the fighting, I just absorb as much as I can and then I get pissed after taking as many hits as I can in a row. Is it the right way? No one’s teaching me. My preacher said I’d turned all four cheeks. : )

      • http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

        It would be great from my perspective to learn more about what the blogosphere & Twitter and all of that were like at the time you were first getting involved. It’s interesting to see who you, Brian Clark, Darren Rouse, and others look up to. Plus it’s kind of encouraging to think that even you titans have people you look up to :)

        As for point deux, bear in mind that my skin is about as thick as a uh…well, something that’s very thin. So I get it. But I think it might serve YOU better, if you feel someone is out of control, to respond in private rather than in public. Sadly, nobody can tell what your context is, so the person you are being beaten up by comes out looking more patient than you.

        All 4 cheeks. I like that :)

      • http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

        It would be great from my perspective to learn more about what the blogosphere & Twitter and all of that were like at the time you were first getting involved. It’s interesting to see who you, Brian Clark, Darren Rouse, and others look up to. Plus it’s kind of encouraging to think that even you titans have people you look up to :)

        As for point deux, bear in mind that my skin is about as thick as a uh…well, something that’s very thin. So I get it. But I think it might serve YOU better, if you feel someone is out of control, to respond in private rather than in public. Sadly, nobody can tell what your context is, so the person you are being beaten up by comes out looking more patient than you.

        All 4 cheeks. I like that :)

      • http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

        It would be great from my perspective to learn more about what the blogosphere & Twitter and all of that were like at the time you were first getting involved. It’s interesting to see who you, Brian Clark, Darren Rouse, and others look up to. Plus it’s kind of encouraging to think that even you titans have people you look up to :)

        As for point deux, bear in mind that my skin is about as thick as a uh…well, something that’s very thin. So I get it. But I think it might serve YOU better, if you feel someone is out of control, to respond in private rather than in public. Sadly, nobody can tell what your context is, so the person you are being beaten up by comes out looking more patient than you.

        All 4 cheeks. I like that :)

    • http://www.dogwalkblog.com/ Rufus Dogg

      Dead on Marjorie. Many times I find myself in a position to point a client or colleague to a respected professional in the Social Media or SEO world and find myself balking because the last post/tweet was snarky or full of F-bombs. Grown ups want to play with other grown ups. Your comment was well argued and I never have to worry when pointing folks to your blog. Thank you for both.

    • http://www.dogwalkblog.com/ Rufus Dogg

      Dead on Marjorie. Many times I find myself in a position to point a client or colleague to a respected professional in the Social Media or SEO world and find myself balking because the last post/tweet was snarky or full of F-bombs. Grown ups want to play with other grown ups. Your comment was well argued and I never have to worry when pointing folks to your blog. Thank you for both.

      • http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

        hmm, guess I should take out the post where I use all of the 7 deadly words, eh? :D

        Thanks, sir.

    • http://www.dogwalkblog.com/ Rufus Dogg

      Dead on Marjorie. Many times I find myself in a position to point a client or colleague to a respected professional in the Social Media or SEO world and find myself balking because the last post/tweet was snarky or full of F-bombs. Grown ups want to play with other grown ups. Your comment was well argued and I never have to worry when pointing folks to your blog. Thank you for both.

  • http://www.youintegrate.com Kneale Mann

    They among us who has never been snarky, cast the first blog comment. Are we really ranking each other now? Paint me pollyanna but perhaps our focus should be helping each other instead of living in our very tiny bubble. Let me let everyone here in on a secret, the overwhelming majority of the planet has never heard of any of us so let’s get back to work.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Oh, I’m with you.

      My mom asked me if I’d do the Kmart thing again if they came to me. I said, hell yes. It was one of the most successful campaigns in Kmart’s history, and I helped it. I had something like 500 applicants just on my blog alone, not counting Twitter.

      Our bubble wrecks how we see things.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Oh, I’m with you.

      My mom asked me if I’d do the Kmart thing again if they came to me. I said, hell yes. It was one of the most successful campaigns in Kmart’s history, and I helped it. I had something like 500 applicants just on my blog alone, not counting Twitter.

      Our bubble wrecks how we see things.

  • http://twitter.com/dotcompals dotcompals

    very true, when you said this ” I think I’m confident, which is sometimes confused with arrogant. ”

  • http://twitter.com/buzzoodle Ron McDaniel

    I wrote a (slightly) critical but overall positive post about you about two weeks ago and then noticed a defensive trend in your writing and I felt a bit bad about it. Now realizing that you get crap like this on a regular basis it makes more sense. For a bit I was feeling like maybe I cause you some grief when I really did not think about it as that bad.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Every day, Ron. It’s not you. And again, I like useful criticism. I’m just not down with “I hate chris brogan because he’s on the A list.” That’s not useful. : )

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Every day, Ron. It’s not you. And again, I like useful criticism. I’m just not down with “I hate chris brogan because he’s on the A list.” That’s not useful. : )

  • http://www.stellarpointgroup.com Go2Mach2

    Chris,

    Your post revolves around one of the most important marketing lessons I ever learned. The reason being – it has not only helped me in Business Marketing – it has helped me in “Life.”

    Criticism (even self-criticism) has nothing to do with being snarky or with being honest with someone (an excuse I often hear). Any Criticism (given or received) which is based on “Fear” or “Pride” is usually never helpful to anyone. For example, if we critisize someone’s approach to marketing, is it because we really care about their approach or because we want to feel our approach makes us look smarter? On the other side of the equation, am I willing to receive criticism without being afraid of losing something – even a piece of my confidence?

    All of this is easier said than done – but worth working on every day. Thanks for the Post…

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      True that. I appreciate your thoughts on it. It helps.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      True that. I appreciate your thoughts on it. It helps.

  • http://www.stellarpointgroup.com Go2Mach2

    Chris,

    Your post revolves around one of the most important marketing lessons I ever learned. The reason being – it has not only helped me in Business Marketing – it has helped me in “Life.”

    Criticism (even self-criticism) has nothing to do with being snarky or with being honest with someone (an excuse I often hear). Any Criticism (given or received) which is based on “Fear” or “Pride” is usually never helpful to anyone. For example, if we critisize someone’s approach to marketing, is it because we really care about their approach or because we want to feel our approach makes us look smarter? On the other side of the equation, am I willing to receive criticism without being afraid of losing something – even a piece of my confidence?

    All of this is easier said than done – but worth working on every day. Thanks for the Post…

  • http://pickingdaisiesinpurgatory.com/ Colleen Clifford

    It’s always easier to tear something (or someone) down than to build it up — it takes less energy, planning and creativity.

    Let them have their false sense of accomplishment and fleeting feelings of superiority. Keep doing good stuff. Us quiet people over here like that kind of thing. ;-)

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Again, my point is just that I want critics to do a better job at criticism. : )

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Again, my point is just that I want critics to do a better job at criticism. : )

  • http://twitter.com/therichbrooks therichbrooks

    Chris, let me introduce you to my dress team. There’s one tall guy and two women. The tall guy lifts me out of bed and drops me w/a certain velocity into my pants that have been held up by a woman working each pant leg.

    Saves me time and now I’m not putting on my pants one leg at a time like the rest of the riff-raff.

    Holler if you need their number.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Man, that is way better than what I’m doing. The guy I pay has me get up on this trampoline (you know, a mini tramp – let’s not be absurd!), and he just does a lot of “fielding.”

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Man, that is way better than what I’m doing. The guy I pay has me get up on this trampoline (you know, a mini tramp – let’s not be absurd!), and he just does a lot of “fielding.”

  • http://twitter.com/geoffliving Geoff Livingston

    Criticism is hard, Hard, HARD to swallow, soft or sharp. I have had many issues with it in the past. Good for you on dwelling it. For each of us criticism is a hard road to walk, and the journey is unique. Wherever it takes you, it will be to a better Chris. Sorry for any pain I caused to you directly. When we consider Malcolm Gladwell’s New Yorker article, we have no problem having this kind of discourse. When it’s ourselves we see how much harder it is to hear that level of criticism. The good news is you’re worthy of it from a market stature perspective. The bad news is you’re worthy of it, which means Chris the person has to hear it. The only advice I can give you is look at your kids, your wife and your incredible accomplishments, and look to that for your self worth.Best wishes, happy holidays, and may you have a prosperous 2011.Geoff

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I love good criticism. My thought was that I just want critics to be better at criticizing. Believe me: I *love* to learn. The more I can learn, the better I can become, and that means, the better I can serve others.

      I wish you the very best, as well. What bugged me the most about our interchange is that other people thought it was a character fight. It’s like they’ve never hung out with us.

      Still rocking that Ducati, by the way?

      • http://twitter.com/geoffliving Geoff Livingston

        Yeah, though with a baby it’s cold, the engine is cold.

        Hindsight being 20-20: I really thought introducing that Malcolm video would give that post the context to make it a mass media/social media/culture metaphor but I sense that I failed. What I was hoping was to cause more thought about what we are developing and saying to others to cause more success and more impact. I was too slanted in Chris and Brian, should have used Mr. Brogan, for example, and less of it. For the record, you are not mindless. Kim Kardashian is.

        My criticism of you was because I consider you an — if not the — general social media industry leader. I hope you take any criticism from me as an acknowledgment of that, and nothing more. Per other statements, I will be more thoughtful in my own commentary, and promise not to say anything in private about you that I wouldn’t put on my blog. Cheers.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I love good criticism. My thought was that I just want critics to be better at criticizing. Believe me: I *love* to learn. The more I can learn, the better I can become, and that means, the better I can serve others.

      I wish you the very best, as well. What bugged me the most about our interchange is that other people thought it was a character fight. It’s like they’ve never hung out with us.

      Still rocking that Ducati, by the way?

  • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

    Chris,

    When I went to Drill Sergeant School while I was part of the U.S. Army Reserve I had an instructor who till this day I contact (and is currently in Iraq) who taught me a great lesson.
    Most of my peers where a lot older than me at that moment I was 22 years old and they did not feel that I should be getting ready to be a Drill Sergeant. On my side I was too young to understand that these people really wanted me to fail just because they had been in the Military longer than me, they where older, had more ribbons, more awards and other reasons. My biggest problem was that I was so focused on helping others & myself succeed my approach was motivating them by telling them everything was easy. Which for me in many occasions it was. I was really believed in my peers and some of them where not believing in me.
    Every time I told them something was easy they thought I was bragging when I was attempting to make it easier so they could get closer to the goals. The issues they had on their side made it very difficult for me to help them and communicate. It was not until my Drill Sergeant Instructor who was a seasoned soldier and a lot older than me called me to the side and told me the following words.
    “Colon you are so confident that these people perceive you as arrogant, Over confidence can be perceived as arrogance”.
    Since that moment I have worked harder and harder when I want to communicate something so I don’t fall over the fine line of confidence and over confidence ( I am still working on it and I have reached the conclusion some people will just think I am arrogant for other reasons).
    Like others have expressed in their I met you in person and have communicated online with you multiples times. It means a lot to me that you take the time to reply because I know you are human and you spend some time on twitter. It is great that we have someone like you that is willing to help everyone out even their competitors. Those people that have those issues I am sure are more focused on themselves than helping others.
    I really enjoyed your explanations of Good, Bad, and Worst Criticism. I think many if not all of us have had a touch of all three. Like you it bothers me when it is related to perceptions and those who compete with you. I think I support your call to action to your competitors to work for your clients instead of taking a negative approach towards your person.

    I don’t mind if people criticize or attack my ideas. It really bothers me when people attack my for who I am when I can see they are trying to benefit themselves.
    Great ending on your post. “Criticize at Will”

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      That’s a really great piece of advice, Raul. Thank you for being part of the community here. I learn from you all the time, and I’m grateful for your kindness.

      • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

        Wao! See you amaze me everytime. Your words mean a lot too me. Thanks for always being able to take some time to reply. Thanks again.

      • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

        Wao! See you amaze me everytime. Your words mean a lot too me. Thanks for always being able to take some time to reply. Thanks again.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      That’s a really great piece of advice, Raul. Thank you for being part of the community here. I learn from you all the time, and I’m grateful for your kindness.

  • http://DonnyGamble.com Donny Gamble

    The problem with people nowadays is that they can’t take constructive criticism. They have the mindset that they are right and no one will change their mind or their opinion.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I’d offer that the problem is that more people can’t GIVE constructive criticism. I think the “constructive” is what messes them up.

      • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

        I’m bad at both, but trying to get better. (It’s one of those lifelong lessons.)
        It seems we have the worst clashes when the criticism isn’t constructive and the receiver isn’t receptive.

      • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

        I’m bad at both, but trying to get better. (It’s one of those lifelong lessons.)
        It seems we have the worst clashes when the criticism isn’t constructive and the receiver isn’t receptive.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I’d offer that the problem is that more people can’t GIVE constructive criticism. I think the “constructive” is what messes them up.

  • http://www.360degreeself.com Tim

    Hi Chris:

    Sounds like you have a lot of jealous people out there who are criticizing you. I’ve been a member of Toastmasters for over five years now and have learned a good deal about the etiquette of providing feedback and constructive criticism of speeches. Good speech evaluation means that you talk about the positive aspects of the speech that you just listened too. But it usually also includes areas to improve. Some of us have more of these areas to improve than others. I think criticism in any area of life must also include some compliments and encouragement about the things done right. When we frame our criticism with positive points too, the person is more likely to listen and less likely to take it personally. Just like Twitter has it’s own etiquette (which you’ve described brilliantly on your blog and in your books), there are more tactful ways of providing constructive feedback to others so that they can learn. And if we’re receiving criticism, we need to learn to not always take things too personally.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Agreed, Tim. I like good feedback. Some of what I get back is really helpful. It’s when it’s a bit muddled that I have a hard time making good use of it.

  • http://www.mpoweringu.com Brian Hamlett

    I have no debate, no criticism, but I do want to say that this article was fantastically well said. Kudos.

    By the way, it’s been my experience that those who confuse “confidence” with “arrogance” are the very one’s with strong insecurities… thus leading to low confidence. So when they see someone as “confident” (and they feel that most are like them with no-to-low confidence) then they deem you as having to be arrogant. There’s a lesson to be learned there on their end… though they (and at one point I) choose rarely to focus on.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I think you’re right, though I’m also willing to go with what Raul said below. : )

      • http://www.mpoweringu.com Brian Hamlett

        Yup, I would say I agree with Raul as well…. THOUGH…. I’ll pose this as a question: “Who determines where the line between confidence and over confidence?” It’s all a matter of your individual perspective although I’m sure there’s a societal norm that all of us would admit is probably there… but none of us could really tell you where it is!

        Individual perspective is often the culprit behind the way some people respond negatively and others don’t.

        There’s a saying that somehow popped in my head once that I know think about all the time to guide my thoughts around how to handle people’s criticism and reactions:

        “Is it words of wisdom I speak? Or words of foolishness? … It depends on who is listening.”

        • http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

          What a great last line. I do agree. I think it is very important to be able to identify when people are really gauging you for the benefit of helping you grow. I think my experiences in the Military made me fall into many people who needed that push and had very self esteem. Just as Chris has said on many of his posts most of these people need to know they can accomplish things and sometimes it is as simple as letting them now they are loved.

          I have a good friend who gave me some great lines of advice.

          “Love Everyone, Trust No One” he also pointed out that their will be exceptions every once in a while.

          I am still working with being able to identify when other people might mistake my confidence for arrogance. When I was 22 years old & younger I did not know when to back off or keep my mouth shut. Know I analyze the situation and if it is for my benefit to express myself I then give them my point of view if not I just go the other day.

          I read Ricky Martin’s Autobiography “Me” and he has a few good pieces of advice regarding tuning into positive frequencies and fading out those negative frequencies.

          I hope you both have a great day!

          best regards,
          Raul

          • http://www.mpoweringu.com Brian Hamlett

            Great stuff there Raul!

      • http://www.mpoweringu.com Brian Hamlett

        Yup, I would say I agree with Raul as well…. THOUGH…. I’ll pose this as a question: “Who determines where the line between confidence and over confidence?” It’s all a matter of your individual perspective although I’m sure there’s a societal norm that all of us would admit is probably there… but none of us could really tell you where it is!

        Individual perspective is often the culprit behind the way some people respond negatively and others don’t.

        There’s a saying that somehow popped in my head once that I know think about all the time to guide my thoughts around how to handle people’s criticism and reactions:

        “Is it words of wisdom I speak? Or words of foolishness? … It depends on who is listening.”

      • http://www.mpoweringu.com Brian Hamlett

        Yup, I would say I agree with Raul as well…. THOUGH…. I’ll pose this as a question: “Who determines where the line between confidence and over confidence?” It’s all a matter of your individual perspective although I’m sure there’s a societal norm that all of us would admit is probably there… but none of us could really tell you where it is!

        Individual perspective is often the culprit behind the way some people respond negatively and others don’t.

        There’s a saying that somehow popped in my head once that I know think about all the time to guide my thoughts around how to handle people’s criticism and reactions:

        “Is it words of wisdom I speak? Or words of foolishness? … It depends on who is listening.”

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I think you’re right, though I’m also willing to go with what Raul said below. : )

  • Anonymous

    Chris,

    I’m still snorting coffee over “I pay someone to put on my pants one leg at a time.” Excellent post. People often resort to criticizing that which they don’t know. When they don’t really know you, it’s easier for them to think you’re arrogant, an ass and a multitude of other things – all of which aren’t true (mostly) (ha) than it is to believe you are human. Because that would just be too easy.

    The thing that I keep coming back to about all of this social media crap is that we’re ALL new to it – no matter how BIG any one of us are or may be. We’re ALL experimenting, adopting, trying and discarding, talking, sharing …. and a multitude of other things. And it never ceases to amaze me that there is so much negativity out there. And sometimes it’s the ones who are doing less who are criticizing more. Other times, it’s just those people who exist to knock the “popular” folks because – well, it’s the thing to do. And I believe Brian’s comment about those who confuse confidence with arrogance to be true – I’ve lived it. In my world, that all stinks.

    My criticism – why don’t you ever show up with cupcakes, dammit? If you did, I’d like you more.

    Rock on.

    Shelly
    @shellykramer

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I should bring cupcakes. You’re not wrong.

      And I once saw a preacher who said, “We’re all new here.” On this earth, he meant. But I’ve used it several times in other contexts. In fact, It’s time to rewrite that post.

      • Anonymous

        Well get going then, Slacker. On the cupcakes, first. Then on the rewrite. Priorities.

      • Anonymous

        Well get going then, Slacker. On the cupcakes, first. Then on the rewrite. Priorities.

        • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

          Seconded. Cupcakes first. ;)

        • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

          Seconded. Cupcakes first. ;)

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I should bring cupcakes. You’re not wrong.

      And I once saw a preacher who said, “We’re all new here.” On this earth, he meant. But I’ve used it several times in other contexts. In fact, It’s time to rewrite that post.

    • Anonymous

      Well spoken Shelly.

  • Dan MacAndrew

    Chin up and forget the snark. It’s part of the territory if you’re good at what you do. I’m not involved in marketing or social media, but I read your blog (and I imagine others do as well) because many of your posts are relevant beyond your field of work. So what are you really tapping into that draws people? It’s bigger than just marketing or social media. Forget the tools.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Appreciate the kind words, Dan. My point, over all, is that I think it’s important to have critics. I just want them to do their job better. : )

      • Dan MacAndrew

        Critics are important and the ones that really want to provide value take the time to communicate it constructively. The others are just trying to get under your skin. What I should have said was “Forget the tools; human and otherwise”. All the best!

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I’m with you on attacking the bloggers themselves. I’m a fan of challenging ideas. The whole “this person is bad” part? Not as fun. But hey. : )

    • http://www.facebook.com/jenniferfong Jennifer Linnell Fong

      It’s uncalled for when it turns into personal attacks. What is it about the internet that causes people to forget that there are people on the other end.

      I may not have agreed with every single word you’ve written, but I appreciate all the good you put into the world. You’ve built your success on helping a great many people, and I appreciate you!

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I’m with you on attacking the bloggers themselves. I’m a fan of challenging ideas. The whole “this person is bad” part? Not as fun. But hey. : )

  • http://www.toddejones.net/ tejones

    Chris,
    In spite of the fact that you are an A lister, I have found you fairly accessible. You have responded to me a couple of times which actually surprised knowing how much you have going on and such. I consider you, along with some others whom I will probably never meet, “virtual mentors.” I appreciate what I learn on your blog.

    Criticism might be better referred to as “feedback,” because that inherently means that the advice is offered to make us better. When we offer feedback, that usually means we want the other person to excel. Criticism does not have the same idea in mind.

    Thank you for you work! And, I hope you are enjoying the camaro. ;)

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I do my best. one never knows. : )

      And the Camaro? It’s ridiculous in the best sense of the word.

  • http://www.toddejones.net/ tejones

    Chris,
    In spite of the fact that you are an A lister, I have found you fairly accessible. You have responded to me a couple of times which actually surprised knowing how much you have going on and such. I consider you, along with some others whom I will probably never meet, “virtual mentors.” I appreciate what I learn on your blog.

    Criticism might be better referred to as “feedback,” because that inherently means that the advice is offered to make us better. When we offer feedback, that usually means we want the other person to excel. Criticism does not have the same idea in mind.

    Thank you for you work! And, I hope you are enjoying the camaro. ;)

  • Rex Williams

    Best line: “I pay someone to put on my pants one leg at a time, just like you.”

    Why not? If you can afford it.

    But I agree that you work hard, and exploited your opportunity when it presented itself.

    Keep on being human.

  • Rex Williams

    Best line: “I pay someone to put on my pants one leg at a time, just like you.”

    Why not? If you can afford it.

    But I agree that you work hard, and exploited your opportunity when it presented itself.

    Keep on being human.

  • http://twitter.com/saraoliver_prmk Sara Oliver, LLC

    I believe it is extremely important to have critics. Challenge my thoughts! Make me think harder! It’ll make me rethink why I believe that particular point and find more information to support it or find information to change it. You need people around you to do that. If everyone thought like me than this world would be a dull place.

    I like the point about criticizing with information to prove your point. Don’t just be a hater. Be an intelligent hater! :)

    Oh and I pay someone to put my pants on one leg at a time too…. my mom… lol just kidding..

  • http://twitter.com/JGoldsborough JGoldsborough

    I’m with Kneale. We should all be working to help each other. If criticism can be constructive and help someone reach a larger end goal down the road, then I’m all for it. It’s the same short-term measurement issues that lead us back to the A-lister conversations and what not. We know it’s not all about numbers. But society — specifically corporate America — rewards numbers. Makes it hard to not be competitive and follow the back pats and the atta boys.

    I don’t know you or Geoff that well. But from following you both online, I know you both work hard and do a lot of social good. Please keep on doing it because that is the most rewarding and valuable work in the long run, inside our bubble and outside it. Cheers.

  • Anonymous

    “poopypants”? Love it.

    If I had a criticisim I would voice it. I’m a relatively new reader of your blog and have never failed to learn something. It didn’t take long to realize you built a huge following by being direct, thoughtful, unconventional (at least in the circles I’ve been in), and that you genuinly seem to care about your readers and clients. Sometime soon I will “go public” with my first blogging experience and will not hesitate to credit you for all the valuable information provided.

    Have a totally blessed Turkey Day!

  • http://doughaslam.com Anonymous

    First, disclosure– I consider Chris a good friend, whom I met at the very first PodCamp in 2006. That said, and as Chris knows, I don’t hang on every word here (nor do I read every word- there’s just not enough time), and I will publicly disagree with posts on occasion and point out why in the interest of a greater discussion.

    I’m torn about this post- it comes off as defensive and thin-skinned, in a way that will not deter the “bad” critics (true trolls), while the “good” critics don’t need this. I do recognize it might be instructive for others grappling with ideas of criticism and public discourse.

    So, what? Well, let’s take the very first comment on this blog: “Very intriguing post. Well said, and I’m glad somebody finally said it!” Not to pick on “SociologistTina,” but that adds nothing but hardens the perception, rightly or wrongly earned, that you, chris, have an army of uncritical supporters ready to jump on any disagreement (I have not been so victimized, but hey).

    So, here’s a challenge not to the critics, but to the head-nodders. Do what I’m sure Chris would want you to do (at the risk of speaking for you, Chris)- use critical thinking- why do you agree, why do you disagree? You;re as smart (maybe smarter) than Chris, so show it– please.

    • Dan MacAndrew

      I agree. Rational, critical thinking is in short supply these days. From business to politics to personal development. My next project is focusing on just that area.

    • Dan MacAndrew

      I agree. Rational, critical thinking is in short supply these days. From business to politics to personal development. My next project is focusing on just that area.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I’m the most thin-skinned guy I know. No question.

      EXACTLY on your urging, Doug. (Jebus – I write DOUGH. I can’t help it. Arrrgh.)

      • http://doughaslam.com Anonymous

        Call me “Dough” anytime. I’ve got pretty good Google juice for that word (add $5 to that and you can get yourself a Mocha at SBUX)

      • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

        You are? That actually comes as a surprise. I think you are less thin-skinned than you believe, but probably have greater occasion to test it than most.
        To me, thin-skinned is when you protest at the first prick of the first needle – not when you growl back after suffering from multiple pricks.
        (oh I can’t not end that sentence that way…. sorry, it amuses my inner 13 y.o.)

    • http://desaraeveit.com/ Desarae A. Veit AKA DesaraeV

      I think it’s great that he wrote this and I like your reply. If nothing else I like it because I recently wrote a couple of similar posts (maybe not as well written but they are out there). I like it because it let’s me know that even great guys (and as Chris put it A Listers) still are effected by critics, still wish that the criticism was more constructive and if nothing else this post is very genuine and humanizing.

      Oh and feel free to drop off some of that scotch at my office ;)

    • http://desaraeveit.com/ Desarae A. Veit AKA DesaraeV

      I think it’s great that he wrote this and I like your reply. If nothing else I like it because I recently wrote a couple of similar posts (maybe not as well written but they are out there). I like it because it let’s me know that even great guys (and as Chris put it A Listers) still are effected by critics, still wish that the criticism was more constructive and if nothing else this post is very genuine and humanizing.

      Oh and feel free to drop off some of that scotch at my office ;)

    • http://desaraeveit.com/ Desarae A. Veit AKA DesaraeV

      I think it’s great that he wrote this and I like your reply. If nothing else I like it because I recently wrote a couple of similar posts (maybe not as well written but they are out there). I like it because it let’s me know that even great guys (and as Chris put it A Listers) still are effected by critics, still wish that the criticism was more constructive and if nothing else this post is very genuine and humanizing.

      Oh and feel free to drop off some of that scotch at my office ;)

  • http://brasstackthinking.com Amber Naslund

    What you nailed is your statement down in the comments there about most people not knowing how to *deliver* constructive criticism.

    Most will lob big rocks or throw really low blows, and then turn around to holler that the subject doesn’t know how to take criticism. Most of us who have been working for any length of time are accustomed to hearing critiques of our work, our approach, our attitude. Well delivered, they’re useful and helpful for us to grow. I’ve had a few bosses and even more friends and colleagues that did a brilliant job of telling me where I could improve and why. And while it stings in the moment, it’s always valuable in the long run.

    But there is a VAST difference between offering a critique because you really want to see someone change or improve upon something and launching an adolescent character assassination effort. I see so much of the latter online it makes me sad. Rarely do I see sound critique, based in level-headed delivery, and offering an alternative or constructive solution. And the petulant stuff just makes everyone look silly (we wonder why this industry has a credibility problem?).

    If we want to have discourse and debate about ideas instead of schoolyard fights, we need to both learn to deliver criticism with a dose of humility and accept it with a modicum of grace. Neither are easy, but both will make us all infinitely more useful.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      True that. And it’s really interesting how that plays out in the larger arena. Good criticism helps a lot. Bad criticism really messed up the mojo for a while. For me, anyhow.

    • http://twitter.com/geoffliving Geoff Livingston

      Tone is best practiced first before preached.

      • http://desaraeveit.com/ Desarae A. Veit AKA DesaraeV

        Well put Geoff.

      • http://desaraeveit.com/ Desarae A. Veit AKA DesaraeV

        Well put Geoff.

    • http://twitter.com/geoffliving Geoff Livingston

      Tone is best practiced first before preached.

    • http://twitter.com/debmorello Debbi Morello

      I beg to differ Amber, with many of you. I have a great deal of experience, by virtue of my age if nothing else. So please forgive me when I say, respectfully, I see a number of people talking out of both sides of their mouths a lot of days. It’s fairly clear to me who is the real deal.

      Personally, I am more than happy to debate the merits of constructive criticism and discuss what my observations have been. See, here’s the thing, I’ll call it like I see it every time. No one has to agree with me… but oftentimes I learn that I’m not alone in my perspective and insights. However, when people aren’t willing to respond any number of times, then I’m not quite sure how constructive or productive any discourse would be, if and when, they finally decide to do so.

      When people are making a living advising on the very issue of engagement, community etc. they just might be in more of a position to be ‘criticized’ if they are not following their own message. To me that’s ironic – not perception.

    • http://thesocialjoint.com/ Lucretia M Pruitt

      So many classes that should’ve been taught to us all in high school but weren’t – the Art of Diplomatic Criticism is one that should’ve been on the roster for sure. (Alongside ‘Credit Cards, Loans, & Mortgages’ and others not relevant to this thread! ;))

      I struggle with critiquing anyone online. I find I have to write 20 sentences in order to even begin to get tone in there so that it doesn’t just come across as throwing stones. And even then? I fail at that a lot.

      I am very fortunate that people forgive me when I do lob an unhelpful, somewhat hurtful comment their way. ‘Forgiveness & Apologies’ ought to be on that roster of classes too, eh?

      I looked at a list of what young women used to learn in “Finishing Schools” back in the day when they went there in lieu of high school. I expected my inner feminist to rise up and dismiss it all as trivializing… instead I found a lot of the stuff I really wish I had learned in high school. The 5th time we covered American History up to WWII could’ve easily been replaced by a class on deportment & civility. I could’ve used it anyways! :)

  • http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

    Unsubscribing isn’t the same as not reading ;-)

    Not sure about being a long-time critic of you, Chris. Sure, I’ve asked questions in the comments and offered different viewpoints, which for some reason you took as contrarian (agreed, there was one sarcastic one, but the rest I recall being valid questions – I’d have to check back on Disqus comments for the exact examples).

    My reply to @Ed over at Geoff’s post compliments you on your success and that it’s well-deserved, as well as saying that you’re for some folks, and not others. But then that’s true about everyone.

    You’re right about the snark, though – leave that to commenters. I try not to be snarky in comments – don’t always succeed, but mostly better now (funny how snark and passion can be so intertwined). If I am snarky in a post, though, I’ll try my ass off to be professional and offer reasons why – again, don’t always succeed but trying to be better.

    Like someone wise once said, if you’re getting a ton of questions, you must be doing it right. No-one likes to agree with anyone else 100% all of the time (do they?). Some will agree (some more often than others), some won’t (again, some more often than others).

    The beauty is we listen to those that agree, work to see if there’s anything we can improve on with those that don’t agree, and filter out those who offer no value but their push for some self-righteous “Oh, you should be at my beck and call for criticism every minute”.

    At the end of the day, if we’re happy in what we’ve done and we haven’t killed anyone, does anything else really matter?

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Like I said, and I meant it, what I like most about your criticisms is that they’re often quite valid and quite useful. I truly want others to learn from the better parts of how you criticize.

      Some days, you’re Scottish. : ) Just like I’m Irish some days. It happens. (I’m only 25% Scottish, but don’t have any living Scottish relatives to cavort with).

      I have the Irish storyteller’s way, the charm, but not the fight. I take things to my heart and let them blacken (still Irish), and yet I don’t fight and scrap very well.

      In the end, it matters a lot to me. But that’s mostly good.

      • http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

        Maybe I should send single malt scotch the next time, as opposed to Canadian Club – get that fire back in you? ;-)

        I may not always agree with you, Chris, but I respect the hell out of you, especially when you reply like this. Not because it’s to me (that’d just be sad), but because you admit to frailties when others don’t. THAT’s the sign of a fighter.

        Cheers!

        • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

          Swing by my office any time. I’ve got more scotch than Scotland. : )

        • http://twitter.com/debmorello Debbi Morello

          Hey mate, thank you for the like on my comment… I appreciate the feedback, cheers with a single malt :-)

      • http://twitter.com/megfowler Meg Fowler

        I can totally lend you some of my Irish fight. I think I have EVERYONE’S. :)

      • http://www.Twitter.com/ArtseyC ArtseyC

        An Irishman with no fight? Tis a thing of mystery, I tell ya. I’ve only heard of it in fables. =)

      • http://www.Twitter.com/ArtseyC ArtseyC

        An Irishman with no fight? Tis a thing of mystery, I tell ya. I’ve only heard of it in fables. =)

  • Anonymous

    Chris,
    I think what social media has created is warped perception of reality. You stated “criticisms against perceptions of me are really hard for me to work with.” But unfortunately, at least online, perception is reality – and you, particularly, benefit from it more so than you are criticized because of it, yes?

    I think if more people really took a long hard look at those we consider “A-Listers”, “Influencers”, “Thought Leaders”, etc, we’d come to realize that they are people out there trying to make a buck just like everybody else. That their accomplishments aren’t really that amazing; that their ideas and “thoughts” aren’t even fresh or original in most cases. We tend to, as Aesop stated, “lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.”

    You’ve succeeded in not being the best but the “best known” of the “social media marketers” and I know that took a lot of hard work and takes a lot of work to stay there (I salute you). Fortunately, there are a lot of people online who impress easily. Who fail to realize that their own accomplishments (as a business owner, parent, community activist, etc) are on a par with, or even surpass, those whose online “hype” they’ve come to believe. That the people that we praise, worship, and criticize (like Mr. Brown did), really aren’t worth it.

    As Christopher Walken said in “Suicide Kings”: But I come from out there, and everybody out there knows, everybody lies: cops lie, newspapers lie, parent’s lyin’. The one thing you can count on – word on the street… yeah, that’s solid.

    Nuff said.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      See, the thing is, from people on the outside, they see that “perception is reality” and nod their head. But behind every perception is a human just humping it like everyone else. Some people bring a persona to the online world. Me? I’m human. I’m the same me in private and in person as I am on a stage. I tell the same jokes. I wear the same heart on the same sleeve.

      I listen to every critic. In Twitter, you said you were the little guy. I’m the little guy to others. We’re all the little guy somewhere. Right?

      Grateful for your thoughts.

      • Anonymous

        Chris,
        That’s kind of my point. In the end, everybody’s got their own thing going on; they’re human. There’s a lot of idol worship going on online and for some people, they’re either gonna live up to the hype or, ultimately, they’ll be exploited. I commend you for building your reputation over the years as you’ve had – I know it took a lot of hard work. For me, most of my business comes offline, where I can look a person in the eyes and shake their hand. It’s not as easy to fool people when you can do that.

        I appreciate the reply – maybe you’re not so bad after all – despite what that no good scoundrel Danny Brown says about you ;-)

        PS – I was just being sarcastic when I referred to myself as a “nobody”, I actually have an unusually high opinion of myself (makes Mrs. Perez crazy).
        PS2 – Don’t listen to every critic, just keep doing what you do until it stops working.
        PS3 – I still don’t think you’re “amazing” ;-)
        PS4 – I love Danny Brown.

      • http://twitter.com/CatsEyeWriter Judy Dunn

        I have noticed that, in the rarefied air of Twitter, that the hierarchy we think exists—the A-listers/thought leaders (hate that term), etc.—holds little weight in the “real world.” Nothing against Chris, or Darren, or the unmarketing guy, but I was presenting a workshop for bloggers last week. Talking about blog post headlines that attract attention and click-throughs.

        One strategy was, “Connect your post title to a big name.” I gave an example of one of my post headlines: “Chris Brogan Told Me to Write This: Ten Guilty Pleasures.” I had taken your challenge in one of your previous posts, in which you proposed 100 blog post topics and encouraged us to write about one of them. (Basically, you were tired of people whining about not being able to think of blog posts ideas.) I took one of your topics, Ten Guilty Pleasures and wrote a post.

        The funny thing was, I was presenting to a group of realtors. When I got some puzzled looks, I said, “How many of you know who Chris Brogan is?” Out of 40+ people, one person raised his hand. I think that all of us who are heavily involved in social media need that kind of grounding every once in a while.

        And yes, behind every “persona” is a human. And our “humanness” is ultimately what connects us. Insightful post and even more amazing? The comments.

  • http://judysoped.blogspot.com/ Judy Helfand

    Chris,
    Sometimes I must really be asleep at the switch. Where does all this drama unfold? I get so busy with my clients and trying to stay up to date on strategy that I have totally missed this soap opera. I will say this: yesterday I read Julien’s post about “How to Make Popular/Influential Friends” and he closed with this sentence: “This post inspired by a bunch of talk going on recently that I don’t want to give more attention to.” So…I said to myself…something is going on and I am really out of the loop, but I wondered why Julien was dignifying the ‘bunch of talk’ by even writing the post. (Curiously no one has commented on Julien’s post.)
    In the scheme of things…we have two wars, North Korea shooting at South Korea, people losing their homes, cholera epidemic in Haiti, people starving in our own towns…be the bigger person, as I know you are, do good work like you tell us to do.
    Thank you for all you do.
    Judy

  • http://twitter.com/geekbabe geekbabe

    Pehaps I’m new & naive but I thought that criticizing someone’s ideas, their work or whatever must be constructive to be of value to anybody. Comments that are merely thinly veiled personal attacks are flat out & out internet trolling, they contribute nothing but sadness to social media IMHO. If I offer a suggestion or a different POV I vow to always make it in the spirit of uplifting/supporting a social media peer. If I don’t like somebody, a simple click of my mouse solves that problem quickly & consumes far less time than making subjective remarks that in the end will be dismissed as troll bait by any thinking reader.

  • http://twitter.com/darleenw darleenw

    Interesting conversation, and I agree a bit with all comments. Good discussion, as that is how we all learn. I am a newbie to Twitter and Social Media, I am told, even though I have been involved with the Internet since 1992. Of course the mediums and apps are different and a LOT more people interacting. I leave comments everywhere, and with people I feel that I know better – I tend to disagree more often. This has gotten me into trouble with one person as she thinks I should only be supporting her on Facebook. Ok – then I can say nothing, and not help when incorrect information posted. And also I have been called snarky, when no snark was intended from a twitter friend (someone again I know IRL) – and I must have read that over again 100 times by now, and I cannot for the life of me see how it could be interpreted as snarky :) But, I always apologize when this happens, as understand that we all have our beliefs and passions, and sometimes words get away from us in the haste of wanting to have our say. If someone perceives me as snarky, then I am to them. Others perceptions are what I need to discover, so I can become a better communicator. Where am I going with all this? Well I agree with Margie and also with Chris and with Kneale mostly — we are all here to learn, so let’s put our pants on and get back to work!

  • Lori Hoeck

    To criticize by finger pointing alone is a slam. Constructive criticism simply wears nicer clothes. Real change comes when one person gives a perspective that helps the other consider new options or ways of working or being.

    • http://twitter.com/ReallyBigPeach Katrina

      This is a pet peve of mine. “Constructive criticism” is not just saying “You suck” in a nice way. It’s criticism that is constructive. Like you said, Chris, there has to be something SPECIFIC. That is what makes it constructive.

      Good criticism requires, thought, attention, and critical thinking skills. Something that is sadly lacking on the ‘net.

  • katBrogan

    in the end guys
    it’s just a job
    we all go home at the end of the day
    we hold our kids and/or our partner and smile and relax
    it reminds us why we work hard and why it matters

    everything else is something we create or destroy
    or someone
    if this was all written on the front page of our local newspaper
    would our family feel proud or ashamed of us
    or would they be so bored they’d turn the page

    we all get it wrong most of the time

    i hope each and every single person on here has a safe and happy thanksgiving
    because as much as someone annoys me
    i am thankful they are alive and well enough to be able to do so.

    now go do something that actually matters for pete sake
    make a hand print turkey or something with your kids.

    • http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

      Chris is a lucky guy, Kat – your dignity and warmth shine through.

      • http://ariwriter.com Ari Herzog

        …which goes to show even critics can be warm.

  • http://www.picturepundit.com Aaron Hockley

    I always hope to be criticized… I figure if nobody is criticizing or disagreeing that I’m probably not out there doing enough interesting things.

    • http://twitter.com/saraoliver_prmk Sara Oliver, LLC

      I absolutely agree

    • http://twitter.com/saraoliver_prmk Sara Oliver, LLC

      I absolutely agree

  • http://www.josephwesley.com Joseph Wesley Putnam

    You pay someone to put your pants on one leg at a time? That’s awesome.

    • http://www.Twitter.com/ArtseyC ArtseyC

      I was wondering if anyone was going to comment on that. So many snarky comments (snark is intended to be humorous, right?), so little time.

  • http://www.benlemery.com/ benlemery

    Very interesting blog. A couple of questions I would ask primarily out of my own struggles with this are:
    1. Do your comments come across snarky because they are snarky or because your humor is dry and that doesn’t quite translate over text. I know people have said that my comments come across as bitter or snarky on Twitter or on my blog, which is never my intention.
    2. The arrogance thing I can connect with you on. I like to write about things that I have at least a little bit of knowledge on. I throw it out there and let people judge it for themselves. When people come back and say I am arrogant though, it kinda makes you do a double take. Did you learn to ignore these people and just get on with life?
    3. How do you respond to critics? Do you pick and choose your battles?

    Good thoughts Mr. Brogan.

  • http://www.suzemuse.com/ Susan Murphy

    Like me Mudder always says, if people are criticizing you, you must be doing something right. Me Mum…she’s a smart lady.

  • http://flatratebiz.com Genuine Chris Johnson

    Chris-

    I can’t be snarky without being cruel. I mean a mild rebuke but it comes off like I’m making fun of one of some 5 year old’s clef palette. I don’t mean it to be as harshly as it sounds, really.

    So I try and turn it off, but I never do. I always wind up making people cry when I’m merely midly annoyed.

  • ChrisBeach

    The High Road, Chris. I’m glad to see you have taken it. We will never satisfy all, but it would be nice to satisfy some. In the end, the high road is the only road worth traveling. Stay on it.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  • http://thoughtwrestling.com/blog Mark Dykeman

    Chris, I kind of feel like you should change your last name to “Chance” and adopt the alias of The Human Target, because it seems that you’ve become a target again.

    Also, I had this weird vision of you as Paul McCartney and Geoff Livingston as John Lennon, but that’s a little too Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, I think.

    Now switching off teh pop culture filters…

    I, for one, would never want to change places with you. If a lot of other people stopped and thought about it, they probably wouldn’t want to be either. That’s because 99.9999% of the human race is unwilling to pay the price (almost most could if they really wanted to, but I think most people might not realize everything that’s involved). That’s just one reason why I don’t begrudge your success or the way you do stuff, because it works for you and I do believe that you’ve worked hard to accomplish what you’ve accomplished. Well, that and the fact that you’ve been pretty decent to me all the way around, even though we haven’t met.

    This reminds me a bit of your three words for 2010, including “kings”. I went back and reread that a few minutes ago just to be sure of the meaning that you put behind the word. I think you meant it in terms of behaving with grace (under pressure) and poise. It did not mean that you are the king of the mountain (you’re actually more like an escalator up a mountain, but that’s getting too tangential). The word king does have other connotations but I don’t have an issue with the way that you phrased it in your post.

    You’re human and you seem to be happy enough to acknowledge that.

    I also believe that you’re trying to make a better life for you and your family and you’re trying to create the tide that lifts all boats. All good.

    I do think it’s getting harder for you to scale and it sometimes looks like you take shortcuts to maintain contact, but honestly, on your path, I’m not sure how anyone would do it differently. Not trying to be mean… it’s just that it does show at times. But, like I said, I don’t know how I or anyone else would do it differently and a gesture should be taken as intended.

    Plus, no one out there has an unlimited supply of little tickets for 1 lb. of Chris Brogan’s flesh, either. Well, not unless their last name is Brogan…

    I honestly don’t know how you curb the impulse to tell the world to go take a flying fuc# at least once a week – lots of people want a piece of you (and I’ve been in line asking at time as well, so I’m grateful whenever you’ve lent even a little hand here or there.) I think that alone should be enough to make some people rethink things. It must take incredible focus on goals and principles to stay on the beam. Again, many people don’t appreciate that.

    Hope we get to meet in person sometime, perhaps at SOBCon Chicago in April.

  • http://thoughtwrestling.com/blog Mark Dykeman

    Chris, I kind of feel like you should change your last name to “Chance” and adopt the alias of The Human Target, because it seems that you’ve become a target again.

    Also, I had this weird vision of you as Paul McCartney and Geoff Livingston as John Lennon, but that’s a little too Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, I think.

    Now switching off teh pop culture filters…

    I, for one, would never want to change places with you. If a lot of other people stopped and thought about it, they probably wouldn’t want to be either. That’s because 99.9999% of the human race is unwilling to pay the price (almost most could if they really wanted to, but I think most people might not realize everything that’s involved). That’s just one reason why I don’t begrudge your success or the way you do stuff, because it works for you and I do believe that you’ve worked hard to accomplish what you’ve accomplished. Well, that and the fact that you’ve been pretty decent to me all the way around, even though we haven’t met.

    This reminds me a bit of your three words for 2010, including “kings”. I went back and reread that a few minutes ago just to be sure of the meaning that you put behind the word. I think you meant it in terms of behaving with grace (under pressure) and poise. It did not mean that you are the king of the mountain (you’re actually more like an escalator up a mountain, but that’s getting too tangential). The word king does have other connotations but I don’t have an issue with the way that you phrased it in your post.

    You’re human and you seem to be happy enough to acknowledge that.

    I also believe that you’re trying to make a better life for you and your family and you’re trying to create the tide that lifts all boats. All good.

    I do think it’s getting harder for you to scale and it sometimes looks like you take shortcuts to maintain contact, but honestly, on your path, I’m not sure how anyone would do it differently. Not trying to be mean… it’s just that it does show at times. But, like I said, I don’t know how I or anyone else would do it differently and a gesture should be taken as intended.

    Plus, no one out there has an unlimited supply of little tickets for 1 lb. of Chris Brogan’s flesh, either. Well, not unless their last name is Brogan…

    I honestly don’t know how you curb the impulse to tell the world to go take a flying fuc# at least once a week – lots of people want a piece of you (and I’ve been in line asking at time as well, so I’m grateful whenever you’ve lent even a little hand here or there.) I think that alone should be enough to make some people rethink things. It must take incredible focus on goals and principles to stay on the beam. Again, many people don’t appreciate that.

    Hope we get to meet in person sometime, perhaps at SOBCon Chicago in April.

  • http://thoughtwrestling.com/blog Mark Dykeman

    Chris, I kind of feel like you should change your last name to “Chance” and adopt the alias of The Human Target, because it seems that you’ve become a target again.

    Also, I had this weird vision of you as Paul McCartney and Geoff Livingston as John Lennon, but that’s a little too Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, I think.

    Now switching off teh pop culture filters…

    I, for one, would never want to change places with you. If a lot of other people stopped and thought about it, they probably wouldn’t want to be either. That’s because 99.9999% of the human race is unwilling to pay the price (almost most could if they really wanted to, but I think most people might not realize everything that’s involved). That’s just one reason why I don’t begrudge your success or the way you do stuff, because it works for you and I do believe that you’ve worked hard to accomplish what you’ve accomplished. Well, that and the fact that you’ve been pretty decent to me all the way around, even though we haven’t met.

    This reminds me a bit of your three words for 2010, including “kings”. I went back and reread that a few minutes ago just to be sure of the meaning that you put behind the word. I think you meant it in terms of behaving with grace (under pressure) and poise. It did not mean that you are the king of the mountain (you’re actually more like an escalator up a mountain, but that’s getting too tangential). The word king does have other connotations but I don’t have an issue with the way that you phrased it in your post.

    You’re human and you seem to be happy enough to acknowledge that.

    I also believe that you’re trying to make a better life for you and your family and you’re trying to create the tide that lifts all boats. All good.

    I do think it’s getting harder for you to scale and it sometimes looks like you take shortcuts to maintain contact, but honestly, on your path, I’m not sure how anyone would do it differently. Not trying to be mean… it’s just that it does show at times. But, like I said, I don’t know how I or anyone else would do it differently and a gesture should be taken as intended.

    Plus, no one out there has an unlimited supply of little tickets for 1 lb. of Chris Brogan’s flesh, either. Well, not unless their last name is Brogan…

    I honestly don’t know how you curb the impulse to tell the world to go take a flying fuc# at least once a week – lots of people want a piece of you (and I’ve been in line asking at time as well, so I’m grateful whenever you’ve lent even a little hand here or there.) I think that alone should be enough to make some people rethink things. It must take incredible focus on goals and principles to stay on the beam. Again, many people don’t appreciate that.

    Hope we get to meet in person sometime, perhaps at SOBCon Chicago in April.

  • http://twitter.com/ShawnGraham ShawnGraham

    Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could enroll in a course on giving constructive or negative feedback? It seems like most people would rather tap their primal side by saying something insightful like “you suck.” I might suck, but I need to know why specifically you think I suck if I’m going to suck less.

  • http://twitter.com/ShawnGraham ShawnGraham

    Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could enroll in a course on giving constructive or negative feedback? It seems like most people would rather tap their primal side by saying something insightful like “you suck.” I might suck, but I need to know why specifically you think I suck if I’m going to suck less.

Newer Comments →