Inside Yourself

October 12, 2004 · Comments

I was talking via email with a good friend who’s taking on his own fitness challenges. We were discussing how good it makes you feel to really have a handle on things. This relates to conversations I had last night with my wife and yesterday with another blogger friend. The theme seems boiled down to: you have to do it to get it.

Do you get it?

There’s a whole subculture of people with weightloss blogs that seem to spend all their time wondering why the scale is being so cruel to them, but if you read one or two posts back, they’re also talking about a Krispy Kreme feast they gave themselves the night before. But waaaah. Why am I still not seeing results?

You have to do it to get it.

Effort begets results. But I guess that’s secondary to the part where you have to decide what kinds of efforts you want to make and why. Think about it as a pep talk to your body. Here’s how I envision some of those failing pep talks to go:

“You’re really fat!” (silence from the audience). “You should lose weight!” (a mild yeah sound). “You should get out to the gym and get fit!” (same. kinda mild approval). “Give up all the things you think you love!” (silence.) “You have to torture yourself! That’s the way to success!” (lights go out in the empty auditorium).

Like that’s going to work.

The people who’ve made it to a spot where they’ve shifted their “I don’t want to be fat” journals into “I’m really doing this” journals seem to have had a different pep talk. Their inner coaches sound a little more like they’ve had experience motivating people. Let’s listen in.

“You’re a great person!” (yeah!) “Let’s make some choices that tell the world how much you care about yourself!” (okay!) “Let’s give your body reasons to serve you better!” (roar!) “You know what? We can do AMAZING things! Let’s move towards greatness!” (deafening thunder roar sounds!).

It’s so much easier to move TOWARDS something good than to try hard to push AWAY from things that are bad. No sustained movement was ever founded on what the group didn’t want to be. Failing movements or short term groups can do that kind of thing. But nothing that lasts is based on the negative. You have to say what you are, not what you don’t want to be.

You have to do it to get it.

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  • I tend to agree with you on the pep-talk issue. I mean, I used to keep this weight loss journal where I listed my food and thoughts about food, blah blah, but once I started running, the posts became more about exercise and fitness and health than about food, per se. So I stopped writing there and started a new blog, with a new, non-weight-related title. It's much more fulfilling.

    However, I think that while effort does beget results, many people have developed an emotional relationship to food to the point where simple logic (i.e., don't eat that. it will make you fat) doesn't sink in or is too hard to overcome without help, or whatever. Overeating is like any addiction, and truthfully, I think it's unfair to judge people by your own standards and accomplishments. Sure, you gained a lot of self-esteem, worked hard, lost weight. At some point, a switch was flicked and you were able to move forward. That is awesome, and I'm not belittling your accomplishment because they are major, from physical effort to mental toughness (the hardest part of all), but everyone is where they are on their journey. No more, no less.

    It is frustrating to read those blogs where someone bemoans their weight situation and has eaten Krispy Kreme just the day before, but in the real world it's not realistic to think that those with weight problems can just turn their willpower on and abolish the words "Krispy Kreme" from their vocabulary, because that's not always the real root problem. And also, those journals are just as subjective as our own. They are a place for the writer to vent, get everything out and move on. They don't always paint a rosy picture, but I think they do help the writer to move forward in some way. I do see your point (this is mostly related to your other post about food and weight blogs), but I think you need to hear the flip side of the argument, too. No offense.

    I think that we, as fit people, regardless of our own weight or our own accomplishments, tend to fall into the trap of seeing those who struggle with issues we have been able to overcome, or at least control to some extent, as lazy. I know I am guilty of this and it makes me sad. I definitely tend to roll my eyes a bit when my heavy coworkers jump on the latest bandwagon (South Beach/Atkins this time). We all want those we are pulling for to take control of their eating issues and work them out, as we have. It's hard when that person is your best friend, or your spouse, too.

    But heaviness is not just about willpower and mental toughness. It's about biology, economic status, environment, education, habits developed at a young age AND self-esteem/psychological issues. Not an easy set of things to tackle on your own, let alone the societal pressure of our thin culture (especially for women). It's enough to make even the strongest of us throw our hands up and say "I give up."

    To those who struggle in this way, I would recommend the following:
    - do whatever makes you feel good about yourself that does not involve food. take a walk, volunteer to help people, learn something new, read a book.
    - Read "Overcoming Overeating." It will change you, and you will gain the control you seek.
    - Remember you're on a life-long journey. Try not to get frustrated and give up. "One day at a time" works for overeaters, as well as alcoholics.

    And I'm sure some people see me as weak or lazy, not because of my weight, but because of my running. I know that when I posted about my 10K, and my time, there were tough runners who thought, "wow, I can't believe she's that slow. Why didn't she work harder or push harder" or whatever. But so what? I don't care. I don't post so that I can get sympathy (although I do sincerely appreciate the extremely supportive nature of the RBF). I just wonder, however, if I receive the same amount of judgement that the weight bloggers get when I don't accomplish my goals. Now there's some food for thought!

    Sorry, Chris. I don't mean to be argumentative. This just struck a nerve with me. I know you're a good person with great intentions. You want to motivate and inspire people and you do. You really do. I just think it's easy for us to sit here, writing our running journals, working hard, and pass a lot of judgement on a lot of folks who really could use encouragement and support. What they do with it is up to them, but we can offer. :)
  • Hey Chris,

    I agree with you that perspective and a postive spin and actual action begets results. I will add, however, that sometimes none of that can happen if one's mental space hasn't quite figured this out -- and sometimes no amount of good intentions can bring a person to that space. Sometimes, it's a mysterious process of just being "ready" at a certain point, and I truly think that you can't force that point of readiness. It just arrives one day.

    Having said that, I think one gets "there" faster by constant reinforcement through reading and self-reflection. And for me, reading your blog certainly is a solid reminder of the committment and attitude necessary to stay in that positive mental space.
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