Meeting People at Events
One thing I’ve learned that I want to pass on to you is this: people are people. I got that quote first from Steve Garfield, while sitting at his kitchen table talking about all the crazy times I’d had meeting Internet celebrities. No, he wasn’t quoting Depeche Mode. He was saying that I shouldn’t get all nervous about meeting folks that I thought were these amazing, out-of-my-league rockstars. I took that to heart, and so based on some things I read from my last post and via some other people’s blogs, I thought I’d share this with you, in case you need the advice.
Note: I don’t consider myself any kind of Internet celebrity. I think of myself as someone you likely know because of Twitter or my blog or because you’ve heard of PodCamp. I’m writing this from the perspective of when I meet people I think of as big names.
Some Likely Truths
- At an event, if you see someone you think of as famous (especially if we’re talking Internet famous), they are more than likely approachable.
- More often than not, people who look snobbish at events are usually not. Often times, they’re actually shy.
- Most of these people feel a little intimidated by crowds, too.
- When people are in a circle, it’s rarely hard to get into that circle, especially if you go with the flow, and have something equally fun to say.
- Everyone should be presumed busy at big events, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to say hi.
- If you are friendly, have a quick intro, and know how to smile, you’ll likely put someone at ease.
- If someone IS a jerk to you, smile politely, and move on. No need to confront. Just write them off for this event, and decide later (not at the meeting) whether they had something on their mind, or whether they’re just probably a jerk.
- Know that you’re just as important as everyone else there. You might be lesser known, but you’re just as important.
Things To Avoid
- Don’t quote people their lines as an opener. I see people do this to the Ask A Ninja guys a lot. They know their lines are funny. Tell them that you like their stuff, and/or cite an episode. (My take, not theirs).
- Don’t scare girls. If you’re in the presence of a female celebrity, try not to be creepy. It might not be your intent, but do your best to DOUBLY not be creepy. Treat her like you would a guy, and be polite, no matter what their onscreen persona might be.
- Know when to scram. Lots of folks are really happy to engage you for a little while, but they probably have other things on their plate too. Know when to hit the road.
- Don’t pitch rich dudes. Just because they’re out in public doesn’t mean they’re eager to be pitched. Here’s a hint: they get pitched ALL the time. Instead, if you really badly want their time for your new amazing startup, be very cordial, introduce yourself, tell them you’d love to make a meeting at some point during the event, or thereafter, and give them a card. Very smooth.
People In General
- Preserve distance between bodies. People like a little space, and they never like to feel cut off from potential exits. Don’t go nuts worrying about this, but if someone looks edgy, check your body spacing and/or the other person’s ability to bolt.
- Respect shy people. If someone is really shy, be gentle in your approach. Lower your voice a bit. Don’t ask any probing questions.
- People love to talk about themselves. Want to leave a great impression? Ask someone about them instead of prattling on about yourself.
- Have something simple to say about yourself. If the conversation turns back around, make sure you’ve got something simple and easy to say (an elevator pitch for what you’re into).
- If YOU are shy, feel free to sidle up to someone you know, or at least think you know, and use them for about 10 minutes of comfort. THEN, move on and find someone new. It’ll feel more safe.
Your mileage may vary on the above, and I’m counting on folks who come here to give us even more suggestions. But my hope was to give you some ideas for dealing with what comes up at events where we meet folks we might only know from online.
What’s YOUR take? What’s your advice? How do you like to be approached, and how have you gotten into meeting people at these things? What’s your tips and ideas? Let’s help each other out.
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photo credit, cc chapman
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Comments
Maybe a variation on “know when to scram”…”Know when to shut up”.
Had a recent event experience where I had to avoid a guy who was like a Venus fly trap. Once you were sucked in he’d talk you to death.
Chris, I did get to know about you through Twitter, and do consider you a ‘celebrity’ coz you were interviewed by Guy Kawasaki - and so, if we meet at a social event, I might be ‘intimidated’ at saying hi… but now I will after reading what you just said :)
Nice points. I’d add just one thing - Don’t GUSH.
The really nice folks always get a bit embarrassed when someone gushes about how great, famous, wonderful they are - and how lucky/ amazed/ delighted/ honored you are to be actually talking to them. It kind of starts things off on the wrong foot.
Just be natural. Respect, admiration and appreciation can be conveyed without going overboard!
All success
Dr.Mani
Some great points all around. I always laugh when someone says to me “wow you are so approachable.” Of course I am. I’m completely transparent and open in all my new media channels how could I not be approachable?
They key is if you want to meet someone just come right out and say hello. Even if they are talking to someone else just wait and even if it is something as simple as a handshake, a business card and “hey I just really wanted to say hi” that is a cool thing.
There is NEVER enough time to have the lengthy conversations that most people would love to have with other people at conferences like this. The sheer volume of people mixed with catching up with friends makes it hard. I know there were people at PME this weekend that I would have loved to sit down and have dinner or drinks with but we didn’t have the time.
Hrm… I go to all kinds of events that attract the real “power behind the Internet” and half the time don’t even realize it! My husband and friends think I’m quite oblivious to celebrity and have never had any trouble just picking up a conversation about just about anything.
Of course, I come from an Appalachian background where you are taught to treat everybody pretty nicely - unless they are a real jerk, and then you just ignore them.
Pax,
MLO
Also, feel free to discuss regular life and the here and now, not just the person’s defined area of expertise.
Under things to avoid, I’d add, don’t go to a social event and try to deliver your “message” to as many people as possible. I hate it when some guy/gal walks up out of the blue, shakes hands and starts talking about their great product or service that I really should take a look at. Eeewww, go away.
Also, I’d say don’t go with a list of goals and expectations about who or how many you’re going to meet or what you’re going to get done. Sure, if you know someone you’ve always wanted to meet is going to be there, then as you say, don’t be shy, just say hello. But I prefer to just let the room and its people wash over me, try to have fun (duh), let my instincts guide me and see what happens.
Social events are for getting to know people, not getting things done, in my opinion. I’m always suspicious of formulas and recipes for how to work a room. Getting to know people, being genuine and making others comfortable pays dividends in the long run. It means they’ll choose to work with you rather than someone else when the time comes to work.
Letting your macbook get smacked around by the presenter is always a great ice breaker!
::ducks::
And as a woman, I have to say I really appreciate your sensitivity in including the bit about being “non-creepy.” Thank you.
Great advice. People are people. I remember how weird it felt when I was young and had a summer camp job. I still have guys who are now in their 30’s who approach me in public and tell me what I difference I made in their life, I was a good teacher, etc.
If I could go back in time I would definitely change my perception of women. I remember having crushes when I was a teenager and feeling odd and weird around girls I like and it was mainly because I had a really warped view of them, seeing them as either a perfect goddess or a soul mate. Of course neither was true.
I think the best thing people on both sides of the conversation can do is to show interest by asking question and getting to know the person as opposed to our perceptions.
@Amie - why you!!!! : )
@Dr. Mani- Remember, we’re all celebrity in our own fishbowls, right? So, I go with Justin Kownacki’s definition of celebrity.
@CC - great points. Truly, as I’ve seen you embody them.
@MLO - Appalachian courtesy would serve more people well, all the way around.
@JoeC - yeah, the MESSAGE types immediately fade in my memory. Like, immediately.
Great stuff, guys!
How do YOU normally feel at these events? Comfy? Nervous? Do you think people consider you shy? I love when I find Internet-famous people who are actually really shy. Hell, *I* get shy from time to time.
More advice. As much as I love my wife, I can’t go to events with her. Having someone to hang out with brings out my inherent shyness and I end up talking to no one else…because I don’t have to.
At Expo on Friday, I had a new acquaintance to walk around and introduce to everyone and it had the opposite effect. It really made me open up and talk to even more people so she could have the benefit of meeting them.
As for you, Chris, I think I waved at you once during your PodCamp talk and then left you alone the rest of Expo. You were always surrounded by folks. (SMILE)
Douglas
Great points Chris. I’ll see you tomorrow at the social media breakfast to see how well people follow these “rules of conduct.”
I think this brings us back around to how important a brand is. Often I don’t see myself as important; but it feels so nice to have someone introduce me at an event, and the person says, “oh YOU’RE kitykity!! I know you!”
Ask good questions. Nothing makes me feel better than when someone I don’t know, or barely know, asks for my opinion or ideas about something I feel knowledgeable about. I had some awesome conversations at PodCamp Philly with people I consider “celebs” just because I asked them simple questions.
Of course, it helps if you really want to know the answers. Asking a question then staring at the floor or over their shoulder while someone is answering isn’t quite as effective.
Interesting blog by Justin - thanks for highlighting it :)
Incidentally, the ‘guy’ who did lay the pickle on my Subway yesterday does know me! (Full disclosure: I made my own! ;) )
“How do YOU normally feel at these events?”
Nervous. Often. Either because I’m worried everyone will recognize me. Or because they won’t!
All success
Dr.Mani
After reading through a bunch of post-PME blog posting and the comments areas, I just had a thought.
We’re building all of these online social-networks and yet, in the comments sections, it appears that we’re still trying to figure out how to be/or what being social is all about.
I’m not trying to make a point, just an observation, and I have a typically droll sense of humor - but, just throwing it in here to see if anyone else noticed it too?
[…] left) is thinking about meeting people, too. In fact, he’s just written up a nice post about things to do and things to avoid when making the rounds at face-to-face […]
@Michael Bailey: I think it’s so much easier to be “brave” online than off. The most recent networking event I went to was PodCampPGH2 and I found myself pretty much only talking to people I knew from online or presenters if I connected with what they had to say and had a follow-up question. I think a lot of us may be having a hard time translating our “extroverted” online persona into real-life situations and making in-person connections because it takes a completely different (although not unrelated) skill set.
Believe me when I say that how people act in person is *really* different than how they act online. Some of the world’s foremost social media experts aren’t all that comfy face-to-face. Put keyboards between us, and we’ll be friends.
If I weren’t already doing a few things, I could write books on this to last a lifetime.
Great Points Chris!!!
Always remember that they are there because they want to meet their fans, just as much as you are there to meet your idols.
[…] post with links to the registration page. Bryan also points out Chris Brogan’s post on “Meeting People at Events“, a good primer for those of you heading to the event, including […]
In my past life as a TV journalist I used to interview TV & film celebrities, prominent politicians and even royalty. You’re right Chris, people are just people. A few observations that I have found universal: Most importantly, when you approach, make and hold eye contact while smiling. Then offer a brief handshake. Secondly say something to him or her on a personal level. I’ve had A-list stars thank me for asking about their family, their recent trip, social cause etc. They get tired of people gushing and complimenting. I used to research the person’s personal life and comment on something that was important to them. Now in the days of Twitter all you need to do keep up with them and have a person to person conversation.
To some degree I think that the online relationship preceding the opportunity to meet people in person helps with confidence related issues that pop up from time to time. Personally, the recent Tech Cocktail in Boston was the first time I was able to meet face to face many of the people I had only know via online relationships or as voices in podcasts. Having little bits of knowledge in the back of my mind about each person made for a much easier “ice-breaking” experience.
Your posts inspired me to come up with a list of my own. These tips on meeting the famous (and the very well known, or VWK) have worked for me:
1. Get clear in your mind your exact purpose in meeting the VWK.
2. Wait your turn.
3. Realize that you’re going to get maybe 30 seconds with the person, and be satisfied with that.
4. Watch their body language while you’re chatting - especially their eyes.
5. Have a closing line ready to avoid awkwardness.
6. It’s ok to extend your hand first for a handshake.
7. It’s not ok to grab.
8. Avoid (at all costs) trying to get their attention by calling out their name, loudly.
9. Keep the encounter short.
10. Try not to blubber.
11. Meet other people.
I go into more detail in the post on my blog…
Very sad to say, the “tip” below is a tweet from PME. I sure hope the person in question just “had something on their mind,” cuz the experience blew.
**Nifty networking tip: if someone cool intros you to someone with “you two should really meet,” don’t stare + make them explain themself?
/me smiled politely, and moved on.
I’m thinking this is all common sense stuff. Did people really not know this? Seriously?
Maybe the tech events are different but I haven’t ever experienced this at other events where I’ve been the one on display.
The thing that always strikes me about people in new media is that many of us were geeks in high school. Not the Big Man On Campus- alot of us don’t know how to deal with popularity, no matter how much we have always craved being the “cool kids”.
A year ago, I was overwhelmed by getting to meet CC in person; now we’re good friends in real life. That to me is why this space is awesome. We all do have something to contribute.
The biggest barrier to all of this is a sense of self-confidence, and the ability to read subtle body language social cues. If you feel unworthy and timid, that shows. But also being too aggressive with other people shows as well. Just be you- and that’s easily good enough.
I took a Dale Carnegie course, but this one article did more for me that than stupid course ever did. And all I had to do was read this and not get up dance and do weird things in front of people.
[…] Chris Brogan wrote a nice blog about handling social contacts with celebrities (even ‘Internet celebs’) when you meet them in public. It was advice from the perspective of the celebrity, and how they might feel about meeting and getting to know their ‘fans’. […]
I’m hiding in anonymous to… protect the guilty and too-shy-to-be-laughed-at…
I’ve been told by people who have watched me at events that I’m out there and interactionable… But that I talk too much.
Anyone have tips on fixing that?
Hey…Chris this is a great subject for you! I still want to chatwith you and tell you what I do after speeches…..just email me and say WHAT?????? and I will know it is about that subject of trying to break away from a crowd and not get stuck talking to someone too long.
JOHN DOE…that one is simple….when you are interacting with the audience, ask more open ended questions that will take the spot light off you….. or tape your mouth and do sign language….joking
Thanks for the helful tips, Chris. FYI Here’s a Dale Carnegie summary from How to Win Friends and Influence People: http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html
I talk to much and laugh to often. Sometimes in a crowd of people I can become a social coward.
Ok that last part is not true.
Brogan good stuff.
Bailey dig your sence of humor.
Dude talking about grabbing. Agreed, not cool.
In this world sometimes its not so easy to meet people online. One site that I think has the right angle is htpp://wannago.com that let people who wanna go to the same event or activity to meet in a casual way. what do you think?
hi, i get really nervous when meeting new people, have any of you got ideas as to how i can calm my nerves down a b it, i also get scared when doing presentations in front of new people.
[…] lol, sorry that was pretty funny. Check out this link: Meeting People at Events | chrisbrogan.com Try and turn that nevousness in to excitement, Avril is pretty shy herself when she meets new […]
[…] out this link: Meeting People at Events | chrisbrogan.com Try and turn that nevousness in to excitement, Avril is pretty shy herself when she meets new […]
[…] everyone should have their own blog.Yes, a blog is good for personal branding. Sure, you can meet lots of great people or even get a job from blogging. And then there is the free stuff. But these things can only […]
Chris:
When I go to events, I just be me. I loved the tips you gave here - they make a lot of sense. There were a couple of shy people at SOBCon08 and I was very conscious of that. I don’t know if I lowered my voice but I do remember giving them enough bodily distance and speaking with a smile in my voice. I think they appreciated it.
And you - you made me comfortable when I was talking to you. Despite your presence on the Internet, I felt like you were another human being who likes to connect. Your eyes were very warm as was your overall body language. I vividly remember talking to you after your presentation. You have a magenetic presence. :)
Really great advice.