My Family Life

October 18, 2007 · Comments

Smiling Angelcarousel Perhaps the most common question I get when people ask me about my busy life is whether my family ever sees me. I understand the question, because I travel a lot, and I do a lot of events, and I’m always blogging, and making media, and writing, and doing things. I get why it would seem my family life must be a really thin bit of my world. Here are some things I want to tell you about my family life.

Some Thoughts About My Family

  • I take my daughter to the bus stop every day I’m home.

  • She and I played all weekend last weekend, at a country fair, and then in the forest.
  • I take her on special dates all the time.
  • My son and I play a lot. Not as much as my daughter, but we have a few games he only plays with me.
  • My wife and I could use a few more private dates, but we spend evenings together when I’m home, and love to hang out.
  • When I’m away, my family and I communicate through rich media like videoblogs, audio posts, phone calls, emails, and more.

My Family Online

  • My wife, Katrina, is VERY different from me with her net presence. She doesn’t like to be very “out there” on the web.

  • She uses Facebook but almost never accepts friend requests from folks who aren’t her real friends. When I see her use Facebook, I feel envious that she actually knows EVERYONE closely in her Facebook. But we use it differently.
  • My daughter knows how to check my frequent flyer miles on JetBlue. When I get 22 more points, she and I have a date in Manhattan.
  • My son? Well, I love him. : )

Some More On My Life

Before I started working in events and social media, I used to work a day job, and spend about 60 extra hours a week trying to find a way into this space. I often times worked until 3AM on podcasts, and howto stuff, and blogging. My family knew I was home, but they rarely felt I was paying any attention. I wasn’t.

And now?

I’m VERY connected to my family when I’m home. If you try calling my house after I get home, I almost never answer. Not even my boss. I get online a little later in the night, after the little people go to bed, and only if my wife and I don’t have any plans to hang out or watch a movie or what not.

I love having dinner at home. I love giving my son a good round of the smooshing game, where I throw myself down on top of him so that he feels crushed for a while (don’t ask; he’s a strange kid). I do all kinds of games with my daughter, including drawing pictures together, and we tell lots of stories about our days. She’s 5, and 5 is a big year.

Why Tell You All This

One part is defensive. I’m always twitchy when people ask me about my family life, because they rarely say it any other way except that my family must suffer for all that I’m doing. (Part of me knows Kat’s going to comment to this effect in the comments section).

The other part is to remind people eager to do something in social media and juggling a lot of things that a strong family base is still just as important as ever. Happy homes make good social media makers. You know that. I’m just reminding you by telling you a bit about my family.

And another reason? I’m happy with my family. Really happy. And that’s not always a given in life, but in my case, I’m doing okay right now with that part of my life.

(The rest? Well, that’s tricky.)

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  • Shama Hyder
    You have the cutest kids!!! I agree with Dan-let's get them blogging too. : )
  • You couldn't have said it any better.
  • You're kids are beautiful. You're a lucky man. This might sound crazy since I'm 22 years old, but my daddy clock has been ticking out of control lately. Every time I see pictures like these, I get envious of the parents and start day dreaming about the days when I'll have my own mini-social media guys running around the house. I very much admire your ability to kick-ass in business and while maintaining a family. ..I'll be there one day-sooner than later it seems.
  • Take this from someone 60 years old and with a very successful 35+ year engineering career behind them. It is absolutely necessary to make yourself unavailable at times. Shut off the phone, close the Twitter and email windows, tell the world it can wait. Because damn it, it *can* wait. If people tell you your career or company will suffer if you're not always available, tell 'em "thanks, I'm prepared to live with that." Because the more you respond to interruptions, the more you will be asked to respond. Most of those interruptions are because the person interrupting you was interrupted himself, and so on.

    Slowly, our work and lives have developed into a sort of biological multi-processing OS. It all runs on interrupts. Well, every computer as the equivalent of on IOF instruction, for Interrupt Off, and so do you. Good on you, Chris, for realizing that.
  • @ Dr. Mani

    Great point. I guess it is a good thing that we are concerned about not spending enough time. At least I am aware.

    I think when people ask Chris if he ever sees his family they are really looking inward at their own family life.

    Joel Mark Witt
  • It is to your credit, that you are not just a signature or a nickname on a website ! I think most people like to know about the people they follow on the net ! Socially yours Msandler
  • You gotta teach them how to blog now. They can have their own small boxes ;)

    Good seeing you last night.
  • Chris, from my not inconsiderable experience of knowing entrepreneurs, professionals and self-made people, the biggest clue to those who have their priorities right is that they are *concerned* that they may not be spending enough time with family.

    I'm always wary of those who claim they are giving adequate (or more than enough) time to their spouse and kids. Truth: they are NOT.

    The most powerful statement I've heard is this... "To a child, love is spelled T-I-M-E."

    Each time I ask my little girl (she's eight) if she thinks I'm spending enough time with her, the answer is prompt and clear... "No". And she's right - even if she has my undivided attention for 2 or more hours daily!

    You're lucky to have such a lovely family - and they are lucky to have someone like you who cares!

    All success
    Dr.Mani

    @ Kat - you should talk to my wife... she's completely endorse your views re the window thing!

    @ Ben Yoskowitz - took me a few seconds, but I figured it out before reading your second comment ;)
  • First off ... beautiful kids. Second, thanks for sharing. I have a two-year-old and one on the way and would completely prefer to spend every waking hour at home. But like your comments indicate, managing and balancing time and schedules well makes for happiness at both places.

    It's easy to get twitchy when people question your commitment to your family (since that's how we busy bodies take the comment). But as long as you're good with the wife and kids, what others think doesn't matter.

    Congrats to you for being able to list the special things you do with your son and daughter. Some folks would be hard pressed to figure that out.
  • @Kat

    So - was it an end goal you both agreed on (i.e. getting a job as a social media pro) that kept you from killing him while he was investing time away from your family?

    Joel Mark Witt
  • Thank you for this Chris. It puts things in perspective for me and my family. I'm not quite there yet with juggling my time, but getting there.
  • I realize now that it looks like I have a 3 month old and a 4 month old. I've got a 3 YEAR old and a 4 month old. Not that I really need to clarify that to your audience, but oh well. *smile*
  • As a father with two kids myself (3 and 4 months) all I can say is: ROCK ON CHRIS!

    I've written about "balancing" family and work life (starting a new company) and I think more Dads should talk about it. The difficult times and the good times.

    Kudos for posting this. Oh, and the smooshing game doesn't sound all that odd to me. *chuckle*
  • Kat
    @joel
    it *did* put strain on us
    sometimes i wanted to throw that mike/camera/computer through the ^%&^%* window
    we had to hammer out what we needed
    repeat daily/weekly etc
    I was very supportive
    but I wouldn't have lasted long at that pace.

    @Eban
    Chris talks about us a lot because he adores us
    but
    there's an alterer motive
    talking about the kids is ressuring
    it's a little visual signal for "Hey, You matter."

    He will talk about us with friends at an event and remember to tell me
    "Even though I am far away, You're still part of this."
    these all help his/our lives go smoothly
    I think (hope) that it also establishes respect for us
    for those of you who call after 6?
    I hiss at you.

    --------
    one example of why it works :
    I was getting resentful of his cell phone's voice mail
    everybody's chris telling me he was once again not able to talk to me
    now?
    my own direct separate msg
    He's sorry he can't talk to me, he loves me etc.

    Small action = HUGE change
    tweak it,
    fill it in with silly stuff ,
    little things make or break it


    it's very odd to be part of a world i am not part of. : /
  • jonnygoldstein
    I appreciated this post. It's good to see how other folks manage work and family.
  • jonnygoldstein
    I appreciated this post. It's good to see how other folks do it.
  • I can relate. I have been accused of neglecting my family because of two things - my blogfather role at completerunning and also when I started running at high mileage (about 12 hours running a week).

    It's not really fair. People don't know how a person organizes their life to NOT neglect their family AND commit to their passions.

    For example, I am able to do high mileage training because I go to work very early so that I can leave early and run home. It works and my family doesn't even notice.
  • People shouldn't ask that question. Still, as Annie mentioned, they may just be intrigued.

    Thanks for devoting time to social media. It's refreshing to see that people with families can blog and podcast.

    It's great you set time apart just for those closest to you.
  • You said that before you used to work 60 extra hours a week when you had a day job. Now that you work in the social media / events biz you are able to spend evenings and some weekends with your family.

    Had you not started working with Pulver Media - would you have burned out your family life trying to move into this space. I only ask because it applies to me - not because I am judging.

    I still have a day job and I feel that the extra hours per week puts a strain on family life. Right now I am making an investment in social media & content creation but not really making a living at it.

    Sometimes it seems so hard with little provable or measurable reward. Some close to me even view it as a hobby that seems to over-run my life.

    I'd be curious to hear anyone's thoughts on striking a better balance in this realm... ??
  • I thought the whole point of getting involved in social media and technology was to have more time with family and friends. It seems contradictory to assume that you'd spend LESS time with your family working in this field. My perception would be the opposite and matches what you've outlined. Aren't you actually accomplishing more in comparable or less time than what you were pounding out before at a regular 9-5 job? And, enjoying yourself in the process?
  • Hey Chris,

    First, no person from this online community has the right to judge your situation, so please don't let them have any gray matter real estate. That being said, when you do make your occasional references to your family here and there online, it is obvious that you are totally enamored with them. That is a great thing. The forest Tweets were great!

    There is also one other aspect. Look at what you are building for their future. Not only social networking and media, but also the solid base you are building for their life. You are also setting a great example to the power of hard work and the success that it brings.

    In other words, you are doing fine. Keep it up!

    Cheers,
    Eban
  • I think the questions come from a lot of us seeing in our own lives how easy it is to get wrapped up in this stuff, and how quickly the time disappears. And you acknowledge that before you were able to do at least some of it for a living it sucked away family time.

    I'm glad you have such balance. I know my husband and I have always made choices based on how they would affect our relationship and our parenting, and some of those choices are hard. So don't feel like people are accusing when they ask the questions about family. Maybe they're hoping you'll answer as you did, and provide an example of a family that is making it work!
  • You shouldn't even have to post that, but good for you.

    To the doubters out there: You can be highly productive, involved in many projects and _still_ have time for your spouse/children/family.

    It's all how you manage your time.
  • You know....Maybe in US it's obvious when grown-up like you hardly uses social networks, twitter and other web stuff. Here in Russia it's not true. So I'm really appreciate you and other guys I've met.

    Respect!

    Have fun. Do good. As always. :)
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