This blog often covers the keyboard-level approach to social contact with others, but I realized that we haven’t talked lately about approaching and communicating with people face-to-face in a while. As the cheery gentleman on the left is now buying my breakfast for Bryan Person’s clever idea of throwing a Social Media Breakfast, I thought I’d talk briefly about what one might do when faced with – gasp – reaching to to talk to people in social events. Because, and this might shock you, but my “BFF” from Gnomedex and I witnessed first hand that sometimes, even social media experts aren’t always great at the face-to-face kind of networking.
Fake Confidence
Let’s presume that this event you’re attending is reasonably safe for you, meaning that it’s not the intent of people there to malign you, bring you down, or otherwise cause you strife. If that’s likely to be true, then yes, I’m asking you to lie. If you’re not the kind of person who’s naturally confident, look DEEP inside yourself and find some reason to feel damned good about you, and wear THAT on the surface of your emotions. Why? Because it’s like wearing donuts to a Homer Simpson convention. People will eat you up in the good sense, if they feel you’re confident. And if you’re not naturally bringing that in, it’s okay to fake it until you feel it.
Some tricks: accept that YOU are every bit as qualified as the people you’re going to meet. Remind yourself of the things you do well. Tell yourself, out loud even, that you’re a total rockstar on the rise, and that these people will appreciate that.
Have Something to Say
Here’s where faking ends. Pretty quick, I admit. Have something worth saying when someone asks you, “So, what do you do?” or “What are you into?” These kinds of questions are most people’s ice breakers. Think up a good answer WAY ahead of time, and practice saying it until you’re confident it reflects the truth. Don’t be OVERLY clever, but have it down.
Some tricks: you get extra points for jarring them with a unique answer. In a roomful of social media geeks, I usually answer that question with something way off-base like, “I’m a combat helicopter pilot.” It’s jarring enough so that when I give my real answer, the other person is VERY attentive to what I’ll say next. Also, think hard about your passion versus your job title.
The Business Card Thing
If you’re reading this on my website, go to the search bar and put in “business card.” I won’t tell you how much value I place in having good, useful business cards. But here’s a hint: don’t exchange cards *too* early. The best time to do it? After you’ve talked for a little bit, and now you understand that you’d like to talk more with the person. End your conversation by saying, “This has been really great. Could we exchange cards so that we can continue the conversation?” Perfect. Smooth.
Topics for Conversation
Be flexible to good conversation. Think of a few pertinent openers yourself to bring to the event. (Sense a trend here? Plan BEFORE going to the event). Think of questions that are open-ended to answer. “Where will social media fit into businesses over the next year?” versus “Do you have a blog?” See how one can be answered with a “yes,” but the other has to be answered with some thought? THAT’s the trick.
Some tricks: people love to talk about themselves. Give them great springboard questions and let them run. Ask about something they’ve done in the last year or two that they’re proud of. Ask them about what they wanted to be when they were a kid thinking about the future.
Eye Contact
LOTS gets told over whether you can make reasonably good eye contact. Sometimes I can, and other times I can’t. I’m not telling you the difference. But I will say, try your hardest to connect to people’s eyes. It means a world of difference between what people think about you later. Practice this at home. Practice it out and about with random people. When catching someone’s eye while walking down the street, practice a nice smile, a disarming smile. Eyes tell loads about you as a human.
Mingle, Dammit
For years, this has been my biggest peeve about people at social functions. Move OUT of your comfort zone and meet someone new. Yes, it’s daunting. Yes, it’s so much easier to clump with the people you know and trust. But the whole point of these events is to get to know someone you haven’t met before, *and* to see your friends. Try doing both. And, as a hint, lots of people are there to meet lots of other people, so they’ll politely let you tie them up a good part of the night, but they might be wishing they could move on, too.
Now, don’t go giving up all that confidence we’ve built up. Just understand that’s part of the game and NOTHING related to if you’re worth talking further with or not. Instead, try to be conscious of body language. If someone starts to shift their body away from yours with different angles, or crosses their arms, or stops making as much eye contact, TAKE THE HINT and politely excuse yourself. Then, find the next conversation, knowing that the last person really enjoyed speaking with you and that you really impressed them (even if that’s not 100% accurate).
Some tricks: in Customer Service, a super big mistake is taking what happened with the last customer and applying the emotional residue to the next customer by mistake. Break this. No matter the outcome of the last conversation, tell yourself that it was the best ever, smile (because when you do this, chemicals shoot through your body to reassure you), and move to the next conversation with confidence. Assess the details later, in private.
Finish Strong
When it’s time to leave the event (hint: don’t YOU be the last one out, even if you’re the host), make a few short polite goodbyes, shake some hands and hug, and get out of there. This is not a wedding receiving line. This is not your last time on the planet. You can miss a few people on the way out the door. Think about who had the most impact on your experience at the event, and make sure to thank them. Thank the host (always!), and if for some reason they’re tied up when you’re leaving, drop them an email as soon as humanly possible. I’d say call them, but they might answer at the party and you don’t want to disrupt the host.
Leave without looking back, because looking back means you’re trying for a little extra praise and reinforcement on the way out the door. It’s like a baseball player leaving the field for the game. Just be cool. They loved you.
Your Advice
You’re a social person. You’ve gone to a lot of events and have some etiquette and secrets of your own. Share them with us. Tell me how you navigate all this scary stuff. What matters to you at social events? And how do you handle difficult people, because I didn’t really cover that much. I’ll ask you to help with that part, okay?
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