Relationships and Currency

In Trust Agents, we talk a bit about attention as currency, and also about the idea that there are multiple types of currency. In Stephen R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Covey talks about the emotional bank account, and about the need to keep putting in current deposits, because old deposits (acts of kindness towards someone else) “age out,” and don’t go far in giving one credit for more recent experiences. Said another way, “If I call you a few times last month, it doesn’t count towards forgetting your birthday this month.” The same is obviously true in business, or at least it should be.

Two Types of Favors

There are two types of favors I do: ones that I think up, and ones that people ask of me. Over the last several weeks, I’ve performed lots of the first kind of favor. I love doing things for people when they don’t expect it. I never ever ever want anything back from people, either. That’s never what a favor is supposed to mean. The favor is for me. It’s for my feelings.

That other type of favor, where I’m asked to do something, I do most of them because I feel obligated, and I do some of them because the person asking is genuine and really deserves a break. These favors are for other people. In there, there’s the hope that someone will benefit from my effort, but still no real need to repay. That’s not why one does favors.

Random Acts of Kindness

Now, my favorite thing in the world to do is this kind of thing. I love promoting people who don’t expect to be promoted. I love putting little plugs in for things I like, for example my recent stay at the Trump International in Las Vegas. I loved the place, so I shot a promotional video for Man on the Go. There was nothing in it but just appreciation for what they do. I could do this kind of stuff all day.

It’s one of my secret missions: to see great people and wonderful companies get more credit.

How Companies Could Participate

I’ve been obsessed with Zappos since reading Delivering Happiness. I even joined their VIP club today, simply based on the fact that everyone in the business has the core mission of trying to add WOW to people’s days. Man, that’s cool.

There are companies out there just anxious and eager to pounce on doing good things for their customers and prospects. I was floored by Darion J Miller‘s offer to help with a random act of kindness the other day, because he did so, responding as part of Hubspot. Darion’s act transformed a lot of good will from himself onto my thoughts about Hubspot (though I already thought mostly good things about them).

But there are lots of companies out there thinking they’re in a war. They think that everything is about targets and acquisition, and the enemy. How do you think that shapes their view of business? How does that encourage them to participate?

Relationships And Currency

I learn something new every day. Yesterday, I learned that no matter what I’ve done in the past in support of an organization, it’s only the now that matters. I learned that my friendships matter more to me than any relationship I have with any company (bar none), and that most companies don’t value relationships as a default. I learned that we really haven’t come very far in the ideas of human business and relationship-minded business.

And as such, I’ve learned that I have more work to do in the coming years. Work that I embrace. That I’m anxious to carry out. And it involves empowering companies that believe that relationships matter, and empowering people to craft their businesses such that relationships are every bit as important as building revenue, and that the two actually go hand in hand, when executed well.

For the Favor Askers

Finally, a little trick: if you wanted to really rule the universe, you’d do this. Every time you ask for a favor from someone like me, you would do something downright amazing for someone else. I don’t want the favor back. I just want you to do something incredibly awesome for someone else. Because that would be a hell of a lot more thanks than I’m getting now, and it would be much more valuable when spent on others than it would be as a brief thanks in email. Deal?

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  • http://www.kherize5.com Suzanne Vara

    Chris

    You do so many things for so many people which has to make us believe that it makes you happy or evoke some sort of emotion or else you would not do them (obligated aside). Things we do not like to do take a lot out of us and many times we put them off but the things we like to do come easily.

    I do have to disagree with you on not wanting anything back. You or anyone who does perform a RAC is not seeking something back in the true sense but what you/we are seeking is acceptance, joy, happiness, understanding as to why it was done, and not a feeling of obligation from them to return. I see that as wanting something back. I do not think that we are seeking that intentionally or better said consciously but probably more subconsciously. If I am writing about someone like my friend Lucinda I know in the back of my head (in the little part that is taking a breath) of what her reaction will be; the look on her face, the thoughts in her head, whom she will call first, etc. Or the woman on line at the grocery store who did not have enough money who was with her children and was digging for that $10 that she needed and I threw it on the floor so that she would think that she dropped it. I was not wanting her to call me out on it, no, I just wanted her to accept it as I could not bear her having to tell the kids that something had to go back. Maybe it is more of a case by case basis and not a blanket return?

    Relationships in the online social world do exist but boy does this term really get twisted around sometimes. A relationship online is not always a friendship. It can develop into one but it is not following/friending/connecting, sending a few tweets or comments to status updates and pow, we are friends. You taught us all the other day about friendships and what they really mean. Really knowing things about people and being able to put them into words as eloquently as you always do, is what friendships and relationships are all about.

    I hardly ever ask for favors. People that do know me, know when I need a hand offer, or just do so fast when I am not watching. I am not afraid nor too good to ask, I pretty much figure it out before it comes to light. Though when I do ask, they are not without meaning and many times definitely not small. I try and do for others as it makes me happy to bring a smile to someone’s face or releasing that emptiness from their eyes.

    In the end, it is about getting to know people. Building relationships is relating to people and how do we relate – we get to know them. Seems simple in many ways but yet oh so hard.

    @SuzanneVara

  • http://www.facebook.com/janice.croze Janice Croze

    Chris – the most fabulous part of this brilliant post is that it IS who you are, it is why you are such an inspiration. You are an authentic giver who sincerely wants to empower those around you.
    You rock Chris – and yes, you have a deal!

  • Judiwindow

    Deal!

  • http://www.reptileapartment.com John F Taylor

    Chris, I couldn’t agree more. This actually happened to me recently. I went to a ‘trade show’ for my niche and was walking around talking with people etc and I ran into someone who was just too cool! I interviewed her later for my blog and guess what, now she’s doing my updated web design for free! I also went with her as a hosting service as well because she has all the bells and whistles that all the other hosting companies did for half the price! So building the relationship has become a key element for me and my team and we foster that ideology daily in our dealings with the public and business alike. Great article, and thanks again for pointing me in the right direction when I started. We are growing by leaps and bounds daily.

  • http://RevSocial.com/ Warren Daly

    The Business World Needs more Leaders like you Mr. Brogan :) Thanks for sharing your Words of Wisdom Brother! :)

  • Anonymous

    Great post Chris. It inspired my own blog post about how Customer Service has an expiry date. You got me thinking. Bad service is remembered. Good service is forgotten

  • http://altavistaspain.com/ Michael Liggan

    Building relationships with clients is key to your success as a small business owner. I couldn´t agree more with sdipietr, bad service is remembered whilst good service is forgotten.

  • http://www.gleeprints.com Roger Johnston

    Awesome Chris! Building relationships is everything. Deal!

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  • Anonymous

    Thanks for sharing these two things we can each do, each day, to make the world and our companies better places to be, to live, to work in.

    Paraphrasing:
    1. Support and patronize and promote companies that believe (demonstrate, walk the talk) that relationships matter.
    2. Help your colleagues (by modeling the behavior) to craft each interaction to show that building kind, caring relationships is every bit as important as building revenue.

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  • http://www.blackfridayplanet.com/ William Hushburn

    We should set our mind that we’ll have a different learning experience everyday.

  • http://www.blackfridayplanet.com/ William Hushburn

    Thanks for this information.

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