September 4, 2009 69 Comments

Rules of the Pool

When we come to a new place, one of our first queries is, “what are the rules of this place?” When my daughter and I go to a hotel pool, she reads the sign very closely to see what’s allowed and what’s not. (The last pool had a long rule about “no urinating, no expectorating, no drawing water into your mouth and making spouts.” My daughter is 7. The word “expectorating?” Really?)

What we call social media has no clear set of rules of the pool. When we see new people do it poorly, we roll our eyes, we sharpen our blog posts, we tweet them into submission. But why? How can we expect people to simply “get it” when we don’t even agree internally.

I break someone’s version of the rules of the pool daily. I believe in sponsored posts. Others don’t. I tweet too much. I follow back most everyone who follows me, so some say I’m inauthentic. I support affiliate programs (mostly just Brian Clark’s stuff) like Teaching Sells and Thesis WordPress theme, and some don’t like that. I believe it’s okay to earn a paycheck from my efforts in social media, which is somehow off-limits to some bloggers.

So if I can’t figure out your rules of the pool, how are we all getting our panties in a bunch over what companies can and can’t do when they visit our little watering hole? (And it is little. Don’t let the clear glass sides of our fishbowl fool you.)

Now, you might think I’m advocating for rules. Au contraire. I’m advocating that you stop looking at every perceived transgression of the rules as a company not getting it and doing it wrong.

Be helpful. It’s the first step to making things better.

photo credit joe shlabotnik

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adamcarroll

Chris,

Couldn't agree more. There are some purists out there who think we should tweet for tweets sake and think it shameful to make money on the blog. I say go on with your bad self. As a matter of fact, I'm probably going to switch my platform over to Thesis WP just from seeing your site. The check's in the mail!
http://www.relenet.com/ Tom Rau relenet.com

Hi Chris,
I fully agree with you on: “Be helpful. It’s the first step to making things better. “
Here in Germany people are just beginning to discover what social media and networking has to offer.
So it often happens that you meet people who don't know their way around so well.
For me at the beginning it was also like a giant pool with too many tools. Nobody tells you what and how you have to use it.
Although I have to say, as a provider of social network community software we at relenet social networks (http://www.relenet.com/) do have to point out that “rules of the pool” are important for communities and their members to guarantee everyones getting along. But that's logical to everyone.
So in the spirit, lets help each other get better at we do.
Cheers
Tom
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http://navigateyourmarketing.com/blog/ David (Marketing Integrity)

It is like an etiquette thing isn't it? As we grew up, there were certain rules or behaviours we didn't know until someone taught us – which order to use utensils in at a fancy dinner, or how to act in certain public settings. Social media is a combination of pubic online tools. We need to be the teachers to those who are new. Not that there is a right way or a wrong way all the time of how to use them, but we can certainly do our part to help people feel more comfortable using this stuff!
markjamesjewell

Chris -

Good grief – thank you! When I first started blogging and building online communities two years ago, I thought I had to do it for free. I followed what people said about how charging for services was evil. I felt like a rebel against the norm. Then I went broke. I have a cool online community centered on a unique niche – with zero monetization. Now, I find myself doing other work to make up for lost time. Are there ways to build income into what I do with that community? Sure. But I feel like I have to go backwards in order to do so…
dbreakenridge

Chris, really good post. You're right, I don't see any signs up on Twitter or any other social network saying the do's and the don'ts. Even if there were “rules of the pool,” they're shifting daily based on changing behaviors and the growth of these communities. I've heard on a number of occasions people say that web communities can be very unforgiving. Maybe we should all work a little harder to help people learn the ins and outs of the community, so there's a little more comradery and less finger pointing with respect to who's not not getting it right.
http://www.relenet.com/ Tom Rau relenet.com

I'm with @MackCollier on this one:
“Why is it wrong for me to expect a company to pay me to deliver a social media presentation that took me 20 hours to prepare?”
http://bit.ly/4i4iQB
http://nateriggs.com nateriggs

I agree Chris.

Rules should always be broken. If they weren't, innovation would grind to a halt and we would all be bored to tears. I've always thought it was funny that the rules we learn as kids are so applicable in social communication. Play nice in the sandbox. Share things. Don't lie or tell fibs. Don't steal. etc.

The problem is not with people making money through social media and the web. That's OK and I would bet that someday we will all be using these tools to make money and do business. We've been using older tools like email and phones to make profits for years. The problem is that, like annoying telemarketers and email spammers, there are people trying to use the tools to make money who aren't delivering any real value and aren't following basic etiquette that we learn as kids. Things of value are helpful AND can be profitable if in the right hands. That's just how business ought to work…
http://www.mojo2go.us/ Judy | mojo2Go

This little ditty speaks to content you delivered in you 8/21 post; “Not Rocket Science”. 'Don't complicate the shit out of IT!' The more complicated; [expectorating? Spitting Up would have worked nicely!], the greater the chance to loss the message all together. MORE OVER it's increasingly difficult to trust who you 'just don't get’, or better, who just doesn't get you! (YOU being the intended audience/customer/client.)

Blogging as a revenue generator isn't a bad thing; it just may or may not be your thing. No need to begrudge someone that digs it; and as long as the practice is disclosed, then there is no trickery.

Rules and The Rule of Law keeps us interacting in a civil environment; one of which that permits an exchange of ideas; willingness to try new things, etc. That is not to say, that excessive rules & REGs that inappropriately 'choke off'' progress shouldn't be challenged, for they should. It just means that rules can/should be used as a guide.

SO 'being helpful' cuts thru the clutter/the noise of chaos. AND frankly, could be a time saver and efficiency builder. Thanks for the perspective Chris. Makes Sense!
http://KolbeMarket.com BarbaraKB

May we at least agree on the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Good!
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http://twitter.com/CluelessCrafter Lydia Barry Kutko

It is wholly refreshing to see a post like this. DIVERSITY. This is what makes the blog sphere amazing, that different ilk are co-mingling and sharing information across all social, political, gender hierarchies. Rules are meant to detract, to put others into submission so that another can get ahead.

I'm tired of rules. You?
http://twitter.com/ValerieSimon ValerieSimon

As a former lifeguard, I know that the rules of the pool are important. Along with safety, they play a big role in creating the culture/environment of the pool. And though there are certain rules that tend to be both obvious and universal, others vary from pool to pool. I think the most important thing a blogger can do is let readers know the rules (or at least expectations and purpose) of that particular community– you share your “rules” in your about section. Understanding your disclosures and relationships allows both readers and PR pro's to manage their own expectations from your blog, and behave in accordance with your pool. Or at least have the opportunity to “break the rules” with intention and purpose.
http://twitter.com/danyork Dan York

Chris, Good post. Yes, many folks tend to forget that we are still in the stage of *experimentation* with this new realm of what we call “social media”. There aren't set business models. There aren't set “style guides”. There aren't laws with which we must comply. Sure, we have some “conventions” of how we do things – but let's remember that that is all they are. Conventions. Customs.

This thing we call social media is a wide open space… an enormous whiteboard upon which we are all drawing in different colors, pen widths, styles, etc. We have to experiment in order to figure out how these new communication channels all work. Some experiments will succeed. Some will fail. Some will excite people and bring passionate joy. Some will anger and alienate.

We're still figuring out the “rules”… and odds are that tomorrow's “rules” will be very different from those of today. The only way to find out is to push and poke and experiment…
scarlettletters

And it's a fine line we must walk, to giggle at gaffes and goofs without straying into those bogs of smug superiority and scorn.

The notion of stepping up and stepping in is a recognition that we're all swimmers in the pool. Thanks for this one.
djedgerton

Just like Pools with Deep Ends that allow diving….each enterprise needs to set the rule stage relevant to their environment. We are dealing with this in the Pharma space Chris big time. Caregivers and patients are desperate to share ideas and support through social networking, but the companies whose products often are responsible for the well being of this audience…are hesitant to support vehicles that facilitate the education, communication and support, like Social Networking. I say…stick the toe in knowing the water at first might be cold…let's figure out how deep the pool is together before we dive in.
http://www.slice-works.com/ Kathi Rabil

Valerie,

Valerie, thanks for your comments. I think they demonstrate a balanced perspective. Rules do have a purpose–as your safety example for the pool. They also define boundaries, helping us decide whether to “opt in” or “opt out.” That's the beauty of choice. Rules also help us identify potential problems, needs or opportunities. A healthy attitude about rules, when to keep and when to break, allows us to adapt to change and growth.
http://www.slice-works.com/ Kathi Rabil

Chris, thanks for stating the obvious. Hearing you say that social media has no clear set of rules somehow made me more comfortable with this mode of communication. I've been struggling a lot with being afraid of saying the wrong thing, therefore hesitating to say anything.

See Valerie Simon's post below. I think she had some good balance to her statements. I shared my thoughts following on hers.
http://twitter.com/shonali Shonali Burke

Chris, you've pretty much said it all, in my opinion. Thanks for a post that's a breath of fresh air (not that the rest of yours aren't, but you know what I mean) in what can be a bit of a stinky pool at times.
http://www.stevewoodruff.com stevewoodruff

When people earn money from their efforts, they are then liberated to be MORE helpful to MORE people. Can't see that being a bad thing!
http://www.netwitsthinktank.com frank barry

Amen!! =)

If someone (or an organization) is spammy or treating people poorly then there is grounds to not agree/like what they are doing. Other than that it's the wild west out here and everyone has to figure out what works for them based on their goals and objectives. Simple as that. It doesn't mean we should all become self serving. We should always be helpful, as you say, and treat people well.

Show people “the rules” by how you live the rules (if you want to call them rules).

http://twitter.com/franswaa
http://www.ishopathome.ca/ Imie

You are absolutely right! The basic rules should be written and anyone should be allowed to expand from it to make money. After all, even social butterflies got to eat:)
http://thefoodiegifthunter.co.uk/ Helen T

Chris, great post as usual. I made a similar, if perhaps not quite so eloquent, point recently, when asked what best in class was in social media. Again, I think it's quite hard to point, as no one is sure what the class is. There are some people doing it well, and there are some people doing it not very well, but I am not sure that there is anyone you would hold up and say that 100% of the time they do 100% of things right. Because every day there's something new, so the 100% is a moving target, and also their strategy and objectives are not necessarily visible to us. What may look like 80% of the things we would do may well hit all their objectives.

All of this is a moving feast, that's why your advice from an earlier post about developing big ears and using them is really key to working out what the possible rules for your bit of the pool might be.
jenbonnett

Here's the thing. If Social Media is about a conversation…. Don't we all have different rules?
gaetangiannini

It is the lack of rules that makes this space so much fun. Yes, it may diminish credibility versus traditional media, but it is very authentic. Even though there are no rules, you still need to be smart if you are using social media. Learn how to swim, or at least be able to tread water before you jump in, and stick to the pools that are right for you. I'm finding some great success in teaching social media in a business & marketing context, but I am finding that the mere notion of social media scares the daylights out of some professors and some colleges. If anyone following Chris's blog teaches social media, we should put our heads together.
partywedo

Thank you for letting some of us off the hook as we swim in some uncharted waters…
There are some who stumble and bumble through this new social space, trying to get it right and play by what ever rules they can dig up.
It hurts to be taken to task for messing up. Especially when there is a real desire to be good in the pool.
Unfortunately there are the pool bullies who find expectorating on others, a social sport.
edgaudet

The lack of rules is why the social web has flourished…there are no rules, only consequences…if your style does not align with individual- or group-defined boundaries, then the choice, or consequence, is to ostracize…over time the accepted norms within social communities will become clear…for now, let just enjoy ourselves bending, stretching, exploring, expanding, and extending the boundary!
http://www.loopthing.com/?a=BnGncukOwJ4 Donagh Mc Sweeney

Chris as you say, social media has no clear set of rules, but having high standards is a must for someone to succeed.
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kathleenhogan

Hey I really like this. I am not tweeting alot, because of perceived 'right ways' to do it, and being intimidated. But you are right, their are not THAT many people Tweeting, and the ones who are are doing it in lots of different ways. Personally I like the Haiku aspect, the connection, and the good manners. Time to try again.
Chris

Chris,
“Be helpful” … kinda nails it doesn't it?
One of the things I see out there is everyone so darn TOUCHY and ready to jump on someone else for every indiscretion – real or perceived. I'm all for giving the whole system the time and space to just let it all sort out. And for everyone being generous enough to give ANYBODY room to play and discover how to make it work or not work for them.
martigaraughty

The things is, WE ARE SOCIAL MEDIA and we're making up the rules as we go along.
A lot of the learning process comes naturally thru the people we interact with, from community “leaders”, etc… Then again, some people really do need to read the “rules”, whatever the rules might be at any given moment. Later…
http://twitter.com/AmySwipeRite Amy

What a diplomatic way of making this point. Be helpful is a simple call to action that can (and should) be followed in every aspect of our daily lives. The “new” way to put this is that positive energy begets the same, right? Great job again, Chris.
http://blog.angelaconnor.com/ Angela Connor

Social Media is not all or nothing. It isn't one-size-fits-all. And even when like-minded people are gathered saying this one or that one doesn't “get it” they don't realize that none present has the same definition for what “it” is. Each industry is unique. Not everyone across the board can implement strategies the same way or at the same time frame. It wouldn't even make sense. The elitism is ridiculous because at the end of the day, none of us even owns these platforms we're using and telling others how to use and if they are suddenly gone, then what? But I digress… Live and let live.
http://hightalk.net/ George F. Snell III

Be helpful – and how courteous as well. And that doesn't mean we can't disagree or even argue. Thoughtful post, Chris…
nancymyrland

AMEN, AMEN AND AMEN CHRIS!!! I couldn't agree more. One of the most wonderful aspects of Social Media and, more specifically, Twitter, is that it's wide open for everyone to join. To swim in to your example, everyone gets to wade in to this pool! Who cares if they don't do it like you and I do it?! For heaven's sake, didn't we leave judgement and nastiness behind in grade school? I can understand making recommendations to make peoples' lives easier. But to brow beat anyone, or to unfairly judge others who are using this medium creatively, is to laugh in the face of the reason for which it was initially developed. Sure, unfollow anyone who bothers you so much you can't bear it, or anyone who doesn't work with your plan for being here, but let it be molded, used and adapted any way anyone would like. It's much too young to be put in handcuffs! Nice job Chris!
http://flyovermarketing.com/ Kevin Behringer

Chris:

I think that the people that rail against making money from social media often do it because they CAN'T make money from social media.

And I'd say that looking at what you're doing is a pretty good indicator of what the “rules of the pool” should be…

Kevin
http://www.dhptoronto.ca/ Debbie Horovitch

I don't have time to waste on judging how other people use social media – social media, is just like LIFE – you get out of it what you put into it. I only want to work with people who are ready to recognize that social media can possibly change their expectations about everything, and they're ready to explore and take some risks, to find out what is actually right.
http://www.kherize5.com Suzanne Vara

There are not rules, more norms. You can tweet, post, etc anything that you want however being accepted is another story.

Great post.

Suzanne
http://www.cplamann.com/wordpress Chris Plamann

Spot on, Chris. You're point here is well taken and is similar to @dmscott's post regarding punk rock social media of a couple months ago.

Those first into the pool have a tendency to impose rules according to their vision for, in this case, the developing medium. Not that there shouldn't be standards, but growth is achieved through pushing boundaries.

I don't believe social media to be a wading pool – with the same depth and dimensions. Think there is room for a deep end, a couple of volleyball nets and maybe even a crazy spiral slide.
http://www.thinklikeablackbelt.com/ Lori Hoeck

Ahhhhh … a voice of sanity amid the noise, the rule-screamers, and the overly defensive.
annblackman

So true. It made me think of way back to February 2008 when I joined twitter and one of my first followers was you and I promptly blocked you! I REALLY didn't get twitter and didn't get why someone who didn't know me personally would follow me. I think I'm getting it better these days, and I really do appreciate it that you didn't hold it against me!
http://www.monicaonmarketing.blogspot.com/ monica levy

sometimes the rules need to be overly strict to protect those who don't have the same skills as more experienced swimmers. companies (especially those in pharma and healthcare) are highly reluctant to participate because their comments — or their enabling of the comments made by others — may be misconstrued by some people, resulting in dangerous situations and ensuing lawsuits. smart people know that just because something's on the web doesn't make it the truth and will consult their doctors before taking action — but others (especially those who are desperate) will read something and, just because a company's logo appears, think that whatever advice another person provides means its ok to follow irrespective of the situation.
http://www.hiddenbusinesstreasures.com/ Michael Benidt

This certainly does not apply to you, Chris, but I’d love to see a rule that people can’t offer themselves up as social media experts when they write one thing and do the exact opposite. I don’t know how many “social media experts” say that you should “become part of the conversation,” and yet never comment on other people’s blogs (or even answer questions on their own blogs).

To be clear, I don’t think there should be a rule that you must “become part of the conversation,” but I do think that it’s BS to teach it and then not do it.

If you want to have some fun you can use Backtype.com (just be sure you are in the “People” tab of Backtype, not the main page) to find out who comments on other people’s blogs. Just type in the name of your favorite social media expert (oh, say, maybe someone who’s written a “bestselling” book about the power of Twitter) and then compare them to Chris Brogan, Brian Clark or some other legitimate social media expert.

It’s fun, it’s educational, it’s addictive – and it might even help convince everyone to support my new social media rule – “Practice what you Freakin’ Preach.”

Note: I have no connection with Backtype.com and know you've written about them in the past, Chris, but they are very cool.
zenaweist

I'll be using your quote: “Now, you might think I’m advocating for rules. Au contraire. I’m advocating that you stop looking at every perceived transgression of the rules as a company not getting it and doing it wrong.” This gentle nudge reminds us how incredibly harsh we can be on companies that are trying to add social media tools to their marketing and communications juggle and might occasionally drop a ball.
christinakatz

Thanks for this post, Chris. I agree completely that when I read a blog post and someone makes a blatant statement about how others are not doing it right, I really wonder about them. A lot of times, I think they are more focused on the crowd than they are on following their own instincts.

Our mother's cautioned us about this (“If everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you just off too?”) I'm not at all offended if you make money doing what you do. I feel like you aim for full disclosure and that's good enough for me.

Otherwise, what am I, the Chris Brogan police? I don't think so. I have plenty of other things to do and think about in the running of my own career.

When I see someone else doing something I don't appreciate, I don't waste energy rolling my eyes (which would seem to imply that I feel superior to them, which is absurd in and of itself). Instead, I simply make a mental note: “Don't do THAT.” And get back to my own business.
http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

Bingo!
http://twitter.com/olmertyair Yair Olmert

That's a good one. In Israel there are some ppl trying to educate the community to surrender to their caprices. Thy feel like Twitter was invented by their father as a birthday gift and as if it's their own toy. The problem is that they scare others and take over …

I recently founded Finesse140 Ltd. & suffer a lot of this barbarians.

http://finesse140.com/
http://yairolmert.com/
http://www.facebook.com/finesse140
NomadRip

I've found that phenomenon strange. So many people telling everyone else that the way they use something is wrong. Everyone has personal tastes, likes and dislikes. Twitter has an enormous population of people claiming, “Yer doin' it wrong!”

I understand trying to help people realize that what they are doing is annoying, but ultimately it's easy to just not follow them (“Dude, disconnect Blip from twitter, I can't have every song you listen to clog my stream.”).

Blogs are another biggie as you know, but I've always thought of it as it's your house, not mine. If I don't like the rules, I'm free to leave. Nobody is going to stand in my living room berating me, why would I let them on my webspace?

Oh, and the water just got warmer where I am standing :-)
http://kohliconsulting.net/ Joe Kohli

Thanks Chris. I am one of those guys that have written things at which people have probably rolled their eyes. I do much better when there is a rule book. I am grateful for the guidance you dispense with each of your posts.

Rules of the Pool

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