Single Parents Aren’t Earning Enough

Hanes Comfort Crew TweetingI just read a study produced by the Crittenton Women’s Union that shows that a single parent in Massachusetts needs approximately $68,000 a year to raise a toddler and a school-age kid. (Hat tip WBUR Morning Edition). Most single parents (primarily women) aren’t earning even half that in Massachusetts. It’s a tough challenge, and also hard to understand how to help.

By simply sending money, the problem is softened a bit. But there has to be more.

According to Crittenton, we can help by:

  • Donating money.
  • Giving other goods.
  • Mentoring
  • Internships
  • Outreach

Some of the opportunities I was thinking about when I wrote when this all gets cool is the opportunity to do more in the form of mentoring, internship, and outreach. When I think about all the moms I met at the DisneySMMoms event, I realize that there are some really hard working women out there figuring out new ways to earn money for their family.

Lori Falcon is one. Erika Lehmann is one. Melissa the Consumer Queen is another. They’ve all found ways to make money for their families using the web. (There are obviously non-web ways to make money, too.)

I wonder what we can do. I wonder how we’ll continue to help. What ways will YOU help? What can you give to the cause in the way of mentorship and outreach?

Related posts:

  1. Citizen Journalists Arent Evil
  2. From Dads in Labs to Pirate Parents – Video Book Review

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  • http://www.rocknrealty.net Nanette Labastida

    the “definitions” of a single parent vary apparantly but that's way too limiting people. existing other parent, child support or no child support, backrounds, whatever, the emotional and factual situations of single parents are valid whatever the sitch

    I AM a single parent, i receive child support, and my kids have standard visits with their dad, we also communicate well and are friends, i also have parents who live here, and caring friends. I am lucky, i know that.
    Still, sometimes for people it's the emotional stress of basicaly 24 hr care and decision making that can hinder attempts at moving forward, learning, seeking improvment, it can be debilitating.

    The child care costs and difficulties are the #1 issue. Even now that my kids are in public school, cutting my work day off at 2:45, or rather not cutting it off and trying to work with them around or arrange something last minute,sometimes makes me want to give up. yes, i'm lucky as a Realtor i can for the most part carry on some work with them.

    Support networks, bootcamps, groups, tweetups ANYTHING to get support and talk and meet people with similar situations to network, learn, vent. No one else would get it. Who knows what kind of inventive support could come out of this

    workshops on saving money, budgeting, organizing your home and day, to enable less chaos and more control.

    The hardest things sometimes to do are: Grocery shopping, cooking and eating together, socializing with peers, home maintenance (from big to odd jobs), house cleaning….if these things were somehow easier to do…..

    And i wish kids eat free nights at restaurants weren't one kid per adult! i have two kids, one adult. grrrrrr.
    And gym memeberships, “family” memeberships are two adults and kids, i am going to call a gym and see what they can offer me, if we can make a creative membership.

  • beckimaxson

    My heart goes out to not only single parents, but working moms who would desperately love to be home full-time, but they need to replace their income if that's to be.

    A friend and I started a Meetup in our area called Mommy Come Home. We've both been mompreneurs for over 20 years through many years of homeschooling (me) and through single parenting (her) so we bring different perspectives.

    What I didn't expect at our first meeting last fall was how many of our members are single already, going through a divorce, or fearing a divorce. Wowsa.

    So far some topics we've covered are different business models to earn from home, how to increase leads with local networking, crafting your one-minute commercial, building business systems, we did vision boards together, goal setting in January, and this month we're putting business plans to those goals.

    At every single meeting we've achieved our biggest goal, which is that these women know there's hope and that there's someone who's cheering them on and available for help.

    Meetup.com gives an easy way to gather people in your area, so if you can help these women, give a couple hours once a month, get together, and share what you've learned yourself.

  • http://timkissane.com/ Tim Kissane

    I know this isn't going to be popular, but I'm not a fan of political correctness.

    The number one way to help alleviate this problem is to encourage young women to find a responsible partner first, then have children. There is a reason why couples raise children (I don't personally care what sexual orientation). Mentorship and outreach used to come from the extended family, another lost concept in America. I find this current trend in our culture disturbing, the assumption that a woman (or a man) can “have it all”. If a woman *chooses* (lack of birth control is a choice, ladies) to have a baby as a single mother, she'd better be prepared to deal with the responsibility. Likewise, those folks who take divorce lightly. Let us add those who have more children than they can afford to raise.

    When did community sponsorship for irresponsible behavior become the norm?

    Now… before you click “reply” and loose the flames of damnation on me…

    I am the first person to reach out and help those in need, offering generously of my meager financial and temporal resources. If someone is “in a pickle” (as I have been many times), I offer empathy and sometimes more. I support family leave, flex time, and other programs to make it easier on *any* parent(s). But please, let's not continue down the road of entitlement any further.

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  • snootyvixen

    Kind of a stereotypical answer, Tim! Are we discounting the parents who have become single due to the death of a loved one? There are many reasons for single parenthood, and I'm fairly positive that women (because it's always the woman's “fault”, right?) don't go into a relationship – however temporary – with the goal of becoming a single parent. Or maybe they do, I can't vouch for other peoples motives … but please consider, when painting everyone with the same brush, that it's not only “careless women” who become single parents. And birth control is a valid choice for a man, too.

    I had no intention at all of being a single parent. I guess that didn't matter to my narcissistic husband who left the girls and I alone while he went in search of greener pastures in another state.

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  • Mags

    Hi–I've never received a dime from the other 'parent' and so this is, yes, naive. I have been an entrepreneur as a single parent and now have a full time job at a university teaching and I can tell you it is about the stigma attached to single parenting that is the number one barrier to success. I think this is really where the conversation needs to start.

  • http://timkissane.com/ Tim Kissane

    I don't suggest that all parents, whatever their gender, fall into these categories, but many do. Aside from the dozen or so cases I've encountered personally, one only needs to take a brief perusal of blogs, Myspace and Facebook profiles to see how many young girls (and, much more rarely, boys) are planning single parenthood, often without any desire for a relationship at all. Who gave these youngsters the idea this was a good thing?

    Yes, birth control is a valid choice for a man. But the woman, who will bear the child and the ultimate responsibility if that man disappears, would be wise to make sure he is using it if she is not. I can also tell you of cases where a woman wanted a child and lied to a man about her birth control usage.

    There *are* many reasons for single parenthood. But choice didn't use to be one of them, as it is now.

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  • http://toddrjordan.com/thebroadbrush tojosan

    Educational environments would seem like they'd just be 'taken care of.' Daily reports though from nationwide indicate the system is just getting worse.

    Resolving that isn't as easy as raising taxes and hoping. We've seen that here in Missouri. For me, I'd say the problem is our schools are being asked to do too much. One of our local schools wants to build a community pool, an olympic size on at that. They claim the neighborhood doesn't have enough places to go swimming. Asking price? 5 million.

    As for day care, that's abominable. In our neck of the woods, $1000/month isn't unheard of for one child. Your idea for Big Brother/Big Sister rocks. I've considered offering my time for this very thing now that my children are grown. Also, one of our local schools has a great after school program open to all ages and staffed entirely by volunteers. It's keeping some kids off the streets.

    Family friendly workplace? Now there's something that many companies don't get. It's only now that some local companies are allowing sick days for when your children are sick and must stay home from school. Many companies that even allow you that day off require you to take vacation. It's rare that a company lets an employee work from home. Still arguing for this to become the standard where I work.

    Can't help with time except to go back to the Big Brothers type path. Though play groups help a bit.

    Education is important though. So many folks think their skills are up to speed but could truly benefit from organizational and task management education.

    Motivation can be given a lot more than it is. Where we fall down as a society is that we're so busy discouraging bad behavior and 'protecting' ourselves that we fail to build up others. Even the church fails at this frequently.

    As for myself, I seek daily to encourage those around me in person and online. Chris does this daily as well. All said though, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Some folks aren't ready for help yet.

    Summary: I'm going to look into some mentoring opportunities for local kids.

  • http://toddrjordan.com/thebroadbrush tojosan

    @Chelpixie Great idea. How do we pitch *camps to more single parents looking for more income?

  • http://toddrjordan.com/thebroadbrush tojosan

    Library computes aren't enough I'd say. Ours are often booked solid when single parents might best be able to use them. What I'd love to see if sponsorship for a community facility with access to computers and free child care. Parents could register for access and not have the facility open to just anyone.

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  • snootyvixen

    I, too, am motivated to do something to help solve the problem in my community. We see more and more “latch key” kids getting younger and younger. More children running the streets unsupervised, and this combination is a recipe for disaster.

    The cost of child care can be debilitating, and can mean the difference between a single parent taking a job, or staying on welfare. When you factor in the cost of childcare for one or more children, the compensation for a “job” – at whatever level, is severely diminished, so many people find it easer to maintain the status quo and stay at home.

    The infrastructure of our communites is being undermined, as qualified people cannot, or do not, take on even entry level work. Imagine how strong our communities would be if everyone who was able to work could do so without the hinderance of exhorbitant childcare fees?

    Maybe it's time for this village to start raising some children!

  • http://therightmentorblog.blogspot.com/ Marjorie Bostwick

    I coach and mentor single moms and what I am finding is that most single moms want an opportunity to get further education and skills so that they can become more self-sufficient and independent. There are tons of Grants for going back to school, and most are not afraid of that journey. Others want to learn business skills so that they can become enterprising and change the course of their lives.
    Non-profit organizations targeting single moms are extremely helpful if they are focused on training and development. If they provide resources (monetary) then there should be accountability attached to it. And according to a survey I have sent out this past week to single moms, they are willing and open to these opportunities. Thanks Chris for spotlighting this issue.

  • lizzymagvire

    I disagree with you in this matter. My friend is single mother and she has two kids. She is owner of a boutique. And she is earning really well as well as managing both her personal and professional life. In fact single parent has more responsibility that's why they try to earn more to give comfort to their kids.
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  • http://cynthiacutright.wordpress.com/ Cynthia C. Cutright

    Kudos Cyndee. I couldn't have said it better myself.

  • http://chelpixie.com/ Chel Wolverton

    It's really a matter of finding the single parents that need help locally and finding sponsors locally and finding people who can really help single parents push the ball forward.

    My guess is finding them isn't all that hard (schools, shelters, food banks, etc). Finding people to mentor is a little tougher in my opinion. We all have something to teach but these parents need to learn things that can really help them. People like Whitney Hoffman and Lynette Radio come to mind.

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  • kenlenald

    Nanette, I have a similar situation, but from the other side. I'm a single dad, paying the child support. I am very fortunate that I have a great relationship with my ex and we share custody 50/50. Although “single parent” is associated with single moms, this isn't just a mother's problem.

    I live in the middle of the state (Worcester, MA) and find that the better paying jobs are out towards Boston. So now I have to juggle time and finances to provide for my daughter. To make ends meet, I also take on freelance work that I am able to do from home. But again, I'm squeezing it in when my daughter goes to bed, or working through the weekends.

    I think a solution here is to start from the bottom up. We need to raise the minimum wage to start. A radical thought would be to adjust the work week to 4 days…

    I also agree that workshops on budgeting/saving money would benefit single parents, but who has time to go to another meeting?

  • http://twitter.com/Verilliance Verilliance

    Somehow I missed this post. This is a topic very close to my heart. I could write a manifesto on it, and some day I just might. I am a single mother in Massachusetts, but I assure you the plight is the same everywhere. When I became a single mother, I was pretty confident that I could handle it all. Then I realized that having only one half of the parental unit did not cut expenses or chores by half.

    Not enough time to do it all, and not having the monetary resources to pay someone else to help are the two biggest enemies to single parents. Here are my tips to help:

    1. Better than charity, if you know a single mother, show up to help. Is there some way you could help while doing your own stuff? Like offer to swing by on Saturday and pick up her recycling on your way to the recycling center?

    2. Be there for the kids. The biggest thing I've learned from being a single parent is that I'm just not enough. Kids need lots of supportive people in their life, cheering them on at games, offering to teach them a skill, etc. Big Brother/Big Sister is great, but kids know that that person is doing it to volunteer. Go beyond that, and get to know the kids of your single parent friends and really be there for them. The rippling benefits of such connections is far reaching for everyone from the kids, to you, to the community.

    3. Single parents have to be “on” all the time. They don't have a partner to turn to and say, “you're turn, YOU deal with this one”. Every stomach flu, every toddler tantrum, every appointment, every everything is loaded on one person's shoulders and it's impossible to be on for every one of those events. Again, best way to help is to make friends with the kids, and be there for them. Give them another ear to bend, another resource to turn to when single mom or dad is run dry.

    4. It's been said, but guilt free nights off coupled with a gift certificate to a favorite type of event or self-care treatment would go a long way to keeping the emotional coffers full for all the demands of work and kids.

    5. Fight for and respect equal pay for equal work.

    6. Don't be afraid to think big and solve more than one problem at a time. Single mothers are stressed, the elderly are lonely. Why not create communities where single parents and the elderly can opt to live in a close area and live like an old-time extended family?

    There is so much to be done on this front, and some day when I make it, my first order of business will be to give my time, money and ideas to this cause. Right after my kids leave the nest and I take a well-deserved vacation. ;)

    Thanks for bringing this up!

  • bizchickblogs

    I'm a single mom and work for myself, like Cyndee. I am happy you posted this. I actually think that all of them can help. Not every single mom is alike. Sharing the same circumstance doesn't automatically mean sharing the same sort of help.

    I know this article focuses mainly on income. I know that for me, income isn't so much the issue as logistics and operations. I've seen communities offer help to single moms in the way of lending a hand in home maintenance, giving kids (and even moms) a ride to where they need to do, and of course, my favorite, Big Brother/Big Sister. I was a Big Sister before I became a single mom, and now my son will need to benefit from a Big Brother and I really hope we can still rely on that.

    Thanks for posting this. I came looking for blogging tips and found this. How cool. :)

  • http://twitter.com/cmonaco Carolyn Monaco

    Financial makeover guru Robert Pagliarini has a new book that inspires and gives tools to create more income and purpose using your “non” official work, sleep or parenting hours. Check out the book “The Other 8 Hours” here: http://www.other8hours.com
    As the central breadwinner in my family, I need the encouragement and extra help.
    A quick tool I just added per his book is xobni.com for my Outlook email and I'm feeling so much more productive.

  • http://www.rocknrealty.net Nanette Labastida

    in all seriousness – i really do feel like a survivor and i am proud of myself most of the time. and i wantd you to get another email Chris J :)

  • http://www.rocknrealty.net Nanette Labastida

    you are so right it's not only a mom's problem, every sitch is different, but i know my ex feels guilt for not being there, he has to figure out how to go on tour, write songs and make a living doing this to pay child support, he has to figure out how to make a harmonious home with a new wife and all the complications that go along with step-mom/step kid scenarios, he has to suffer the consequences of being the “less time parent' and therefore not as in sync maybe w/the kids needs or the emotions when they would rather be with me ect…

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  • http://www.rocknrealty.net Nanette Labastida

    i guess choice is also a reason to be narrow minded too

  • http://twitter.com/tinafortune Tina Fortune

    Chris, THANK YOU for speaking on this topic!

    What ways will YOU help? I am a single mom of 3 (13, 12, 6) and I founded a non-profit 501c3 Single Parent Assistance, Resources & Knowledge, Inc. to “Activate Confidence and Inspire Wisdom in the Single Parent Family. We are actively working to reduce the rate of poverty and successfully launch single parents into economic self-sufficiency.

    What can you give to the cause in the way of mentorship and outreach? I created dozens of workshops that I pitched to Women's Resource Centers, Homeless Shelters, Hospitals, Housing Authorities and the Mayor's Office in the city I live in. Our organization is also giving a one time gift to single parents once per year to ease their financial burden for one month.

    All of this and I work a FT career, I went from GED to earning a Master's and homeless to building my own home 2 yrs ago. Not to mention I am an African American 30 something single mom. Whatever we set our minds to do, “it” can be done! Thanks again Chris!!!!

  • annawoods04

    Thats really a very tough job for a single parent to survive in such a situation.Apart from a daily bread they also are responsible to provide them shelter which is comfortable for their growth, school they grow well in, food they like, clothing they like and apart from this there are other household responsibilities as well on their heads to be completed.

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  • http://www.lynetteradio.com/ LynetteRadio

    I for one would love to step up RIGHT NOW and offer a bootcamp for single moms/dads!! to get them on the fast track. In my offices in Trenton NJ & online. DONE DEAL. My mom is a single mom, and even now I'm working with her to 'reinvent' herself in a cruddy job market & get her going online and in business.

    NOTHING would make me happier than helping out and mentoring. I have the chops to do it – so I'm doing it!

  • http://www.bigjobsboard.com/ bigjobsboard

    I really think that single parents now should try even harder since everything nowadays gets more expensive than ever. Everything including school fees and food. I really think that single parents should be given attention by the government or if not given priority by employers.

  • drmom

    Wow. How freaking insulting are these proposals! You are going to send me to boot camp? Find me a mentor? I'm a single parent of two who receives no child support from my deadbeat ex. I have two master's degrees and a Ph.D. Boot camp? Really?

    You want to make a difference in my life? How about effective child support enforcement, affordable and flexible child care, and tax deductions equal to what a married couple would get? How about social security for my kids–the kind my widowed coworker gets because she was “lucky” enough to have her husband die? (Why isn't anyone complaining about giving her a handout?) How about simply inviting me and my kids to your social events every now and then? It's lonely, you know, when the married people avoid the single woman and the single folks avoid the kids. How about offering to babysit on a weekend evening so that I might have a night out?

    I'll pass, though, on your boot camp and if you'd like to assign me a mentor, please make sure that she's someone more accomplished than I am myself.

    • calmdown

      If you have all of those credentials, I’m assuming you make more than $68,000 a year. I think this article is referring more specifically to single moms who make less than that and who, according to the study, therefore don’t have enough money each year to properly support a toddler and a school age kid. You are obviously very fortunate to have received education that will get you good paying jobs, but there are a lot of single moms out there who live under very different circumstances. I’m sure getting invited to married couples’ parties is the least of their problems. Sure, some of the proposals may be insulting, but some of the help mentioned here would gladly be taken by other single parents.

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    I really think that single parents now should try even harder since everything nowadays gets more expensive than ever. Everything including school fees and food. I really think that single parents should be given attention by the government or if not given priority by employers.

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