November 18, 2009 68 Comments

Stop Humping My Leg

mouse humping Dear people trying to sell me on something new: stop humping my leg. You know what I mean. You’ve seen dogs do this, right? That’s what it feels like when you jump on me breathlessly to share your new product or service when you don’t really much know whether I’m the right guy for your services.

I was recently leg-humped at Web 2.0 Expo, by someone I like, and who I think is smart and has a lot of good potential. The thing is, I politely declined a demo, and he persisted. Immediately, I shifted to my back foot. I felt defensive. I rolled up my interest and tucked it away.

This is a relationship. Everything is a relationship. Even if it’s on the transactional side of the spectrum, it’s a relationship. Think of it that way. Think of the protocols of getting into the better parts of a relationship. Julien and I wrote Trust Agents as part of the antidote to doing this the wrong way.

Simply: If you hump my leg, you risk screwing yourself.

Photo credit Tanais Fox

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  • http://pageclub.com/ Robert Enriquez

    I wonder what you think is worse…

    Getting humped on the leg or having stick their tongue in your mouth lol

    Great post lol

  • http://twitter.com/LevelTen_Colin Colin Alsheimer

    I wouldn't want to be the guy you just referenced right now. Just goes to show, people don't like to be “sold”. There are better, and more rewarding tactics to take.

  • denvan

    Quote: “Simply: If you hump my leg, you risk screwing yourself.”

    Or looking silly…
    Or getting kicked….
    Or possibly emasculated…
    Or all of the above.

    Thanks for the vivid image Chris. I'll have trouble not picturing it next time I visit Radio Shack or a car dealership or a trade-show or any other place where bad commissioned salespersons dwell.

  • http://www.freebirthdaytreats.com/ JulieFBT

    Well put Chris! Hope people take heed and listen well to your wise words!

  • juliefbt

    Well put Chris! Hope people take heed and listen well to your wise words!

  • http://twitter.com/freedomlance Bethany Harris

    When did a polite declination become the new meaning for “I was just kidding, bug the hell out of me some more.”

    Good example of when persistence is taken to a whole new level.

  • http://www.g14productions.com/ Jeff Lofgren

    When speaking about what you do, there's definitely a delicate balance between enthusiasm and not know when to shut the hell up. I think, especially at conventions, people feel they have to go on the pitch offensive and sell, sell, sell without any concern for a real conversation.

    Definitely love the leg-hump analogy. When I arrive home tonight, I'll politely ask my dogs to stop trying to sell me something. I doubt it'll work, though

  • http://www.rastarongivens.com/ ron

    “Or looking silly…
    Or getting kicked….
    Or possibly emasculated…”

    And ultimately defenestrated….which is my new favorite word :)

  • http://BestSellerAuthors.com/blog Warren Whitlock

    I go to meet people, hear about their products.. but I shake of leg humpers immediately

  • denvan

    Nice. That 5-dollar word (I'd charge 3, but I'm a consultant) always reminds me of a poem from a Calvin & Hobbes treasury (below). And now it makes me wish I had a non-stuffed tiger to help me deal with leg-humping sales staff…

    (end of poem: Calvin to his tiger Hobbes)
    …
    HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CERTIN!
    YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!
    Suddenly the monster knows I'm not alone!

    There's an animal in bed with me!
    An awful beast he did not see!
    The monster never would've come if he had known!

    The monster, in his consternation,
    Demonstrates defenestration,
    And runs and runs and runs and runs away.

    Rid of the pest,
    I now can rest,
    Thanks to my best friend, who saved the day.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Thanks for the out loud snort your last few lines evoked.

  • http://twitter.com/SmokeJumper Brent Harrison

    Better leg hump than getting spit on: http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/01/28/some-thing…

    Reminds me of the wolf-humping scene Conan O'Brien inserted in the new Twilight movie: http://www.tonightshowwithconanobrien.com/video…
    See monologue.

  • http://familylovewine.wordpress.com Melissa Dobson

    Pushy, self-serving sales tactics are just plain “icky” and I hope they go away soon…for good. The Donnie Brasco, one of us approach is so much better for both parties in my experience.

  • http://twitter.com/MissyWard Missy Ward

    As with all dogs, your leg-humper likely has no sense of time either. It will be interesting to see if he tries to hump your leg again, the next time you see him.

  • http://33Charts.com/ DrV

    Perhaps this guy needs to be 'fixed'? Or perhaps the post took care of that…

  • http://www.jeffpersch.com JPersch

    It is the reason I was discouraged with my online presence. You may no know the whole story Chris, but you know alot of it. The person I was working with wanted me to sell the product to investors before he was willing to let anyone use. Even his own blog. I could not pitch “or hump legs”, in good faith to people something that we were not willing to put out in the open ourselves.

  • http://tekkbuzz.com Deborah Richmond

    The problem is all those years of sales training where we're taught to close close close. Don't be afraid to ask. Get three no's before you stop asking. Social media is changing all of that. We don't expect to be pushed as much as we used to. We expect them to build the relationship with us. So when the old methods of push push push are used, we notice and it's annoying.

    Know what I mean mean mean?

  • http://www.virtualitassistants.com/ Amber Whitener

    LOL, this sounds more like Julien wrote this post. No wonder you two mesh so well, on one hand you cater to the needs of the public (which of course boils down to making everyone feel special), on the other hand you have to then firmly (and there is no polite way to do this for some people) put them in their place. You can't have one without the other and succeed in this world.

    * Great representation on your image Tanais Fox :)

  • http://www.inbound-marketing-automation.ca/ Eric

    Chris;
    This to me is the classic difference between Outbound Marketing (Humping people
    s legs), and Inbound Marketing, where you put your lovely leg on display and wait for stray dogs to come round and hump it. (Oh dear, I think I just took this analogy a little far).
    But seriously, if you do display your wares online and do a great job of SEO, your prospects do show up on your website. And if you have done your homework and created your content to suit your keywords, the visitors stay, turn into named prospects (by giving you their name and email address), and then turn into hotter and hotter prospects until they become clients.
    So no need to wander around looking for a suitable leg – just sign up for an Inbound Marketing Automation solution. And I will resist the urge to display our url here, as being way to uncool in this comment.

  • Realtormike

    His desperation was coming through in the overbearing sales presentation, these are tough times for a lot of people and some sales men really NEED that sale. The view from his eyes was a lot different then reality.

  • Laura

    Thank you! Someone just tried to do this to me yesterday by dropping every bad social media catchphrase, and I still don't understand why I would partner with them on their site.

  • Mike O'Horo

    Great expression. Accurately captures the pitchman's self-centered, manufactured urgency and the receiver's visceral reaction.

  • Mike O'Horo

    Denvan: I'll suggest replacing “salesperson” with “pitchman.” Professional salespeople don't try to persuade. Instead, they help prospects make eyes-open, informed, self-interested, sustainable decisions. They pursue the truth, and recognize that there may be many reasons it might not be a good reason for this person to buy, reasons that have nothing to do with the merits of their product/service/solution, or their sales efforts. If too many people conclude that it's not in their best interest to buy, pros recognize that a) they're in the wrong market or b) they're not positioned properly in the right market.

  • denvan

    Got it. Duly chastised. Although in my defence, I did specify the *evil kind* of salesperson, and I changed the wording in my second comment to “pitch-persons”. But yeah, the leg-humping phenomenon occurs in boardrooms, client meetings, singles bars, anywhere an overly aggressive jerk-wad thinks he / she can talk their way into convincing you of something you're not really looking for.

    Funny. I just had a telemarketer call while I was writing this, and when I asked “what's this call about” he said “Are you the boss or owner”, then when I said, “that depends, what's this call about?” He repeated “are you the boss or owner?”

    And…

    GET OFF MY LEG!!! (defenestration)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Schechter/529575214 Michael Schechter

    I nearly fell over in my chair when I saw this headline :) Thanks for a well needed laugh and a very valid point.

  • http://www.socialcapitaladvantage.com/ Nicole France

    Great Post!!

  • http://smallbizinvest.wordpress.com/ Bizzie Tray

    People at conferences are the worst but even people sending emails and pitching need to realize you have one chance to pitch and then you get one follow-up. After that wait a few weeks and do one last quick message to them and if they don't respond or don't give you a solid answer then move on. Some people just don't know when to stop.

  • http://www.beastoftraal.com/ Karthik

    Leg humping…ha ha, I like the phrase – quite apt. We get many, many people leg-hump us on the phone, offering insurance policies, home loans and many other inane things…in India. Its grown to be a full blown menace, but I do feel bad about the person selling, on the other side of the phone…they're doing their job – just that they're not doing it right and not getting in touch with the apt person.

  • http://www.mikestenger.com Mike Stenger

    Had a laugh at this because you know we all get this at some point in time! Chris, I think some of the best advice for business owners is people first and profits second. It'll ease things around you quite a bit and then once you've actually built a good relationship with the person, they'll be much more receptive to whatever it is you're selling.

  • http://www.Guydz.com/moneypowerwisdom/ drmani

    Chris, you should license this post to EVERY author who writes on “joint ventures” or “relationship marketing” – and let them make it the foreword or introductory chapter to their book.

    I'm sure it will multiply the impact readers get from the rest of it!

  • michellegreer

    LOL funny post.

    My only thought is, “Did you take that photo or did you find it somewhere?” Because that is funny.

  • http://internetmarketermagazine.com Michael S. Copeland

    Chris,
    This is so very true. I mean I follow someone on Twitter and the first interaction with them, their first impression is: “Thanks for the Follow! I put a rock in a box for you, buy it before it dies! LINK”
    COME ON PEOPLE… That's really the quickest way to get an unfollow. #fail!

    I actually made a video about this a little while ago “How NOT to be social” http://bit.ly/2YDzX5 [Comedy]

  • http://twitter.com/fairminder Jim Spencer

    Chris I am just glad you were at a convention and not by the pool. (long pants provide protectio)

  • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

    Ron,
    We use that word all the time. Love it..from computers to people. Lol

  • http://www.zoombits.de/kabel Kristanna

    Something most people don't know but humping is a dominant trait. It's not always sexual. He's dominating you and all your guests. You need to step it up and become his pack leader. When he's humping you have to firmly say NO! and give him a command, sit, down, etc. You should also be walking him every single morning if you're not already. This will establish a bond between you and him and he will begin to respect and trust you more as his pack leader. People will say to get him neutered and I recommend once he's old enough to have him neutered but believe it or not that won't help. Female dogs hump too. It's usually because of dominance and you want to nip it in the bud ASAP!

    gifts for men

  • mariazero1

    You written really cool post. As you started from one point and then from that you goto next and at the end the real meaning reveal. It was like reading a suspense story.. Great style of writing I must say!!!
    last minute cruise deals

  • thomsinger

    A common mistake people make at conferences is the jump on the “celebrities” hoping to make a connection. This leg humper thought that the nod from Chris Brogan would change his life. But he did not realize that folks with the bit of “fame” get leg humped all the time and it is off putting. Plus, it is rare that anyone “sells” at a conference. Thinking that few minutes with someone will move them to buy is short sighted. He would have been better off building relationships (with you… or just random others in attendance) than trying to push his product at the conference. He suffers from premature product pitching, which just leaves everyone feeling disappointed.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I found it. If you click it, you'll see who really took it.

  • kat

    or
    maybe they are just really jazzed and excited about what they are doing?

    many social media folks seem kinda “unique” on the social skills side of things
    i don't think weird personal space issues and filters should even raise an eyebrow at this point
    and holy cats
    the people commenting sure told socially inept folks where the dog died
    phew
    who needs variants in the world of social?

    if you removed all the aspergers folks
    your industry wouldn't exist
    careful where that rolled up newspaper lands

    :)

  • http://www.RelationshipClassroom.com/ Sue Bates

    I am staring out with my online biz. What I get from listening to you is you are saying to just chill and get to know
    people. I really relate to the idea of getting to know people and SEE if they are someone who might be interested in what you have to say. It makes me relax more and enjoy the ride of meeting so many new people. How fun is that! Thx.
    Sue

  • http://bobbrill.net Bob Brill

    great qualifier @rosskimbarovsky on need for care and thought when hounding thought leaders to get attention for your startup http://bit.ly/4f3qA4

  • http://www.ColemanUnlimited.com/ Sonia Coleman

    My husband shared this post with me because we have been approached so often by well-meaning people selling pyramid schemes and “home businesses.” Even school kids now are sent out to “use” their friends and families to buy pizzas, popcorn, etc. as a fundraiser for their public, tax-funded school! I wish people would think about the value of their relationships before they hawk them for short-term “business opportunity.”

  • David

    I was so relieved to learn some years ago that it is about sorting, not persuasion. No matter the medium.

  • http://twitter.com/communitygirl Angela Connor

    Perhaps that person didn't realize how overbearing he was and felt that since you *did* like him, he could run with that. It may not have been malicious and he was probably not out to screw himself. Maybe I'm in a forgiving and understanding mood today because I know that times are desperate for some people. He may have been testing out his new “go-getter” approach and it just didn't worth that day. It may work on the next guy. Though I hope he did learn something from the exchange.

  • http://www.themightymo.com/ greg cryns

    I have not read the other comments yet, but I will say there are two ways to look at this.

    One of them is that the person may never ever have a chance to talk to Chris Brogan face to face again, forever. The person also probably knows that if he hands you his card then you are most likely to dump it into the circular file.

    I agree that it is counterproductive to be garish, but how else will you remember him?

    Example: I told my son's friend that the only way to get job in Hollywood is to crash the offices of the bigwigs. Most people find that offensive, especially the bigwig. But he took my advice this week. On the second walk in call, the boss said “You really gotta have balls to walk in on me like that!” He gave him the job.

  • http://www.g14productions.com/ Jeff Lofgren

    I live to serve, sir.

  • http://www.wasagabeachtalking.com/ Andrew Mckay

    I just say I will get the boss and leave them hanging on.

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  • http://carlweaver.com/ Carl Weaver

    Not much sells itself and I appreciate that everyone is trying to make money, but you nailed it here: “you don’t really much know whether I’m the right guy for your services.”

    I think it's okay to ask, maybe even try to clarify a position, but after that, no has to be a good enough answer. Getting to yes is not always the goal. Qualifying people as being the target market has to come first. If no isn't an acceptable answer, you have to rethink the question.

    Good post, Chris.

  • mattsnod

    Dear Chris,

    I hereby apologize for literally humping your leg at Web 2.0. I don't know what came over me.

    -Matt

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