Stop Talking About Yourself

arrows Check your last 10 blog posts, your last 10 tweets. Are they all about you. Are they all about your products, your services, whatever it is you’re pushing? How many are about you versus those that are about others (either directly about them or empowering them)?

I just went to a few blogs in a row to get a sense of it. Here are some of the ratios I saw, with self-referential in the left, and about others in the right:

* 9:1 (not saying who)
* 1:9 (my blog)
* 0:10 (Christopher S. Penn wins most selfless).
* 0:10 (Julien Smith is the same.)
* 1:9 (Brian Clark).

Those were just a few I checked out. Most were heavily weighted towards talking about others (though often citing examples from our own perspective). But when I go look at corporate blogs, and/or less focused blogs, the ratio changed a great deal.

How does your blog stack up? How do your tweets stack up? How much are you promoting others?

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  • http://www.kherize5.com Suzanne Vara

    Chris

    Not so sure what you mean here about blog posts. If we write a post and link previous articles in support of the new article is that talking about ourselves?

    Twitter – more about others than me. I like to tweet articles Iike and talk about the success of others as it makes me happy watching friends excel. Could be the mom in me as when Andrew does something it is never about how he was taught, it is that HE did it.

    Anyway, would love to hear more on the blog part …

  • http://BLOGitse.blogspot.com BLOGitse

    I learned from you – I love sharing! My personal life is not interesting but I post about the city life and daily life here in Cairo but never only me! me! me!
    There are lots of great photographers, artists etc. around the globe who I promote/support because I love their work.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    The point is that if you're writing about yourself, your events, your stuff, your material only, then you're missing some opportunities. You write about other people, your reactions of things, etc.

  • http://twittercism.com Sheamus

    I always recommend the 1:9 tweet ratio to clients on Twitter. For every one tweet you do about yourself, you need to be doing nine tweets about other people.

    Direct sales links should be closer to 1:19.

    For a blog, I think while that would still be an ideal it's a little different and very much depends on what you're actually writing about, who you are and what you specifically mean by 'about yourself'. You could argue a lot of your posts on here about yourself Chris, inasmuch as it's your reflections, experiences and expertise. That doesn't mean they're selfish or anything but educational, but it could still be seen to be 'about you'.

  • http://www.alexaispas.com/ Alexa Ispas | Creating Legacy

    Hi Chris, thanks for this blog post – food for thought. My blog is not about myself, but I'm realising that since starting a blog my social media interaction ratio has shifted somewhat into promoting it, whereas before it was mostly focused on promoting other people's stuff. I thought that since my blog is relatively new it could do with all the promotion it could get, but having read your blog post I'm realising that I need to go back to my original ratio, especially on Facebook and Twitter. Will definitely take action on that asap, many thanks for your advice.

  • johnlusher

    Great points Chris. I think you put into words something that many of us have thought; constant self-promotion get's old and misses other opportunities to promote others and listen to what others are saying. I have close friends and a team of peers that will make sure I do not do that, and I constantly ask them for that input. It's not about me, nor should it be.

  • philsimonsystems

    Chris –

    This is so true. I'm not sure if you saw this study by a few Rutgers' profs (props to NJ!), but it's a pretty neat read:

    http://news.rutgers.edu/medrel/news-releases/20

    Those that practice altruism are more influential than the narcissists.

    I'm actually thinking of writing about myself exclusively in the third person… :)

  • http://twitter.com/mmt Mehmet Perk

    This is a golden advice!

  • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

    While I fully understand your point, I have to disagree with you.

    I personally miss the way blogging use to be when people shared stories of their lives, families and what was going on in their daily lives. I MISS that.

    While I get that many people write blogs more for people to read then for themselves now that is never the approach I've taken. My blog has always been about anything that is on my mind and that includes what is going on in my life. I like that approach and wished more did.

    I still love all the great content I get to read from friends, but I also miss them sharing what is going on in their lives as well. I don't need a pitch, but I do want a peak into their lives.

  • http://www.devexpress.com/ Rachel

    >> “Those that practice altruism are more influential than the narcissists.”

    I really like that comment.

    I did the same as many others and went through my corporate blog (I don't have a blog of my own at this stage) and I had a ratio of about 4:6. In fact my last 5 posts have all been about other people/services/community offerings.

    Really interesting post Chris, thanks!

  • http://freelancewritinggigs.com Deb Ng

    I think yes and no? One thing that my readers tell me is that they come to my blog because I don't just write up some strategies and let them figure it out, I also add my own experiences, both positive and negative. They pefer the personal aspect and like that I've actually experienced what I talk about and go through many of the same things they do.

    I agree that we don't need to be spammy about what we do, but I feel that personal anecdotes and a more human point of view add unique perspectives to blogs.

  • http://www.jeremymeyers.com/ Jeremy Meyers

    I'm with you, CC. I think, however, that there's a way to be anecdotal with content without being egocentric. I'm going to try to include more personal stories when I blog, even within the framework of communications-related posts. Maybe there's a fear of getting 'too personal' or 'oversharing' somehow decreasing the value of the message? I think it really goes the other way.

  • julieroads

    I'm with you on Twitter – but I think the blog issue depends. For instance – with Brian Clark it makes perfect sense that he doesn't talk about himself because that's the brand. But with someone like Dooce or The Pioneer Woman – it's the stories about themselves that people tune in for. Is the difference corporate blog versus ??? blog? Maybe. (Male vs. Female? I don't think so, but I'll have to look into that one.) But I know that my most popular posts on my blog are when I tell a story about myself and people can relate and love knowing that it's not just them. They relish in the human sharing…

  • http://www.motionblurstudios.com/ motionblur

    I think this is sound advice, especially in the growing social media world we live in now. People generally become more engaged when they can relate to what they're reading. If the blog post is not necessarily about yourself, but geared towards the reader, their engagement in your writing will likely increase.

  • http://banannie.com/blog Annie Boccio

    I was going to say pretty much the same thing as C.C., so I'll just add a +1 here instead.
    I want to hear about the person behind the tweet, and as I get to know that person I become interested in what they are doing. Redirecting me to other people isn't nearly as interesting. Of course, constant self-promotion is just as boring. Just be human.

  • tonyfarley

    Nailed me. Next post will be about someone else!!!

  • http://blog.optimalupgrades.ca Elie

    My blog is mostly about others – I probably have some posts in there talking about me, but mostly I'm talking about subjects or other sites/people.

    Twitter is much worse. Most of my posts (but fortunately not all) are about my blog (a.k.a. myself). Now that you point this out, I'm going to be revisiting my Twitter strategy.

    Hadn't really thought about this before – thanks!

  • Kristin

    Chris, good reminder to keep in mind. Good to be unselfish; yet, if we do not share what is going on in our organization, how else would it get communicated?

    All about balance.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Okay, right. I should have pre-qualified (I often do) by saying that there are plenty of great personalized blogs where the person is every bit as important as the payload (yours, for instance).

    I guess I meant from the business point of view. I want BestBuy to talk about me, not themselves. : )

  • http://www.superiorpromos.com/ Promotional Products

    Chris,

    I have seriously learned so much from you. Thank you for this blog. I can't handle those that keep pointing to their own lives and accomplishments. Come on give me something universal, I wants prescriptive, not descriptive.

  • http://www.mattsnod.com mattsnod

    Agreed. While you're actually shooting 2:10 ;) I preach the 90-10 rule in that you should be talking about yourself (or your brand) only 10% of the time, and you should talk about others or your industry the other 90%.

    I think when done wrong, this is what prevents brands from being followed. It's better to elevate the discussion rather than yourself.

  • http://doughaslam.com doughaslam

    I knew C.C. would weigh in here as much of his content is very personal “me” stuff with no apologies. I also get, Chris, the need for the pre-qualification of what kind of blogs/content you mean- which is definitely not CC's stuff- and who should be concerned about being more selfless (more or less..?)

    So the idea is sound, but the mechanics don't work. As other commenters point out (I think Suzanne was pointing in this direction), the biggest value- the biggest differentiator- we have in our content is our point of view. So, in order to bring value you have to write about yourself. In order to be human, you have to put that in it.

    That does not denigrate your point of being more generous, but I would hate for people to take this as a black and white either/or approach to framing content.

    Anyone, that's MY thought.

  • http://adamhcohen.com adamcohen

    I agree with your post and a lot of the comments here, Chris. I think the subtle difference is the intent. If the intent is to promote (service, product, persona, whatever) then trust is earned (more effectively, anyways) with a ratio you prescribe. If the intent is to just share experiences, like some have alluded to, then it doesn't quite matter if those experiences are personal or not, right? In fact it does often characterize posts to make them more personal and real at times, but if the intent is to promote it can come off as smarmy, for lack of a better word..

  • http://twitter.com/thinkstrategy Mat Maynor

    Good points Chris. Many times I think it's just a “path of least resistance” issue. Of course, there are tons of self promoting individuals out there, but there are also just as many that write a lot about themselves because it's easy. Some people build their entire blogs around themselves and they are great, I'm thinking of http://thepioneerwoman.com or http://www.fatcyclist.com/ for example. Each of those blogs are primarily about the authors and they are absolutely hilarious. But, in the case of Ree and Fatty they are also very giving and write about and acknowledge others continually. So, as another commenter pointed out I think it's about the intent and focus of the content that is the issue. Corporate blogs are a whole other issue in my opinion and in most cases fail to do anything other than regurgitate corporate speak and ad copy.

  • http://www.ginevra.org/blog/ ginevra

    I think you need to be clearer. For the “dummies” in the audience.

    How do you mean talking about you? Aren't most blog posts/tweets opinions? Your opinion? Do you mean we need to reword everything to delete the word “I”? Might be cute… or annoying… to delete the word “I”, but I don't think you mean that. So how do you mean? Be less personal? Why? Don't talk about your own experiences? But that's all I know.

    Or do yo simply mean stop promoting yourself? (I'm not selling anything, yet). Stop boasting and skite-ing?

    Or something else?

  • http://twitter.com/RickCartwright Rick Cartwright

    Chris,
    This is so true. I did a short survey of a few of the corporate tweets that I follow. Many seem to have made an effort to 'participate' in new media but they are still broadcasting much like they did years ago. I know of a few that seems to believe that 'listening' for what people are saying about yourself and then 'talking' about yourself works. That is boring.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Rick

  • http://falconetti.com/ Dave Falconetti

    Funny, try an analysis on this post.

  • http://falconetti.com/ Dave Falconetti
  • http://www.chicagoliposuctionsurgeons.com/ Chicago liposuction

    Can't say I entirely agree with the “Stop Talking About Your Feelings”. When I feel strongly about something and I tweet it out I get pretty good engagement on twitter. I say it in the first place to engage people that agree with me or disagree with me. Those are the best conversations and my whole point for being there.

  • http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

    Are we looking at both blogs and tweets, or separately? Just, if it's blogs only, then your average is a wee bit higher than 1:9. From your last 10 posts, including this one, three are self-referential:

    * http://www.chrisbrogan.com/comments-from-101/

    * http://www.chrisbrogan.com/the-different-ways-i

    * http://www.chrisbrogan.com/thesis-wordpress-theme/

    Which makes it 3:9, or a third. For blog posts, anyhoo.

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  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Well crap. Then I'm even worse at it than I think. Thanks. : )

  • http://www.seesaw.typepad.com/ lizadiamond

    There must be something in the water this week. About sharing. Maybe I'm just aware of it. Copy blogger posted about being a good neighbor today. And…this is about me…I just ran a post about building better business through reciprocity. An idea whose time has come? Or are we all tuned into and spreading the meme?

    FYI I found your blog while I was doing research on WordPress Thesis.

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  • http://www.lookwhatmomfound.com Rob Babiak

    I agree to a point. My wife and I each write on the same blog which is a family blog with a review aspect. We talk about our family a goot bit but we do also speak about others. In regards to my tweets. I spend a good amount of time daily retweeting others and not pushing my stuff. Thanks for the great advise.

  • http://twitter.com/matt_deboard Matt DeBoard

    Chris, I think your overall point is right. If you're going to have a blog, and want it to be interesting, it needs to be something else than just another shameless marketing machine. It needs to have some interactive content. No one wants to read press release after press release, or constant talk about how awesome business is going.

  • rlhowser

    It's one thing to be so fascinated with ourselves, our lives or our businesses that we prattle on about nothing else, but the other extreme is no better. If all of our posts, tweets or whatever are merely promoting someone or something else, where's the real value in that.

    A third option is to have something of value to say. Some people seem to be able to post nearly every day and still come up with some fresh angle, even if it's the same point they've made several times before. But most “selfless” bloggers, seem to have nothing to say but “look what I found”. It just plays into the mainstream media argument that bloggers are nothing but content leaches, creating nothing of their own.

    If people have nothing of value to add to the conversation, maybe they shouldn't post at all.

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  • http://website-in-a-weekend.net/ Dave Doolin

    Very interesting as a very recent article I wrote was about my experience and my traffic results through a denial of service attack.

    That had to be my experience, I didn't have any data from other people.

    It fell a little flat. I thought it was all the charts, but I can see that the writing wasn't conducive to discussion.

    On the other hand, it's all good data, and I suspect it might get some search engine traffic. I'll certainly be referring to it again.

  • http://website-in-a-weekend.net/ Dave Doolin

    I reread this comment and realize, I'm talking about myself again.

    Here's one for you: Do find that talking to yourself, as I just did above, helps you figure stuff out? Or does it just lock in a bad habit?

  • briandonnelly

    Chris,

    I completely agree. I'm am soo guilty of this myself.

    But w/out sounding like a jerk. I tend to see A LOT of personal tweets on your Twitter feeds. Are you planning on changing that?

  • Zardoz

    Peter Shankman, Mr. Mirror, Mirror, on the wall….

  • http://www.bigjobsboard.com/ bigjobsboard

    The post is definitely true. Posting all about yourself seems so weird. Who in the world wants to know all about you, what you think and what you are doing. I think, the more you do that, the bigger are the chances that people will be tired of it.

  • rosa11

    thanks for the This is a golden advice

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