I’m sick of robots. Truly. Your automated direct message back thanking me for following you does three things exceptionally well:

1. Irks me because it’s a robot.
2. Annoys me because you ask me to click your junk.
3. Tempts me to go back and unfollow you on principle.

You don’t need to use robots to thank me and click on your stupid website. If you’re too busy to be an actual human on a social network, don’t join another social network. It’s okay. We understand. Lots of people think Twitter is stupid.

But if you’re going to stick around, maybe reconsider the robot thing. Please? The only robot I ever liked was Wheeepony, but Twitter killed him (to make glue?).

If You’re Sticking Around

Here are some thoughts for you, should you decide you want to spend a little time on Twitter and hang out with other humans.

• Follower count doesn’t matter. What matters is who you follow.
• Instead of answering “What are you doing?”, answer “What has your attention?”
• Conversations are way better than “new blog post” tweets.
• Share the good stuff when you find it. (Hint: your blog isn’t always the good stuff.)
• If it feels like too much work, you’re either doing it wrong, or maybe you don’t need to be here.
• The best folks to follow on twitter is highly subjective. Use Twitter search to find the folks who might think like you.
• Twitter is a communications platform (like a phone). It’s not a marketing channel. It’s a phone that can be used like a marketing tool, if that’s your angle.
• It’s an opt-in platform. Use it however the hell you want. If we don’t like it, we don’t have to see it.

So there. Let’s not bring robot behavior to Twitter. Okay? We already have voicemail and email autoresponders. Maybe just let the follow go unacknowledged. That’s okay, too. What service are you doing me by direct messaging me sending me your links? It goes back to my “putting your tongue in my mouth” analogy.

Thanks. Now stop.