This is every bit as much business as it is nicety. You can be kind because it’s the right thing to do, but if you’re a business person of any flavor, think about all that I’m going to share with you. Because it matters. And those people who are getting by WITHOUT being human in person aren’t going to last all that long in the longer run.

Here are some ways to think about it.

Lead by Being Inclusive

If you see me at a conference, I’ll be the guy with my hand out, shaking with someone and trying to lead them into my little circle of friends, to see if there’s someone you’ll find something in common with amongst the group I’ve gathered together. Why? Because not only do I want to welcome everyone in, but because by adding your brains and fresh eyes to the circle I’ve gathered, it means that there might be even deeper connections that YOU can take and do something with later. I never meet someone that I don’t almost immediately think about someone else they should get to know.

Yes, it’s because I’m a natural connector (Julien and I call this “Connector X” in our six main traits of Trust Agents writing), but it’s also because it’s a great way to get everyone talking at an event. Further, it’s social proof that you’re someone who cares about others. It means that somewhere in your head, you think, “Hey, Chris welcomed me in and I immediately felt like I could approach him.”

THAT’s what you’re looking for, right? You want people to feel that they can approach you in case there’s an opportunity for either side. It means that you care enough about people to invite them into the game. Should you ALWAYS do this? No, there are some exceptions where something is private, but at a conference? Find ways to be inclusive. You can steal private time later.

Make YOUR Introduction Brief, Then Ask Questions

Here’s where you can pick up ground really fast, and where we tend to fall down easiest. Say who you are, and give a firm handshake (or a hug), and make eye contact. Yes, this is SO hard if you’re shy, but if you practice, it gets easier (or it doesn’t – dispute me in the comments, and/or offer your strategies). And then, just say who you are and what you do (or what you’re passionate about, or what you seek the most at the event). Follow this almost immediately with a question that gives the spotlight to the other person (or AN other person in the circle). “How are you finding the conferece?” or “What do you do with the other hours in your day?”

Your questions are where it gets a bit tricky. If you can, come up with a few that are different than “what do you do?” Having a unique question often leads to a unique conversation. Imagine the responses to these:

• Did you ever win an award for something?
• Where’s a fun place you’ve visited before?
• How do you hope attending this event (or this meeting, or whatever) change your life?
• What’s your irrational fear? Mine is of sharks. (It helps to give them yours first before they have to answer.)
• If I gave you two million dollars, how would you spend your hours a few months from now?

In all cases, the answers might tell you something about the person. They certainly say a lot about you who’ve offered them up. And, most importantly, they give the other person a chance to talk about themselves.

What naturally happens next is that they want to know more about you. If they don’t, you’ve just learned the other person’s level of self-absorption, at least at that given moment. I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed with meeting lots of new people in a row, and sometimes at those times, I don’t do so well with this one. (We can only try.)

To Avoid: Patting Your Own Back

Even in third party form, “Wired Magazine says I might well be the next William Gibson,” it still sounds like you’re a toolbag calling yourself awesome. Don’t do it. Can I be simpler?

It’s a fine line between making sure someone knows what you’re capable of doing versus hearing your impressive credentials. How do you tell them that your blog is in the top 15 of the Cthulu Society of Charles Dexter Ward without sounding like a braggart? The best way is with a third party present. If you can’t find a way to do that, try your hardest to keep your credentials brief and simple.

Say something more like, “I’m really passionate about H.P. Lovecraft and that’s where I’ve made most of my friends online. People in that community can vouch for me.” It’s like the 3rd party credential above, but doesn’t deliver the payload of bragging.

How Third Parties Help

Another way to make this go a lot smoother is to have a social “wingman” present. Not exactly in that slimy way that guys use to try to pick up girls in bars, but similar in how it gets done. If you meet someone in a social setting with a friend there, that friend can often pay the kinds of compliments or offer the kind of advice that you can’t say about yourself directly. I LOVE talking about other people at social events to a new person.

“This is Jason Falls. Not only is he the social media side brand guy behind Jim Beam, Maker’s Mark and all these other cool brands, but he’s really breaking the mold in how to build relationships using online tools.” That lets the other person know that Jason rocks, that I endorse him, and that there are a few hooks for next steps in the conversation.

You can do this in situations where you don’t much know the newcomer in a different way.

“This is Michael, and we’ve really only just met. What I like most about him so far is that he’s quick to laugh, knows a lot about music, and seems genuinely curious about our space and how to make the best connections.” Notice that I haven’t exactly endorsed him, but I also haven’t damned him. It should give the subtle hint that I’m not really decided on him, but he doesn’t seem like an axe murderer.

A Point of Etiquette

There’s actually a proper way to introduce people in more formal settings. You’re welcome to correct me if I get this wrong, because it’s one of those “stalactite/stalagmite” things in my head.

When you introduce two people, it’s customary to introduce the lesser-known or junior person to the senior person. If I introduce my wife to the President of the United States of America, I’d say, “Honey, I want you to meet Mr. Barack Obama.” (Or that other guy with Sarah Palin.)

As a twist to this, in social settings where we’re all peers, I tend to like to introduce the newer person to the person I’ve known the longest. So, if I introduce someone to Liz Strauss, I’d say, “Dave, you’ve gotta meet my good friend, Liz Strauss. She’s a great community builder, and someone who cares about helping bloggers build businesses. When I have questions about community, Liz is who I ask.”

How This All Adds Up

if you think making connections at events isn’t a part of your business, I’m a bit worried for you. Here’s a secret I only share during speeches (but I think we can keep it between us, right?): businesses are made up of people. There, I said it.

The impression people get of you has to do with many factors, but of those, the ones you can handle the most are the ones you might consider working on for upcoming events and social opportunities. All the work you do online doesn’t add up to much if you can’t leave a good and lasting first impression in person.

So what do you think? Did I miss anything? Would you have other ideas to offer? How do you work at the avoiding the “me game?”

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Three Types of Meetings

First, realize that for most businesses, there are essentially three types of meetings:

• Announcement meeting
• Status meeting
• Brainstorm meeting

These are in order of how fast they should run, and/or how interactive they should be.

Announcement Meeting

An ANNOUNCEMENT meeting should be super fast, and is reserved for announcements that you want to make in person to the team. You might use this to announce funding, to announce the addition of a new key employee (and at a startup, EVERY employee is key), or to announce a major shift in direction. It should have one speaker (two max), and doesn’t require much in the way of social media, except that you might consider videotaping the announcement (either for future use in documenting the company’s experiences, or as potential YouTube press release material).

Status Meeting

A STATUS meeting should be reasonably quick, and it’s a chance for all teams to be heard from. However, it’s not for discussion. Instead, the project manager calling the meeting (and at a startup, lots of people get to play project manager) should have gone around ahead of the meeting to get the status. Get all the conversation out of people by hearing them fully OUTSIDE the meeting.

Then, at the meeting, the person who gathered status merely announces that she’ll be running down the current status. Mention the department or person, give their very brief status message, and move on to the next person. It’s not a time for discussion. If someone wants to open up a discussion, interrupt as politely but as quickly as possible, and state that we can talk after the meeting, but the first and foremost part of the meeting is to run down a status.

Social media and Internet tools that are useful in meetings include a wiki for simple note taking, or perhaps an internal blog might be the better tool for that job. (What do YOU think?) You might use a tool like Utterz to record the status meeting, and team members can listen to the status directly after the fact.

Brainingstorming Meeting

A BRAINSTORMING meeting is probably the most open-ended and least simple to run. In these meetings, you’re asking people together to discuss open-ended futures. This should be clearly announced at the beginning of the meeting (as well as in the invite), so that people know it’s going to be a conversation and not a quick in-and-out.

Some things to make a meeting like this run better: lay out the goals and end-points so that people know what they’re aiming towards. When discussions get too tangential, help people back towards the goals and endpoints. Another tip would be to have one person outside the brainstorming flow with an eye on the time, and also a notion of the goals, so that he or she can guide people back onto the targets at hand.

Social media tools that are useful at brainstorming sessions are a mindmapping tool like Mindmeister, which captures free form ideas in a visual way, and can be later shared in a variety of methods. Other tools for brainstorming could be a shared tumbleblog on Tumblr, where people can clip in various bits of information to share what their vision of a project can be. Need visuals? Don’t forget Flickr for finding photos to use internally for the discussion (be mindful of their Creative Commons status).

Tips for ALL Meetings

The purpose of meetings is to get more than one person into informational alignment. In some cases, that’s asking for information. In lots of cases, that’s doling out status. Here are some tips for every type of meeting you hold:

• Brevity is your friend. Meetings over 1/2 hour are evil.
• Start on time. Finish on time. Meetings that wait for late people get later each time.
• The boss isn’t the boss of the meeting. If it’s your meeting, be firm, polite, and firm.
• Copious notes aren’t a virtue. Understanding next actions are a virtue.
• Every idea needs an owner. If you come up with what has to come next, the NEXT thing you do is find out who owns it, and when, roughly, they will accomplish their task.
• Some meetings are just well-worded email messages and an updated project plan, meaning NO meeting necessary. Trim where you can. People loathe meetings, and the people who love them usually have something wrong with them.

Brief Note for Participants

If you are a PARTICIPANT in meetings, most of what I’ve told you can’t help. However, pointing the person who runs meetings to a post like this one, or several posts over at Lifehack.org is certainly one way to get people thinking about how they run their meetings.

Your Ideas

What are some of your ways for coping in meetings? How have you used social media combined with meetings? Have you ever shown a podcast or a videoblog as part of your presentation materials at a business meeting?

Give us your status!

The Social Media 100 is a project by Chris Brogan dedicated to writing 100 useful blog posts in a row about the tools, techniques, and strategies behind using social media for your business, your organization, or your own personal interests. Swing by [chrisbrogan.com] for more posts in the series, and if you have topic ideas, feel free to share them, as this is a group project, and your opinion matters.

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Photo credit, flgr