I’ve started off this year actively pursuing an important part of my “kings” guiding words. One of my goals was to connect with more people who matter to me. At CES in Las Vegas, I spent a little time with Kris Smith, Marsha Collier, John Jantsch, Betsy Aoki, Tim Street, Steve Rubel, Bryan Rhodes, Lindsay Maines, Chris Brown, Rohit Bhargava, Alexis Rask, Ross Martin, Kenny Miller, Jeff Pulver, Jeffrey Hayzlett, and so many more.

I did this somewhat differently than usual. I worked my hardest to make time for as many people as I could who mattered to me, so that I could make some kind of personal touch to reinforce our relationship. This meant having a moment to chat comics and business with Justin and Eric from Coffeehouse. It meant watching demos with Ken Kaplan and Bryan Rhodes at Intel, and playing around with the new Bloggie video camera with Sukhjit from Sony. It meant getting into the AMEX Open booth (disclosure: I write for them), and sharing ideas on who’s a big thinker with Steve Rubel.

I love meeting new people. I’m always happy to talk about social media and writing and whatever else with folks. But I skipped every party except for the Las Vegas Hilton tweetup, because I knew that it wouldn’t be a value to stand around in a loud club, drinking and mostly just nodding my head while not really hearing what you were saying. Instead, I spent time learning from smart people who will fill me with ideas that I can share with you for your business goals.

I’ve also decided to stop using the phone as much as possible. Phones, Steve Rubel was telling me (and I forget who told him) make it so that someone else is setting your day’s priorities. That’s one problem. The other is, I’m in different time zones all the time. I’m on planes all the time. I have a bad memory, so things we agree about on the phone don’t always get written down. I’ve shifted a lot of that into Google Wave ( my new love).

To deepen our networks, we have to do a few things, and some of them aren’t exactly easy or simple to execute.

To Deepen Your Network

• Devote two hours a week to this effort. If, out of the 60 hours an average person works, you can’t find two for this, reconsider how you’re running your day.
• Pick small groups of like-minded people that you want to stay in touch with. List them in some way (in your contacts, on a spreadsheet, in a Twitter group – maybe all of those).
• Think the following whenever thinking about this group: “you are important. I care about you. I want to help you grow.”
• Reach out to these people once a week, if you can. Try not to make it about nothing, but do keep in touch, even if it’s in small clumps (I’m using Google Wave for that).
• Keep their names close at mind for when someone mentions they need/want some kind of help. I made two referrals in one meeting to people I think will appreciate them.
• Keep abreast of these people’s news via Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter. Check in from time to time. Congratulate them on their success, and commiserate with them over their failures.
• When attending events, make SOLID plans to connect with the people attending that you want to deepen a relationship with (Jeff Pulver taught me all I know about planning my experience at events. I fail this sometimes, but he taught me well).
• When possible, find these people opportunities. Do the groundwork instead of asking how to help. (Want to know the king of this? Tim Sanders, author of Love is the Killer App).
• Remember to devote more time to these people who will enrich you than you do to less useful pursuits. You choose how you spend your time and attention. Make this an investment.
• Share the results of these rich interactions with your larger network in other one-to-many ways.
• Repeat. Always.

Both Julien and I think 2010 is the year people start paying much more attention to their networks. Part of my 3 words for 2010 is “Kings,” and part of how I’m describing that is to remind myself to spend more time with kings (and queens) who matter to me. Though your mileage may vary, I believe that people who work to deepen their networks instead of add numbers will find the best yield and value in coming years.

What say you?

Once, at an event in late 2005, the CEO of a very up-and-coming company met me at a conference. I shook his hand and told him how much I loved his company, and how his efforts had really changed the way I looked at the tech space, and media making in general. He sniffed, said thanks, and asked what I do. I didn’t have a great answer at the time, and he sniffed again, and moved on, not that interested in me. I remember how much it bothered me, that I’d given him a very warm compliment and that he responded coldly. (This could happen online without either of us knowing it, but in this case, it was face to face, and he could’ve been a lot more polite.)

Two years later, his company was sold for pennies on the dollar and I was deep into my own career. He knew my name by now, knew what I represented, and found himself needing my support for a project that was important to him. I smiled briefly at the request, and then, I did what I would always do: I offered to help.

This one can’t be faked. This one isn’t something that many companies can pull off. This whole idea, that communities are powerful, either is or isn’t at the core of your belief system. And I know within a few sentences of talking community with people what side of the fence they’re on. Some see “community” as synonymous with “group I can milk for my profits.” I know about you, too.

But oh, the people who live for community, the ones who know that the human-shaped web is much more powerful in the longer run than any technology out there today, those are the ones to watch. If you run across someone who feels that strongly about community, and who knows what to do with those feelings (because remember: execution is everything), make friends, build a relationship at once, and work forward into what you can do together.

Community is at the very core of everything I’ve done successfully since I started. Every time I find a way to involve a circle and then grow that circle, I learn another way that people can win over systems. I learn of other currencies of exchange (like bartering) that convey with them much more than just a simple transaction (what’s the difference between doing a favor vs paying for a service?).

And community is also not a lot of things. It’s not static. It’s not single-minded. It’s not an unending resource. It’s not self-sustaining. It’s not orderly.

Think about this. Decide whether your projects and your goals and your worldview revolve around community (or more realistically, many communities) and then whether you understand how to work with that force for your own goals and aspirations. Is community part of your vocabulary? Is it in your blood? And how will you interact with the systems and forces that make a community?

Oh, and thank you for being part of this community. It matters to me. YOU matter to me.

At a private dinner last night with Jeff Pulver, I was struck by the realization that he’d assembled quite a who’s who of people you probably don’t know especially well, but should. Were I to have a bit more time, I’d stuff this with links. Instead, perhaps you’ll indulge me and Google some of these people. There was MTV’s Kenny Miller, New York Emmys man and author Shelly Palmer, long standing Internet veteran Howard Greenstein, several CEOs from various telcoms and startups, someone from the Department of Defense, a bevy of mommy bloggers, including Katja Presnal, and of course the famous Geo Geller.

At another event, I ran into David Berlind from Techweb and Information Week. I spent some time with Ann Michael, with Charlotte from Publisher’s Weekly, and earlier in the day, I met (but have yet to have a private conversation with) Cory Doctorow. I feel like I met many important people (and if I didn’t list your name, this isn’t a phone book, but I still love you, too).

Where I’m going with this, and what’s on my mind is this: we are now afforded the opportunity to be microfamous. I met Christina Katz, also know as The Writer Mama, and the rest of the evening, people knew who she was and mentioned that we’d met earlier in the day.

We have this distribution mechanism, this platform, this potential to share ideas that matter, that brings us a further opportunity.

But fame isn’t trust, and the real goal, in my estimation, would be to develop trust, build relationships, and earn the attention of people in our circles of interest. That’s what matters.

So for anyone kind enough to call me famous, I appreciate the mindset, but I’m hoping to be trusted, respected, and to be worthy of your time. That’s my daily goal.

What about you? Many of you are microfamous too, aren’t you? Admit it. It’s not bragging. What’s it mean to you? For those of you who feel (know!) they’re not YET microfamous, does it matter? Would you rather trust and attention?

Like I said, just notes. But I need you to think about it with me. Will you help?

Your Network: The Old Days

In the way old days, your network was your family, your neighbors, your coworkers, and a few scattered others. You lived reasonably close to some number of these people, and they knew your comings and goings as intimately as a Facebook news stream. These people knew you when you were a foolish kid, and knew that you weren’t very good at math, but that you were a hard worker. If you needed help with something, you could reach out by mail, by phone, by “asking around.” It took a while, but usually someone could find something.

Your Network: The New Days

Several of your “friends” aren’t that. They’re more “friendlies.” They agree to be part of your network. You can reach more people than ever before. They’re all over the world. They have different roles, different networks of their own. It’s exponential the difference in the combined sum of what these people know. They might not know you the way a cousin or Junior High School teacher would say they know you, but they are willing to do some level of information sharing with you.

What Do I Mean By Network?

The idea of a network is just that it’s a connection of things that form something larger in sum. Networked computers mean that you can access some resources back and forth and communicate. Social networks (in the software sense) mean that the software makes a connectivity between users. Networks in the human sense mean that we have chosen to align ourselves in some form or fashion around common beliefs, goals, values, etc.

Organized religion works on the power of networks. So do labor unions. So do governments. Business is ultimately about networks of one kind or another.

What Can A Network Do?

Networks are about sharing resources. It’s the same for computers, social networks, human networks, and pretty much all kinds. Thus, if you’re looking to build a good network of people, sharing has to be the common link. Networks can help someone raise money quickly. They can direct lots of attention at the same point. They can help someone find a job. They can elect government officials. They can shift power and resources seamlessly.

Not a Numbers Game, Or Is It?

I think some of the value of a network comes from its numbers.

In social networks, I’m fortunate to have a reasonably good number of “friends.” Partly, this is because I’ve been fortunate to attend a lot of conferences, and I’ve been diligent in meeting lots of people. Partly, it’s because I publish a blog. Partly, it’s because I do a lot of work to link things together to FORM networks by inviting people to certain social networks, to accept requests from people, to build out the digital structure of such things.

Some quick tidbits:

• I’m not in any way a “collector” of friends in social networks. At this point, I say yes to most anyone trying to connect, but I don’t gather.
• I don’t believe in the “rule” that some use that one must “really in real life” know someone before accepting them as a “friend.”
• I don’t build networks to market. I’m not a marketer. I build networks to be helpful, and to deliver value in both directions.
• I think the key to it all is: “more hands lighten the load.”

Tips on Building Valuable Networks

Quick definition of “value:” I don’t mean money. I mean the ability to deliver and receive information, help, and further development (of networks, information, capabilities).

I can only tell you what I believe has worked best for me. I imagine your mileage may vary. I hope others add their own ideas on building networks in the comments.

• Be friendly and inclusive. When I go to conferences, I look for the fringe players, the people who aren’t well known, but who are interesting. Sometimes, these turn into amazingly wonderful connections.
• Treat “big names” like real people, and oddly, they treat YOU like a real person. This comes in handy later, when you can be helpful.
• Seek to be helpful. Always. The more you can do for others, the more that wheel comes round, should you find yourself in need.
• Connect. Connect. Connect. Help others find each other. Connect people with other people as often as humanly possible. This keeps flow moving, and it shows that you’re into sharing.
• **BEWARE** network leeches. Occasionally, in trying to form communities of useful and sharing people, someone comes along who needs, needs, needs. Learn how to cut that sort away from your network. It’s not rude. It’s not elitist.
• Diversity and opportunity are great ways to build something more interesting. Homogenous networks are only useful in a narrow scope. Meaning: meet lots of good people from lots of walks of life. You never know.
• Say thank you. Often.
• Do as much as you can, and then offer to help connect them to even more help, if you can.
• Be as timely as possible. Help isn’t much help if it’s too late.
• Never take credit. Always assume responsibility. Be as humble as you can muster.
• Give often and long before you ever have to ask for something for you.

Social Networks and YOUR Network of Value

One last point before I ask you for your ideas: the power of all these social software applications is that they empower us to communicate rapidly, in a one-to-many format, and along the lines of our networks of value. To that end, be sure to use this to accomplish your goals. Make sure you know the size and depth of your personal database. Make sure your contacts and connections are well connected through these digital tools. Try to build them all such that you can respond quickly to people’s needs, and that you can reach the edges of your network, and help others extend out to theirs, so that everyone may take full effect of that work.

And don’t be evil. (Easy, right?)

I consider your participation here a value of my network. The fact that you come and share your ideas and insights is wonderful to me. I’m not always nearby a computer to respond back to every comment, but I read everything you say, and I LOVE when someone in comments communicates to someone else, and when you go off and blog your own take on the original idea that takes it in another direction. Thank you for this. I’m forever grateful.

And now, what do you think? What have I missed? What are other ways to keep a network strong?

The Social Media 100 is a project by Chris Brogan dedicated to writing 100 useful blog posts in a row about the tools, techniques, and strategies behind using social media for your business, your organization, or your own personal interests. Swing by [chrisbrogan.com] for more posts in the series, and if you have topic ideas, feel free to share them, as this is a group project, and your opinion matters.

Get the entire series by subscribing to this blog, and subscribe to my free newsletter here.

Photo credit, Jared