February 26, 2010 277 Comments

The Assault On Anywhen

hear no evil **UPDATE: This isn’t CLIENT communications. This is friends and colleagues.** I’m frustrated. I just spent about 20 hours without connection to the web. No email. No Twitter. No blog comments. No nothing. The technical reason was that my flight was seriously delayed, then held in the air, and then when I got to the UK (where I write this), I learned that neither of my phones is GSM-enabled, so I’m without communications technology.

But none of that is why I’m frustrated.

I have SEVERAL emails from people complaining that they didn’t hear back from me. In most of them, it was within 24 hours of the original mail. In other times, I hadn’t been in touch and it was okay that they nudge me. But the ones from within 24 hours. Seriously?

This Has to Stop

None of us are performing surgery (unless you are). You’re not calling me for the antidote to a poison. We MUST police ourselves about our sense of urgency. What happens, and I can be guilty, is that when WE need something, we push for it, not really taking into consideration the other side of the equation. So instead of just ticking something off our list, we come off as insistent and insensitive to other people’s situations.

How I Am Going to React

I’m saying no. I’m going to say no to a BOATLOAD of things I’ve originally said yes to, simply because I’m very frustrated. I can appreciate your need to get things done. I can appreciate your wanting to include me. But I can’t be held to a 24 hour clock.

We’re Ruining Anywhen

Anywhen: the problem the Internet solved. I’m blogging this at 4:38AM eastern time. It’s 9:38AM UK time. You can read this anyWHEN. See the beauty of it?

(AnyWHERE is what telephones solve. Get it?)

But when we have everyone held to urgency and time locks, we’ve ruined Anywhen. And I am a citizen of that world. I am an Internet person who is being pushed to constrained time, and I think I’m done.

(Mind you, I’m severely jet-lagged, had a really really bad day of travel, and haven’t had access to the net for a while, so I’m also a bit over-reactive.)

But please, can we please lose our addiction to urgency? Because I’m in a serious mood to defend AnyWHEN vigorously.

Photo credit Cl@re Bear

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  • http://twitter.com/PeterFaur Peter Faur

    One of my biggest joys in leaving corporate life is that I'm freed from the ball and chain of the Blackberry. I have several clients now, but so far, none has tried to draw me into that vortex of “I just sent you an e-mail a minute ago. Why haven't you answered?”

    I agree, Chris. We can all make life saner for each other by throttling back just a tiny bit.

  • http://socialdeviants.blogspot.com/ janet

    i hope you're getting some sleep as i write this. your family. your health. they are first. always. the rest of us can take a number. respect.

  • tonyfarley

    Right On Chris! I totally agree. I'll take a week sometimes to get back to someone with a questions or query. I'M THINKING! Can a guy think? Most of the biggest mistakes I ever committed to were quick ones.

  • http://twitter.com/webby2001 Tom Webster

    Between this and your “double-tap” post, Chris, I think what you are telling your audience, followers and prospective clients is…this stuff doesn't scale.

  • http://socialdeviants.blogspot.com/ janet

    oh, and nice pickCl@reBear

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Isn't that pic perfect for it?

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Not exactly. What I'm saying is that we're confusing access with urgency.

    • http://twitter.com/webby2001 Tom Webster

      True, the always-on, real-time web spoils some, is problematic for others. Really highlights the need for quality filters, though, to prevent one damn thing after another from becoming every damn thing at once :)

      Stay sane.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Speedy turnaround is great for client work, but when it's expected for EVERY conversation, that's a problem.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    That's just it. I've never been here before. My iPhone worked everywhere, but my Droid didn't.

  • http://www.koamedia.com Bert Jackson

    Hmmm, perhaps this would be a good lesson to those who “need” you so badly to follow some Bro-advice and jump on Twitter and follow thee. I am not a client but via Twitter I knew you were on the ground for an extended period of time (two movies, or was that another flight?) and I knew that you would be out of touch for quite some time. PurpleCar made a good point about the shift from business to personal relationships. That cuts both ways. If the client expects a “personal” relationship, they need to take a “personal” interest in you. They have the tools and the opportunity. If they are client, one presumes they have been given the knowledge as well.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I totally had to reply. This is a great comment. And I'm not mad just for myself. I'm using my experience to explain something I feel we're all doing. N'est pas?

  • Anonymous

    Chris,

    I LOVE the phrase “The Assault on AnyWhen!” Brilliant! one of my favorite phrase when someone is pushing me into a corner is, “Well, if you absolutely need to know now, the answer is ‘no’.” It’s amazing to watch people backtrack…”take all the time you need” and “no hurry”. …and the placid waters of AnyWhen return!! =)

  • http://twitter.com/whatsnext BL Ochman

    Amen Chris! As far as I can tell, few of us are performing pediatric heart surgery, so the idea that everything we do is urgent is simply nuts.

    you have inspired a blog post, coming up.
    and thank you for saying this out loud.
    BL

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    My Third Tribe frustration is slightly different. I'm annoyed that haters sit around and hate instead of trying to fix things.

  • cherylridgeway

    I'm a first time commenter here on your blog and I find myself feeling the same way you do. I am a small business owner (photography business) and work with my husband…you think you are frustrated. Ha! Anyway – Amen, Brother Chris. People expect things now and while I am somewhat like that by nature I understand that I am not the only person in this universe. Hang in there and I hope your flight back is uneventful.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I've been working hard since August to stop touching my phone all the time. Julien got mad at me for it at an event, so I'm being good.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    It's a good question, Michael. Maybe I should clarify that I put my clients first. My inbox is full of requests from non-clients. Clients come first quite often.

    But everyone else?

  • http://principlesoffailure.blogspot.com/ SHerdegen

    Couldn't be more right. Just because it's possible I'm online the same time you are doesn't me I always will be.

    Let's decide on a reasonable expectation of response times and give each other that courtesy.

    (Besides, anyone who was following you on Twitter knew what was going on. If they're so urgent to hear back from you, shouldn't they at least check the status updates you're sending to THE WORLD?)

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    That seems to be true. Thank you for that perspective, Rob.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I'm having a blast in the UK. I seem to be very lucky. Everyone usually talks about the jetlag, but so far, so good. : )

  • http://socialdeviants.blogspot.com/ janet

    yes. i want to make it my permanent “do not disturb” sign ;)

  • http://jenfongspeaks.com Jennifer Fong

    HUGS.

    I used to be the CEO of a toy company, and we had a saying in the office: There is no such thing as a toy emergency.

    The immediacy of online contact has skewed for us a normal understanding of how long things take. My colleague, who is near retirement age, doesn't have (or want) a mobile device, and can take days to answer an email. And people get used to it. Maybe he has the right idea.

    Safe travels!

  • Regina Collins

    I agree with you 100%. The availability of the internet has created a situation where people feel we should be connected anytime and anyplace. They therefore begin to expect immediate responses to their messages. There needs to be a line drawn between being available and being “on-call”.

  • gerardmclean

    Damn it, Chris, I meant it! Don't take this personally, but we have to now eject you from the Geezer Club. You can hang out on the lawn though; just come inside when you're ready. Your well-worn, comfy leather chair will be waiting. :-)

  • http://www.inconfidencias.com/ Rui

    Great post. I understand perfectly what you say. people are very focused on themselves and they tend to forget the others needs and the fact that their time might not be my time. Technology make things worst or, better said, the wrong usage of tech make things worst. The solution? respect.

  • cherylridgeway

    Chris, I am a first time commentor to your blog and I want to let you know that I agree with you 100%. I am a small business owner (photography studio) along with my husban. (You think you are frustrated – Ha!). Anyway, while I tend to be a person with a high sense of urgency, I do understand that I am not the only person in the world that has a “crisis”. People do need to learn how to chill out and quit being so self-centered. I hope your return trip is much better.

  • http://thoughtbythought.net/ Tresha Thorsen

    applauded the double tap post. high fiving this one too. well done sir. also digg much christopher penn’s suggestion…and thank you for honest openness. and for everyone who is suggesting you smell the roses or spend time w/ your fam, you oughta point them to that post you wrote about the dream cabin in maine :) or was it VT? sumthin like that. deep bow and warm hug for the example of constantly followin your passion…while embracing family and etching out what’s possible for all of us.

  • Anonymous

    Sing it, brother! I am so with you on this! In fact, I was just having a similar conversation with my business advisor who is just as baffled at this phenomenon.

    Having just returned from two cell-phone free years in South America (yes I said 2 YEARS WITHOUT a cell phone), I am amazed at what has happened in my absence. Not only is everyone connected virtually 24 hours a day, I feel we are EXPECTED to be RESPONSIVE all 24 hour as well.

    Just recently I had an appointment scheduled with an ad sales rep. Just so it’s crystal clear, she stood to make a bunch of money in commissions if I bought what she was selling. I woke up extra early to work out and to have a bit of time to wake up before our scheduled meeting. I ran a bit behind. Because it’s the professional and corteous thing to do (hey, my parents raised me well), I called this rep’s cell number to let her know I was running a “few” minutes late, leaving a message when she didn’t answer. A moment later, as I was walking out the door, she called to say she was not coming, that she had sent me an email earlier that morning to tell me she was sick an unable to make it.

    Seriously? We are minutes from meeting and you expect that I am checking email (said to myself, not to her)? Well, turns out that’s exactly what she thought. How else could her actions be explained. Now, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. I seriously hoped she was not as unprofessional as I thought at that moment. I had to consider that she really thought email was the perfect mode of communication for cancelling an appointment that was less than an hour from taking place. (It’s not, by the way! At least not in my book.) No, I didn’t ask her about it because, frankly, I don’t care why she chose email over picking up the phone, a much more appropriate means of communication for cancelling an appointment.

    The moral to my story? Don’t assume people are available and checking all means of communication 24 hours a day. Some of us do have a balanced life and segment our day in order to be productive. Not all of us (raising hand here) with email-enabled phones (raising hand again) use them for email. Some of us simply use them to make and receive calls, calls that are well-suited for letting us know our early morning meeting has been cancelled!

    Thanks for listening,

    Member #2 of your soon-to-be-established “Not Available 24/7,” “My Time is Valuable Too” Club

  • http://candidkatie.com Katie Morse

    Man, I cannot TELL you how much I agree with this post. I love the fact that my job isn't a 9-5 job, but at the same time I always, ALWAYS keep in mind that just because I'm working at 10pm, other people may not be.

    Bravo!

  • http://www.365fashionrehab.com/ 365 Fashion Rehab

    Thank you for bringing up the “anywhen'! It is frustrating for people to put a time crunch on you just because we “are all connected”. It can happen both personally and professionally and the truth is sometimes there isn't enough time to respond right away. Or you are in a meeting, or in the air, or frankly you are just doing your hair/eating/showering/child rearing- whatever! Have we lost the art of patience?

  • http://phillymacmedia.com/ PhillyMac

    I'm with you. As they'd say over there across the pond, bang on mate. It's the reason we have to set boundaries and like you, I fight with it all the time. Good on ya.

  • icanewfriend

    Amen! We all need to “do the right thing” as soon as is humanly possible, but not always robotic-immediately. One of the nice things about Social Media is that we're not out there pushing too hard for the use of annoying “Do not reply to this message” Auto-Responders like the ones we get from vendors that want to acknowledge our recent orders. Pretty impersonal if you ask me. That's all the thanks I get from dropping $500 for an item – a “Do Not Reply” message?

    When we attend a wedding and give a nice gift, we certainly expect to receive a thank you note – but NOT today! We are understanding enough to realize that most young knot tie-ers do not write these things out on the beaches of Aruba. It's perfectly fine if they send them out shortly after they return from the honeymoon.

    Even if social media is our real passion, no one should expect us to be chained to it. We need to be out exploring the real world and looking for life experiences to share with others on the Web. It's all about balance. Even in the movie “Avatar,” the protaganist comes “home” every so often to re-inhabit his real body. He is missed, but welcomed back as a noble warrior, after he has established his leadership status and earned the people's respect.

    I hope we are all understanding and respectful of one another. I have faith that others will do the right thing, most of the time – as I try to do, as well. I also understand that situations develop when things have to happen on my own schedule not someone elses.

    Chris Brogan GIVES an awful lot to our SM community and we all need to give the man a break. He has already proved himself a “Trust Agent” to the rest of us.

  • http://twitter.com/tamadear Tamsen McMahon (@tamadear)

    There's not only a difference between access and urgency, there's a difference between *importance* and urgency–and both are relative. (My usual response to an urgent request: “Will small children die?” If the answer's no, it can wait.)

    The single most-lacking quality in interpersonal interactions these days is empathy–our ability to see things from another's perspective. The moment we can step out of our shoes, and into those of another, we begin to see that our context isn't universal. Nor is our truth. Nor are our needs.

    To me, the answer lies in balance. How can I put my needs *in balance* with someone else's? By which path can both sets of needs be met?

    To expect someone to subjugate their needs to mine, regardless of how important or urgent I consider a request to be, means that I–at a very basic level–can't or won't or don't respect the other person as much as myself. And that's anathema to me.

    People's actions reveal their motivations. A rather convenient trait, actually, as we can use those actions to determine whether or not their motivations are ones we choose to reward with a response.

  • http://www.thebasemententrepreneur.com/ Chris Reimer

    Chris, if you've ever answered an email quickly, you've set up an expectation. If you've ever responded to a tweet quickly, you've set up an expectation. It's unfair. However, I find it to be an interesting barometer. Anyone that reacts angrily to a 24 hour wait for a response….. … I would not want to work with them anyway. BOOOYAH!

  • ellencrimitrent

    I thought the whole point of being your own boss was that you could pick and choose what is “truly” important in your particular world. I became my own boss for this reason and I suspect you as well… so kudos to you for telling those people that hey wait a minute I don't NEED you! I cannot tell you how many times I simply tell a client.. your not going to get it that day because he I have a family and I am not going to kill myself over your stupid project.. Life is too short and well nothing and I mean nothing is worth loosing sleep over unless it pertains to your children!

    Bravo King Brogan!

  • http://www.purplecar.net/ PurpleCar

    Chris, I hate to say this, but (*cringe*) this overwhelm you are feeling is your fault, and your fault alone.

    I searched all 80 comments so far for “expectation” and unfortunately, it only showed up less that a dozen times, and at multiple instances, in the same comment. Only a few of the comments have picked up on the dynamic known as “managing expectations.” YOU have put out the expectation of ludicrous-speed response. YOU have established the expectation as always being on-line. pending time online or off is irrelevant.

    There is no “culture of immediacy” for those who don't partake in it.

    I'm surprised that you would lash out at others in this way and not look at yourself first. It's not like the Chris Brogan I follow on Twitter and at this blog. I'll just take it as a rant.

    My suggestion is to see pchute's comments below (about 2 hours before this comment) and rethink your strategy. Your old theory of communications won't grok your new level of fame and professional respect. You must change.

    I am speaking from personal experience: from when I burned out being an email sys admin for 35,000 customers around the globe, I woke up to see that my marriage, family and friends had broken a long time before. I came out of it just in time.

    I say this to you with respect: Manage your own and everyone's expectations to the new level of you. Don't wait until it's too late.

    • http://www.facebook.com/tyadams27 Tyler Adams

      While I don’t agree with you that this is only Chris’s fault, I think it’s extremely important to set expectations. However, Chris has, in the past, done this. He’s written blog posts suggesting the best ways to contact him (his contact form) and even recently suggested that it’s ok to double tap him if he hasn’t responded after a few days, not 24 hours.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      It’s tricky, Christine. Here’s where this all came from:

      * I check my inbox and I see people hitting me with a request and then a re-request within less than 24 hours. MANY of them.

      * I get DMs asking me urgently for stuff that’s not urgent.

      So, your response to me is that I should manage that. Do you mean pre-sage that they’re going to overwhelm my inbox? Or do you mean pull back my level of contact?

      I guess I’m asking you what I should do. Just be less accessible?

      • http://www.facebook.com/tyadams27 Tyler Adams

        Beat me to it :)

      • http://www.purplecar.net/ PurpleCar

        Yes, I’m saying that you need to be less accessible.

        At this point, there is a certain amount of flotsam that is in your inbox that you will have to ignore for a few weeks or months. Perhaps you should consider an auto-response like this: “I value your contact, but my inbox now gets 1,000 emails/day. I have changed my answering strategy. I will get to your email, but not right away. Please do not send another request unless I have not responded within two weeks.”

        Then you must respond with NO to most of those requests. You can’t just ignore them outright or ppl will keep emailing.

        Once you do this for a while, you should see the inbox decrease.

        Another good point from this: filtering out the flotsam will let you cultivate those relationships that are mutually beneficial.

        -C

        ________________________________

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  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    True that. But it's when we have expectations. That's the worst part. It's nice when we can overdeliver, but annoying when people over-expect.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    Thanks, Cheryl. I'm happy to hear your thoughts back, and thanks for commenting! Glad I was here to catch it.

  • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

    I love it. “No such thing as a toy emergency.” I used to work in wireless tech, and I'd say, “no one dies when we get it wrong.”

  • http://martynchamberlin.com/ Martyn Chamberlin

    True, but it sounds like it was physically impossible for Chris to return those emails with no internet… so your analogy is really a red herring. I'm not saying it's ok to be lazy in communication, but that's clearly not the issue here. What do you propose?

  • susangiurleo

    It's all related to the same thing, isn't it? “I want it NOW, I want it EASY. Complaining feels like action. Instead of doing my work, I”ll take that time to pester you. Meet my NEEEEEEDS!” Sounds like the average day living with a 13 year old. :-).
    I'd be happy to offer a “Problem solving 101″ for these folks, but no one will take the class……;-)

  • Anonymous

    It’s only an emergency if it’s an emergency…since when did 24 hour response to email become the standard? If people are paying for the service I can see it, if not…back off!

  • http://www.purplecar.net/ PurpleCar

    Rock on.

  • http://bettercloser.com Bill Rice

    Christopher,

    Priceless as always!

    @ChrisBrogan you don't have a hair on your chinny-chin-chin if you don't do this.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks to everyone for such insightful responses. I will admit that I just spent an hour reading every response and considering many points of view, some different than my own. In this day and age, how often do we change our minds about something really important? Today I made some shifts in my thinking – thanks.

    I hope it’s ok to post again in response to some of the comments I read, and as a result of seriously considering others’ points.

    Posted: “While you were away, you weren’t the best. It’s not your fault, but life goes on for those who were connected. Some people had to get an answer to a question from someone else. You should be humbled that in many cases, loyalty to you led some to wait 20 hours, and even then, they still came back to you first, before turning to someone else.”

    Yes, it is wonderful to “feel loved” and to be viewed as a valuable source of information. That said, there are many sources of information and if I am not able to find/get it from one source, and I am on deadline, I try another source. It is self-centered to think that the question I need an answer to is THE most important thing to others.

    I believe strongly that we teach others how to treat us. However, life changes, business changes. We each need to take responsibility for our role in establishing, or not establishing, boundaries. And, it is up to us to defend those boundaries, or to take ownership of what happens when none are created and expressed. It is also up to each of us to try walking a mile in another’s shoes, to take a moment to consider what we really need vs. what we want, to determine the “REAL” level of urgency, and to respect others’ time.

    In this me-focused society, where everything moves at what feels like the speed of light, we are losing our ability to be courteous, to really listen to others, to respect the boundaries and time of others, and perhaps most importantly, to play just play nice. First lesson: do unto others…(you know the rest)

  • beckymccray

    And I will say you are doing noticeably better about that.

  • http://allpublicists.com/ John S

    Chris, this is so true! It seems the more technology grows, the less privacy, solitude, and time that we have for ourselves. Nice rant!

  • http://twitter.com/NEMultimedia NewEnglandMultimedia

    Ah, Chris! You, my friend, have struck on the cornerstone of time management, and of gaining (or regaining) control of your life. BOUNDARIES. I've been working on a blog post about that very thing since yesterday. The topic started out as Time Management Tips, and then boom — I knew it had to be about boundaries. Setting them. Communicating them. Sticking to them.

    People will cross your boundaries left and right if you let them, and drain your joy. I can see that you're exhausted by others' needs, and now you're setting firm boundaries and communicating them loud and clear.

    Good for you for writing this post and telling the truth. It needed to be said. Now, stick to those boundaries. The people who are accustomed to having you at their beck and call will still try to cross them or make them fuzzy, but just gently push them back. Your relationships will be better for it.

    ~Michelle Quillin

  • D Mourey

    Hug someone you love. save your soul. stop rushing. I’m w u 100% chris. relax everyone! the only urgent thing is helping someone in true need, caring for a child, sending joy into the world.
    technobonkedness is addicting. antidote is focusing on humans!

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