The Distance of Your Ask
Reaching out to bloggers is part of what makes social media so very different than traditional journalism. Can you imagine someone at the LA Times asking someone at the Chicago Tribune to help drive awareness to an article? Podcasters give shout outs to each other’s creations. There’s a general sense of sharing that goes along with all of these technologies. But there’s some strategy involved in this, and some thinking you have to do as a blogger, should you be seeking to further develop your presence and build on your blogging career. In working with Julien Smith on our book, Trust Agents, one of the principles we talk about is the Archimedes Principle: give me a lever long enough and I’ll move the world. Understanding leverage, especially the human kind, is vital to developing your abilities in this space.
The Distance Of Your Ask
Imagine landing at the airport in a city where you don’t know any of the residents per se. Some might do the same kind of work as you. Some might have grown up near you. They might share other similarities. But they don’t know you. Could you ask them to sleep in their guest room, and to eat dinner at their place later in the evening?
No.
Clumps of bloggers all blog in the same neighborhoods. I’m doing posts that might be in the same family as Marshall Kirkpatrick or Brian Clark or Valeria Maltoni, but does that mean we know each other because we’re writing in the same space? (In my specific example, I’ve met and had beverages with all of those folks, but pretend I didn’t.)
How much can you ask of someone before developing the relationship? You might invite them to look at your stuff if you both write similar things. You might ask them to comment on a blog post that relates directly to them. But how much further will you go? How much further do you think you should go?
Closing the Gap
This applies to PR professionals, too, so if you stepped out to get a latte or something, come back in.
The simplest way to close gaps is to get to know people. Over the web, comment on their stuff. Promote the stuff you like. Share your perspective by blogging about their stuff. When you are suddenly a regular in that person’s orbit, they remember you. With as many folks as I get to know on the web, I still know and appreciate who comments, who blogs about my stuff, etc. I’m always aware of who seems to resonate with me.
Next steps? Get out to the events where they are. Meet them. Don’t be nervous or squirrelly. Almost every single blogger or Internet personality I’ve met (almost) are personable, friendly, human, and just as happy to meet someone who likes their stuff as you are to meet them. In fact, I don’t know that I’ve ever read a blog post or spoken to a friend at an event where I’ve heard someone talking about how stuck up some blogger is.
Keep Pouring On the Collaboration
The more ways you can be part of an ecology, interconnected with the kinds of things you write, the better your chances are to be able to extend your asks. The more helpful you are yourself, the more often people will be willing to help you when the time comes. Don’t tally. Don’t bank favors. Just be effusive with the amount of helpfulness you pour out. (Sound like anyone you know?)
Closing the gap between what you can and can’t ask people is the super secret power of the PEOPLE in social media. Folks like C.C. Chapman and Matthew Ebel and Chel Pixie and all kinds of other great people on the web get where they’re going by being insanely helpful, and then by having tight relationships with people who want them to succeed. Meet the Mitch Joels of the world and the Beth Kanters and have nice conversations by way of their blogs, your blogs, everyone’s social networks, and more.
The main point? Keep building on the relationship and then you can ask more, should the opportunity arise. And remember, it’s a lot like a bank account: the more you put in, the more you can withdraw. Just like a bank account, if you’re over-extended, you can’t take out any more.
What say you?
Photo credit, Hamed Saber
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Comments
I’ve seen some of the power of “closing the gap” and this is without having any personal contact with the vast majority of the people I’m in contact with via the Web. In my earlier days online I was chasing social news supremacy and the whole “vote for me and I’ll vote for you” scenario did help me get in contact with other people, although I can’t really claim that it was terribly altruistic behavior. Over time I became far more interested in creating content than getting the social news scoop, so my social news activity dwindled to close to zero, but I try to keep up with many of these contacts in some way shape or form while trying to engage more bloggers and other social media users.
Even though I don’t submit very much to social news websites anymore, I still have my profiles and I’ll normally support other people’s submissions if asked, although I’m a bit more picky than I used to be. It’s a way to repay some other favors.
As I’m sure you can appreciate, becoming involved with Twitter was a real breakthrough for me in establishing more (and hopefully better) contacts and even friendships online. The appearance of this powerful communication channel has really added a lot to my online presence and, more importantly, helped to put me in touch with a large number of great people.
The bank account metaphor has really got me thinking, though. It’s basically the emotional bank account that Stephen Covey, and others, have written about. Sad how some people seem to treat this interpersonal currency more like a credit card or line of credit which they occasionally overdraw, fail to pay back, and then they get killed by the interest and/or go bankrupt. Fortunately, I think those kinds of people are few and far between in social media.
I digressed: the bank account metaphor makes me think that I could, and should, be doing more to help out other people on the Web. I can do better.
Thanks for another thoughtful article, CB.
I like this post. The Archimedes principle is a very useful metaphor. It’s a good question to ask yourself about what to ask of others.
This long-lever principle won’t work for those who want quick results. Of course, quick results in SM are the exception. It’s beautiful for those who understand and appreciate the discipline of the walking the long ramp to rich relationships.
Is there any other way? Not anymore.
Thanks for this post, Chris. Very well said. Would love your comments on how to manage all those relationships well… also, how to (or if to) be selective about the relationships you choose.
What a great post, Chris. We’ve all been talking for a while about the importance of getting to know the space you’re in (especially for companies and brands, I’m particularly thinking of here) before you start asking anyone to do anything. But it’s been hard to pin down exactly what we mean — because we’re here, it can be easy to say “just figure out the culture and learn what’s appropriate.” This helps with a little specificity about what works around here and what doesn’t.
It’s interesting that you frame it as The Ask — I’ve been thinking a lot about The Ask Before the Ask — that is, the best way to build a new relationship (and you’ve written about this, too), is to ask the other person about themselves.
When I meet new people now, I’ve sort of got that word, “ask,” written on my metaphorical palm, to remind me to ask ask ask them about their passions, their lives, their projects, before charging in with all of my own.
So ask = inquire before ask = request.
I’ve met all these great folks via Twitter and started building relationships with them through regularly reading and commenting on their blogs. Each of them put out content that interests me and helps me continue to learn/grow so commenting and talking with them on their blogs is a pleasure.
@kanter @cbensen @problogger @mitchjoel @remarkablogger @shelisrael @chrisbrogan @skellie @KyleFlaherty @jowyang
To varying degrees each of the folks listed above have been supper cool and helpful both through the content they put out on their blog and in a more personal way communicating with me on Twitter.
So what’s my point … just backing your point that reaching out is all about getting to know people and giving in a collabrative style.
In my recent experience … it’s proven true that participating on bloggers home base is vital to building relationships bloggers.
In academia we call it building social capital. Like physical capital it needs maintenance. Web 2.0 activities in the firm are an inexpensive way to build social capital.
When you have built up enough then you have reduced the “distance.” So Chris gives us a lot. When we have given back to him, then we can ask.
Aloha,
Dan
I found this post very timely as I have just taken the leap to join Twitter a couple of days ago.
I’ve been reading lots of blogs over the past 6 months or so and have recently made a conscious decision to try to comment/make connections more regularly - look, I’m doing it now! From reading blogs I’ve gotten to know lots of names of people interested in the same areas, they’ve become like a community to me but I’ve still felt an outsider…until I joined Twitter. Almost immediately I had tweets in response to me following the “names” I could find and lots of very welcoming messages. It felt more personal and immediate than anything previously - I’m a convert!
One interesting personal reflection: when I set up a facebook account I actually felt uncomfortable about asking people to be my friend (kind of took me back to the playground); following someone on Twitter feels totally different, like you are expressing your respect for them. It just felt much easier and the rewards have already been greater.
One point of frustration though, I got back to work today after 2 weeks holiday and discovered that I can’t access twitter here. Not happy.
[…] promote your content on Twitter, etc. without quality relationships. As Chris Brogan suggest, get to know people first, then ask. For a lot of SEO’s, the prospect of our jobs relying on relationship-building is […]
I liked the post, but I have a question and I hope I don’t reveal my deep-seated ignorance when I ask.
What has the photo to do with the post?
@Shannon - great question. I looked up “jump” in Flickr, to cover the DISTANCE of your ask. Sometimes, we jump too far ahead in our relationship. Grasshoppers jump.
And besides, I have a thing for them. : )
Nice post, I agree developing relationships online and then transforming them off line is the best way to go. The issue is, most people can’t make it out to these big time events, whether financial restrictions or otherwise. I am the type of person who needs to be a face with a name, more often than not because I feel more comfortable that way. But do you have any recommendations for people who can’t make it out to the events?
Very inspiring Chris. Whenever I stop here I always come out with something. I guess that this is your point exactly.
Keren
I say let me help you, well, anyone really. I love being helpful and it’s seems natural to reach out and make others day better.
Give and take builds relationships and eventually trust, when that trust is present you have gain a community, quite a few reliable and dependable friends and a network of people to reach out to.
Oh and thanks for the mention.
[…] of the key things for building a community is giving a lot. Sharing, promoting others and then getting out to meet them are all great ways to build the relationship before you ask for something of the […]
Your grasshopper could have another meaning, from the story of the grasshopper and the ant. If the grasshopper doesn’t lay up stores of social capital during the summer, he’ll freeze during the winter, unlike the industrious ant.
Rather than the bank account metaphor (since recent days have taught us the precariousness of measuring things in dollar values that may not hold up :O), I think of it as karma, or paying it forward.
Fair warning, this will sound grandiose (although it should sound more like the Tao of Physics, or Buddhist philosophy)–I do nice things for people, whether it’s connecting two people who have the potential for mutual benefit, or linking to someone’s blog post, because by doing so I increase the overall positive energy in the universe and enriching the network, the ties that bind.
I’m part of the universe too, so that positive energy makes my world a better place. Don’t you feel better right away when you’ve done something that helps someone else?
–barb
@BarbChamberlain
Yet another inspiring post :o) ..and more blog recommendations for me to read!
Heads up on the link to Beth’s blog is broken - just needs a .com instead of .net.
Ah, I see re: the grasshopper.
You know, when thinking about the questions and opinions in this post and the ideas expressed in the comments, in context with a couple of your subsequent posts, a person could adequately exercise their mental muscle if s/he has been paying attention. All but the very mentally rigid will have their minds tied in knots trying to figure out what they are really thinking and whether they still stand behind their original responses.
Nice job and I hope the mental calisthenics continue for a couple more posts.
I just saw this, Chris. All of the technology that is supposed to help is broken for my blog right now. Big sigh! Thank you for being inspiring and thoughtful.
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This post is great!
This is Tim Sanders / Keith Ferrazzi meets web 2.0!… and you live it. You appear to be superman to a new internet marketer, like me.
I like this “putting yourself out there” approach. It resonates with me.
~ John