September 25, 2008 122 Comments

The Me Game

my big head One of the trickiest parts of meeting people in social settings is making that great personal connection that will convince people that you’re genuine, interesting, capable, and someone you want to be around. If you add to this the desire for other people to want to do business with you in the future, it gets even harder. The way most people fail at this, in my perspective, is that they come of as saying “me me me me me” in their first moments of meeting a new person, and this is bound to turn the other person off.

This is every bit as much business as it is nicety. You can be kind because it’s the right thing to do, but if you’re a business person of any flavor, think about all that I’m going to share with you. Because it matters. And those people who are getting by WITHOUT being human in person aren’t going to last all that long in the longer run.

Here are some ways to think about it.

Lead by Being Inclusive

If you see me at a conference, I’ll be the guy with my hand out, shaking with someone and trying to lead them into my little circle of friends, to see if there’s someone you’ll find something in common with amongst the group I’ve gathered together. Why? Because not only do I want to welcome everyone in, but because by adding your brains and fresh eyes to the circle I’ve gathered, it means that there might be even deeper connections that YOU can take and do something with later. I never meet someone that I don’t almost immediately think about someone else they should get to know.

Yes, it’s because I’m a natural connector (Julien and I call this “Connector X” in our six main traits of Trust Agents writing), but it’s also because it’s a great way to get everyone talking at an event. Further, it’s social proof that you’re someone who cares about others. It means that somewhere in your head, you think, “Hey, Chris welcomed me in and I immediately felt like I could approach him.”

THAT’s what you’re looking for, right? You want people to feel that they can approach you in case there’s an opportunity for either side. It means that you care enough about people to invite them into the game. Should you ALWAYS do this? No, there are some exceptions where something is private, but at a conference? Find ways to be inclusive. You can steal private time later.

Make YOUR Introduction Brief, Then Ask Questions

Here’s where you can pick up ground really fast, and where we tend to fall down easiest. Say who you are, and give a firm handshake (or a hug), and make eye contact. Yes, this is SO hard if you’re shy, but if you practice, it gets easier (or it doesn’t – dispute me in the comments, and/or offer your strategies). And then, just say who you are and what you do (or what you’re passionate about, or what you seek the most at the event). Follow this almost immediately with a question that gives the spotlight to the other person (or AN other person in the circle). “How are you finding the conferece?” or “What do you do with the other hours in your day?”

Your questions are where it gets a bit tricky. If you can, come up with a few that are different than “what do you do?” Having a unique question often leads to a unique conversation. Imagine the responses to these:

  • Did you ever win an award for something?
  • Where’s a fun place you’ve visited before?
  • How do you hope attending this event (or this meeting, or whatever) change your life?
  • What’s your irrational fear? Mine is of sharks. (It helps to give them yours first before they have to answer.)
  • If I gave you two million dollars, how would you spend your hours a few months from now?

In all cases, the answers might tell you something about the person. They certainly say a lot about you who’ve offered them up. And, most importantly, they give the other person a chance to talk about themselves.

What naturally happens next is that they want to know more about you. If they don’t, you’ve just learned the other person’s level of self-absorption, at least at that given moment. I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed with meeting lots of new people in a row, and sometimes at those times, I don’t do so well with this one. (We can only try.)

To Avoid: Patting Your Own Back

Even in third party form, “Wired Magazine says I might well be the next William Gibson,” it still sounds like you’re a toolbag calling yourself awesome. Don’t do it. Can I be simpler?

It’s a fine line between making sure someone knows what you’re capable of doing versus hearing your impressive credentials. How do you tell them that your blog is in the top 15 of the Cthulu Society of Charles Dexter Ward without sounding like a braggart? The best way is with a third party present. If you can’t find a way to do that, try your hardest to keep your credentials brief and simple.

Say something more like, “I’m really passionate about H.P. Lovecraft and that’s where I’ve made most of my friends online. People in that community can vouch for me.” It’s like the 3rd party credential above, but doesn’t deliver the payload of bragging.

How Third Parties Help

Another way to make this go a lot smoother is to have a social “wingman” present. Not exactly in that slimy way that guys use to try to pick up girls in bars, but similar in how it gets done. If you meet someone in a social setting with a friend there, that friend can often pay the kinds of compliments or offer the kind of advice that you can’t say about yourself directly. I LOVE talking about other people at social events to a new person.

“This is Jason Falls. Not only is he the social media side brand guy behind Jim Beam, Maker’s Mark and all these other cool brands, but he’s really breaking the mold in how to build relationships using online tools.” That lets the other person know that Jason rocks, that I endorse him, and that there are a few hooks for next steps in the conversation.

You can do this in situations where you don’t much know the newcomer in a different way.

“This is Michael, and we’ve really only just met. What I like most about him so far is that he’s quick to laugh, knows a lot about music, and seems genuinely curious about our space and how to make the best connections.” Notice that I haven’t exactly endorsed him, but I also haven’t damned him. It should give the subtle hint that I’m not really decided on him, but he doesn’t seem like an axe murderer.

A Point of Etiquette

There’s actually a proper way to introduce people in more formal settings. You’re welcome to correct me if I get this wrong, because it’s one of those “stalactite/stalagmite” things in my head.

When you introduce two people, it’s customary to introduce the lesser-known or junior person to the senior person. If I introduce my wife to the President of the United States of America, I’d say, “Honey, I want you to meet Mr. Barack Obama.” (Or that other guy with Sarah Palin.)

As a twist to this, in social settings where we’re all peers, I tend to like to introduce the newer person to the person I’ve known the longest. So, if I introduce someone to Liz Strauss, I’d say, “Dave, you’ve gotta meet my good friend, Liz Strauss. She’s a great community builder, and someone who cares about helping bloggers build businesses. When I have questions about community, Liz is who I ask.”

How This All Adds Up

if you think making connections at events isn’t a part of your business, I’m a bit worried for you. Here’s a secret I only share during speeches (but I think we can keep it between us, right?): businesses are made up of people. There, I said it.

The impression people get of you has to do with many factors, but of those, the ones you can handle the most are the ones you might consider working on for upcoming events and social opportunities. All the work you do online doesn’t add up to much if you can’t leave a good and lasting first impression in person.

So what do you think? Did I miss anything? Would you have other ideas to offer? How do you work at the avoiding the “me game?”

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  • http://www.cbctechnical.com Scott Chester

    Great tips Chris. I’m sure these could be useful to people in all sorts of networking situations.

  • http://www.cbctechnical.com Scott Chester

    Great tips Chris. I’m sure these could be useful to people in all sorts of networking situations.

  • http://www.getresults.com John Reddish

    Chris has done a remarkable job in showing how to navigate that difficult minefield, “the first meeting at an event.” And Chris, you haven’t missed much. Let me add some frosting to this already rich cake.

    1) Before you go to an event set a goal to meet some new people just to meet them – you never know where that will lead;

    2) Set a second goal to meet the top 2-3 people who might become business for you, for someone you know or become a resource for someone you want to help;

    3) Contact those you know who will be going to the event and ask them who they think might be the best bets for your two sets of goals. Ask them to make an initial introduction. With many events now you can check the on-line registration and do some research yourself using individual’s website links.

    4) When you arrive, stop at the rest room and look in the mirror. Look yourself straight in the eye and tell yourself the event is about making good connections, not closing a sale. People want to do business with people they like. Until they know you, they can’t like you. Remember the 3 V’s of marketing – visibility (they gotta’ know you’re there), viability (there has to be WIIFM for everyone in each interaction/transaction, valu-ability (value comes from trusting and being able to risk with someone else. Become valuable and there are no limits.)

    5) Connect with your people and get those introductions they promised.

    6) Break the room into quadrants. Identify at least 1 person in each to at least meet and greet.

    7) You won’t always get it right and you won’t always connect. Mistakes happen. Beating yourself up about them is a waste of time and energy. Besides, you can’t know the frame of mind of every person you meet. If you meet someone who (unbeknownst to you) has just lost a job or a significant other or a pet, or had some other calamity impact their life – but they had to be at the event – you may get a cool reception or a rebuff. It’s not about you. Get over it.

    8) “Businesses,” as Chris said, “are made up of people.” Just like relationships. We all want to be recognized and appreciated – then do business.

    9) Always follow up and acknowledge the meeting with a personal note (electronic or snail) that’s really personal. People can usually tell the difference.

    10) Social networking is a lot like good PR. It starts with initial visibility then sometimes a hiatus occurs before something else happens. But each contact takes on a life of its own, so keep connecting and building relationships. You never know when the phone will ring.

    John Reddish http://www.getresults.com

  • http://www.getresults.com John Reddish

    Chris has done a remarkable job in showing how to navigate that difficult minefield, “the first meeting at an event.” And Chris, you haven’t missed much. Let me add some frosting to this already rich cake.

    1) Before you go to an event set a goal to meet some new people just to meet them – you never know where that will lead;

    2) Set a second goal to meet the top 2-3 people who might become business for you, for someone you know or become a resource for someone you want to help;

    3) Contact those you know who will be going to the event and ask them who they think might be the best bets for your two sets of goals. Ask them to make an initial introduction. With many events now you can check the on-line registration and do some research yourself using individual’s website links.

    4) When you arrive, stop at the rest room and look in the mirror. Look yourself straight in the eye and tell yourself the event is about making good connections, not closing a sale. People want to do business with people they like. Until they know you, they can’t like you. Remember the 3 V’s of marketing – visibility (they gotta’ know you’re there), viability (there has to be WIIFM for everyone in each interaction/transaction, valu-ability (value comes from trusting and being able to risk with someone else. Become valuable and there are no limits.)

    5) Connect with your people and get those introductions they promised.

    6) Break the room into quadrants. Identify at least 1 person in each to at least meet and greet.

    7) You won’t always get it right and you won’t always connect. Mistakes happen. Beating yourself up about them is a waste of time and energy. Besides, you can’t know the frame of mind of every person you meet. If you meet someone who (unbeknownst to you) has just lost a job or a significant other or a pet, or had some other calamity impact their life – but they had to be at the event – you may get a cool reception or a rebuff. It’s not about you. Get over it.

    8) “Businesses,” as Chris said, “are made up of people.” Just like relationships. We all want to be recognized and appreciated – then do business.

    9) Always follow up and acknowledge the meeting with a personal note (electronic or snail) that’s really personal. People can usually tell the difference.

    10) Social networking is a lot like good PR. It starts with initial visibility then sometimes a hiatus occurs before something else happens. But each contact takes on a life of its own, so keep connecting and building relationships. You never know when the phone will ring.

    John Reddish http://www.getresults.com

  • http://ezrabutler.com Ezra Butler

    This explains so much of how you acted at blogworld. And it makes perfect sense! You even introduced me to Liz Strauss that way!

  • http://ezrabutler.com Ezra Butler

    This explains so much of how you acted at blogworld. And it makes perfect sense! You even introduced me to Liz Strauss that way!

  • http://torley.com Torley

    I like the mosaic of many-Chris Brogans! Great way to attract attention for this post. Kind of reminds me of Eric Conveys an Emotion. =D

  • http://torley.com Torley

    I like the mosaic of many-Chris Brogans! Great way to attract attention for this post. Kind of reminds me of Eric Conveys an Emotion. =D

  • http://www.catskillcottageseed.com Richard Reeve

    I like what your getting at here because it tempers the danger of inflation and self importance when practicing the craft of personal branding in real life situations.

  • http://www.catskillcottageseed.com Richard Reeve

    I like what your getting at here because it tempers the danger of inflation and self importance when practicing the craft of personal branding in real life situations.

  • http://www.thesunrisestoday.com Tim Jahn

    Definitely a turn off when people give you the speech about themselves and don’t care to ask anything of you.

    Great point with the wingman too!

  • http://www.thesunrisestoday.com Tim Jahn

    Definitely a turn off when people give you the speech about themselves and don’t care to ask anything of you.

    Great point with the wingman too!

  • http://nickyjameson.com Nicky

    Lots of great tips in this post, each of which is a subject in itself. When I go events I find I do get more from them if I choose the event carefully, have a clear idea of what my objectives are for the event. I think a key thing is to be genuinely interested in other people (you can tell if it’s fake) and less interested in getting their business. Go with the aim “how may I help you?” rather than “what business can I get?” Make people feel they are important.

    People love to talk about themselves and knowing that I try to encourage that as much as I can. For one thing it takes the spotlight off me. For another, when they do ask I can respond and perhaps pinpoint a problem they’ve highlighted.

    If they are in business a great question to ask is about challenges their industry may be facing (or has faced) and how they are coping.Listen carefully and you can pick up all sorts of tips as to either how you may be able to help or how someone you know may be able to help.

    I both give and get business cards. I can’t possibly remember everyone’s name and business, so I write something on their cards to remind me, like a conversation we may have had. But it’s no good just taking a card…follow up with a note or email afterwards, to keep the connection alive.

    On inclusion, it’s VERY important to scan the room and look for people who may be standing on the outside or who look uncertain, and make an effort to include them in on-going conversations and introduce them to others. I find not enough of that happens – some people do find it harder than others to break into the exclusive little “huddles.” Perhaps we need more Chris-like people at events!

    Personally, if I don’t know anyone at an event I’ll walk up to a group and introduce myself and then ask everyone in the group who they are and what they’re getting from the conference/event. I’ll do this several times, so I don’t stay too long in one group but can try and meet other people. I used to wait on the sidelines for an intro…until I found you could wait forever. I find the direct approach is far more effective.

    And if you have a target of making, say 3 new connections, even if you meet two (and you are likely to meet more) it’s an accomplishment you can feel good about.

  • http://nickyjameson.com Nicky

    Lots of great tips in this post, each of which is a subject in itself. When I go events I find I do get more from them if I choose the event carefully, have a clear idea of what my objectives are for the event. I think a key thing is to be genuinely interested in other people (you can tell if it’s fake) and less interested in getting their business. Go with the aim “how may I help you?” rather than “what business can I get?” Make people feel they are important.

    People love to talk about themselves and knowing that I try to encourage that as much as I can. For one thing it takes the spotlight off me. For another, when they do ask I can respond and perhaps pinpoint a problem they’ve highlighted.

    If they are in business a great question to ask is about challenges their industry may be facing (or has faced) and how they are coping.Listen carefully and you can pick up all sorts of tips as to either how you may be able to help or how someone you know may be able to help.

    I both give and get business cards. I can’t possibly remember everyone’s name and business, so I write something on their cards to remind me, like a conversation we may have had. But it’s no good just taking a card…follow up with a note or email afterwards, to keep the connection alive.

    On inclusion, it’s VERY important to scan the room and look for people who may be standing on the outside or who look uncertain, and make an effort to include them in on-going conversations and introduce them to others. I find not enough of that happens – some people do find it harder than others to break into the exclusive little “huddles.” Perhaps we need more Chris-like people at events!

    Personally, if I don’t know anyone at an event I’ll walk up to a group and introduce myself and then ask everyone in the group who they are and what they’re getting from the conference/event. I’ll do this several times, so I don’t stay too long in one group but can try and meet other people. I used to wait on the sidelines for an intro…until I found you could wait forever. I find the direct approach is far more effective.

    And if you have a target of making, say 3 new connections, even if you meet two (and you are likely to meet more) it’s an accomplishment you can feel good about.

  • http://kevinsgreatadventure.blogspot.com Kevin Cimring

    Hi Chris, excellent post and all very true. Its very opportune for me to have read this post now – in 4 weeks time I am relocating to Palo Alto (where I know hardly anyone) to start a new Internet business. Networking will be important and I’ll take these points with me. Thanks again.

  • http://kevinsgreatadventure.blogspot.com Kevin Cimring

    Hi Chris, excellent post and all very true. Its very opportune for me to have read this post now – in 4 weeks time I am relocating to Palo Alto (where I know hardly anyone) to start a new Internet business. Networking will be important and I’ll take these points with me. Thanks again.

  • http://www.geekforcefive.com ecc1977

    Great post, Chris.

    Something that immediately comes to mind for me, as someone who feels pretty awkward in new situations without that social wingman by my side, is to jump in with both feet to get past the awkwardness. If I can get by that initial moment of panic and start a conversation with someone new, then it’s all easy from there (except for avoiding talking about myself too much… that’s hard, I’ve found).

    Oh, and if there’s a sing-a-long in the hallway and you feel like singing, you should sing. That’s my other bit of crazy advice. I enjoyed all of my time at PodCamp Boston this summer, but the moment that I felt most like a part of the group was when we all sang “Mr. Jones” in the hallway.

    I think there’s some way to apply that bit of advice to other situations (besides singing), but I’m running out of gas and can’t come up with it.

  • http://www.geekforcefive.com ecc1977

    Great post, Chris.

    Something that immediately comes to mind for me, as someone who feels pretty awkward in new situations without that social wingman by my side, is to jump in with both feet to get past the awkwardness. If I can get by that initial moment of panic and start a conversation with someone new, then it’s all easy from there (except for avoiding talking about myself too much… that’s hard, I’ve found).

    Oh, and if there’s a sing-a-long in the hallway and you feel like singing, you should sing. That’s my other bit of crazy advice. I enjoyed all of my time at PodCamp Boston this summer, but the moment that I felt most like a part of the group was when we all sang “Mr. Jones” in the hallway.

    I think there’s some way to apply that bit of advice to other situations (besides singing), but I’m running out of gas and can’t come up with it.

  • http://sellsellsell.salesnexus.com Craig Klein

    Well put! Not to being too sarcastic here but, there was a dude running around about 2000 years ago that kind of had the right attitude.

    Do things with the other person in mind, not yourself, and you’ll end up being the beneficiary…

  • http://sellsellsell.salesnexus.com Craig Klein

    Well put! Not to being too sarcastic here but, there was a dude running around about 2000 years ago that kind of had the right attitude.

    Do things with the other person in mind, not yourself, and you’ll end up being the beneficiary…

  • Marvin

    I’ve been doing things like this for years, but this is the first time I’ve seen a “formalized” description. You’ve done a great job of describing the process!!!

  • Marvin

    I’ve been doing things like this for years, but this is the first time I’ve seen a “formalized” description. You’ve done a great job of describing the process!!!

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  • http://www.conceptbakery.com/blog Klaus Holzapfel

    Very authentic (sorry for the use of the buzzword).
    I can say for myself that Chris doesn’t just talk the talk but also practices what he preaches about in the article.

    I saw Chris in a very busy environment last weekend and he just stayed amazingly accessible. He is a great offline communicator as well and doesn’t need to hide in a dungeon behind a screen;-)

    I wish this post could be published on a big billboard on sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. These guys need it the most.

  • http://www.conceptbakery.com/blog Klaus Holzapfel

    Very authentic (sorry for the use of the buzzword).
    I can say for myself that Chris doesn’t just talk the talk but also practices what he preaches about in the article.

    I saw Chris in a very busy environment last weekend and he just stayed amazingly accessible. He is a great offline communicator as well and doesn’t need to hide in a dungeon behind a screen;-)

    I wish this post could be published on a big billboard on sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. These guys need it the most.

  • http://integralimpressions.com Angela Bull

    Hey Chris – it was great reading this, especially after I watched you exemplify it at the TechSet party on the first night of BlogWorld. You were one of the people I met that stuck out in my mind.

  • http://integralimpressions.com Angela Bull

    Hey Chris – it was great reading this, especially after I watched you exemplify it at the TechSet party on the first night of BlogWorld. You were one of the people I met that stuck out in my mind.

  • http://www.geekmommy.net GeekMommy

    Excellent post.

    And an excellent reminder of why I both adore you and am envious of you in a way that would be mean and petty if I didn’t already adore you so much.
    You managed to put into words something I’ve done for years, but never bothered to put into words.

    I absolutely love, love, love connecting interesting people to interesting people. I’d rather introduce someone to someone else than to talk about myself… I guess maybe I need to add connector to my self-defined job description.

    The thing is? I’ve found that I learn so much more about myself talking with others about what *they* do then I ever do talking about me. It’s like teaching in that way.

    Still though – I think there’s a line somewhere that I’m still trying to find – that one where I’m not actually providing the other person with enough information about myself.
    I mean, if you and I are both busy asking each other questions rather than giving answers, no information is shared either.

    But as usual, you’ve hit another home run Chris! :)

    p.s. I met both Liz & Jason at BWE as well and you are spot on! ;) They rock!

  • http://www.geekmommy.net GeekMommy

    Excellent post.

    And an excellent reminder of why I both adore you and am envious of you in a way that would be mean and petty if I didn’t already adore you so much.
    You managed to put into words something I’ve done for years, but never bothered to put into words.

    I absolutely love, love, love connecting interesting people to interesting people. I’d rather introduce someone to someone else than to talk about myself… I guess maybe I need to add connector to my self-defined job description.

    The thing is? I’ve found that I learn so much more about myself talking with others about what *they* do then I ever do talking about me. It’s like teaching in that way.

    Still though – I think there’s a line somewhere that I’m still trying to find – that one where I’m not actually providing the other person with enough information about myself.
    I mean, if you and I are both busy asking each other questions rather than giving answers, no information is shared either.

    But as usual, you’ve hit another home run Chris! :)

    p.s. I met both Liz & Jason at BWE as well and you are spot on! ;) They rock!

  • Ruben Q

    Chris, great post! To add to this, I always look for cues to pick up on if I start talking too much. Wandering eyes, confusion, etc. That is when I revert back to asking them questions and trying to reengage them.

  • Ruben Q

    Chris, great post! To add to this, I always look for cues to pick up on if I start talking too much. Wandering eyes, confusion, etc. That is when I revert back to asking them questions and trying to reengage them.

  • http://www.vladimiroane.com Oane Vladimir

    Great post indeed. You just got a new follower!

  • http://www.vladimiroane.com Oane Vladimir

    Great post indeed. You just got a new follower!

  • http://www.ambeck.com Avil Beckford

    Chris, I really enjoyed this post and there is a lot of truth to what you say. Bringing someone into a conversation where they feel included is especially important to people like me who are introverts.

    Also, there are too many people out there who do not have well developed listening skills and so you are introducing yourself and they are only half listening because they are actually looking to see if there is someone who is more connected (they don’t want to miss out on that opportunity). Not only is this rude but it doesn’t make the other person feel very good.

    Thanks for being so aware and it’s also important that we all realize (me included) that life really isn’t about me me me. We all have a responsibility to help each other. Together we accomplish so much more. http://www.twitter.com/avilbeckford

  • http://www.ambeck.com Avil Beckford

    Chris, I really enjoyed this post and there is a lot of truth to what you say. Bringing someone into a conversation where they feel included is especially important to people like me who are introverts.

    Also, there are too many people out there who do not have well developed listening skills and so you are introducing yourself and they are only half listening because they are actually looking to see if there is someone who is more connected (they don’t want to miss out on that opportunity). Not only is this rude but it doesn’t make the other person feel very good.

    Thanks for being so aware and it’s also important that we all realize (me included) that life really isn’t about me me me. We all have a responsibility to help each other. Together we accomplish so much more. http://www.twitter.com/avilbeckford

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  • Shelly

    Social settings are hard for me. I always hear about great conferences and such that I would love to go to, but I don’t because when I do, I usually end up by myself somewhere, feeling like a social reject. :)

    My issue is I’m a “watcher”. I have a great sense of humor – and perhaps a little on the crude side, very sarcastic, and it’s a bit dry. Many times, people take me seriously when they really shouldn’t. So instead of just popping in and being me, I tend to “watch” others so I know who I can be “me” with – because sometimes I’m a lot to take.

    This leads to many people thinking I’m a shy wallflower, or standoffish. I have yet to find that good middle ground where I can smile and say one of the many jokes that just popped into my head because you really laid a golden path for me by that last comment, and shoving my foot so far down my throat that the stomach acid has eaten away my toes. I love connecting with people – but it just seems to be really hard for me. (Could be because I’ve moved to Yankee country from the South, and honestly folks, you all aren’t the most approachable people up here. When I first moved up here, I was driving to my house and saw a neighbor walking down the street. I waved at him with a smile as I drove by. He looked at me like I was going to jump out of the car and beat him to death. I mean, really…what’s that about?!?)

    You can be my wingman anytime Chris. ;)

    Oh, by the way – best “breaking the ice” game ever: “I Never”. Talk about starting up some interesting conversations. LOL But if you ever get a chance to play that game, you totally should. You might learn some things you didn’t want to know!

  • Shelly

    Social settings are hard for me. I always hear about great conferences and such that I would love to go to, but I don’t because when I do, I usually end up by myself somewhere, feeling like a social reject. :)

    My issue is I’m a “watcher”. I have a great sense of humor – and perhaps a little on the crude side, very sarcastic, and it’s a bit dry. Many times, people take me seriously when they really shouldn’t. So instead of just popping in and being me, I tend to “watch” others so I know who I can be “me” with – because sometimes I’m a lot to take.

    This leads to many people thinking I’m a shy wallflower, or standoffish. I have yet to find that good middle ground where I can smile and say one of the many jokes that just popped into my head because you really laid a golden path for me by that last comment, and shoving my foot so far down my throat that the stomach acid has eaten away my toes. I love connecting with people – but it just seems to be really hard for me. (Could be because I’ve moved to Yankee country from the South, and honestly folks, you all aren’t the most approachable people up here. When I first moved up here, I was driving to my house and saw a neighbor walking down the street. I waved at him with a smile as I drove by. He looked at me like I was going to jump out of the car and beat him to death. I mean, really…what’s that about?!?)

    You can be my wingman anytime Chris. ;)

    Oh, by the way – best “breaking the ice” game ever: “I Never”. Talk about starting up some interesting conversations. LOL But if you ever get a chance to play that game, you totally should. You might learn some things you didn’t want to know!

  • http://www.hallme.com/blog Fred

    I really admire how prolific you are, Chris! And what a great topic. While I’m by nature practically a hermit, I’ve forced myself to learn how to be a more social person and it’s actually not as scary as those irrational fears make you think (hey, at least I’m not at a conference of spiders, right?)

    Same rules apply to conferences as to social media — be friendly, be authentic, and say what you gotta’ but not more.

  • http://www.hallme.com/blog Fred

    I really admire how prolific you are, Chris! And what a great topic. While I’m by nature practically a hermit, I’ve forced myself to learn how to be a more social person and it’s actually not as scary as those irrational fears make you think (hey, at least I’m not at a conference of spiders, right?)

    Same rules apply to conferences as to social media — be friendly, be authentic, and say what you gotta’ but not more.

  • http://www.momcentral.com Abbey

    Great post Chris. While most of the time we all have the best of intentions when approaching others in a social/networking setting, it’s important to refresh on the connectivity points you mention. These are great guidelines for those entering an unfamiliar atmosphere or for those who are simply shy or somewhat intimidated. Another one for MCC circulation–thanks Chris!

  • http://www.momcentral.com Abbey

    Great post Chris. While most of the time we all have the best of intentions when approaching others in a social/networking setting, it’s important to refresh on the connectivity points you mention. These are great guidelines for those entering an unfamiliar atmosphere or for those who are simply shy or somewhat intimidated. Another one for MCC circulation–thanks Chris!

  • http://www.christammiller.com Christa M. Miller

    Shelly, I too am a “watcher” for many of the same reasons (except it takes a longer time for my sense of humor to come out). Where in Yankee country are you? We are trying to move south, ironically, but if you are anywhere near me (northern New England) maybe we should try to get together?

  • http://www.christammiller.com Christa M. Miller

    Shelly, I too am a “watcher” for many of the same reasons (except it takes a longer time for my sense of humor to come out). Where in Yankee country are you? We are trying to move south, ironically, but if you are anywhere near me (northern New England) maybe we should try to get together?

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  • http://www.regator.com Scott Lockhart

    Chris – i hope I passed the test at BlogWorld! I did have Louis Gray as my wingman which probably helped. ;) I would also add that especially in the case where one of the people may think that you want something from them (publicity, business opportunity, etc)one shouldn’t be clingy. I prefer to go for long term relationships which means they can start slow and grow. I guess i did okay at BlogWorld as I came home with a ridiculous stack of business cards.

  • http://www.regator.com Scott Lockhart

    Chris – i hope I passed the test at BlogWorld! I did have Louis Gray as my wingman which probably helped. ;) I would also add that especially in the case where one of the people may think that you want something from them (publicity, business opportunity, etc)one shouldn’t be clingy. I prefer to go for long term relationships which means they can start slow and grow. I guess i did okay at BlogWorld as I came home with a ridiculous stack of business cards.

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  • http://www.gaffney3.com Bill Gaffney

    Morning Chris,

    We’re all so muddled down in theories, reports, metrics and numbers that often the most simple and practical advice resonates as the most profound. So, thank you.

    As a self-described wall-flower, it can be very difficult to “intrude” into the clicks that seem to form at conferences. The secret — in my experience — is people are very welcoming and open (just like in social networking) to authenticity, humility and passion.

    Regards,
    Bill Gaffney

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