September 3, 2009 124 Comments

The Truth About Star Wars and the Matrix

Okay, there were only 3 Star Wars movies. They start at episode 4. I don’t know what you people are all talking about with this Episode 1,2,3 crap. What? What planet are you from? Me sah have no ideasah what you talking eh.

There was only 1 Matrix movie. There are no vampires and no strange singularities. There is no spoon. There was only one Matrix movie.

##Amended##

There were only 3 Indiana Jones movies. I’d have argued two, but, ‘We named the DOG Indiana!” makes it.

There were only 2 Batman movies. (Bale. Sorry, Michael, Val, and George). **Amended 2: Okay, Batman 1 was good, but for Nicholson’s sake.**

###Amended 2###

There can be only 1 Highlander movie (Mario Van Peebles? Please)

There would have been only two Blade movies, but Ryan Reynolds, man. You have to!

There was only one Jaws.

There were two Alien movies.

There were potentially two Terminator movies.

Controversies

Star Trek? What’s your take. It *USED* to be only the even numbered ones. But now?

Hmm… James Bond? Hard to say. I think that would come down to fisticuffs.

As you were.

Related posts:

  1. Robot Chicken Does Star Wars
  2. The Matrix Lives Your Life
  3. Interview with Heroes Star Brea Grant
  4. Playing in the All Star Game
  5. Fake Movie Critic

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  • http://twitter.com/pepecamil Pepe Camil

    Timothy Dalton?? C'mon! The Bond series almost tanked because of him. He was as bad as a a liver cancer…

  • http://www.facebook.com/tyadams27 Tyler Adams

    3 Bournes, 3 Star Wars, 2 Terminators, 2 Aliens but only 1 Revenge of the Nerds…

  • Anonymous

    Godfather… there were only 2 Godfather movies made. That is all.

    (Agree on Matrix and Star Wars, not so much on Batman – liked the 1st one, and actually enjoyed the one with Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones)

  • http://twitter.com/EmilyCagle Emily Cagle

    There was very little doubt, but this post was your freezing bullets in mid air moment…

    But then you made amendments, and they're like sequels, diluting the original offering. Should these amendments be acknowledged, or should only the first bits be accepted as the real deal? Oh, this could get messy.

  • http://shannonehlers.com/ Shannon Ehlers

    I think as time passed from the making of Star Wars, Empire, and Return, Lucas somehow became more of a political activist than a film maker. The talent was still there, but the second trio sort of stunk it up with the not-so-subtle political commentary.

    Interestingly, I think this is usually when a musician or a band jumps the shark: when they decide that they have something more important than their art to pursue.

  • http://shannonehlers.com/ Shannon Ehlers

    By the way, I’m very glad to see that Highlander was on your radar as you prepared this post.

  • Anonymous

    You forgot the best parenting tip of all time, “I taught you self-reliance.” I have used that countless times. I wish an entire generation of GenY parents had as well!

  • http://igreenbaum.com Kurt Greenbaum

    Sorry, but the light saber battle at the end of Star Wars Episode 3 makes that movie worthy of inclusion in my opinion. I agree with everything else you said. As for Star Trek…well, I agree that it’s been complicated by the new one. That movie was fantastic. Maybe we have to start a category for “old” Star Trek and “new” Star Trek?

    Fun post. Thanks.

  • http://www.livecollarfree.com/ James Schipper

    Alright, obviously you have taste. I’ll start paying closer attention to your posts now :-)

  • http://redesignblogs.com/ Daniel Bates

    Without Keaton, you’d never have had Bale. He made the role what is was able to be most recently. The others royally F’d it up and glad it came back to it’s roots.

    I gotta say that I’ve loved ALL of the Terminator movies. The last one was GOOD and even 3 was a strong action movie with a solid cohesive plot line which is more than I can say for 99% of sequals.

    Connery was the only 007, the others tried too hard. Brosnan was a joke. Which leads to the Indiana question and OF COURSE Last Crusade counts so there were definitely 3 of those. I’d count crusade well before Temple of Doom

  • Anonymous

    “But I ain’t never been to Nacagdoches.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lawton-Chiles/500095628 Lawton Chiles

    Chris, have you got the Bourne Ultimatum? Watch the DVD commentary-fantastic trip into the mind of the movies and how the pieced all of the stories and scenes together.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lawton-Chiles/500095628 Lawton Chiles

    only the penatant man will pass

  • http://nathanhangen.com/blog Nathan Hangen

    Matrix 1, 2, and 3 = crazy awesome

    Star Wars 3 wasn’t so bad either.

    Bale is the man, unless you’re the guy walking through his set :)

  • http://nathanhangen.com/blog Nathan Hangen

    Matrix 1, 2, and 3 = crazy awesome

    Star Wars 3 wasn’t so bad either.

    Bale is the man, unless you’re the guy walking through his set :)

  • http://nathanhangen.com/blog Nathan Hangen

    Wow, that sounds like the 1st Christian Bale movie that I would have to hate.

  • Anonymous

    Am a coworker of Foleymo’s – he’s tipped me off to your stuff before; am now finally checking it out for myself. To all the comments above about Star Wars movies: amen, brother. Ditto the other movies you named. Dunno about Star Trek – never jumped into the die-hard pool there. Speaking of which: what’s your opinion – how many Die-Hard movies were there? :-)

  • Anonymous

    Okay – I’m probably in the minority, but I give Indiana Jones only 2 movies – and Temple of Doom is not one of them. Screamy woman and annoying kid killed that for me (Don’t you agree Mr. Jones? Mr. Jones? Mr. Jones?!). Plus, no good tie in to Nazis or Biblical artifacts.

    Last Crusade fit better with Raiders – and in addition to the dog line – had the great throwback to Raiders when they were looking at ancient drawings in the tunnel:

    Dr. Schneider … “What’s this one?”
    Indie: “The Ark of the Covenant.”
    Elsa: “Are you sure?”
    Indy: “Pretty sure.”

    A Geezer Crusader hanging out in the cave was a bit weird – but what are you gonna do?

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    I can't agree more.

  • http://www.memorybits.co.uk/ usb flash drive

    Unlike the first blade, like the action sequences weeks (there's court room, where 100 one last time for vampires is a scene were trying to kill Blade, Blade to kill all vampires and save management hot looking woman court reporter, sitting back down and be the first sentence to read it when everyone is dropping blood.Most people just thought 'the whole world and the blade takes on Dick Cheney Goes to Jail' base was incredible.

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