Dave Gray asked about transformation over at Communication Nation. He’s talking about those watershed moments where something causes you to change dramatically. The question is: What brought about the transformational moment, and how can we engineer such moments to bring about more meaningful change in the world.
Here are a few of my transformational experiences:
Fifth Grade
I realized in fifth grade that *I* controlled my grades. It was the first time that I took hold of my destiny. Of course, I didn’t do this in a positive way. I immediately nosedived my academic experience to be spiteful for being singled out. This was around the time I started getting branded(!) as “gifted.”
Sex
I discover one of my first and favorite drugs. Orgasm.
First Semester College
Similar to fifth grade, I realized that I was the only one who cared where I was at any given moment during any given school day. Unlike grade school, college professor’s could’ve given a rat’s ass about me. I was seat-fodder.
This is Not My Beautiful House
I realize that my life between 1992-1997 was all a series of me trying to make other people happy. I further realize that I’m really wrapped into other people’s opinion of me. I achieve escape velocity from one life, in hopes of giving everyone involved the opportunity to make a new life better.
Quitting the Sure Thing
I left a company where most of the employees can work until they die, where keeping one’s nose clean was the pinnacle of success. Also the employer of my mom and brother, so a family gravitational pull. I went to a small wireless startup company.
9-11
Before September 11th, I wrote fiction by the ton. I was publishing. I did fairly well, and had a little following. I read fiction. After the planes started hitting, something switched. I had to learn. I had to learn LOTS. I started with survival books, but then relaxed my grip and started learning more and more about things that I used to take for granted. I got a-political, strangely, and retreated into the corporate world.
Spawn
The birth of my daughter was transformational. I tried with all my heart for it NOT to be. I wanted to be just as *.* as I was before. Not in a sweet, Hallmark way. It was hell. It was me kicking and screaming and trying to escape the life I saw attached to the label of parent. This was also when I had to start fessing up to the fact that I was officially supposed to be a grown up.
BIGGEST One Of All
I realized that I had LOTS of things wrong with me. I had self-esteem issues galore. I tackled these full on, on many fronts. I read voraciously. I saw a shrink. I went to groups. I built my self-esteem while severing my “what other people think” ties as best as I could.
From this, I started dieting and exercising. I lost 65 pounds. I went from being 100% slovenly to running a dozen 5Ks, a mountain 1/2 marathon, a trail marathon, and another 1/2 marathon in the winter months.
I started writing about self-improvement. I started branching out, trying to meet exciting and engaged people. I decided that I had something to offer.
I’m still at this level right now. In fact, I’m a little entropied from the best of this epiphany and could use some refreshers. I’ve put back some of the weight. I didn’t run for the last 11 months. (I’m starting back now). But, here’s where I am.
Seeding for Transformation
I’m not sure what others will tell Dave about his question, but my opinion is that these things all happened from within. In almost all cases, external stimulii didn’t/wouldn’t have been powerful enough to have moved me forward.
But the seeds were sometimes sown by things around me. I wouldn’t have picked the weight loss method I used had a friend not successfully used this method first. I wouldn’t have moved myself to tackle my self-esteem issues had I not received a near-ultimatum from my wife.
So maybe, in the final analysis, what COULD be useful is to find ways to seed the path. And that, my friends, is why I write here at [chrisbrogan.com]. Think about it. There’s no other external motive. I write the posts I write because I’m hoping that some of them find a place into your thoughts. I’m hoping that occasionally, one of you is motivated to launch yourself FIERCELY into your next transformation. I write about these things because I feel that being helpful and sharing are very important, especially when you’ve healed yourself enough to have things to offer.
I encourage you to consider this all yourself, and visit Dave’s post.
