Video- Find Your Voice in Business

This reminded me of a post I wrote a few years back. It cited research claiming that cursing on the job actually improves morale. Never thought of it as an “authenticity issue.” Thanks for the insight!

http://toughsledding.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/f-an-a-cussing-improves-productivity-morale/

Chris,

I love that you are authentic. Even when I met you in person you were 1,000,000% the same as you are in these videos, and as Cuba Gooding Jr. said to Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire “I Dig That About You!!!”

I’m for being authentic. That said, I think that my thoughts here center around not the list of good or bad words (think Carlin here?) as much as feedback giving us pause in how we express ourselves. We ge4t used to ourselves and then -surprisingly- find that words or attitudes hit others quite differently. I think it is more a learning process of communication. so maybe we can take a minute to ask ourselves, “Does ‘Shit!’ express what I really wanted to say about that?” Maybe it doesn’t. I think the feedback ought to find its way to those sorts of questions. It isn’t always a matter of being our authentic selves, but of finding whether our words express those authentic selves in actual terms.

Too, we have different social expressions of ourselves. For authentic people it isn’t always about being untrue to who you are ( although we have inner conversations about that) but like Shrek, we have layers, some of which we keep for different levels of intimacy. Business is not a high level of intimacy for most of us, although the internet blurs the edges. so maybe we don’t have to remind ourselves of *who* we are so much as *where we are*.

Some people would argue with my honesty in this, but not all uncensored expression is necessarily honesty. And wrapped around all this is the fact that we ought to cut each other a little slack. We have emotions, we react. No one wants to be or be around cardboard figures of people. That gets old!

I think there is a fine line between authentic and credible. To wit, while Elloit Spitzer was authentically getting busy with an escort – being true to his individual self – and then dragging his poor wife up to the podium to share in his loss of credibility. Would that count as editing the self in business? Do we really need to curse during a lecture to be genuine? Or passionate? Or could that backfire as a demonstration of self-indulgent self expression a la Othmer’s The Futurist? As a writer, don’t you find your work is better after you edited it? Why wouldn’t you put the same effort into your presentation? Your business? Authenticity is great. Credibility pays the bills.

A former friend used to get really upset with me when I would tell people I grew up poor and was a professional cleaning person at one time… she would get angry and ask why I felt it was necessary to say that. I’d tell her that’s a part of who I am… and that knowing that would help people understand why I was grateful to be given things (overly grateful in her opinion) and why I was always respectful of “service-type” employees. I’m not ashamed of how I grew up or what my previous jobs were – it has all benefited me and made me stronger.

My site, http://www.stressfreedesign.com, is very teal and pink – my colors – and I guess it looks “girlie” so, in an effort to make males more comfortable, I’ve created http://www.veronikafreeman.com – with forest and olive greens and a different background. A male subcontractor of mine thinks I should use that “manly site” for everyone – but I think not. I like my dots and happy picture and fun fonts – it’s me! The women I work with love it and expect to see those colors on my marketing materials…

I’d welcome anyone’s opinion! I feel like I’m in line with what Chris is saying – feel free to agree or disagree!

Veronika, design therapist, dotcalm

Seems to me you can BOTH be authentic AND responsible for what’s appropriate in the environment you are in. And if you can’t do both where you work or with the people you work with then maybe you are working in the wrong place and/or doing the wrong kind of work.

I “get” that swearing is not what you’re really talking about, but more a metaphor for authenticity. I’ll bet long odds that you know when to swear, and when not to.

But I love the advice to be who you are, all of who you are. I think there is a positive feedback loop between authenticity and credibility.

The first selp-help book I ever read was “I Ain’t Much, Baby, But I’m All I Got.” It was kinda cheesy, but the message took me through a difficult time (1975!) and has stayed with me since. I underscore it in my article “Authentic Success: Your Ordinary Self Is Good Enough” – http://tinyurl.com/Ordinary-Self

Warning: It’s not business oriented. It’s just about taking what life gives you and using it to the max!

Thanks for the vids!

I think you’d appreciate this comment Chris: http://churchcrunch.com/2009/01/24/authentic-or-just-rude-your-thoughts/#IDComment14288144

With the digital trails we leave today, it is more important than ever to be yourself all the time because it is too easy for folks to determine who you really are anyway. Why hide or try to change? Who you are is your greatest asset. Wear it proudly and find those that appreciate it, as is. Those that don’t.. “F ‘em!” LOL. Now that I’ve heard all the cussing, I feel MUCH BETTER about some of the jokes and stories I shared with you at CES. ;-)

Chris, I totally agree with you.

Authenticity does come down to self esteem and self confidence. You need to have both or you will allow yourself to be pulled in all directions to the extent that you put on a different face for everybody. I almost fell into this trap, as I had serveral different individuals and organizations telling me I needed to change the way I was acting to fit into their group, when all I was doing was being my authentic self.

My association with them didn’t last long. I decided I would have one persona — me (hey, how about that!). This way I don’t have to remember who I’m supposed to be at any given time! I can now lay my head on my pillow at night, knowing that I have integrity (yeah, I’m integrated!) and knowing I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not.

This will bring on detractors, but who cares. I figure, if I’m being the best me I can be — a kind individual who contributes to society, then its not important if someone, for a silly reason, won’t allow me to “belong to their club,” or won’t give me their businees. I’ll find another club, or find a client that fits. Why would I want to belong to their club anyway?

Being your authentic self in all your associations, across the board, is sometimes scary. It’s a risk! You need to have self esteem and know why you like yourself, because you need to be ready to be rejected by some, and you need to be able to tell yourself “I’m okay.”

So rememember — be yourself — if a few don’t appreciate you, so what? You’ll find many others who will appreciate you, for being confident and having a unique voice. And then again, even if they don’t, so what? You’ll be able to lay your head down on the pillow at night knowing YOU like YOU.

krissy knox :)
Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/iamkrissy

I think there is a merging of the personal and professional that is continuing to occur — it’s a sign of less formal times, but also, I think, a sign that more people are becoming more passionate about their work.

I’ve had a personal and a professional blog, and they’ve been unmistakeably merging and becoming one over time. I just posted a video response that talks about how that’s been.

(Cliff Notes Version: It’s been good.)

There is a fine line between authentic and narcissism. If 79% of the international audience finds using swear words in the business environment offensive (Servcorp survey Dec. 2008 – US & UK rank it nearly 100%), why does one choose to use them?

Awareness of others, paying attention to their needs, and responding to their needs in a considerate way, is part of civil community. It is not a threat to freedom of expression. Individual rights in an egalitarian, democratic society requires self-control otherwise we may see government laws to close the gap. (e.g. The Hand Up Act, Microsoft’s patent application for a digital manners policy- a technology to restrict cell phone transmission for example in a movie theatre, U.S. patent No. 7437290 a technology that lets a company bleep out words in an audio stream that match a list of predefined bad words.)

Ironically, the very desire of freedom of self-expression will be lost if one cannot balance self-expression with self-restraint.

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/joseph_pine_on_what_consumers_want.html
might be a pov

Susan isn’t wrong. I mean, there are lots of ways one can offend one’s crowd. You know, beards are bad, too.

But you’re not wrong.

And yet.

The good news: I’m the same person with everyone, all the time, in all media. The perhaps-not-so-good-news: A lot of people I meet don’t like that. Frequently that means they don’t like me. Popularity means nothing to me. It isn’t that I don’t care; I just don’t care about stuff like that. I do value honesty, openness, integrity and authenticity.

Bottom line: if you’re not prepared to hear the truth, don’t ask me the question. Makes life simple, doesn’t it?

Linda M. Lopeke
The SMARTSTART Coach

Being completely uncensored and honest to who I am is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. But, I’m getting there and the results have been 100 times greater than any action I saw while trying to be the person I thought other people wanted me to be.

As always, thanks for the sage advice.

Chris,

You know I love you to bits, but not everyone has the luxury of being “themselves”.

Pardon my rudeness and blatant plug, but I wrote about this very topic a few days back (did you read my post and disagree so much you recorded your answer???) ;-)

http://dannybrown.me/2009/01/22/whats-your-voice/

Keep strong and speak soon,

D. :)

Fuck yeah! Finally you said it Chris. It is awesome to see that you are making a statement as bold as this because you can apply this idea to anything and it doesn’t even have to be about business. People tend to be two sided which makes them boring so good for you for breaking the mold.

Thanks Chris for fantastic advice.

It is all too easy to fit in with everyone else, never rock the boat and do exactly as others expect. This is a great strategy if you are trying to make sure you don’t get fired, or lose that contract… But you become mediocre – you can never become exceptional, because you are exactly the same as everybody else.

ps. I love the video posts, they convey your passion much more effectively ;-)

Jon Ray – I think the hardest thing to do is to be completely honest with yourself

Chris:

I appreciate your statement. Here is my own experience re:authenticity:

At 20, didn’t know how to define it ’cause didn’t know who I was-played around with all sorts of different “personalities” to see which one people related to the most-had to do this all the time growing up as different personalities at different times got me the love I needed from parents.

At 30, FELT I was creative, but didn’t KNOW I was-would not charge for my work!

At 36, KNEW I was creative, but not THINKING about word “authenticity” “integrity”. Tied up in wrong marriage.

At 43-KNEW I was not being authentic to my inner calling., but money kept me from taking action. However, mentally, I started taking complete action on making the changes necessary for integration in my life.

At 45-Left secure job with NO financial backing and NO IDEA of what I was going to do-only knew FOR SURE that I wanted my own business and would do whatever it took to make it successful. Started The Kaleidoscope Partnership. Finally had confidence in my ability to market and sell and figured that whatever I decided to do would benefit from these two skills. Went through five months of trying on different business “skins.”
After five months, reality forced me into monetizing what I KNEW other people would pay for (to know how I sold so much furniture using design skills-so I started sales training for furniture retailers), but I KNEW deep down I was still not being authentic to my deepest calling.

Finally, at 51(last year) I was able to make the complete switch into my truest, deepest passion-creatively communicating with people in order to make a difference-whether it’s in one person’s life, in the life of the furniture industry, or, if given the opportunity, in the world.

And, what I can tell you and anyone reading this is that who I am NOW, finally, is who I really am whether you meet me in person, see me speaking on behalf of the furniture industry, meet me through my volunteer efforts on behalf of Women In The Home Industries Today, read my online or offline columns for furnituretoday.com or Furniture World magazine, follow me on twitter or wherever. I am, at last, fully integrated into myself and completely authentic.

I can speak the truth without fear. I have survived MANY very difficult life transitions(many within the past two years as I have made 5 moves within 2 years, had Dad die, gone through MAJOR client and financial crises, broke off formal engagement last year, and had complete hysterectomy last November-is that enough?)

As you can see, I put it out there and yet, and yet… I am busier than ever in my business life and happier than (almost)ever in my personal life.

But, here is what I know: it can take a LONG TIME for someone to be able to be authentic and transparent- for all the reasons I’ve shared and many more that I probably don’t understand or know.

I am SO grateful to the universe for all the adversity. Somehow I think I was thrown all of these curveballs so I would get the message that you are espousing in this video!

It’s a goal to reach for, that’s for sure, and, hopefully, those younger than me will be able to get to it faster than I did because of the access to information that exists now vs. when I was growing up.

And, I want to say here that my “agenda” on twitter and on behalf of trying to do a good job for my clients, BiOH.com and yourfurniturelink.com on Twitter is this: If I can show others in the furniture industry how I have helped my clients achieve sales and/or raise brand awareness THEN other people in the furniture industry may be able to grasp the power of the social web and DROP the traditional advertising they are doing which, in turn DROPS hundreds of thousands of dollars to the bottom line and THAT can lead to saving THOUSANDS of JOBS and having the cash flow to re-invest in the technologies that will enable them to survive, compete and transition into a new era of doing business. The furniture industry is a legacy industry. So, by being authentic to my talent as a creative connector and communicator, I can be authentic to my desire to help others, too.

Authenticity=FTW! Thanks, Chris, for the chance to express this. Curiousity is the number one business trait I value and you have it in spades.

100% plus infinity agree.
I also think when we talk about passion, drive and motivation- these are things we can’t fake or contain- they are where we draw our power from, and it’s almost impossible to bottle this up inside.
I’m spending this weekend at Educon 2.1- an educational unconference made up of regular folk, but superstars are also here, as just regular folk. Jeff Hahn, who did a great TED talk on the multitouch screen was here, asking educators about how this technology might help them in the classroom- what did they think the implications were for them.
Gary Stager, from the school reform movement, is an amazing guy who just can’t contain his passion for kids and teaching, but also for saying stuff like “This is stupid and why we continue to subject kids to this every day is beyond my ability to comprehend.” Gary has gotten kids in a prison population in Maine to hand-make guitars- kids who never concentrated on anything in their life spent over 500 handcrafting guitars and now want to take the next step and learn how to play….It’s all about authenticity and engagement. It’s also about not underestimating other people and talking to them as people, not just an audience for a controlled performance.
There are educators here who are passionate about making schools work for their kids, looking to come away with new ideas and be inspired to become agents of change in their schools- to become the heretics of the “canon” as it stands where they are, and start making education something they can be passionate about so they can make a new generation of students passionate about learning as well.
But it starts here, Chris, with posts like yours, that remind us all how important finding your voice is, and helping others find theirs- in school this means recognizing that kids need to have a meaningful voice that’s valued-(and that works for us at home, too, by the way)- in business, it’s about being a good listener when others try to express their views and not drowning them out, assuming you know the only true way.

We moderate our presentation for the same reason that we shower, shave, brush our teeth, wear clean clothes, etc. – to make an appropriate impression on our audience. In many cases, the message is the priority, not the messenger, and your presentation must not distract from your goal. If the client/date/boss/whatever is thinking about your manner, they aren’t thinking about your message.

Be yourself, yes. But that is not a license to impose your culture or personality on your audience.

John’s comment reminds me of an incident this week at my office. We’re in the process of hiring a new faculty member, and we naturally want one who understands social media. While examining the online activities of candidates, we found one who is fond of salty language — including the F-bomb in blog post headlines an text. Several committee members worried that this behavior might transfer to our classrooms, and that’s just not acceptable.

I agree with Chris’ notion that we must be authentic. But we also have to consider the impact of that authenticity on our audience, and that some audiences like it more than others. Let’s also remember that cuss words morph into common usage. For example, we all know that Chris’ blog is the “shit.”

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=the+shit

Good take. When talking about “being yourself” in business though, we already have been shown how to move, speak and behave in a given social circle – maybe by our parents. Otherwise we won’t even be accepted to enter. So, the only thing we do when being ourselves, we cautous push the boundaries of the social circle we already made us to be able to enter.