You are right on about self-medicating to mask self-esteem issues, chris. I’ve often thought some form of self-analysis or therapy should be required for all middle to high school aged students. I’m only now beginning to understand those behaviors in myself. And even though I am at my best weight ever and probably thinner than most women my age, my weight and what I put in my mouth are on my mind constantly. I’m still my own harshest judge.

I’m really thinking here. Still thinking. I did just want to add one thing though, while I think about everything else. This thing is something I’ve thought about a lot, and actually formed an opinion on.

As an elementary school teacher, I noticed an alarming trend about giving out “certificates”. They have these things for honor roll, citizenship, etc. It became the trend that it would be damaging to the kid’s self-esteem if he or she didn’t receive a certificate every time, no matter what. No matter how badly they slacked, how unfocused, how badly they behaved, etc. at the end of the quarter it was the teacher’s job to find the one noteworthy thing they may have done, and honor it. So the certificates went into these crazy realms, just to accomodate every “everything”. Best Tetherballer. Most Improved Cafeteria Monitor. Not that these things are trivial in and of themselves - you gotta start where you are, and any improvement is better than none. Re-enforcement, and generally making the time to notice and acknowledge whenever a child does something positive, well that’s a big chunk of the classroom experience, and I would never discount the impact.

Having said that, I refuse to make up categories so little Billy doesn’t get his feelings hurt. I think adults are taking all the umph out of their kids. I had to think about it long and hard. And I came up with this policy, which I share with parents at the beginning of each year: True self-esteem doesn’t come from an outside source (like a teacher). It comes from inside you, and it comes from doing something that is hard for you to do, but doing it anyway.

We can support each other (and children, in this case) to make improvements, but they have to be meaningful and significant.

The fact that I run faster now, than I was last year, does not make me a better person than I was. It just makes me a better runner than I was. And I got better at it, because I kept doing it, even when it was hard. And *that’s* what built my self-esteem enough to go and do other things that also used to seem impossible. If I had let the [very supportive and well-intentioned] comments of loved ones set the bar for me, I’d still be right where I was when I first started. I’m no record breaker today, mind you, but I’ve improved enough that I now know that I *can* improve. That’s very helpful information.

I agree Mia. But some understanding of self-esteem issues is critical. Otherwise, when the running stops, old habits can re-surface. You know, like when you are running to run away from something, but you don’t ever figure out what you’re running away from. But I do agree–just telling a kid he’s a good whatever, doesn’t make him good. It’s the accomplishment.