Be Realistic About Time

understood... the timing is right...

I concur. Fast is good, but why do we all need to have a knee-jerk reaction or an opinion on everything that happens around the world. I understand empathy, but sometimes I have to just reach over and shut down every piece of equipment in my house that talks, beeps or vibrates whenever something incredible, amazing or appalling happens.

What's next? Twitter, I agree is awesome. but couldn't we just listen to some "smooth jazz" every once in a while without everyone knowing which song we listened to...

now?

My friends that don't "do" online networking do things like "make" phone calls and only check their email at night. I wonder if the plugged life is really the way to go.. But then here I am close to 11pm at night, connecting with people around the world online (Twitter, Facebook, blogs etc..).. So - yes, I would rather be plugged in - even if it means I miss it when I happen to shut off my computer and smartphone... Unplugging now.. For sleep that is..

I have been putting responser times on my calendar. I have so many requests to respond to people sometimes the important (yes, they are all actually important) ones get lost in the shuffle. Drinking from a firehouse sometimes does not allow you to taste the youcky stuff that is coming through and of course, vice versa. The must respond stuff gets put on a calendar. I star things and categorize and everything else and it still gets caught in the crowd. This is also another reason to outsource a person to help. That is a little sad to me.

Sorry but the question in this post did not get added to the list. Or was that rhetorical. Go ahead and take a few days before you answer that.

I have given up my blackberry so far this year, and guess what, things dont seem as urgent as they used to (but I would struggle to get back to a 2 day wait at the moment, but lest I am not in the two minute or two hour space any more)

I think it's something we put on ourselves. I think we also have the power to lift those expectations and make them more realistic. No one forces us to be so "fast". It's just something we are sometimes able to do, and therefore, people get used to it. I think we all hold the ultimate power for our response time. It's just a matter of trusting that everything will be ok if we don't answer rightthissecond. That can be a really scary thing for some people.

I really think this is the natural progression of Twitter - the perceived need to be always on. I disagree with anyone who thinks that they or I (but mostly I) need to be "always on".

As for follow-up, I kinda figure if I'm giving someone a valuable opportunity or valuable information and they appreciate it, then they will act accordingly, no prompting needed from me. If not, I will know soon enough.

My employer has a standard practice of turning on email "Read Notifications" so everyone knows if/when everyone else reads the email you sent. I broke that policy my first week on the job because, hey, the notifications show up as *another* email to delete (I was practicing "inbox zero" before I ever knew about Merlin Mann).

Besides, if you're not reading my stuff and you miss something - whose fault is that??

Well, we sort of all asked for it. We wanted things to help us get things done faster so we naturally expect people to respond faster. Look at the business world today, you carry a Blackberry from the company you’re employed by and you are required to keep it on at ALL TIMES! It’s in employment contracts and you can be let go for not responding to any request - 24 hrs a day 7days a week. I see people on vacation with this stress of replying to corporate e-mails or even worse attending conference calls while on vacation. I thought vacation was to get away from it all & recharge. I think it's only going to get worse before it gets better. Someone has to put his or her foot down or maybe each one of us needs to publicly let it be known that if you contact me, I very well may not respond pre-instantaneously.

I often think (with the aid of my wife) of giving up my beloved blackberry.. Its possible, we may do this and hats off to Wes to do this. The world will indeed keep revolving, but this is just evolution - I dont want to be an addict/become dependent on this. From a business perspective, surely this needs to be a collective decision - if only one person gives it up, then dont they get left behind - if everyone gave up - that would be a very different experiment!

I've never understood this desire to slow down. If nothing's happening, I get restless. I like feeling permanently connected, and I like the fact that all forms of communication are beginning to approach real-time.

Is the need to slow down really so widespread? If so, why did we begin this march towards speed in the first place?

Good point. It's funny - I just happened to send a tweet out this evening to a new web host because I haven't heard anything from them except auto-response emails since setting up an account on Friday. As I was sending it I thought, 'wait, it's Sunday. I'm complaining that I haven't received a response within 2 days...on a weekend. What is my problem?' But through their content they've set the expectation that I will wait less than 24 hrs to get my account setup, no matter the day.

Now, it's true that my concern about the host is slightly different. But it makes me wonder if we set our own expectations w/ people in similar ways. Sometimes it's tough to know where the line is.

The danger for most of us is falling into the trap where we give most of our time to the many people we don't "know" so well and not enough time to those immediately around us i.e. our families and close friends. Both audiences are important especially when the former relates to our professional lives, but for many of us the balance is really hard to achieve, even more so with our ever increasing levels of connectivity.

Ah, the joys of always being available. I've dealt with it, on and off, for 12+ years now. Back then, it was carrying a pager while working for a financial company, dealing with US & UK business units. (Low points were getting called repeatedly during -- how shall I put this -- intimate moments. Or stepping away from desk & getting repeatedly paged while... on the toilet.) I had a local pager, so I'd vacation out of town. Then I got nationwide paging, so I'd get cheap tickets to London & elsewhere. Then I ended up with a GSM phone with global roaming and, uh... heh.

Having true peers on your team scattered around the globe can be useful. But if everybody feels the need to come to you... ack! Luckily most people are respectful of night time, but once you get a reputation for responding to e-mails / IM / phone calls around the clock, they stop calling other people and just go to you.

Biologically we are hardwired to be reactive - hungry=hunt for food, alpha male growls=respond NOW
Technologically we have devised an infrastructure that simply reinforces and amplifies this primitive reactive response. (That's why your boss has no problem giving you a Blackberry)
Culturally we now live in a society where the fight or flight reflex is counterproductive and the challenge is to turn all of this technology around so that we can have more time to be pro-active, creative and have fun

My father in law a Chicago Fire Chief, who I'm crazy about, passed away 1 year ago yesterday. Recently, when I felt like I was not getting a quick enough answer from someone and rushed to follow an e-mail with a phone call,I heard the smile in his voice asking "where is the fire, I don't see any smoke?." with a giggle, I put down the phone and realized I could wait.

Give me my life back!! This current pace of life and communications in particular is not sustainable, not at this current velocity and not in the future if it continues this acceleration. It's on the right side of the bell curve of optimal response time where it's affecting personal efficiency and productivity.

It's up to us to choose whether to act or react. Act, and Twitter performs as a splint. React to the way it responds, or not, and it becomes a splinter.

Hi Chris,

It seems like before we need training to move fast. Now it's the total opposite, we need tobe trained to let go and slow down. Whoa dude. Total turnaround in the pace of life.

People have to now realize the spinning cage we're running in to get off and slow down. It can only happen if you take outself out of the game for a while.

All the Best!

Regards,

Erwin Chua
http://winning2win.com

Well nice post to have all that nice discussions and give opinions, so here is mine:

I own and blackberry and cannot get rid of it.
First I like to be connected to know what is going on around. Second as an entrepreneur and director of one of my 2 companies I have to keep following up with clients and crew members, in the advertising business I believe clients are always in a rush to get replies and things done so I make sure I am always there. Third, while traveling it is easier to stay connected than searching for WiFi connection, and if I am on a vacation I can manage things to not bother myself with work issues while am relaxing. Fourth, social media and online business requires so as well.
And so many other points that keeps me connected 24/7.

So I believe that we can stay connected while we can manage things to not bother or feel stressed.

Cheers!
Jean

I manage a few different email accounts but my primary business account is the one that I hold with The Real Estate Tomato. It's this account in particular that I'm quick to answer to as I deal mostly with sales and customer service requests. But in between the day-to-day stuff, meetings, (and some other off-line stuff that I'm working on) it can be tough to get to people within the hour or two. Most of these emails are easy to get to and respond to but when you're away from the computer or have family time in the evenings during the weekend, that just isn't so.

So what do I do to manage expectations? For one, I started using AwayFind when I heard you mention it here. It's a great application and I've found that people do in fact make use of it under the appropriate circumstances which is great. I find that I actually peek at my email less and focus on other things. But then I also set expectations up front with new prospects and clients. I let them know how I work and communicate and as them how they prefer to communicate as well. Updates go out every morning to keep everyone "in the know" and from there, it helps eliminate some of the back and forth mess that's created from the whole "did you get my message" moments.

That's my process anyway...

Clients like this annoy me... although its all about expectation management, if you respond in 5 minutes a few times, they'll start to expect it, respond once every day and they'll expect it...

Blackberries and iPhones are dangerous for managing these expectations, because its so easy to respond whilst in a taxi, other than in 4 hours when you get back from your meeting...

Great post Chris. How many times have you seen parents at the park on weekends typing away on their Blackberrys, instead of paying some attention to their kids. Heck, we're all guilty of that. Our kids don't deserve it and neither do we.

We are at fault is correct. We have to push back and limit ourselves, otherwise we end up becoming gluttons and become anxious for ... everything.

Up until two years ago, I was one of those blackberry types, full access, but I was part of a two person department supporting our companies IT and web presence. Having to respond at the drop of a hat was quite a bit of pressure. Even now, after two years, it is hard to let go of those type of habits. My phone now only has text capabilities, but even that can be a distraction. I am trying hard to learn to be patient. Besides, if we just react to the current fast pace atmosphere we are going to miss out on something. Sometimes, it is nice to think before acting or would that be reacting? Good post Chris. Hope you will be able to slow down the pace yet still keep yourself where you want to be.

Dad.

One of my three words was balance. Balance is very important to me because it should touch every aspect of my life. What we are talking about here is balancing our time. Since I have had my Blackberry since 2000, my life has been very unbalanced or at least heavily focused on work. Now that I am married; it is important to decide where my time is best spent after 7pm. I am capable of turning off my Blackberry now; this was a VERY big step. I sneak a peak before bed. I try not to take my phone-Blackberry out to dinner with my wife. Remember the days before email and cell phones? Barely! I am launching an online retailer soon and I am glued to my computer in my spare time. I just need to get this project done. Is that fair to the people around me? I am not saying we need to slow down like the other posts, but we should learn to dedicate certain hours for certain activities. I don't read as much as Chris, but I would like to. We can learn a lot by slowing down; look around you and see what's going on. It's not just you trying to get you work out. Do something charitable. Go to a museum. Spend time with your family. By the way...I am not able to do all of this yet, but I continue to try. Good luck everyone.

Lastly; set expectations and no one will complain.

This is occurring everywhere in business right now, it's not just those of us who are constantly Twittering, emailing, texting, etc. I have been quietly complaining about this at work, where occasionally the owners promise 3-4 day turnarounds on proposals and presentations, instead of the necessary 2 - 2.5 weeks.

Regardless of whether or not companies have unrealistic expectations, nothing will change until we stop bending to the requests. Why would you want me to work quickly and break my back to deliver you any sort of work that will be rushed, when you can get a product twice as good if you give me a couple more days?

I want my deliveries to be complete, well-thought, and to exceed the expectations of the recipient, not just to be on time.

Normally, Chris, I find your stuff agreeable but not today. Did you and Seth Godin decide to both post to complain about the things you help perpetuate and make a living from?

How you live your life is entirely up to you but it makes one curious. If you profess this idea of relationship as being the real deal and then whine about those who want timely communication about something that is important to them (part of a relationship is understanding the needs of others whether they are reasonable or not) you come off as hypocritical.

You have helped to perpetuate a lot of what you're complaining about. It's not reasonable to have tens of thousands following you on Twitter then having your e-mail out there for everyone then act as if we should only respond to you and vice versa when you find it convenient and on your terms. To expect everyone else to see the world like you want them to is at best naive and worst arrogant.

We are humans and we have limits. Today's technology of being "on all the time" is testing those limits in ways never imagined just 20 years ago. Usually, in order to have one thing something else has to suffer. Each person has to decide what is most important to them. Complaining about what you have helped to perpetuate (whether intentionally or not) is an indication that you may need to make some decisions yourself.

If you slowed down yourself I bet everyone would survive and you might have less expectations placed on you. Just a thought but you have to make that call rather than trying to get everyone else on board with what you deem is appropriate.

In the 1920's many people refered to the telephone as an "instrument of the devil." There are days when I concur, but I still carry my blackberry. If we want boundries, we have to extablish and keep them. But if on a Sunday I'm emailing my daughters and I see business mail, I'm hap to answer it and in doing so I train my correspondents to expect instant replies. There is no Twitter Czar to set the rules. We have decide what we want and train others to it. If we're afraid of losing customers, we are at their mercy.

I've been going back and forth on the pros and cons of actually promoting my availability - ways to take 'setting office hours' a step further. I wonder how people will react. Will they respect it, or will they decide they don't appreciate my choice to unplug and choose to unplug from me? Until I can afford a full-time assistant to help me answer every inquiry for my new start-up I feel forced to stay connected. I recognize it's choice, but I think it's a wise one for me to make at this stage of my business.

But as you wisely point out, it has made me much more respectful of other people's time. I don't expect same-day turnaround anymore, and I find people appreciate that.

So true. I must confess that on a business level when I want something I want it now! It seems the world has reached a truly Macdonalds culture where everything is instant and disposable.

Getting home I'm almost the opposite. While I feel somewhat isolated when the internet is down (hey, this is Africa it happens often) I don't need to be on it 24/7 I just like the comfort of knowing that it's there. Often I'll let my mobile take a message rather than answer, emails I get back to in the week and I'll wait for anything off of an a-la-carte menu.

I think it's a balance that we all need to find. Sadly business is ruled by those with a good turn-around time, even if at times the expense of quality...

"Welcome to Macdonalds... would you like fries with that?"

I don't think this is unique to the online world. At work, I love the people who fire off an E-mail and then cruise by my desk to ask if I got it, two seconds later... ;) Online, I am personally understanding this phenomenon with every new connection I make in my communities. I have to remember though that any stress I feel from these connections is self induced.

The clash between the consumer's desire for instant response and the actual "speed of business" is the catalyst for speeding things up, but the question remains, how fast is fast enough?

-chris

Chris - Right now for so many I think it is a matter of survival! Especially as Realtors, we have learned that the only way we are going to survive the future is by being on line! I know that I enjoy it very much when I am camping with my horses. . .I can't afford to have the net on my Treo so I actually get a few days that the pace slows. I love it!

A few years ago, a client called and emailed me about 25 times one weekend about something that was not an emergency. I did not return any of the calls or emails until Sunday night. I did try to wait until Monday morning but his last message was, "I'm really worried about you. I hope you are okay." I called back and said, "It's the weekend. Although I do work on the weekend and will send the occasional email on the weekend, you can't expect that I will work. Nothing happened to me. Do not do that again." He didn't, and as soon as I pointed out his boundary error, he apologized. Most people understand once you point it out, and the ones who don't probably aren't worth doing business with, IMHO.

SO TRUE. I'm trying to reinstate 'nighttime' and 'weekends' but it's hard when the rest of the world keeps working. To not work all weekend means a Monday morning going through 300+ emails. When we're all playing by different rules, it gets awfully tricky...

Gee, must be hard to be a celebrity blogger these days.

First, Peter Kim is all knotted up over "echoes," and you can't get a break from your fans.

Why not just write a post stating your new policy or "hours of operation?"

I'm with Frank Reed on this one.

I know how I don't want to spend my time online...
I don't want to spend it complaining.

Clearly, we (humans) not the machines and or technology need to be in control. When that fails we lose a sense of self and the result is "stress". It is good advise to pay attention to your own "natural" rhythms and be true to them. Really, who is in charge here? :-)

This is a constant struggle, and I'm right there with you Chris. Being married to a technophobe probably helps, but I have to unplug to stay sane. What good am I to myself or my clients if I don't spend a little time decompressing, relaxing and reflecting? If I'm always in "plugged in" mode, I'm reacting and not thinking thinking. I manage those expectations but making sure I'm unplugged for a bit each day. Can't take the iPhone with me in the pool. Sorry!

Good reminder for us all! It is critical that we use our time which is an ever decreasing commodity as effectively and efficiently as possible. PRIORITIZE. Your time management system should not be a FIFO or LIFO system. You have a limited time to get done everything you need to and the reality is you will rarely if ever have an inbox/to-do list that is empty....make sure you deal with the most critical, strategic, time sensitive things in priority and be thoughtful in your response. Quality of response should trump pace of response.

Chris,
You are absolutely right and we all have to be very mindful of other people's time and try to manage our expectations. I have started to create boundaries in my life. I have learned in life that most things can wait. Avil
http://www.twitter.com/avilbeckford

I also think people conflict the ways of blogging to how all communications should be. In blogging, we're told to be quick with replying to comments/detractors and take part in the current conversation. It's good to connect with these folks in a reasonable amount of time but to expect the same through general correspondence is a bit much.

I find this to be especially when dealing with the interview process. A few years ago it was commonplace to hear nothing after an interview for weeks while other candidates were interviewed. Now, it seems that people expect a reply or a request for a follow-up interview almost immediately.

I work with a guy who will send me an email or comment on my personal blog, then txt me, IM and call right away to see if I received it. If this was business critical I could understand since I manage a lot of IT for my company but it's to the point of even forwards get this much attention. Some days he'll walk up and stand at my cube waiting for me to get off the phone to see if I read his forward. This this one thing I wont miss when I'm laid off in a month. Thankfully he hasnt figured out Twitter.

That reminds me of a friend who got a $14 e-book purchase. He demanded almost instant support and asked for a refund when his question wasn't answered in an hour.

"It's not about what you are doing that matter, but what you choose not to do."

People should stop trying to squeeze more out of their time. For instance, when I receive an invitation to the new micro blogging platform, I never accept it. Perhaps just for a quick review and no more.

But I still feel overwhelmed on a regular basis...

Agreed, this is a huge problem. People start to panic or upset if they don't get a reply in few hours. The on-line tools (such as twitter, facebook, etc) are really useful to build and maintain a community, and like anything else they can also rob your personal life if not careful - there is no need to constantly tweet or update facebook.

We do teach people how to treat us. Expectations have changed in the digital world. When enough people realize that life isn't an emergency, things will change.

About a year ago they asked us if we wanted a Blackberry at work. I declined the offer. I have a cell phone, but it's never turned on. I do not ever want to be that connected. My personal time is mine. Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I'm a happy dinosaur.
~jon

I agree - the world does not shut down for two minutes. people were even calling me on Christmas Eve. I have learned not to pick up my phone or answer emails during the times I need to chill out. I need to set my own boundaries now, no one will do it for me. Once people learn your rules, they will probably respect them.

"I need to set my own boundaries now, no one will do it for me. Once people learn your rules, they will probably respect them."

BINGO, Karen Strauss.

I agree Chris- the need for speed will eventually kill us.I am as guilty as anybody, but it all hurts our ability to focus on the task at hand or linger with the people we are with.

I worked in a law office for a few years before going to law school, and I remember that when we got a fax machine, people started everything faster because they could get it faster. Then we started using Fedex more frequently- again, increasing processing demands in our small office- you couldn't wait for the mail anymore.
With each new technology, here is a increase in demands for faster/now- to the point where there are jokes about people trying to master ESP and pre-anticipate needs to better manage time- that's simply crazy.
Even with ADHD, and a mind that naturally juggles multiple tasks, I am feeling the need to increasingly streamline and focus, to build resources to outsource jobs and in essence, accomplish by sharing rather than feeling the need to do it all myself, because there simply are not enough hours in the day.

You think that's bad.
You should see what time has done to the architectural industry...

I agree with all who have characterized this as about expectations.

In my profession (law), "false emergencies" have become the norm. It took me a few years to figure out that even in a world where deadlines have real consequences, not every matter is an emergency.

I do twitter and I do check email more than I should. But I don't carry a Blackberry. I don't give out my cell phone to everyone anymore - that ended the day that I was in the middle of a settlement hearing and a potential client asked if I could "pray with her" about an upcoming matter. Her vision and mine of what was an emergency was not the same.

I find my time valuable - between my firm, my blog and my family. It's all about priorities. I know what mine are and I live accordingly. How you choose to spend your time is up to you.

That said, I do find some of the criticisms about being connected interesting. It doesn't come across as whining to me to re-evaluate how you spend your time and think about possible solutions. The world moves pretty fast these days - technology, business practices, lifestyles, they are all constantly changing. Thinking about how that affects you seems smart. But maybe that's just me.

Frank and UseGrayMatter, I hear where you guys are coming from, but I have to say I don't think this is just something Chris is discussing in reference to himself. It's more endemic to our plugged in world, and it happens to those of us who aren't Chris, just on a smaller scale. Chris only has his frame of reference to draw from, but it's not just him (as you can see from plenty of the other comments from moms and business people alike). I hear it from colleagues and friends all the time.

I want to be accessible, but I'm also human. And it's less the notion of people demanding answers so much as they're asking to be heard and acknowledged. That's the real trick. I'm not Chris, but I too struggle each day with living up to my aspirational self - the one that's always responsive, available, pleasant and helpful. I don't care if you're Chris or you're me. We each have limits, and they're in direct proportion to the size and scope of our universe.

Whether we like it or not, expectations HAVE changed. And not only do those who are being tapped for their attention have a responsibility to manage that, but when we're in the position of asking someone for their attention, context matters. If I'm your wife or your sister, I'm hoping that I'm nearer the top of the list than the dude who needs a product sample from you. And I'd expect you to put me in the same queue.

To those outside the web/tech realm, this notion is absolutely crazy. They could care less.

To those in the web/tech realm, not being plugged in is crazy. They can't understand how you can't be plugged in.

I think no matter what, at the end of the day, we're usually with those outside the fast bubble we often live in. We need to remember that.

Love Twitter and love to have quick responses. Please, please, please don't let me fall into the trap. I don't want to be tethered to anything. Social media has allowed us to see the 'human' side of companies and others. Shouldn't we expect them to even act human?

Thanks for the reminder and the leadership to show us you're human as well.

Amber,

I think I'm reacting to another kind of trend. Peter Kim's "transform the echo" post, Godin's "rubbernecking" post and this post, which early on says
"Mostly, it’s my web friends to blame..."

Just wondering what's going on with the thought-leading camp.

You can, as you say, "live up to [your] aspirational self - the one that’s always responsive, available, pleasant and helpful" ...and still set boundaries.

People's expectations of you are just that: THEIRS. Your expectations of you are defined by you and ONLY you.

So when Chris says: "We're all to blame...It's no one person's fault." I suppose I'm taking the position that we're NOT all to blame. And it is one person's fault. And for each of us, that one person is ourself.

Part of being in a community is about respecting others AND their personal boundaries. That just means you need to make sure people know what your boundaries are.

People who blast "urgent" messages at inappropriate times are saying more about their lack of manners than their expectations of your immediate response.

What's interesting is that we allow any accommodation of that behavior.

I learned early on that someone else's "emergency" ... most often isn't. So I adjust accordingly, politely and professionally when such a communication makes an appearance.

As for all of the like-minded comments in this thread, I say let's all take a minute to define our own boundaries. Let's be realistic about them. You cannot change others, you can only change yourself, no?

Chris is a leader...as are you, Mr. Godin and Mr. Kim. I just can't help but notice there's been a lot of "frustration" expressed by the thought-leadership this month. I suppose it just keeps catching me off guard. It's guess it's just not what I...expected.

I used to respond to email when it came in or as soon as I got it on my iPhone or at my computer. Now, I don't do that so often unless it's really urgent or something I want to get taken care of right away. You know there are some things that you respond to because the result of the conversation is important, contracts or etc.

I really have to agree with the set your boundaries up front crowd. I've even drawn up a workflow procedure that I send to new clients. I still feel guilty for a non-instant response but that's something *I* need to work on. ;)

It's funny how people think this is about me. @Frank and @Usegraymatter - I'm the example above, yes, but I'm also just saying that this is a trend I'm noticing. Seems like we have a lot of people expressing the same feeling. If it was just me, that'd be another matter. I'm citing that we're asking the world to rev up.

Should we be? I don't know. But if we don't talk about it...

Chris,
I'm not asking the world to rev anything.

Of course it's a trend. It's been a trend. I'm just suggesting that we might consider talking about setting our own boundaries with regard to this trend. Some people love to be plugged in. Some don't. Either way is cool. That's just it...everyone sets their own parameters. The world WILL continue to expedite processes via technology. That will never change. The power, however, the real unstoppable power is the one we each hold within ourselves to be the master of our technology so the technology is not the master of us.

Time is, was and always will be what each of us make of it.

I thank you for the time you have given me. I have enjoyed this time with you all. I chose to be here. It was wonderful to be a part of this discussion. Now I'm going to choose to grab some lunch with my daughter. It's just that time.
:)

UseGrayMatter: This bit is particularly of note:

"People who blast “urgent” messages at inappropriate times are saying more about their lack of manners than their expectations of your immediate response."

That's quite true, and a very fair statement. So maybe the discussion is about this aspect, too. If your point about personal responsibility to draw boundaries is solid - and I think it is - we also need to have the conversation about not just expectations, but common courtesy, perhaps?

What if you do your level best to establish boundaries, but those aren't respected or acknowledged as acceptable? How do we accommodate the fact that everyone's boundaries are different? Yes you can only change yourself, but it sure can create quite the firestorm when you draw a line in the sand and tell others that they just need to deal. Is that good business?

Collectively, the world is moving at an unprecedented pace. It's easy to say "just slow down and let people know limits", but in practice it's often not that simple or straightforward. It's about the trend overall toward breakneck speed, and while each person has their individual aspect to sort out, I think the conversation as a whole - especially when it comes to scale and business - is worthy of discussion.

Amen!!! There's a difference between being always available and being reasonably responsive, and people need to respect that difference and hope for responsiveness. Demanding immediate action makes it impossible for us to ever focus on one thing long enough to respect our other obligations and be responsive to them.

We shouldn't be at people's beckon call but we should be reasonable at getting back within 1-2 days most of the time. To expect more than that is to belittle the value of our time...and it's up to us to set expectations that stress our reachability and what defines responsiveness. Needless to say, I have a thing or two to say about that with a certain product ;-).

Recently I was at my local Starbucks on a Saturday morning. A Dad and his little boy were in front of me. The Dad was non-stop on his Blackberry. The little boy was very well behaved and asked a question or two about the various pastries in the display. The Dad either didn't answer or was very short tempered. The Dad eventually shouted at the little boy to "wait". The little boy's shoulders dropped and he didn't say anything again while in the store. What kind of relationship do you think this Dad will have with his son long-term? Remember the song "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin? Anyone with kids, take a couple of mins today to listen to it. It might help with setting priorities and establishing expectations. It's as hard for me as the next person to not check emails, tweets, etc. but I know I'm more energized and productive to my family and clients if I have my own time not interrupted by business. If that means I don't become a Rock Star, that's OK as long as I have good relationships with my family. It's your choice.

"Is that good business?"
Good point, Amber. I'm with @usegraymatter on the need to draw our own boundaries, but there are a few realities of the business world that come into play here too. For example, for those of us freelancers who deal with clients in different time zones around the world - who *choose* to deal with clients in different time zones - it's a business necessity to respect that our client may be facing a very real and very urgent crisis just when we're shuffling off to have a late dinner. If this occurs within the client's normal working day, and we've signed on to be part of their business team... then it's neither bad manners nor an inappropriate pushing of boundaries, for the client to expect us to be on deck, I'd suggest: just an unfortunate side-effect of a global economy. Social chit-chat, however... that's where a sanity-saving line in the sand can (and perhaps should) be drawn.

It's interesting that on issues of speed / connectivity, most people seem to jump into the work/life balance question. Personally I've never had a problem with this - my family time is extended shut-off time, no ifs, ands or buts - but I face a constant struggle with simple "work balance" - what I do during my "standard" work time.

While like many people I amazed at the richness of information floating around out there, when I'm trying to do my own work - develop a new idea, create a different POV, etc. - I need to shut absolutely everything off. My train of thought gets too broken up with the constant flow of tweets, emails, etc. Heck, half the time I'll even turn my computer off, working with just a pencil and a piece of blank paper can be liberating. But finding the right balance between shut-off / connected time remains a challenge, and I suspect it always will be.

I sort of re-learned the value of shut-off time last year when I went back to school for 8 months - seeing the contrast between how my thoughts developed in a library cubicle for 4 hours vs. on my laptop. I suspect that most people deeply immersed in the world of social media might find they have MORE interesting things to contribute to it if they shut off for awhile, every single day, to simply reflect on what they've been working on.

I think balance and setting expectations are key, and only you can decide on that for yourself, and it depends on the project, the customer...and let's face it these are tough economic times. The social networking frenzy is only escalating as different social networks come into vogue and we can get distracted from our work and our family work by being a slave to social networks. One thing I do is take an electronic day off each week, usually on Sunday's and do I ever relax! I don't check email, and only take the Blackberry along for an emergency phone call if we get injured while skiing. It stays off otherwise: no peeking. I'll admit that was tough for me at first: now I look forward to it since I catch up with my family and reading. I never watch TV and don't think I miss anything. All the important stuff comes through social media/Internet. Witness you can watch the inauguration tomorrow on Facebook.

Managing expectations --- yours and others --- is a big part of it. When you deal with the same people regularly, it can be easier to manage the expectation that, indeed, you are made of flesh & blood and you do sleep, and, sure, you like spending time with your wife & kids. (Although you still have the random person who thinks everything they send is High Priority. I worked with someone like that. For some reason I never noticed her e-mails; maybe because I set up a filter rule to move them into a folder that I scanned twice a day. She eventually figured out that her stuff wasn't the most important thing in the company.)

In my experience, other people who truly live in the 24x7 (or 24x5.5x52 in my case) bubble tend to understand that sometimes you need to just be unavailable especially for the less then cataclysmic issues. And if you're dealing with those kinds of issues, having a trusted peer in another timezone makes life much easier for all. It's the people who don't understand, and who you don't deal with regularly that can be a pain.

Though I do agree that there is a price to pay for "putting yourself out there" as it were, I also think that there's a certain amount of common courtesy that is going unchecked these days.

Providing ways for people to connect is an essential part of social media. Those who are willing to be open to receiving phone calls, texts, emails, Twitter DMs, and who are actively responding to those who reach out are living proof of how this medium is supposed to work.

HOWEVER.

You wouldn't hand your card out to someone at an event, then walk back up to them 10 minutes later and ask them why they haven't called you yet. What makes this medium any different?

The expectation that ANYONE, no matter how popular they are or aren't, is going to a) acknowledge you immediately b) acknowledge you EVERY single time you contact them or c) reply immediately with solutions to all your problems is not only unrealistic, it's also just plain rude.

Do we set the expectation for how people demand of our time? Certainly, we have some control over that. But my rule of thumb is, give people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is busy. Everyone must prioritize. Just because what you are connecting about is important to you, doesn't mean it's at the top of everyone else's list. My advice is to back off. The things that are supposed to happen will happen in time. But honestly ain't going to happen any faster (if at all) if you are continually beating down the door.

I work around the clock, on many holidays, etc, but I try to balance. The 'Cat and the Cradle' song / meme is one that goes through my head. Funny that Laurie mentioned it above. :) My hobbies & interests are neglected these days. It's either work, or my kid. But that's the choice I make.

And I agree whole heartedly rjleaman: if what you do is very timely (like a biz where minutes of downtime could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars or worse), and involves clients or customers in other timezones, then that's just the nature of the beast. But giving yourself downtime becomes more important. If you aren't working on anything urgent, take some time off. Go to a park. (Sure, take your laptop, but don't open it.) For me, I won't check my e-mails. I keep an ear out for calls or txts, but that's it. I don't go out looking for work; it will still be there when I get back.

Speaking of which, I need to go get ready for lunch with my daughter. Unplugging..... now! :)

I like the tethered interface, but sometimes feel like the technology is managing me instead of the other way around. Lately, I've made a conscious effort to extend a "work week" response time expectation to any query I send. If I send it on a Saturday, I don't look a response until Monday; and I try to allow for a 24hr gap during the week. If I receive a more prompt reply - WOOT for me!

BRAVO! My personal rule for both sending and acting on received correspondence is to give the person (or myself) 48 hours to respond. I do my best to respond in less than 48 hours, but if it's not possible I will pick up the phone or send another form of communication to let them know their message is on my radar and give a more appropriate timeframe to expect a response.

In the case of sending communications, I make the assumption that the person I'm trying to reach is busy, and does in fact have priorities outside of my own communication.

One of my customers (internal) in a previous role would regularly send me an e-mail, then an IM to make sure the e-mail delivered. If I didn't respond immediately to either of those I could expect a phone call on my office line, followed by my cell if I didn't pick my office line up in time.

Being on 5-7 hours of conference calls/day (on average) meant that much of my work was done after normal business hours, and my working hours responses were limited to items I could easily knock out, or didn't require me to jump off the phone to chase someone down.

It never affected my quality or timing of work, but it did affect my frustration levels when an e-mail would arrive - instant stress.

To me, the time "crunch" comes down to respect. I respect my colleages and business contacts enough to know they are wonderfully brilliant people, who becuase of that brilliance are very pressed for time. It may not be that simple to everyone else I'm around, but it is for me.

I agree, we have to set our own boudries, so people can learn and respect them.

I think we all need to slow down a bit plus there are too many social media sites to keep track of!
I've lost count of the different ways I keep contact with people.
I remember the old days (before I even had a cell) when I would leave a message on someone's voice mail and they would call me back and do the same.

With the increase in technology and the fast paced world we live in today, people expect responses right away. No longer waiting, because waiting can slow them down, it's tough, but that's the world we live in today.

Chris,

Considering how little 'productivity returns' we get from time spent with email, twitter, Facebook etc an enormous amount of time is wasted that could be put to better use.

Yes, Twitter has placed my gentle helpful message in front of influential people, who have responded with free passes to trade shows and potential profits down the line, but I still have to get off my backside and execute!

I enjoy reading all of the success stories of people including yourself, but those are precisely that, your success stories! I need to get out there and create a success story of my own.

Whether PPC, CPA, CPM, CPA, blogging for dollars, or writing articles for pay, it all boils down to output, output, output on a consistent basis and for an extended period of time. Have I felt like quitting, sure, a few times during the day when I pause from activities to just let my mind wander on how the 'internet lifestyle' may one day be mine.

Truthfully, wearing all of the hats in an online company requires so much time and maintenance that I just collapse in a heap after 14 hours of work. If I had sufficient know-how to make a quick buck, i still would not persue that path as my reputation means more to me than a few dollars.

One day I will meet you again, and hopefully have a success story to tell, if not, no tears from me, I gave it my best shot until the unemployment checks ran out.

Respectfully,

Nicholas Chase
www.twitter.com/nachase

@ChrisBrogan We have to face that there will never be an Internet Etiquette Regulatory Commission. Based on that we all need to set up the appropriate boundaries and let them be known rather than bemoaning how intrusive the world has become (which happened only because we voluntarily invited them in, which in and of itself, is our fault).

We all need to figure out what works and tell folks. Don't expect them to listen though, that's just how the world works. Any expectation of the masses suddenly turning respectful of each other's time is polly-annish.

As for me I am open from 9 am - 5 pm EST M-F for all types of interaction. After 5 pm there will be intermittent response based on what my family is up to.

Wow, this is a great topic. I'm guilty of doing it myself. And you're right. We're all moving too darned fast. This makes me think of that Mark Twain anecdote about how he had the phone installed for his convenience, not that of other people. In other words, he answered it when he wanted to, and used it to make calls. He was as reachable as he wanted to be. Also comes to mind from @J. M. Strother's comment about the Blackberry. I love my PDA -- but I love it because it lets me manage my time and take care of work in the margins of my day -- so I don't have as much waiting for me when I'm back in the office.

GREAT POST CHRIS. You have helped me realize the same in your article. I am going to "slow it". I have often wanted to unplug because of this but all I really need to do is assert control.

This sure is a lively discussion. I think we need to stop and use some common sense though. Anyone ever tried not to reply to email? They will eventually just stop if you ignore them. Just have to be selective. As for texting and twittering; try ringing you neigbours door bell 15 times a day and see if you can get away with it without being smacked over the head. All just common sense. You are not as irreplacable and important as you think either. Other people can actually make decisions without you, but not if you keep twittering them back ;-)

Well said, Chris. And, kudos to bringing up a topic that many seem to be thinking about (but not discussing) in this public forum.

Although the pace of communication is certainly something for us to consider, I think it's the expectation part that really sets us up for a variety of unintended consequences. For example, Don Miguel Ruiz's talks about the importance of not making assumptions in his powerful book, The Four Agreements. Because of the lightening pace of communication, we as a collective seem to "assume" that our email/DM didn't go through, that the recipient must be ignoring us, or that "there must be something wrong" if we don't get a response in the time that we assume to be "normal."

As a result of those individual and collective expectations, it's only inevitable that our minds will come up with all sorts of reasons as to why we don't have a response - most of which are not accurate or even remotely true. Yet, as a result of those assumptions, we err on the side of pushy, demanding and sometimes obnoxious behavior just to pacify those fears or worries that come up when we assume or wonder why we haven't received a response.

As a willing participant in the Twitter-verse and online reality, I am sure I've been guilty of this. Hey, I am not perfect - nor is anyone else online. But, I do think the lack of awareness about how unrealistic our expectations can be might set the stage for damaged relationships and reputations if we don't tweak our expectations and give people the benefit of the doubt.

Uhhh.. Did you get my email yet??

Sure, I haven't hit send, but you should have gotten back to me already!

Sanity has to prevail or else we'll all run around like chickens with our heads cutoff. Technology, which should be our slave, has become our master. Shades of I,Robot and Hal 9000. High-time to say "stop the madness!" Thanks Chris.

This post made me think about my current situation which is NYer living and working in Frankfurt, Germany. I am starting to think the Germans (and most Europeans) got it right. There are very few BBs here and I am not expected to check my email if I am on vacation or once I leave the office. I am still adjusting and find it odd, but it is actually nice that your time is actually yours for a chance. I work for a huge global marketing firm and we are the international hub and everything still gets done on time! It is crazy! (well they think I am little crazy because I do use twitter and they are still not convinced it is worthwhile)

It can get rude. I was in my insurance agent's office the other night, BUYING SOMETHING FROM HIM, and he took a text message on his BB/iPhone and responded while I waited. To me, it's about priorities and manners. He should have given me his attention, not gotten distracted by his device. I understand the pull to respond right away, but we need to keep our perspective.

Also, the work product tends to be crap when turnaround is that fast. Who has time to think first. or check their work, or make sure they got it right?

Chris,

I know the feeling. I feel like I need to be constantly connected. My Outlook at the office constantly stays open. I can remote connect from my laptop at home. I check facebook a good number of times per day. Twitter now too. I feel like everything that comes into my inbox needs constant attention. Nothing feels like it can wait - from clients to coworkers to supervisors - we now live in a world that works in real-time now. There is no "downtime" anymore. Being off the grid is a very strange (and guilty) feeling.

I went on a week vacation during these past holidays. I checked my e-mail once when I got there and once in the airport on the way back. Not by choice mind you; the resort I stayed at did not have wireless. I learned to adapt. I was surprised at how quickly I adapted to the absence of internet. As the week passed, I only thought about it a few times. But, as I grew closer to reentering society, I started getting "cravings." I enjoyed being off the grid, but I far more enjoyed being reconnected.

Chris, I read your entry and am astounded at the fact you already have over 80 comments. Yes, the online world has sped up things! Your entry reminds me of an observation made by a colleague who resided in developing countries over 20 yrs before moving back to the States (though he would visit the US occasionally). His comment was how much the country had sped up during his "absence". His line of work is relief and development. For ex, he had worked in relief and rehabilitation with the tsunami a few years ago. Though he had very strong views on how poorly the US had done with Katrina he also noted how Americans' expectations on return to normalcy were so unrealistic given what he knows about what it takes to rehabilitate an area after massive disaster. He really was shocked at the "speed expectations" in the current American mind. If we explore what the root causes may be, certainly the rise of the online world stands out as a strong possibility matching his absence here (and living in a world where online wasn't as prevalent as here). Thanks for the thought-provoking entry.
rap584 in Twitter

Hi Chris!

I really respect this post not so much for the business aspect. As I am a student, I really don't have that much to do with this, but I really respect that you understand that we should not all have to be tied down to our laptops and cell phones and checking twitter every 5 seconds. There's more to life! While these technologies are wonderful, and highly beneficial we cannot and should not base our lives around them. I really appreciate that you are bringing attention to this and hope others understand as well!
Props to you!

-@lgaulin

i was just talking about this yesterday! it makes me not want to reply to people when they write two annoying emails in a row.

I love the potential that social media has to connect, inform, and democratize. But at the same time, I worry about whether we're equipped to live (and respond) at machine-speed; More importantly, I worry about what I will lose if I try.

I've learned that those with unrealistic expectations are not going to end up being good to work with anyway. It's kind of like getting negative comments on your blog. Just let em be. You can't make everyone happy. The way to address the issue is to set up systems of follow up that make sense to you and are sustainable by you and your team. From there, just be consistent. That's it.

It will take time ... it happens with the arrival of all new technologies ... we are obsessed for sometime and then we get used to ...

Hi Chris, what an excellent and timely article. One of my networking clients and I were discussing this topic just this week. Before so many people were working online, obviously they worked somewhere, somehow but offline and when evenings arrived, some as late as 6 pm or when weekends arrived, no one expected anyone to do anything but spend time at home and with family and friends. Clients "waited" until the next morning or Monday morning, if that's the case. When did everything go crazy and we now feel pressured to instanteous replies? Will you world, as you know it, cease to exist if someone does not reply to you immediately, overnight or over the weekend? I think not. We, as entrepreneurs, as online marketers, as offline entrepreneurs have to reclaim our personal space and time. Although the world is changing and the economy is tough, without personal downtime, you would not be able to survive long. Now, I believe, it is important, more than ever, to make sure to "schedule non-working time" and treat it the same as a business appointment. Our lives may be healthier, our families may be healthier and overall we may become happier and more contented people.

Thanks Chris for introducing this timely topic!
Carol Deckert, Networking Coach
http://twitter.com/caroldeckert
http://www.runlancaster.com/blog