May 21, 2011 69 Comments

But Enough About Me

It’s not about you. It’s not about you. It’s not about you. Promotion is NOT the art of “Could you help me tell the world about me?” That’s not how it works. That’s the LEAST good way of trying to promote things. It’s the jerkiest and the most self-serving and it’s the one that rankles people who receive your request to help them take over the world.

Okay, so this problem is a bit more of something I deal with than something you deal with, because a LOT of people like to ask me to tell the world about them. Daily. Multiple times. I just looked in my various places and someone in my DM wants me to promote a video where he talks about himself to someone else. I looked in Facebook and someone wants me to help with a new project by sharing how awesome he is. I have five different emails that are requesting my time so that I can help someone promote themselves.

Promotion is a powerful part of marketing and sales. But “let’s talk about me and my awesome stuff all the time” promotion sucks. It’s not a very good relationship building tool. It’s not a very effective approach. It doesn’t really endear the promoters nor does it usually wow the people being pitched.

Promoting just causes is awesome. Promoting products and services and ideas because we think they’re awesome is awesome. Drawing attention from time to time to something you’ve created that’s clever and/or appeals to one’s audience is reasonable and useful.

Asking everyone you know to talk about how awesome you are? Just not as useful.

You know who’s awesome? You are. But don’t ask me to tell other people that I said so.

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Keni Lee

Chris…it often seems, as I read your posts, that it ends up being about you…really. Here’s a challenge: See if you can leave “I”, “me” and/or “us” and “we” out of your posts.

http://diesellaws.com Diesel Laws

It’s a bit different when it’s on his own website.
http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

I hope you that you are trying to be funny,
http://www.theproductivitymaven.com Tara Rodden Robinson

My thoughts exactly, Keni. Well said.
http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

Hi Keni,

You should check out Geoff Livingston, mate. Awesome blogger, no fluff, and completely with the mindset of not being about you (he actually did a series of posts where “I” and “me” were deliberately left out).

geofflivingston dot com

Anonymous

Ha. I would never have thought of asking you to tell people how awesome I am – I figure they’ll find out on their own:)

Seriously – it’s the same thing when companies I admire and refer offer me a ‘referral fee.’ I always tell them I believe in referral karma. A “Thank You” is all I need. Plus, isn’t authenticity the entire POINT of the “Social Media Revolution?”
http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

Chris,

I have to say many people ask me to ask you to promote them. Last night when you mentioned me one of your tweets it happened again.

On multiple occasions I have had a specific Public Relations practioner requesting me to promote her clients stuff the worst part is that she did not disclose her relationships. Till this day she sends me press releases so I can bring them up on my blog. I decided to ignore he because she does not get it. Instead of building a relationship she wants me to push her stuff to

http://ClimbingEveryMountain.com Mary E. Ulrich

Do you think that is because of the paradigm shift from direct marketing to indirect marketing? outbound to inbound?

http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

I think the Root Cause of the problem is these people being so into themselves they are not listening!

http://lighthouse-insights.blogspot.com/ Prasant Naidu

that’s true Raul. we need to stop boasting what we have done and need to keep big ears than bigger mouth. all are not apple ;)

http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

Prasant, Boasting is a great work to describe it.

Well when you see even Apple lets other boast about there products more than they do.
http://lighthouse-insights.blogspot.com/ Prasant Naidu

True Raul(lots to learn from apple) and businesses should listen and then converse doesn’t matter if its online or offline.
http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

Apple is good at creating products most of the time that they still have an area for improving on the conversing side.

http://lighthouse-insights.blogspot.com/ Prasant Naidu

it’s not a shift but a basic thing that people have forgotten in the greedy sales pitch. same way if i like something i will promote or like it but when you push on to me I will not like it. what i think is sharing leads to sales. your thoughts :)

http://ClimbingEveryMountain.com Mary E. Ulrich

I wonder if it gets back to Chris’ basic premise that it is all about a caring “community.”

http://lighthouse-insights.blogspot.com/ Prasant Naidu

yeah Mary indeed :)

http://twitter.com/phillyrealty Christopher Somers

Wowsa ! Well said. This message needs to be said many times for folks to “get it”. Sooner or later they will. The beauty about social media is that it is TRULY AWESOME when someone says how how great a product or service (or person) is without them being asked to do it. Now that sticks out more (much more) than the self promotion bs. Folks see through that and I do not think it is wise for business people to spend money on that, especially in my business (real estate).
http://www.dogwalkblog.com/ Rufus Dogg

I just play this song when I need need some promotion help. :-) …. youtube[dot]com/watch?v=d2pgbjPzF2k

I cringe when you respond to one of my comments on this blog because I get those kinds of requests. I guess my SuperPower is Chris Brogan replies to my comment? Really. Ok..

It also happens IRL. My company does a lot of community stuff and the organizations whom we help want to give back by mentioning us in their program or website or something and we often ask them not to. It’s sad, but that kind of thing often brings a flood of phone calls and letters and emails from tons of other organizations asking for help. “You helped them, you should help us, right?” Really? No, I helped someone in the organizations I had a RELATIONSHIP with.

Anyway, please don’t reply to this comment. I have a ton of things to get done before the rapture tonight and I can’t spend the time left answering emails. Apparently, all dogs go to heaven so it’s not like I can hang down here with the sinners. :-)
Terry

Thank you!! Chris you are right on target. So many people are constantly asking me to talk about them, their book, their webinar, their “thing” that they think is so cool. You are right that it is not about someone else promoting us. The essence of building relationships — and really about life — is about finding out about the OTHER person and being helpful to THEM. Your work is teeming with this and you are helping others. Thank you, Chris, for being a shining light on how to do it right. Keep up the good work!
Lisa Weikel

You have great commentaries and tell the truth. I enjoy reading your blog. Thank you for your refreshing honesty and integrity.
Lisa Weikel

You have great commentaries and tell the truth. I enjoy reading your blog. Thank you for your refreshing honesty and integrity.
http://twitter.com/NancyD68 Nancy Davis

Silly me. I never even think to ask someone to promote me or what I am trying to do. If someone does it because they honestly like me or my blog that is great, but to ask – ewww.

That is not to say I do not do some self-promotion, but even then, I still tweet out blog posts that are not mine, comment and do other things not related at all to that.

To what Raul said, people are funny. They find out that you have a relationship with someone and suddenly they want you to push their work to that person – so gross.

My boss wants me to shamelessly promote our company every chance I get. I think that is a bad way to go. I would rather have people come to me (or the company) than shove the message down everyone’s throat.

I know I am being silly again right?

http://raulcolon.net Raul Colon

Nancy,

I agree when people come to you because you have done something great it puts you in a better position to help them and help others.

You can promote your stuff but you also have to be aware of how you do it, how often, who are you contacting, and what channels. But before all that happens it is better for that person to have a relationship with you or them having approached you.

Thanks for sharing your point of view always!

http://toddrjordan.com/thebroadbrush tojosan

Wait, you won’t talk about me today? Sigh. (jk)

Spot on Chris. Not quite as often do I get asked but it’s taken a sharp up turn lately. Maybe it’s just a few people but it is getting old.

I prefer to highlight folks or work or projects that I spot and notice on my own. Stuff that’s ‘interesting’. Of course I talk about my friends or blog partners, everyone does. Just shouldn’t be about them or me all the time.

People confuse announcing a new project w/asking us to talk about them. I love hearing about my friends’ new projects and sharing about them just shouldn’t be forced.

Enough about me though…
Todd
@tojosan:disqus
http://lighthouse-insights.blogspot.com/ Prasant Naidu

We need to realize this thing and stop asking for these sorts of help and also stop asking people like me 10 times in a day. if someone likes it he or she will do it. Thanks for the post :)
http://emmanuelpress.com/blog/ Chris Cree

Unfortunately most business people are looking at directly connected ROI which is next to impossible to measure in the short term when it comes to relational marketing. They fixate on the transactions because they are what put money in their pockets and they are what can be measured.

Relational marketing is a long term play that can reap huge rewards down the road. Too many businesses are in desperate need for sales right now to truly believe there’s value in doing it the right way.
http://rickmanelius.com Rick Manelius

It’s no surprise that everyone (including myself, crap… it’s about me again!) wants a shortcut. So rather than pave their own way and follow advice like your rule of 12 (12 authentic promotions for other for every one for yourself), many people invert the ratio.

It’s a tough thing to learn. I’m still learning. I do appreciate your insight about this though, because it’s something us blog newbies can forget.
http://twitter.com/susangiurleo susangiurleo

Yep. This whole ‘social marketing’ thing is just going all wrong.

Is it that people forgot how to be social, or never knew how in the
first place? (I think it’s the latter). But back in the day, marketing,
sales and PR were not inherently social, so I can see the disconnect,
but now so many years into it, it’s time to clue up.

This, “pitch me” and “like me,” “retweet me” (even with the ‘please’),
auto DMs with ‘instructions’, and “let me add you to my newsletter list
without your permission” is just bad marketing and PR and any company
who has someone trying to get ahead using those techniques needs to
reassess that person’s usefulness.

How about doing work that people genuinely like and want to share? It’s sort of like magic when you do something valuable and people notice and pass it around (without the actual magic part).
Anonymous

If we are all awesome simply because we read this, then that should be enough ‘about me’ for today. Thanks!!!
http://www.sharelomer.com SharelOmer

Hi Chris,

Thank you for a very insightful and important post.

You mentioned in this post “building relationship”… and i think that all of us can learn from you about it, in our ever chaining world of social media and online marketing, have your voice as a solid ground to return to and find balance is always amazing.

In your post “How to Promote your work” you talk about “Find your audience”… and your audience is segmented to a very quality members which is a gold mine for early adapters to launch their product or have some buzz… for example your post about “Websitetips” exposed us to Mr @Derekhalpern , a gr8 guy that really help others, he gave me some gr8 free advices just minuet after registration…

If someone has a gr8 tool, that think you will get value from, and think that also your audience will gain value from, then how do you suggest to approach you?

I am a big believer in relationship building, its not trivial, and very hard to scale… but i think that its where marketing is growing to… and with you as its main keepers, it think we have the best guidance to lead us.

Thanks,
Sharel
http://www.tobiasbray.com Tobias Bray

Great post. What about businesses that do nothing but focus on the sales pipeline? Talk about internal self-promotion. Focus a company on nothing but ROI and the customer’s voice is lost and selling becomes formula. I’m not saying that measurement is a bad thing, but handled the wrong way, it can focus an entire business on itself. A sales pipeline report is NOT important to a customer. How many businesses start sales presentations with “Look at how great we are”? Thanks, but your PowerPoint just told me that closing this deal (and promoting yourself) is more important then any benefits I might receive as a customer.
http://www.LADigs.com Tracy

Interesting post. In the real estate world, we are now all being encouraged to video testimonials from our clients about how awesome we are. I have one on my blog and I don’t want any more, but the wave of marketing guru advice is tough to resist. Suggestions?
http://www.rajeshsetty.com/blog/ rajesh301

Enjoyed reading this Chris.

Adding to what you said, I can think of so many reasons for this – the big one being the (mis)perception about the strength of the relationship because of the ease with you can connect with one. A few years ago, it would have taken a while to connect, build the relationship and actually have a conversation. Today with all the social media tools, the connection part is totally taken care of.

It still takes a LONG time to build solid relationships – the rules for that have not changed.

In my opinion, close friends with deep relationships still help each other out but to get to that point, they both would have invested a LOT.

The social media connections makes relationships closer than what they are – and, some people get carried away by that mis-perception.

My $.02.

Best,
Raj
http://retroparenting.com/ Dr. Daisy aka Dr. Mommy

OH MY Goodness! I knew there was reason I liked you…besides the fact you are hilarious & make me laugh so hard that I snort!! Thank you for finally saying what needs to be heard by many! If your true intentions is to help others…then do it..without the need for promotion or accolades! Thanks again you Rawk! :-)
http://fingercandymedia.com/ Jessica Northey

hey…can you retweet this for me?? lol
Claudene

This type of person *earns* every ‘NO’ they get, verbal or nonverbal (ignore them). Life isn’t fair, but in this case I hope there’s a little justice — I hope they’re getting a lot of NO’s.
http://twitter.com/RyanCritchett Ryan Critchett

Something sparked you on this one!

Yep, I align.
Anonymous

Chris – Your post is an excellent reminder. I’m reading Guy Kawasaki’s new book, “Enchantment” and he’s exactly there with the “not about you” perspective. Its a great read on creating more human interaction, whether for business or personally. It distills a ton of valuable info for anyone concerned with effective communications.
http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com @kylereed

Agreed, and I think it is so much more genuine when someone talks about you because they want to talk about you, rather then you asking them to talk about you. That is what wins in my book. It last longer when people actually endorse you without you ever having to ask.
http://bloggersmarket.com Jeffrey Morgan

Hey Chris if you wouldn’t mind can you do me a favor ? …………..
http://ruinunes.com Rui Nunes

Yeah, I was just talking to someone on facebook about this.
People and specially brands still doesn’t understand that this isn’t the old medium of pushing things. It’s all about the people. About giving value first and constantly.
http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

Good topic, Chris – so many people want the easy approach of using someone else’s network. Fair enough – but make sure it’s relevant to start with, and I might be interested.

One thing, though – this sentence:

Okay, so this problem is a bit more of something I deal with than something you deal with, because a LOT of people like to ask me to tell the world about them.

Little bit presumptious, no? How can you be 100% sure this is the case (unless you know the reach of every one of your readers)? It may be that others are getting 100 times the requests of you – we just don’t know.

http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

I can definitely presume that the lion’s share of folks don’t have people bugging them as much. It’s not a status thing : It’s a volume/scale thing.

I’m never 100% sure of anything. That’s why I’m a blogger and not a chemist.

http://heartpress.com/ SL Clark

Heh. me thinks you overestimate the magic of mixing A + B = Post It Notes.
http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

Not saying it is a status thing – but let’s look at it from a scale thing (which, I agree completely, is the measuring stick).

Obviously you have a huge following online, whether it’s subscribers, followers, friends, etc. So, for every 100,000 of your outreach, that may be 100 of someone else’s. So if I only have 100 connections, but 80% of them ask for something, that would be the same scale as 80,000 out of 100,000, no?

Sure, the Inbox wouldn’t be as clogged, but from a percentage angle, it’d be the same conflict and “frustration”. That’s really where I was coming from.

http://www.suzemuse.com/ Susan Murphy

I think it’s all relative, Danny. My Mom has only a handful of followers, but I can assure you that if only a few people started asking her for things on a regular basis she would feel overwhelmed in the same way as those who have hundreds of people asking for their time daily.

That said, in my opinion, It’s not about the numbers. It’s more the principle of the thing. It’s easy to ask someone to promote crap just because they are perceived as influential. In fact, it’s a cop out, mostly…the easy road.

It’s a lot harder to produce good work that is valuable. That’s the trick of it, right?

http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

I agree completely, miss, that’s my point. It may seem that Chris (or anyone with as large a following) has a lot of requests, etc. But it’s all based on ratio. And you allow the numbers to grow, so in some sense, you’re responsible for the amount.

Nice avatar. ;-)

http://jeffkorhan.com Jeff Korhan

I majored in chemistry in college … then realized my errors and got an MBA to do something practical and simplify my life. So, a big LOL on that one!

Thanks for the laugh

http://www.margieclayman.com Marjorie Clayman

Hmm. Quite the interesting conversation.

This post reminds me of an MC Escher print. It’s not about me talking about you talking about me talking about you. It’s uh, something else.

I have never been the type of person to ask people to promote posts. I will on occasion cc someone on Twitter if I am writing a review of their book, but even that makes me feel dirty, and I hear Boy George singing The Crying Game, and it’s just awful.

But I would toss this out there.

Being bugged is a status symbol in the world of Social Media. It is. It’s like those little hood ornaments on super nice cars. Once you’ve been in the online world for awhile, you learn that the more successful you are, the more 2 things happen. One, people jump ship because they feel threatened by you, and two, you get asked a lot more stuff.

The first part kind of stinks.

The second part can stink sometimes, but I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. For every person who is kind of obnoxious like what Susan is talking about, there is the person who sends an email not asking for promotion but asking for help. Asking for advice. Asking for counsel. Or asking to be promoted because they are doing something really important.

I wouldn’t give up that second group of people for the world, because that’s what we all say Social Media is about – paying it forward, helping people along, and all that jazz. And it’s my favorite part of being online. I know I’m doing things right when people ask me for advice or an opinion. I don’t consider it a burden, I consider it a way of people telling me I’m on the right track. I consider it rewarding. I know a lot of people say you know you’ve made it in Social Media when people start hating you. That may be true, but you’ve also made it when people show you the respect and honor of asking for help.

True, I don’t have the scale of you or Danny, so folks may guffaw, but I can extrapolate my philosophy and know that it would hold true no matter what.

Maybe I’m crazy, but that’s the way I feel, and I feel it strongly.

http://twitter.com/susangiurleo susangiurleo

Margie, I agree with you here. There’s obnoxiously self promoting and then there’s reaching out and asking in a meaningful way. For me, I will go out of my way to support those who I have a relationship with prior to the gentle ask. Even if they have just taken the time to post a comment on my blog once in awhile, I’m going to support them if I can.
But strangers coming out of nowhere making demands – that doesn’t work online or off.

Going deeper a bit, because it’s not so black and white. Sometimes people I know ask me to support them and I can’t because what they’re offering isn’t awesome. What we promote reflects on our business, too. So if you are going to ask someone to promote something, make sure it’s the best it can be and fits that person’s business. I may love ya as a person, but as a business I can’t throw my hat into a ring of mediocrity

http://www.AzzarelloGroup.com Patty Azzarello

In a recent article on networking someone made a similar statement that I loved which is: “The World is Not Your Sales Force”. You need to add value to the network, not just take.
JO-ANNE

Sounds like “It’s Not About Me” is the new “location, location, location” – or maybe it’s your “be authentic” from TrustAgents? Either way – they both ring true!

Thanks!
http://sylvanmedia.com Michael

Short and to the point. I think if you make quality work and post relevant content I will follow you and recognize your work. Attention seekers seem a little spammy to me. This is most often found in the form of automated DM’s, don’t you just hate those?

Michael
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jelena-Milosevic/1218601350 Jelena Milosevic

Are we awesome,
because we are reading your blog? :)
If you or anyone else find something worth to share, you will do it yourself,
it is no needed to tell it to you, isn’t?
http://twitter.com/MrMillerAustin Marc Miller

I have networked for a hobby for quite a few years and as I start my own business this has paid back. My philosophy that I now teach my clients is — it is all about helping the other person and expect NOTHING in return. When you follow this motto, something usually comes back but when you least expect it.
http://marcymassura.com Marcy Massura

First thing that comes to mind?

“Well, that is enough talking about ME, let’s talk about YOU……. So what do you think of me?”

and you know what else?

“If you keep telling me how awesome you are, YOU AREN’T”

: )
http://www.your-cup-of-tea.com/herbaltea.html herbal tea

Promoting is the Best Thing for the Product or Services to providing the knowledge for the Product or Services. Promoting is the Key Factor of the Any Product and Service.
http://www.online-business-virtual-assistant.com/ Virtual Business Assistant

Understanding how
and when customers are engaging with your brand is critical for establishing
more meaningful connections with them. To achieve this promotion has to be done but in a smart way.
Anonymous

Thanks for sharing this great article! I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic.
Business Loan
http://mogostyle.com Raiman Au

Chris, this post is gold.

I think no one has ever succeeded by promoting themselves. Charismatic
people attract attention not because they call attention to themselves,
but because they put the spotlight on attractive topics/things/ideas
that are worth sharing with others.

Singers promote their music and messages. Star sports players promote their sport and the brands of the equipment they use. Chris Brogans promote Human Business.

It’s not “look at me.” It’s “look at this.”

http://smartboydesigns.com Christian Hollingsworth

Love those thoughts here. Charismatic people DO succeed, as you mention, because they have power in their actions and words. NOT because they’ve promoted themselves for years.

http://mogostyle.com Raiman Au

Thanks! And lol, imagine if Chris started only talking about himself for the next month straight. We’d probably all leave and never come back.

Actually I think Chris would get bored himself.
http://mogostyle.com Raiman Au

Thanks! And lol, imagine if Chris started only talking about himself for the next month straight. We’d probably all leave and never come back.

Actually I think Chris would get bored himself.

http://www.facebook.com/diedonthevine DiedOnTheVine.com

Self promotion can be a slippery slope. Above all the best way to promote yourself is generally not to. Bring something to the table. Offer value. Ask yourself how can I serve. No one likes self promotion for the sake of self promotion. Everything with class and everything in moderation. People will recognize the value that you bring, assuming one thing… you bring value! Assuming you do this don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. To serve others while you serve yourself is certainly a worthy undertaking.
http://backngroovemom.com/ Rachel Blaufeld

The picture perfectly fits this post because the whole “look at me” thing is so juvenile. When my son was 2 and my other son was born…he kept saying “look at me” – that is what people are doing today to get attention!
Along the same lines – I love (wink wink) when people are self=proclaimed gurus! Rachel
http://www.secretsushi.com/ Adam Helweh

The crux if this all is that these folks intend to leverage the social capital and influence that you have built to do their bidding without so much as earning it Chris. Imagine how powerful of an endorsement they might get if they allowed you to decide they were indeed “awesome” on your own?
http://www.bizchickblogs.com Tia Peterson

I think it’s a pretty complex situation. Publicity has been around forever. Traditional publicity has been replaced with self-publicity and word around the ‘sphere is incredibly contradictory.

On one expert’s blog he or she will sell you an ebook that specifically tells you to contact top bloggers or influencers and tell them about yourself. On another expert’s blog, he or she will tell you just to be fabulous and apparently by way of the universe the influencer will discover you. Either way, what neither expert is telling you is that it’s all who you know. Sending a random “just saying hi” email to an influencer’s virtual assistant is probably not going to be effective. I was just at Blogworld this week (for just the first & second day) and just like in other industries, conferences like this are by far the very best way to get to know someone, no matter who they are or what kind of power they have to influence.
http://www.PriscillaArchangel.com Priscilla Archangel

So everyone is trying to “get” something. Instead they should focus on “giving”. What are they giving to their small audience; what seeds are they sowing, watering, pruning, that may one day develop into a beautiful tree. You can’t get something for nothing. There’s a price to everything, and giving is the price. I believe if people are giving something of significant value or worth, and focus less on self and more on the benefit to others, they’ll find their place.
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