Deepen Your Networks

January 11, 2010 · Comments

Leo Laporte and Ted Schilowitz Talking About the Red Scarlet Camera

I’ve started off this year actively pursuing an important part of my “kings” guiding words. One of my goals was to connect with more people who matter to me. At CES in Las Vegas, I spent a little time with Kris Smith, Marsha Collier, John Jantsch, Betsy Aoki, Tim Street, Steve Rubel, Bryan Rhodes, Lindsay Maines, Chris Brown, Rohit Bhargava, Alexis Rask, Ross Martin, Kenny Miller, Jeff Pulver, Jeffrey Hayzlett, and so many more.

I did this somewhat differently than usual. I worked my hardest to make time for as many people as I could who mattered to me, so that I could make some kind of personal touch to reinforce our relationship. This meant having a moment to chat comics and business with Justin and Eric from Coffeehouse. It meant watching demos with Ken Kaplan and Bryan Rhodes at Intel, and playing around with the new Bloggie video camera with Sukhjit from Sony. It meant getting into the AMEX Open booth (disclosure: I write for them), and sharing ideas on who’s a big thinker with Steve Rubel.

I love meeting new people. I’m always happy to talk about social media and writing and whatever else with folks. But I skipped every party except for the Las Vegas Hilton tweetup, because I knew that it wouldn’t be a value to stand around in a loud club, drinking and mostly just nodding my head while not really hearing what you were saying. Instead, I spent time learning from smart people who will fill me with ideas that I can share with you for your business goals.

I’ve also decided to stop using the phone as much as possible. Phones, Steve Rubel was telling me (and I forget who told him) make it so that someone else is setting your day’s priorities. That’s one problem. The other is, I’m in different time zones all the time. I’m on planes all the time. I have a bad memory, so things we agree about on the phone don’t always get written down. I’ve shifted a lot of that into Google Wave ( my new love).

To deepen our networks, we have to do a few things, and some of them aren’t exactly easy or simple to execute.

To Deepen Your Network

  • Devote two hours a week to this effort. If, out of the 60 hours an average person works, you can’t find two for this, reconsider how you’re running your day.
  • Pick small groups of like-minded people that you want to stay in touch with. List them in some way (in your contacts, on a spreadsheet, in a Twitter group – maybe all of those).
  • Think the following whenever thinking about this group: “you are important. I care about you. I want to help you grow.”
  • Reach out to these people once a week, if you can. Try not to make it about nothing, but do keep in touch, even if it’s in small clumps (I’m using Google Wave for that).
  • Keep their names close at mind for when someone mentions they need/want some kind of help. I made two referrals in one meeting to people I think will appreciate them.
  • Keep abreast of these people’s news via Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter. Check in from time to time. Congratulate them on their success, and commiserate with them over their failures.
  • When attending events, make SOLID plans to connect with the people attending that you want to deepen a relationship with (Jeff Pulver taught me all I know about planning my experience at events. I fail this sometimes, but he taught me well).
  • When possible, find these people opportunities. Do the groundwork instead of asking how to help. (Want to know the king of this? Tim Sanders, author of Love is the Killer App).
  • Remember to devote more time to these people who will enrich you than you do to less useful pursuits. You choose how you spend your time and attention. Make this an investment.
  • Share the results of these rich interactions with your larger network in other one-to-many ways.
  • Repeat. Always.

Both Julien and I think 2010 is the year people start paying much more attention to their networks. Part of my 3 words for 2010 is “Kings,” and part of how I’m describing that is to remind myself to spend more time with kings (and queens) who matter to me. Though your mileage may vary, I believe that people who work to deepen their networks instead of add numbers will find the best yield and value in coming years.

What say you?

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  • Chris encouraged the use of video. Didn’t give a blanket definition of how or for what. Depends on the story being told. We are a people of consumption and video puts the pedal to the metal in storytelling.Also the Marshall McLuhan quote on media. “All media are extensions of some human faculty – psychic or physical.” Really zips up perspective on social media. Tools enabling human connection. There really is a person on the other side of the screen.
  • I have issue with the word kings but I understand what you and Julian mean by it. The people you have mentioned come under the category as influencial. The advice in here is golden two, I learnt my networking in experience (experiental) making a film for Ben and Jerry. Set up social and real time networks before they are needed.
  • Great post and something I'm also striving to do is develop my networks and expand them. A lot of notes to take from this article. Especially for us entrepreneurs.
  • Mike
    Common sense. File this under "Be nice to people." Wait, I already do this.
  • Awesome advice to take a few minutes each day to reach out to your network. And that phone thing? I really do try to stick to email as a primary communication tool too. Paper trails and being able to refer back to who said who was doing what can be crucial when juggling multiple agendas and projects. If I have a phone call with a client I have to follow up by email anyway to keep the "paper trail" intact.
  • Thanks, as always, for the sage advice. This post is a great reminder. I have dear friends and business colleagues that when we get together we always say, "We must do this more often." But life happens and often we don't. As the speed of life continues to ramp up, I find it more and more necessary to develop ways to slow it down in the areas that require deeper connection to be of any value. Often, if it doesn't get scheduled, it doesn't happen.

    This really pushes up against my "free-spirited, doesn't like restriction or conformity personality." I do love authentic relationships and high performance, so I have adapted.
  • ralphcarlson
    This is very helpful. It makes much more sense to focus on people with whom you have a relationship and those with whom you want a (better) relationship than just adding names to networking sites. Thanks for the points as well. Sometimes I hear something that makes sense but even then I don't know what to do about it.
  • Solid list of connection actions.
    I'd say the biggest step is to get started on this path. I worked to make 2009 about connections in person instead of just online. In some ways it was quite a success. In other ways not. Mostly due to failing to keep organized around the people I most wanted to connect with.

    A big contributor to failure, speaking from experience, is wanting to connect to too many people. St. Louis now has a burgeoning social networking community. The problem: who to connect with, how, and why. How do I pick and choose?

    Advice welcome. :)

    Cheers to connections. I admire your continued effort to be a real person and not just hidden behind blog posts and business.
  • catherineavery
    Great, great, great advice. And yes, 2010 is going to be about not just who you know but how well you know! I have the perfect opportunity next week to use your advice. A new business friend got me a great lead and I am going to an event next week (with the rest of our networking group) to hear her speak. It's not enough to be networking online. Fun to get out there - never know who you might meet!
  • Brian Blank
    I like it Chris. I think it takes a more human approach in the digital world. It's so easy to treat people as text, links, an avatar, videos that we forget we all are flesh and blood have have a hierarchy of needs. Taking some time to create, nurture and strengthen REAL relationships is a great idea.

    I have to say, I am on board with this and will pledge to do this more....starting right at home with the family!

    Brian
  • I'm a day late but still chiming in. My favorite bullet point was "Keep abreast of people's live from their social networks." When someone pays attention to the work I'm doing, you bet your ass I'm going to notice and give them some love back.
  • What you're really talking about is Old School networking using New School tools. Stepping it up by noticing and giving before it's asked. I especially like "Remember to devote more time to these people who enrich you than you do to less useful pursuits. You choose how you spend your time and attention." But we also need to remember that being open to new relationships and possibilities has its rewards, too.

    As for the phone: I remember reading Dear Abby as a kid and she said "The telephone is an interruption. Don't let it dictate your day." My favorite, though, is a line from Michael B. Beckwith: "Don't be distracted by your distractions."
  • I have the same philosophy about the phone and am living proof that a person can carry out a successful life *and happy* life without having one on 24/7.

    And there must be something in the air because networking has been on my mind too. I really like your ideas Chris, thanks for helping me get going with a bang in 2010!
  • I love those action steps you've provided here. And somehow, it never occurred to me to organize the people that are participating in my blog and Twitter posts, but I will now.

    I'd love to use Google Wave but need an invite. When I get it, can I collaborate on something with you? :-)
  • Great principles. I use Gist for this type of thing.
  • TaylorEllwood
    I actually disagree and would say there is value in picking up the phone. Social media is great for keeping up on what people are doing and google wave can be useful for collaborating, but both technologies still lack something essential, which is allowing people to connect with each other in a physical medium, as opposed to a conceptual one. I called a friend of mine who I keep up with on Twitter and other social sites and we had a lot to talk about and we recognized that social alone wasn't the answer for staying connected with someone.
  • It's very easy to fragment your focus w/social media. These reminders to sharpen your focus by distilling your goals is gold. Thanks again for a great blogpost! Best, M.
  • great read tnx for the tips
  • That's a very straightforward and helpful outline. I think that with everything that's going on in the real time search arena and the signals Google is sending about their change of attitude towards SEO we must all rely on building upon our social network. A richer social activity, a solid node of relevant content, relevant voices and deep connections will mean a lot in 2010. Thanks for the great article Chris.
  • Hi Chris,

    Networks and relationships can often be the key to our success. No one is successful on their own, whether that be personally, financially, spiritually, physically etc etc. at some point we have had some sort of interaction with people that contribute to our success in some way.

    Relationship building and maintaining is important in all aspects of life, not just the business word.

    Great article, see you back here soon! :cool:

    Jacinta :D
  • Hey Chris - it's funny but what you're talking about here is a major theme for me this year and that's fusion - you've suggested something that can only truly happen offline. Using these powerful online tools to start and even deepen relationships creates tremendous leverage when you do finally get to sit down and have a salad with no onions.

    The ability to jump into - I know you, I like you, I trust you, let's do business together conversations is almost silly when you put the power of hugs and handshakes fused with an authentic and consistant social history.

    Great to see you last week!
  • Timely thoughts indeed as we enter into a new year. Recently I stopped "tweeting" and started just reading the "tweets" of those I follow. I've been questioning what my value is to people who follow me...so I decided to look at why I follow the people I do. I do want those relationships to be more than they are, a real connection. Your points are right on!
    Always learning from you and others. Many thanks, Lois
  • Good advice. Common sense to most PR professionals but it's good to be reminded.
  • This is something that I noticed too. Now when I am networking offline I try as much as I can to reconnect and have meaningful conversations with people that I already know. In the past I was all about "more connections, more business-cards".

    I had a similar plan in place for 2009 but to my disappointment I didn't do too well. Maybe you can let us know how does it work for you in a month's time.
  • I invest a lot of time in the people I value within my network. Probably the biggest part I miss is one of your very last points: "Share the results of these rich interactions with your larger network in other one-to-many ways." I learn so, so much on a daily basis from so many people, but then neglect to relay this back out to those who read my blogs, follow me on Twitter, or work with me on client projects. The best solution would be to get back to blogging (and other writing) in a concerted way. This will help, I think, to get me thinking more deeply on the subjects in addition to deepening some of those relationships.

    Thank you for such a thoughtful post, Chris.
  • Relationships are two way and when we look to build them it becomes so much more. How can you contribute to their circle of people and how can they contribute to yours. What can I bring to the table that is unique to what is already being offered to them? What can they bring to the table that I do not already have? We used to live in a world of what can this person do for me but social media has opened the doors to what can this person do for people I know. How can I make the people around me build a relationship with one another.

    In looking at how I can grow my circle I make a list of people I feel I can contribute to and who I know can make a difference for me and my relationships. I see when they are coming to an area near me and see based upon that visit how I can make their stay better. It could be a hotel reference, a restaurant, etc. I want them to feel comfortable where I am. I also try and reach out a bit before their scheduled visit so they have at least heard of me before they are seeing me face to face.

    I have to agree with the phone. While a bit impersonal at times, online many times works best. We ourselves are busy and fitting in everyone we want to at a mutually convenient time can be difficult. Sometimes what ends up happening it that we try and push it to the next day and then the day after and before long it is has been a bit before we pick up the phone, and forget why were were wanting to call in the first place. Dropping a quick note to someone who is an online person grabs their attention in their time and space.

    I am so not in the cool group as I overlooked and passed up on invites for google wave as I did see where it could be beneficial. Oh boy did I miss the boat there. So no waving for me. Sigh
  • How do you respond to people who prefer telephone conversation?
  • I give them many opportunities to NOT call me. Should they still want that, I give them the option.
  • Chris,

    I offer this counter-point for your consideration. If you only interact with the people who "matter" to you, you may miss meeting the up-and-comers in the social media space. Those "below" you might possess skills or contacts that are just as beneficial as the current Kings, but if you don't spend time socializing with the "crowd", you may never meet those people.

    Perhaps a Part 2 to this discussion that balances deepening your current network while being cognizant of adding new people to your inner circle?

    Your fan,
    Amber @wordsdonewrite
  • Oh, it's not that I *only* interact with those who matter. I hang out plenty with people I've never met. I was doing the opposite though in 2009. I wasn't really reinforcing the relationships that matter to me. So, I have to do a bit of both, obviously.

    But add new people? I do that every day. : )
  • Ah, ok, I'm with ya then! Thanks for the response, Chris. You're a whole lot of awesome!
  • Ed
    Sometimes you can learn a lot about knot tying from a nobody.
  • I love nobodies. I'm a nobody. That's always the best.
  • Jeana Lawrence
    Would really like to read about what you learned from Jeff Pulver about planning your experience at events. Please share sometime.
  • Good to see we're on the same page, Chris. With everyone focusing on new things to do/implement in the new year, I've tasked myself with building stronger relationships with people I've already met - those who've graciously allowed me into their space. They've provided the opportunity and now it's my responsibility to contribute and add value.
  • Cal
    Chris, you are awesome. You mentioned the average person works 60 hours a week. I wish!!! If the average person worked 60 hours a week bet your butt they would find something they love to do pretty darn quick and make that their job instead of just complain about what they do at present.
  • I figured that if I'm doing about 115, then 60 might be accurate for the average person. Entrepreneurial types or those working in the new media as well as some other job obviously will do more.

    How many hours are you clocking in an average week?
  • Cal
    I have never really added it up. Probably around 90 but I am constantly sending out e-mails and brainstorming with clients, writing notes down and talking over everything with anyone that will listen so the line is completely blurred. I love what I do,, so where does work stop and relaxation start, sorry I can't give you a straight answer on hours....
  • christinakatz
    Oh. Finally. Exhaling loudly. He said "queens" too. Phew. ;)
  • Hahahaha. I thought of you the moment I typed it.
  • christinakatz
    Don't think for a second that I'm not reading closely. And thanks. The queens appreciate being included. ;)
  • Excellent advice thanks Chris. I know on social sites its easy to get wound up in numbers of poeple you are connected and never really getting to know a lot of people.

    It's great when you can strengthen those relationships and take them offline as well like you have.
  • csabbarese
    Excellent suggestions and well said, Chris! It's all too easy to get caught up with what's going in the world, that I often forget to take the time out to reach out to those who enrich my life. Thanks for the great reminder! I especially liked your comment about finding opportunities for them and doing the groundwork instead of asking how I can help. I tend do this for people in my network with no hidden agenda whenever possible. Being human towards others is such a basic concept and all often forgotten in the "what's in it for me" world we live in. It's definitely a case of it being better to give which goes a long way in build lasting relationships as well as new ones.

    Great read as always! Thanks Chris.
  • I couldn't agree more with the importance of building lasting, meaningful relationships. It is important to develop relationships further with those we already know in order to help each other. It is also important not to forget about making new contacts. Whether you can balance developing current relationships further while still building new ones is how a person tests their devotion to networking and helping others. As you mentioned, it requires taking time away from your less useful pursuits.
  • Good post. I especially liked the point about doing the groundwork. Asking how you can help is better than most people manage. Suggesting concrete ways to help will get you to the head of the Go-Giver line!
  • deepening the connections - it's the only way to fly!

    I like to think of my network as the beach. When I reach out to someone, when I help someone; it's like the sun shines a little brighter and the surf gets a little warmer.

    I was commenting on a Linked In discussion about this and a guy wrote, "why would I help someone if I didn't think the person would help me back." hmmm.
    Because it's the right thing to do and because you never know who's going to help you or how.

    I didn't write it, I just know it so I help everyday and know that the network is growing.

    Deborah from Rochester
  • Man, good stuff, we were out at a huge event for our company and just connected over and over! Now we gotta keep consistent with these contacts, link them to one another and find good tools that will make it easy to communicate!

    Doesn't matter about the business, but I think getting out there and really meeting face to face is big, thanks for the advice
  • Great ideas. It is so easy to get swept away in details throughout the day. I think it is important to connect with those people who are important to us.
  • Rod
    Hey, Chris, great thoughts on community from you as usual. I stress that getting outside your blog is what grows your blog's community and your personal network in general. I've taken a cue from your thoughts by organizing a corporate fast for entrepreneurs on Facebook and by getting out and meeting tweeps face-to-face.

    I think deepening a relationship is the cornerstone of adding value to it. Making it worth more than a retweet and blog comment. Continue your good work, sir, I'm in your corner!
  • I believe whole-heartedly that there is so much good in strengthening and reinforcing the network of people you currently have. Through my own experience, this creates a tribe of people that will be there when that moment comes where I have a need. That's not why I do it, though. It's about really making that connection into something deeper and more meaningful. And I think that's a real key to making this work - is that it's not about "keeping score". It's about building relationships that have meaning and purpose. And that's a great place to be at.
  • kitchann
    This is great advice! I'm going to pencil in my weekly time to help me hone my networking.
  • Although I agree with the actions suggested I believe when you "Congratulate them on their success, and commiserate with them over their failures," strictly as a matter of course it is still 'cheap' networking. You are trying to receive recognition for recognition's sake - not really cause you care about this connection as more than a business contact.
    You should not have to be told to send someone a "Get Well Soon!" card when they are sick.
    Does that make sense?
  • Ed
    I believe Chris still has his chair firmly, (genuinely) in the circle http://www.chrisbrogan.com/audience-or-community/

    He's just making sure he can see them all.
  • I'm not sure I get your perspective. Not disagreeing, but I don't get what you're saying by calling it cheap. Busy people forget to stay connected with people, so if you systematize it a bit, you'll have a better shot at doing better networking.

    Intent isn't assumed in the process I listed. You can do it cheaply or you can do it to be a grubby jerk. Know what I mean? : )
  • Just to clarify - I was not referring to your habits Chris. :)

    I guess it is more my view of how rife networking is with "quantity not quality" people.
  • I absolutely agree. So many people get focused on numbers (of followers, of friends, of events) that they forget that the whole point of networking is to build deep, lasting relationships with quality people. I've shifted a lot of my personal networking time to one-on-one meetings with interesting people I'd like to know better and away from massive tweet-ups and so called "networking" groups. I think the other key to networking is getting beyond your own niche or focus group. It's easy to spend time and connect with like-minded people in similar professionals--but I find some of my most meaningful personal and business relationships develop from conversations with people I have a random shared interest with--be it bacon or marathons or Glee.
  • This is absolutely amazing stuff. I've been networking in person for nearly four years now, and I've been doing the social networking things for about two years. I find that I don't want to know everyone I meet, but the people I do want to know I've made incredibly rich relationships with. I am very grateful that you were able to articulate so well something that I'd been thinking about.
  • Thank you for t his great article. I hear mentors say, all the time, to create a stronger "network" but they never really paint the picture of how to do that like you did. I am going to take you advice and see what happens. Have a happy new year!
  • Kim
    This is of course excellent advice. I find it funny though to be of an age where this was the status quo for how folks did business, prior to the internet taking over our lives, now smartphones.

    I'm not soooo interconnected online that I've forgotten my offline pals, but there is a danger of that happening so a word to the wise is sufficient.

    P.S....Trust Agents just came in the mail. Looking forward to seeing what all the fuss is about ; ) Good travels and thanks for the recommendation on Google Wave. It'll inspire me to work on it.
  • Intriguing thoughts, Chris, easy to sign even in Finland, =)

    you know, the people who know how to fall silent in two languages. Businesswise I think we inherit something from the German clockwork accuracy. Combine those feats with the cold climate and the long history next to the Soviets.. and you might pop up with the question: business and love??! Are you out of your mind?

    Just today I had these thoughts of how to use my time. A colleague of mine asked if I knew anyone from another European country to get to a trainee position. I did, but what would I then do?

    I did end up putting aside the things I was working with (you know, the busy, must accomplish right away kind of stuff) and somewhere, as things got more complicated I did have to pause to reflect the faint doubt: is this worth doing? I chose to proceed, because I have grown to esteem her knowledge and character a great deal. Yes, love and honor would be the right reasoning behind it all.

    Thanks for the tip to read! Must look up Tim Sanders.
  • I'm not sure if it's technically a resolution, but it's a great strategy regardless. I haven't been able to get into Google Wave, but I am definitely prioritizing my circle instead of trying to talk to everyone all the time. Thanks for the advice!
  • I so agree with your decision to deepen your network. In that respect, I disagree with your goal of spending time on the phone. I find phone calls with members of my social network a great way to add richness to the relationships.

    When Kemal Ispirli and I established the Social Media #Soiree, part of the reason was to experiment with using a production team, actually a velvet rope social network, that would permit its members to establish and deepen relationships through their participation in a fun, collaborative project.
  • ritaashley
    Thanks for lending your voice to the crusade to change networking from a contact sport to a bonding event. I forwarded your comments to my clients who are tired of hearing me nag. Though I do encourage use of the phone.
    Rita Ashley, Career Coach
  • I've never really used Google Wave before. @StaceySoleil brought me on and we used it with a group to collaborate and share ideas. The more I use it, the more useful I find it to be. It's a great collaboration tool for the right kind of project (at least from what I've come to find).

    In regards to connecting and event follow up, I'm curious... How do you manage following up and connecting with folks right after the event? I try and connect with everyone on LinkedIn but of course not everyone uses it like I do (or nearly as much as I do). I follow up via email with those individuals where conversations were had and promises made...but how about everyone else?
  • I drop folks emails and sometimes invite them to linkedin, but those aren't necessarily deeper links. Those are new links. Right? : )
  • Heh, true.
  • Tom
    That is fantastic advice. We often spend to much time 'networking' online that we forget how important it still is to do face to face networking!
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