March 24, 2011 64 Comments

Flaws

Cracked Barbie Doll

We all have flaws. I have far more than many. At this point, I’m probably more defined by my flaws than I am by my success. It’s part of being human. It’s part of what we do.

I think most of us try to hide our flaws. I certainly don’t like talking about mine to just anyone. It rarely benefits you to talk about your flaws with prospects, with clients, with audiences. And yet, flaws are such a big part of what we are.

A friend sent me an email talking about that gap that exists between being a straight shooter and what we really are. Meaning, even at our best attempt to be honest, we’re covering and masking some of our flaws, most often for our own defense. To expose all our flaws is to make it too easy for detractors to take us apart.

I do a lot of things wrong. I don’t make the right choices. In my effort to please, I often disappoint. I snore.

I have plenty of flaws. They’ll be with me until I’m not here. They’ll be talked about at length when I’m gone.

But in spite of them, I think I’ll work hard at doing good work. I think I’ll work hard on helping people to work better. And, I will try to account for most of my flaws and do well by the people I love and care about.

What else is there to do?

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  • http://www.wheatleytimmons.com robertwheatley

    Chris, you might agree it’s what’s in your heart that overcomes the deficits we all have. Those who move through life from a foundation of greed, self-gratification, ego, using other people for selfish gain is one thing. Those who see the needs of others and work to be supportive, helpful. Who are genuinely passionate in what they do. Who care about their clients as people amore so than business sources. When your goal is to, as you put it, work hard — for the right reasons. This absolves you of all that’s lacking. Start with the heart and go from there. All else will take care of itself.

  • http://www.wheatleytimmons.com robertwheatley

    Chris, you might agree it’s what’s in your heart that overcomes the deficits we all have. Those who move through life from a foundation of greed, self-gratification, ego, using other people for selfish gain is one thing. Those who see the needs of others and work to be supportive, helpful. Who are genuinely passionate in what they do. Who care about their clients as people amore so than business sources. When your goal is to, as you put it, work hard — for the right reasons. This absolves you of all that’s lacking. Start with the heart and go from there. All else will take care of itself.

  • Mimi Meredith

    I think self awareness is a vital step in the process of self improvement and better business practices. I help people understand flaws in process and perception so they can see ways those weaknesses and gaps between intention and behavior can sabotage them. AND I teach people not to dwell on the energy-sucking, power-stealing, self-absorbing tendency to focus on flaws…especially in others. So Chris Buddy, sit back. You and I have some work to do.

    If you’re a leader (which everyone is) identifying, assessing and addressing pitfalls is of vital importance. Far more important (I SO want to type this in bold face!!) is the ability to identify, understand and harness the power of what you do really, really well. The best examples of good leaders, team builders, parents and coaches are the ones who can quickly identify pitfalls, but who focus energy on what is working. Would you rather be managed by a boss that bellows “What the hell went wrong here!?” or one who helps you see how to build from what you did appropriately and salvage what is left after a crisis to move forward. (Yes my skeptical friends, I’m aware that good leaders must address what went wrong, but in very specific ways that mobilize an individual to succeed rather than turning them into paranoid puppets who lack self confidence.)

    The way we talk to ourselves is no different. How many times did you use the “f” word in one blog post? If we can train ourselves to make our self talk as constructive and reinforcing as it would be toward a child we love, we would go miles toward renewing our energy and better serving our businesses and the world around us.

    Flaws “talked about long after your gone”…pish posh! First, people have more self-centered and/or important things to worry about than your flaws. Second, please live your life thinking of all the incredible things you do that will leave an impact that far outlasts you. (Hint: few of those things exist within the parameters of any area of our lives that include a job description or a business plan. The place where your integrity and your honest attempts to deliver love count the most are in the roles where you are truly irreplaceable…you know which ones I mean here, right? No one replaces you as a father, husband, son, brother, friend neighbor…) Demonstrate to the ones you love how to gently redirect yourself, make corrections and apologies, and remember to celebrate the little things you do well. It will give you a feeling of sufficiency and empower you to do great things. And honestly, Chris Brogan, you do a lot really well simply by being a good guy. I’m glad to know that you’re aware that you are not a god or a superhero, but don’t let your quest for personal balance lead you down the path of negativity.

  • Mimi Meredith

    I think self awareness is a vital step in the process of self improvement and better business practices. I help people understand flaws in process and perception so they can see ways those weaknesses and gaps between intention and behavior can sabotage them. AND I teach people not to dwell on the energy-sucking, power-stealing, self-absorbing tendency to focus on flaws…especially in others. So Chris Buddy, sit back. You and I have some work to do.

    If you’re a leader (which everyone is) identifying, assessing and addressing pitfalls is of vital importance. Far more important (I SO want to type this in bold face!!) is the ability to identify, understand and harness the power of what you do really, really well. The best examples of good leaders, team builders, parents and coaches are the ones who can quickly identify pitfalls, but who focus energy on what is working. Would you rather be managed by a boss that bellows “What the hell went wrong here!?” or one who helps you see how to build from what you did appropriately and salvage what is left after a crisis to move forward. (Yes my skeptical friends, I’m aware that good leaders must address what went wrong, but in very specific ways that mobilize an individual to succeed rather than turning them into paranoid puppets who lack self confidence.)

    The way we talk to ourselves is no different. How many times did you use the “f” word in one blog post? If we can train ourselves to make our self talk as constructive and reinforcing as it would be toward a child we love, we would go miles toward renewing our energy and better serving our businesses and the world around us.

    Flaws “talked about long after your gone”…pish posh! First, people have more self-centered and/or important things to worry about than your flaws. Second, please live your life thinking of all the incredible things you do that will leave an impact that far outlasts you. (Hint: few of those things exist within the parameters of any area of our lives that include a job description or a business plan. The place where your integrity and your honest attempts to deliver love count the most are in the roles where you are truly irreplaceable…you know which ones I mean here, right? No one replaces you as a father, husband, son, brother, friend neighbor…) Demonstrate to the ones you love how to gently redirect yourself, make corrections and apologies, and remember to celebrate the little things you do well. It will give you a feeling of sufficiency and empower you to do great things. And honestly, Chris Brogan, you do a lot really well simply by being a good guy. I’m glad to know that you’re aware that you are not a god or a superhero, but don’t let your quest for personal balance lead you down the path of negativity.

  • http://ajleon.me ajleon

    Amen. :)

  • http://profiles.google.com/david.kowarsky David Kowarsky

    Chris, thanks for writing this. I adapted part of this for a Facebook update (Crediting you of course) because you said something that hit me SO right.

  • http://www.thewritedesignco.com/ BillionDollarBlogger

    Three great things about having flaws:
    1. Personal growth
    2. Professional growth
    3. Content for our blogs

    I’m looking forward to the next experience.

  • http://TheChrisVossShow.com Chris Voss

    Theres a quote I cant seem to find right now but it says something like this “I tried all my life to achieve perfection but never attained it. But my life is closer to perfect because I tried, than if I hadnt.” If someone here knows who quoted it I’d love to correct this.

    Perfection is unattainable (I think too many people drive themselves crazy with that notion of being perfect) but at least rising above and having the integrity to always try to do better is the key to a successful life. In life and work its the same.

  • http://TheChrisVossShow.com Chris Voss

    Theres a quote I cant seem to find right now but it says something like this “I tried all my life to achieve perfection but never attained it. But my life is closer to perfect because I tried, than if I hadnt.” If someone here knows who quoted it I’d love to correct this.

    Perfection is unattainable (I think too many people drive themselves crazy with that notion of being perfect) but at least rising above and having the integrity to always try to do better is the key to a successful life. In life and work its the same.

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  • http://www.gritandglory.com/ Alece

    my constant struggle is not allowing my flaws to make feel like a failure. to extend grace to myself. to still feel like I am enough when I fall so far short…

  • http://www.gritandglory.com/ Alece

    my constant struggle is not allowing my flaws to make feel like a failure. to extend grace to myself. to still feel like I am enough when I fall so far short…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/danny-demichele/ Danny DeMichele Photos

    The Chris Brogan, you do a lot really well simply by being a good guy. I’m glad to know that you’re aware that you are not a god or a superhero..

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