Guest Post – Handling Negative Comments On Your Blog Post

January 31, 2009 · Comments

angry face The following guest post comes from the talented Jason Alba of JibberJobber.com

If you are like me, you don’t write blog posts to fish for negative comments.

As a blogger I love comments because they stroke my ego – even non-flattering (or neutral) comments are good! It’s like “wow, someone besides my mom reads my blog!”

But negative comments are really hard to deal with. It doesn’t help that most comments on my blog are positive and supportive of what I have to say. “Right on!” “Totally agree!” “Excellent post!” This is good for my ego, but bad to prepare me to handle anything negative.

Or even perceived negative. That would include comments that seem to be negative the first time I read them, but are not really negative.

Recently I wrote a post that offended someone (The 10 Hour Job Search – Seriously). She commented, and I felt her comment was scathing, mean and inappropriate. I took it personally and posted a rebuttal, picking apart her comment line by line. And then I spend the rest of the day feeling horrible, not because of her comment but at the way I reacted.

In light of that, I feel like I can be the poster child for how to NOT respond to negative comments. Indeed, I see this guest post as part of my blogger duty, since I goofed up. So, here are five things to consider when you get a negative comment on your blog (these five points are applicable on email lists, Twitter, etc.):

  1. Take time to cool off. I’ve read that you should not respond to criticism immediately. Some say you should even wait at least twenty-four hours to respond (hard for a blogger to do, with our “I-want-it-right-now” microwave mentality!). Every time I have responded to something negative right after I read it, I’ve regretted it. Seriously, walk away, do something else, and come back to it tomorrow. Hopefully that will help you put the comment into perspective.
  2. Just be quiet and let your contacts defend you. If you have readers (if you don’t, skip to step 3), step back and see if they reply. I’ve seen this on my blog, when someone said something negative, about eight people jumped in and defended me. The negative comment was by a new reader, and all of the older readers knew me well enough to know my intentions were good. The support from my community was awesome! I’ve also seen this on email list (i.e., Yahoo Groups). A word of caution, if you slam the blogger (or frequent poster on an elist), consider the reputation you are developing for yourself in that community.
  3. Ignore the comment, or reply with a very short, non-combative response. Maybe it’s not even worth it to reply. Maybe replying will satisfy the ego of the commenter, if indeed their intention was to yank your chain. Doing nothing is not a bad option at all – although I recognize that as bloggers we have a hard time not responding :p An appropriate short response may be something as simple as “Okay.” Or, “Okay, whatever.” This type of response shows you are not going to get into a debate or argument, and would rather diffuse the issue.
  4. Clarify the intentions, OFF BLOG. Why not respond to the commenter in an email asking for clarification? Perhaps you can get more details of what they meant to write, and either better understand their comment or realize that they wrote something with a tone they didn’t intend. My executive editor Scott Allen says that online (blogs, email, etc.) we need to “presume good intent,” meaning instead of assuming the worst, let’s start with “maybe they meant to say something else.” No one is perfect, not even the person leaving a comment – they might be horrified to realize how their comment might be misinterpreted!
  5. Don’t approve, or delete, the comment. On my Jason Alba blog I got a comment from someone I consider to be my cyber-stalker. Not fun, but he’s across the pond in the UK so I’m not worried about physical violence. Nonetheless, his comment was really degrading, and obviously off-topic. I simply haven’t approved it, so it’s not showing on the post he commented on. However, since I’m a blogger, I did respond – I created a post titled How To Deal With An Internet Stalker, and posted his comment there (with a little Twilight humor) – it was a fun post to write, and since I didn’t name him I felt pretty good about it!

What would your advice be? These are the five ideas I came up with – what would you add? Share with us in the comments below. If you leave a negative comment, I promise to eat my own dog food (and probably practice #3 :)

–

Jason Alba designed JibberJobber.com to replace his job search spreadsheet. He also wrote I’m on LinkedIn — Now What??? and I’m on Facebook — Now What??? You can follow him on Twitter here: @jasonalba

Photo credit _gee_

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  • In addition to these fine tips, I might thank the person for caring enough to post a negative comment with a strong opinion. Thanking someone for hostility is akin to saying "I love you too" when someone punches you in the nose. It's not what the aggressor expects and throws them off. In blogging, your community is more likely to come to your defense after seeing a grateful response from the original blogger. It's the ultimate in taking the high road and usually attracts attention.
    @berniebay
  • beckymccray
    On my US News posts, I've drawn a couple of negative comments criticizing me for owning a liquor store. The latest one was really unkind. I used your suggestion #2, and left it totally alone, even though I don't yet have a community there. Three friends from across the different communities have stepped in with positive comments. So it's good to know that your community can transcend apparent boundaries.
    @beckymccray
  • If got the negative comment, i will analyze the comment. Is it directly to the personal or i can be help to improve our writing. If its too personal i need some backup from other reader. If not i will delete them from comment list
  • Being a female political pundit, I am often treated to a barrage of misogynistic insults from those who don't agree with me. Instead of picking apart my argument, they choose degrading language and even rape/death threats.

    I often post the vulgar ones to allow my regular readers a chance to have a laugh. The violent ones I save and sometimes forward to the cops, just to cover my bases.
  • Very, very, very nice suggestions, applicable not only to blogs, but in dealing with humans generally. The conflict is rarely worth it. Interestingly, even though we take on some controversial subjects, we haven't had much in the way of negative comments, with one exception, that being an article on "Why Men Cheat." We simply wanted folks to recognize the biological component way early at Step 1 or 2, while the brain is still functioning, since it does not work well at Step 9 or 10. You would not believe the furor which developed. In fact, blogcatalog.com pulled the discussion off of its site because it was too "inflammatory." Apart from that, we're actually surprised that we have not received more negative comments. Good discussion.
  • Great post. I've had some issues with this going on. It's from a select group within my industry, somewhat of an oligopoloy of sorts, but I've found just taking time to cool off is really the best bet. Then, I simply try and "take the high road" by not stooping. Again, thanks for the great post. Perfect advice!

    nate
  • I've only gotten one or two negative comments ... and I haven't deleted them.

    Jason's book about Linked in is good!
  • Great post! And unbelievably timely for me 'cos I've hit this question with the blog I work on for an organisation
  • when i get negative comments, #1 and #2 work extremely well for me. i find that the real jerks always hang themselves in the end, make themselves look stupid. the people who simply disagree with me or make a negative comment often become fans, i've found, if you just let them air their pov. but i don't have a political blog and my blog is called whitetrashmom, so the people that find me aren't always the most serious. go figure.
  • You are a negative comment
    If you didn't write total crap you wouldn't have to worry about people talking negatively towards you. This post is rubbish! how about that! you like that! No because its negative! if you can't stand the heat get your ass out of the kitchen! What are you going to do now, go hide in a corner and wine on another blog site! Grow up, this is the world of flamers and negativity and your just a little girl caught in the middle! But this post will never see the light of day because you will delete it before anyone sees it! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

    You are the negative comment!
  • Prefer anonymous for this
    Wow. Thanks SO much for this post! I was recently slammed and attacked out of the blue simply for winning a contest and getting a very public and supportive nod from a very popular blogger. It sure upset a lot of people for some reason.

    I think the people who intentionally attack, slam, criticize and try to harm us, or anger us feel insecure and threatened by anyone whom they see as being more intelligent, generous, capable or loved than they. I feel sorry for them - but I learned the hard way too - responding in kind does nothing but feed the little bastards. IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE them. Hard to do, but you're so right. Don't engage. They don't want to understand or have a dialogue. They just want to cause harm and pain. I pity them - a lot.

    The odd thing is, some of the worst flamers and trolls are SUPPOSEDLY intelligent, capable, accomplished people. They're just hiding a severe emotional deficiency. They're jealous. Just jealous. Rock on Chris. You're awesome, your blog is awesome, your wisdom rocks and I LOVE everything you write.
  • Great advice. Because my blog is so new, negative comments haven't happened to me yet. (Oops, maybe I shouldn't have said that). But, I'm lovin' the advice you provided, especially #5. Telling it like it is and exposing rude behavior is definitely a great way to do.
  • Great list of ways to combat a negative comment!, I've had a couple recently picking apart things they did not like, I just ignore it knowing that they spend all their time online criticizing everywhere they go, no life ah!, and then I insult there mothers!!;))
  • Michele
    Wow, I have never received such horrific comments. The worst I've had to deal with are weird spammers of all sorts. I know it'll only be a matter of time before I'm faced with this issue, but I had already decided if it's that bad or life-threatening, I just won't publish it.

    Excellent tips. Thanks for sharing!
  • Great advice here, Jason.

    I also think it's very subjective as to the tone of the negative comment and whether they deserve the time of day or just a sarcastic response to let them go on about their day. In this e-world we live in, it's easy to get caught up in our emotions from 'attacks' by anonymous people. But that's what we all have to remember - that 9 times out of 10, they remain anonymous and if they truly had a valid argument, it could have been done with some sort of class or dignity.
  • Most who hurl insults and attack are insecure and jealous. It's sad to see, IMHO.

    Oh and, great post. :)
  • I think having a Comments Policy is good because it provides a set of principles for making a decision not to approve a comment.
  • Hi Jason,

    Great advice. In the world of personal branding we say that strong brands often repel as many people as they attract. It's not surprising that some posts attract negative comments. Blogs are supposed to have a point of view. If what you write pleases everyone, it's probably not very insightful or interesting. So, the negative comments can serve as a validation of your commitment to what you believe.

    Best.
    William
    www.williamarruda.com
  • I have found a modification of tip 1 works for me. I have heard that Abe LIncoln did this (not on blogging of course!): When you find yourself angry, go ahead and type the response, store it in draft mode overnight(obviously, Lincoln would write it and leave it on his desk overnight). Coma back in the morning and read it, and chances are if you say "OMG, I am glad I didn't hit SEND on that response", then you should delete it from the draft. Typing it out at the time can help to alleviate the anger you feel about the negative comment, but giving it a cool off time can avoid killing a relationship
  • stevenimmons
    I think there are a lot of overlaps with sensible communications approaches to email, face to face conversations, phone calls etc. When someone goes on the offensive I try to deconstruct their motive, usually someone has rattled their cage, or they perhaps feel very emotive on the subject for deeply personal reasons. If their 'acting out' is in someway cathartic, be happy that you have provided the service of an Internet 'punch bag'. It may save them from manifesting their frustration in the direction of 'the cat'.

    I'm also sure Oscar Wilde would have preferred any reaction to no reaction!
  • Kathryn
    All good points - especially the off blog idea. Sometimes criticism (not a personal attack) can be challenging. Challenges make you think. Thanks.
  • Jason - this is a fantastic and really important post. I'm embarrassed to belong to the same species as the person who wrote that horrid thing above.

    The worst comment I ever got was from my sister-in-law, so that was fun to deal with on a number of levels!!!

    Another thing that I do is show the comment to a trusted colleague - sometimes it's helpful to have an objective eye read it and weigh in.

    John (above) - I do that too - I write it and save it - sometimes just getting out my response if enough.
  • Last week I received a negative comment on what I felt was an extremely positive post about the trials and tribulations of small business. The message was, "with the support and love of family and friends I've been able to continue, even at the consequence of some loss". One person took this very personally and responded accordingly. I dealt with it personally and addressed their misunderstandings privately. I've struggled with this since, but am reassured by others' positive responses and now this insightful post. Thanks, its always a pleasure.
    @kdhood
  • I actually enjoy negative comments, or at least ones that challenge my post. It's certainly flattering to see comments that support you, but they rarely inspire you to continue the conversation. Probably the most negative comment I've received wasn't so much negative as it was defensive, after I named someone who had a habit of swiping domains with the help of GoDaddy. Although I published the post over a year ago, he keeps coming back to defend himself (the worm).
    I wouldn't delete negative comments, just as you suggest, but use them as a way for myself and my readers (both of them) to keep the conversation going. The only ones I will delete are vacant comments such as "cool site name)))" that is repeated on every post from someone using slightly different email addresses. Obviously a spammer.
  • gacconsultants
    I love your genuineness Chris. We all make mistakes and how we learn and deal with them reveals many things about an individual. I continue to admire and respect you work, not just because your a rock star or that you share the some of the best information and insight on social media and business on the net, but because you are the real deal.

    Thanks for all you do : )
  • I recently had this experience not on our blog, but out in a forum. I was able to go onto the forum and simply respond to the questions about a promotion we did so that customers could still use the promotion if they wanted or needed to. I did not, thankfully, have to defend our company, because we had lots of loyal fans on the forum that defended us.

    It is much easier to be credible as a company if others are willing to defend you. Made my job easier! I just helped the customers that wanted help and let others speak for our reputation.

    When the situation broke out, we waited a full 12 hours before going onto the forum and saying anything--we let the forum posters hash it out among themselves, then I went on and answered the questions about logos, minimum quantities-technical stuff. Others took care of the negatives for me.

    I, personally, think that if you don't post negative comments that are "on topic" you lose your transparency and credibility-whether you are a personal blogger or a corporate blogger or a business blogger.
  • This is great information. All to often after reading a scathing, mean or inappropriate blog response or email, I know I feel like opening up the editor instantly and let them have it, both barrels. I have learned, after a lot of feet in the mouth and owning my own company, that #1 - give yourself time to cool off is great advice. Sometimes I will write the hot email in a separate text file (as as to not accidentally send it, had that happen when our cat walked over the keyboard) and after a few hours and come back to it, only to laugh and say, it wasn't that bad. The other 4 points are awesome as well. Thanks for sharing.
  • amen and amen! Totally great teaching post--knowing the difference between criticism and being attacked can be difficult from an emotional standpoint--although we are lucky to have received little negative comments- yet! and I find the comment from "you are the negative comment" quite- well-- amusing-- but sad someone would not put their real name as author of comment. Do I hear the sqwaking of a chicken? hmmm......
  • That is good advice. Taking a moment to cool off is really important to keep a kind attitude. I remember leaving comments I regretted later. Just wanting to be right instead of participating in a conversation is not a helpful mind set. Not reacting is always helpful, I guess for both parties. But I do delete comments on my blog sometimes. If they don't even have anything to do with my post, I see no reason to keep them.
  • Gillian
    This advice is sooo good Chris - and not just for blogs. I got upset about something the other day at a place where I teach (with good cause I might add) but ... a few hours or even a day of cool reflection AND devising a strategy for handling the situation might have resulted me being seen as justified rather than ending up as the bad guy. But... hindsight is a wonderful thing.
    I am going to print your words of wisdom and keep them by by next so that next time.......
    I love your posts by the way - they're the only ones I read 'cover to cover' as it were.
  • Gillian
    I meant by my desk not by by by desk... :-((

    Another rule- read posts before clicking on comment. Doh !
  • Great post Chris! As a speaker/author in the women's self-defense and personal safety movement, I tend to ruffle a few feathers...okay, a lot of feathers. My company (Girls Fight Back!) has a very youthful, hip and savvy approach to safety that is connecting to young women in high school and college and receiving lots of media attention. So anytime we get negative feedback, the first thing I do is congratulate my team. If we weren't so successful, I doubt the commenter would be so pissed. (Most of our poor feedback/comments we've proven to be from other people working in our field who are resentful.)

    In the case of people who don't yet have a strong following on their blog, send the link to a few people in your general network. Or Twitter about it. "This guy just called me an a**hole. What do you think? "

    Which brings me to those anonymous scholars that say vile things and are too cowardly to post their real name and e-mail address. Remember the phrase, "Choose your friends and critics wisely." If your critic won't even show his/her face, I doubt their intentions are credible. I don't give much thought to anonymous jabs.
  • I'm pretty sure that "you are the negative comment” meant that as a joke.

    My spouse and I try to remember: when the screen starts flashing red and black (metaphorically) back away from the keyboard. We also use the idea of writing the reply (without addressing it) and then waiting 12-24 hours.

    My comment policy on my blog is a pointer to LifeHacker: http://lifehacker.com/software/top/special-life...
    and I moderate all comments.

    Now, if I could only figure out a good way to follow all of these ideas in Real Life as well. It's more difficult to just walk away from an in-person "discussion", especialy if the other person is yelling "Get Back Here! Where are You going!"
  • I only wish... I had negative comments. That means people actually read your posts. When people post short supportive comments then that means they didn't read it. I get a few comments every post... nothing to make my ego go through the roof.
  • Our basic nature causes the adrenaline to squirt and cloud our decision making when things get personal. Biting back the bile and counting to ten should be instilled into us all from a young age, as we are all too quick to retaliate and that only makes matters worse. Fighting fire with fire has never been a recipe for success, as there are no winners in a mud slinging contest. Great post Chris, I really enjoyed it. Salut!
  • Thanks chris for the tips, i personally have never deleted any negative comment because every people has their own opinion and i respect them so let just them speak, This is internet, everyone has their own way to share their thoughts, its good to have feedback even though its bad to read it
  • I'm the corporate blogger for Nortel, which is going through some tough financial times, so the majority of comments to my blog are negative right now. I would advise against ignoring comments or deleting them (unless language or extreme personal attacks are an issue) because over time this can cause a snowball effect.

    In my experience, addressing the negative comment directly is the best option. Remember that you may never turn that negative reader positive, but your efforts to be open and direct will be seen by your broader audience. In the end your more silent majority of readers will appreciate you for that.
  • The Internet is a wonderful thing overall, but the behavior at times is just silly.

    People do and say things on the Internet that they would never have to guts to do in a face to face conversation. Perhaps it's empowering to some that feel like they lack a voice in society? Or maybe they were just ticked off that day? Who knows?

    When dealing with negative comments, I'd think you'd be better off to handle them by acknowledging the comment in a non combative way and moving on.
    Angy folks are just looking for an argument, let them find it somewhere else on the web.
  • Negative comments need to be handled, but they fall into many different categories. Some could be a difference of opinion which is good because it can stir conversation and debate. If they are mean then those are different and probably should be handled very quick and to the point.
  • dkdanielson
    Great post Jason.

    I have to admit, I take the "toddler" approach. I validate that they are upset, and then try to provide more information/explanation. If that's not going to work, I will tell them we can "agree to disagree" or even recommend a different blog for them to read. But I leave the comments up there. The responses I get range from "I now see your point, even though I don't agree" to "Not sure why I went off on you, I was just having a bad day." Those who don't respond tend to just disappear. This is if it is "content-based" criticism.

    If it's unrelated to the content and a flat out personal attack, I recommend not publishing the comment. It's not adding to the conversation. I once let a comment stay up there (due to my beliefs in free speech), despite the newspaper wanting to take it down (it was anonymous, of course). People I didn't even know tried to rebut the insults on my behalf. But, then this lead to more insults and even a "pile on" where others joined into the fray on both sides. Would've been best to take it down, esp. since we knew who had posted the original comment.

    But, I did learn how anonymity on the web is a huge issue. I think we all need to take anonymous comments with a grain of salt. Thanks for bringing up this issue and I enjoyed reading everyone else's input.
  • Tim Bourquin
    Interesting points and I see the reasoning behind each. But I'm not sure why the blogosphere puts so much emphasis on leaving every single comment (that isn't spam) on their blog.

    It's not about censoring dissenting opinions. A comment that doesn't add to the value of the discussion should be removed. Who decides what adds value? You do! It's YOUR blog and you're the one who gets to make those decisions without guilt. If the commenter doesn't like it, they are welcome to start their own blog and have that same power over their own site.

    If a comment is "scathing, mean and inappropriate" there is nothing wrong with deleting that comment. It doesn't de-value your blog in any way or lessen your credibility. In fact, you're doing me, the reader of your blog, a favor by not wasting my time reading comments that don't add to the discussion.

    As your reader, I trust you to make those decisions - so please do!
  • Good advise CHRIS! I am in agreement not to delete a negative comment because that will only stop any possible defends from your readers, and the comment removed means "no more discussions".
  • A lot of great advice in this post. I know it's hard to deal with negative comments, but there will always be people out there trying to start some sort of controversy. I feel that it is always best to delete the comment, but all of your ideas are solid.
  • A lot of interesting info about all in this blog.
  • Interesting and educational, but would make something more on this topic?
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  • I've had to deal with this on my personal blog on several occasions. I've realized that not all people are kind. I've been harassed and stalked on my blog and ended up in a real big argument on my own blog on one of my posts. I wish I would've read this a long time ago. Now I just delete mean negative comments and don't respond at all. Not feeding in to the negativity always makes the comments come to a halt.
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  • translation
    If you have an opinion, then it is 100% that someone else will have a different opinion. It is the nature of the beast. Believe in yourself ... think critically and accept criticism to improve.
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  • Hiii!,...
    Thanks chris for the tips, i personally have never deleted any negative comment because every people has their own opinion and i respect them so let just them speak, This is internet, everyone has their own way to share their thoughts, its good to have feedback even though its bad to read it..
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    Thanks!,..
  • I came across this post while looking to see how to disable comments on a post. It is great advice. I just posted a piece about a party I attended, and then got slammed by someone who said I should think about my fellow countrymen... and then it went downhill from there. I don't moderate my comments, so didn't see them until much later in the day.
  • Hello
    I think the coments are like the feedbacks .
  • This is quite an old post but I might as well jump into the conversation, I don't think there's anything wrong about moderating comments. I do it. I see my blog as my home that is open to the public and if you are my reader, you are my guest. If I accepted you as a guest into my home (with open arms) yet you messed up with me by throwing nasty remarks of any kind, I'll threw you out of my doorstep right up front.
  • Sometimes it's fine to just disagree. I think a lot of the time we all get upset when someone voices an opinion different then our own. That being said, I love your blog! :-)
  • hah i knew this wud happen, thanx.
  • "Guest Post – Handling Negative Comments On Your Blog Post" is a great post. it is very informative. thank you so much.
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