Guest Post- Learning To Become a Great Public Speaker by Picking Up Women

October 24, 2008 · Comments

Dean Hunt The following is a guest post from Dean Hunt. What leads me to putting up this post is two-fold. One, Dean is a very energetic and determined man. He has goals, and he intends to meet them. Two, Dean shares his experience of drawing similarities between learning how to be a “pick up artist” and how that relates to speaking. Why that’s interesting is that I saw the entire first season of the VH-1 show, The Pick-Up Artist, and thought there were actually some communications lessons hidden in their less-than-savory intentions. Human nature is what it is. The TV show chose to apply it in ways I wouldn’t, but the information wasn’t inaccurate.

So, with that as a backdrop, I give you Dean Hunt:

Learning To Become a Great Public Speaker by “Picking Up” Women

Flashback a few months and I was dreadfully afraid of public speaking. And being a buzz marketing “guru” meant people weren’t expecting show and tell about my goldfish in front of 5 year olds. They wanted me speaking in front of hundreds of people who had paid thousands of dollars to be there.

Well it’s hard to be a “guru” when your knees are knocking together and sweat is dripping off every part of your body. Obviously, something had to be done– and fast. The problem was that public speaking is BORING. Most people run off to Toastmasters (which I tried), read a bunch of books (which I did), and even throw some hypnosis or NLP in there for good measure (I did this as well)

Luckily for me, I’m NOT most people. I decided to do what I do best, turn this into something exciting and fun, so I am learning public speaking by “picking up” women. Why? Because meeting women can be just as terrifying as public speaking, and it basically involves a lot of the same skills. Let’s take a look at a few:

Self Confidence – No one will listen to a speaker who isn’t confident in their own abilities. Pick up artists require the same self confidence or a woman will smell their fear and send them home with their tail between their legs.

Body Language – Public speakers need to display confident body language, understand what messages their body is sending, and read the body language of the audience. Well, pick up artists do exactly the same thing.

Vocal Tone – Public speakers tend to slow down their speech and lower their vocal tone to display confidence. Pick up artists… you guessed it.

Charisma – Boring people have a very hard time making a living as public speakers. But everyone one loves the charming, interesting, and funny person at the party, bar, or on stage.

Performance – You don’t have to be on a stage to put on a performance either. Pick up artists actually use routines that can range from magic tricks to conversations with seductive hidden undertones.

At the end of the day, public speaking and meeting people are intertwined with the same skill sets. While “picking up” women may sound sleazy… what it really means is making yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. I.e. Making yourself a more interesting and appealing person.

So, whether you’re in front of thousands of people or in a more intimate setting, you should be practising the skills mentioned above. It just so happened that meeting women was more fun for me than trying to conquer stage fright.

And that’s the most important lesson here: the more fun you’re having, the more you’ll learn. So try to find ways to learn skills that motivate you, not terrify you.

Have you ever found a way to “cheat” your learning system like this? Have an amazing pick-up or disastrous public speaking story? I’d love to hear from others that feel my pain. Or just challenge me to make your own goals more fun.

I will do an update post on here in a few months, with the specific things I have learnt, techniques I have developed etc.

Dean provides a bio:

Dean Hunt is the net’s leading buzz marketer. He is also a high-end business consultant, and is famed for his killer bunnies, entertaining insights, oh… and getting over 260,000 unique visitors to his blog in an 11 day period…. for FREE.

You can read his rants and tips at www.DeanHunt.com,receive over 7 free buzz reports at www.BuzzProfits.com and find out more about his services by emailing dean@buzzprofits.com

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  • Some great points on Public Speaking here!

    For more help, please see this site:
    http://www.nosweatpublicspeaking.com/
  • It's an interesting analogy and I think it's got legs.... but I have a problem with it (there's always a "but" isn't there?!) :)

    The analogy okay as far as it goes but as a trainer for people who want to do public speaking, I've got to ask where it takes them. The important thing, I would have thought, is to instil the techniques/skills/mindset/whatever, not just draw attention to the similarities. :)

    Okay, more seriously, I think there's also a big difference between public speaking and "chatting up" in that what you're selling in your chatting up is, essentially, yourself. You are your own content. On the other hand, in public speaking you are just the medium, not the message (or at least if you are, you're too egotistical for my liking!). In public speaking it's not about you (sorry, but it's not!) - it's about what you've got to say and it's about your message... your content.

    Eliding the two things is certainly a bit of a problem for a lot of our clients, who think that people are there to see/hear/judge *them* when they make a presentation.... In fact no one comes to hear me speak, they come to hear a speach on X, Y or Z.

    S
  • I just needed to add another thought to the comment I previously made:

    Just a note about public speakers that I have thought were awesome: The ones who entertained me and made me laugh, while also being giving me good content. (Ze Frank, www.zefrank.com)
    The ones that were passionate about what they talk about and are excited to share their knowledge. (Wil Reynolds, www.wilreynolds.net, and www.thinkseer.com)
    Ones who have a contagious charisma. (Gary Vaynerchuck, http://garyvaynerchuk.com)

    Each one of these have traits of someone who could be a good pickup artist. Girls love guys who make them laugh, have charisma, but also are intelligent men.

    My honest opinion, Dean Hunt, has the ability to be right up here with these speakers. There is something about Dean Hunts blog that keeps me coming back, I am sure if he were speaking, I would be on the front roll. Dean is down to earth, not afraid to experiment with his ideas, entertaining, and he sure knows what he is talking about. I would expect Dean to get the people listening to him, involved in his presentations just as he gets his readers involved in his blog. I would expect his presentation to be very interactive with the audience.

    Just be who you are, and you will be okay in both the speaking world and dating world.
  • @JP I think it's assumed by Dean's track record that he doesn't have to worry about his content... he always has something interesting to say.

    When giving tips like this I think we can assume that great content is the aim of the person giving the presentation. It's like marketing, most courses don't start with "have a great product," they assume you've got that bit covered.

    And as for the content vs presentation debate. I think presentation is still more important. I was given a book by Jay Abraham (legendary marketer) that apparently sells for $500 and glancing through it I know it's filled with great content. But it's sitting on my bookshelf after I got bored with it. His presentation style, while great for some, just didn't float my boat and hence the content meant nothing to me.

    Hence I agree with Phil on that, great content/bad presentation is bad news for all concerned.
  • I have been reading Dean Hunt's blog for over a year, and I have commented many times and taken part in his unique ways of getting his readers involved. Dean is Awesome and he DOES turn every blog post into something exciting and fun. I believe we all have our fears and I am sure public speaking is high on everyones list. Dean Hunt has encouraged his readers to step outside of their comfort zone. He sure encouraged me in so many ways. I consider Dean Hunt as the coolest, craziest, fun mentor in the online buzz marketing industry. In fact I took Dean up on one of his challenges http://deanhunt.com/adopt-a-blog-post-video-cam.... My post to his challenge is at http://www.4urworld.com/this-may-be-confusing-b....
    In a way this was a very difficult thing for me to do, because I don't really like a lot of attention drawn to myself. I took creativity, and a whole LOTTA nerve to enter this video in his video campaign. Dean has taught me that being quite or uncontraversial will not get your site attention online.
    I guess what I am saying is I think Dean has everything it takes to be a great speaker or pickup artist, by being himself. I just want to let Dean know that all of his readers have confidence in him and we are his own personal cheering section, as he tackles his fear of public speaking.
  • Honestly, I have never even thought of the possibility that picking up the opposite sex was similar to public speaking or not. Well, now that I think about it, it is very similar and I will have to pass this blog (info) to my friend who is in a public speaking class. I think this would help him relate the two together and get over the fear of public speaking a little faster. Interesting method. Thanks for bringing this topic up.
  • Steve
    This was a very interesting way of approaching a common problem. Verging on the side of creative genius.

    For me, it is one of the best articles I have read on this blog for a long, long time.

    Thanks Chris.
  • I have to admit that you're dead on target. Being that I do public speaking with my network marketing business (I've spoken in front of as little as 15 people and as many as 15,000) and the feedback is the same.

    I find that when I'm out and about in my every day life and I don't "turn it on" I'm don't attract women so much however when I'm speaking It seems that my characteristics are like a magnet to women.

    I'm not the most good looking guy and I'm 5'4, so not exactly Mr. Talk Dark and Handsome. However the characteristics you talked about are on full display when I speak and they, by gosh, work.
  • Ever wonder how that less than Adonis type guy can sometimes get the girl? His power is in his message. I think even the most squirely of public speakers can deliver when they are message driven. If someone has passion about their message we are willing to forgive a great deal. If you want to see an extreme example of this see Clifford Stoll in action: http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/clifford_sto... Talk about frenetic, crazy and compiling. I'm not sure how he would do if he was driven to buy someone a drink... he would likely have success or asked to leave the bar trying.
  • I've worked in sales organizations and used the similarities between "picking up" and "closing sales" and hunting jobs"

    Nice article!

    .\\ike
  • For me the confidence come from really knowing/understanding the topic or subject i'm speaking on ... which generally comes from me really enjoying something about the topic/subject.

    Those traits can make you a better public speaker ... it's definitely no guarantee, but without them you'd be hurtin' for certain.

    by the way ... i love the creative idea to get better at public speaking through "picking up women" ... to funny.

    @chrisbrogan ... thanks for hosting people that have interesting things to share!

    ---
    http://twitter.com/franswaa
  • It's nice to see pick up getting traction in the mainstream.

    Fundamentally, pick up is power over yourself, not over others. Public speaking (which I have done as well) is very similar: lead yourself emotionally, with authenticity, the audience will follow along.
  • @Phil - isolating down to confidence, I would say no. Have I seen people who were confident (in their results, their data, their story) but not the greatest speakers and thought it was good? Yes.

    I don't (and didn't) mean to imply that the mechanics of public speaking aren't important at all - certainly if you want to make it a part of your career, then you need to work on all aspects. And perhaps this will descend to chicken-and-egg, but I maintain that no amount of speaking prowess will help you if you have nothing interesting to say and no reason to be there.
  • I disagree JP. I have seen some really interesting info just butchered. I may have walked away thinking "that was really good stuff" but I will never listen to that person again. While I won't argue that content matters, but have you ever seen a speaker who isn't confident and thought it was good because of them or was it in spite of them?
  • Yes! Great point! I often try to watch others that I find inspiring so I can pick up pointers on what makes people engaged. I then try to dig deep into myself and bring out that passion in my own way. Once you feel excited and passionate, speaking is a no-brainr. It's all about confidence, without a doubt, and even if you're not 100% knowledgeable on your subject, putting yourself in front of people already makes you a huge expert! Sometimes when I do speaking engagements about video or music; I talk to people who may know way more than I but I'm the one up there. I've never had a "hater" in the audience yet. In fact, I always get approached by that one person first who knows just as much or more than I with even more advanced questions. That makes me even more excited!
  • Okay, now provide a public speaking equivalent for the questionable PUA practice of "negging."

    I have my own thoughts, but I want to see how you handle that.
  • While I don't disagree that the capacity to perform and be confident are important, the suggestion that those are the skills that make a great presenter is simply incorrect. I have seen presentations that say nothing with style, and I have seen people with "show and tell" skills blow the house down. The secret sauce is the content, in the same way that people seeking partners will opt for smart and funny (or whatever traits sync with their values).

    You are absolutely correct, though, that the differences between public speaking and effective conversations are minimal. The key is to reflect upon both against a preconceived notion of what a "win" looks like. In your case at the social level, that will be getting the phone number. As you move on to bigger exercises, you'll need to establish your goals beforehand, and find test audiences who are willing to give you honest, forthright feedback about the presentation, your mannerisms, and the flow of the speech.

    You'll have to forgive my ramblings, in the process of putting the finishing touches of our own speaker engagement model, so this is very top-of-mind for me at the moment.
  • That is a new way to think of public speaking :-) The main thing about public speaking is to make it fun. For me I just be the best self, and share my message.
    Giovanna Garcia
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