How Not to Be a Jerk in Facebook

October 27, 2008 · Comments

chris brogan Ahhh, Facebook. I’m not a giant fan. But, it is one place to reach out and connect with people, and I do maintain a Facebook profile there, so when I dip in to check things out, it reminds me that not everyone uses it the same way. With that in mind, I had a few ideas I wanted to share.

But as I went in to gather up some screenshots, I found a mix of the good and the bad of using Facebook, so it changes how I intended to write about it. Just the same, I have some thoughts on Facebook, starting with your mug shot. Most of this is opinion, but it’s tempered by my experiences and interactions with professionals and casual connectors, so use it as you see fit.

Put up a HUMAN Picture

Don’t put up your company logo, and don’t put up one of those scary yearbooky-looking business photos that some folks seem to use. Where do you GET those? Please don’t look like you could go in this set:

photo credit by tifotter

Join a Few Groups- Not Just Your Company’s Group

As people are starting to understand how Facebook makes an interesting place to run an official group, they are building campaigns around acquiring group members. If you’re looking to get people to join your groups, try to be polite and join a few other people’s groups, too. Most of the ones in the picture above, I’m in as a sign of support to a friend. I’m not very active on them. What do you think? Should I leave groups where I’m inactive?

When Friending, Add a Line or Two

facebook friend request

I like this, because it’s a personable approach and he namedrops Baratunde Thurston.

Stop Spamming Me

spammy spam

Friending me so you can invite me to your stupid teleseminars isn’t cool. It’s not good marketing. It’s not good business. The rules of permission marketing that exist in the regular email world apply doubly or triply to here.

Email Etiquette

If we don’t know each other well, don’t make your first message after friending me about your dumb product, service, or company. Try to be a human first. Try to share yourself in a way that I get to know you. Chances are, I might actually want to know about your whatever. But I don’t bombard you once you meet me. Why are you doing it to me?

Bonus: Power Move

Here’s a secret. My favorite Facebook feature is the Birthdays box:

birthday box

But here’s what I do. Some of those people I don’t know as closely, so I don’t wish them happy Birthday. I just let it go by. But for people I know, if I get a moment to check Facebook and see that it’s his or her birthday, I drop them a regular email wishing them the Happy Birthday. Why? Because it is that extra step that shows it’s not a robotic response within a closed platform.

Sometimes, if I’m feeling extra nice (or have 5 minutes), I surf someecards.com, the funniest ecard site on the web (no relationship here, just a fact, jack!)

So what have I missed? What are your ideas? How would you advise folks not to be a jerk in Facebook? What’s your take on Poking? How do you decide what’s appropriate on that network?

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  • RainmakerTom
    Well done,
    Good points about Facebook.
    The netiquette is important to all of us. Thank you for reminding us.
  • Great article! bookmarked
  • As a musician, I gotta say that Facebook is the premiere social media platform in the arts and culture industry in Canada. I know many companies and individuals that improve their ticket sales via Facebook event listings and maintain groups and pages in order to build their markets. My blog gets more referral traffic from Facebook than from any other site.

    But be warned, no one will take a Facebooker seriously unless they regularly update their status, post items (not necessarily their own), write witty comments on other people's walls, post personal pics and join a large array of groups.

    However, if you're able to maintain a lot of social activity on Facebook, it's an excellent platform to get out the message for your product to an already captive audience.

    But build the social network first before you leverage it.
  • David Law
    It annoys me intensely when I repeatedly get requests to install random applications by contacts. However, I think everyone uses Facebook in different ways. A lot of my contacts are blissfully unaware of netiquette. They're not involved with any other social platforms other than Facebook and therefore have no clue that some people observe rules about how to conduct themselves in social networks.

    Unfortunately very new/low social media users rarely care/know about netiquette and in a way, I can forgive them for that, how would they know that it is annoying to add your entire contact base to take part in a zombie application. For them, that is what facebook is for, that is how it should be used. It's the people that should know better that are the annoying ones!
  • Doggone it Chris, why do you have start making rules for Facebook. I was just trying to have fun outside of that stuffy corporate world! Of course, no spam but can't I post my dog's picture on it if I want too. Or if I am searching for school friends a picture or two from those days? Loosen up a little, since you hit the top 100 are you becoming a "corporate guy."
  • I enjoy the debates that recently seem to be the rage, with status updates automated from twitter, and commenting in the newsfeed.

    I am not a fan of getting invites to join facebook games, so would be nice to have a feature to block all these requests so I don't have to "ignore" so many every morning.
  • One more thing - if you invite me to an event, make sure it's in my country! ;)
  • Someecards is so the funniest app on facebook!! I'm glad to see it get some love in this post :) (No relation either, haha)

    Bottom line - just loosen up, be real and sincere!
  • Another point is - from my experience, when local businesses set up facebook accounts or groups - they should be aware of the people they are adding. Not just everyone in the regional network that they see.

    I think it is good to add networks of people, working on the principle that you get to know people through friends - then friends of friends - a bit like what you said. It is becoming apparent that some people/companies that think Facebook is a deadset free bit of "grassroot" marketing that doesn't need any additional work - and in turn it doesn't work. Also, those businesses who set up multiple outputs (fan pages, profiles and groups) are VERY annoying. Be available on multiple networking sites, yes, but we only need one friends/invite to decide if we are going to connect or not.

    Very interesting post though. Thanks!
  • My company recently had a brainwave of "We've heard the kids are using this 'facebook' thing. We definitely need to be on it"

    They wanted to create a fake persona to act as an online spokesperson & befriend 'the world' in order to promote etc.

    I had to resort to swearing to get the point across that inventing an online persona who would go around friending people & then just sending them spam would be far worse than just staying out alltogether.

    On a personal level (rather than company) remembering not to hit reply/send to all without thinking about it would be something I'd love to see done more. - I ignored your last fifteen requests for ZombieLoveWarEtc, really, another one?
  • @DavidMiller - hahaha about the swearing, but only in support and that "I feel bad for you, man" kind of way.
  • It's hard not to be a jerk to someone on Facebook. You can't accept every app request or you would be there all day. If you're gone for a few days, you might miss someone's birthday.

    I agree that the pushy sales people who you don't know are annoying.
  • Kati Ryan
    Some great points, Chris....

    1. Poking is absolutely ridiculous. And somewhat creepy. What does that even mean?

    2. If your company has a facebook page, I think it's good to put up pictures of the staff doing things together (for a more humanistic approach.) You know those awkward birthday cake celebrations? new employees in the office? snap some photos and tag away!

    Overall, love the post.

    Kati
  • Pam Martin
    Facebook originally creeped me out, but then again, most social media tools did. As I started to use it more, I realized it would become whatever I made of it. Your post reminded me that I still have a ways to go. It always helps to be reminded of best-practices, especially in the ultra-casual world o' the 'Book.
    Goof thoughts, good ideas, thanks for the reminder!
  • Ironically, a Ning network I admin on began having a wave of inept self-promo after passing the 2,000 member mark. In looking a little more closely, we saw that it was mostly PR and communications folks who were on their first real networking experience. They begin as blurters on Twitter, graduate to non-sequitor forum posts, adding "our new site is open" to posts that asked specific questions.

    The least obvious bit for them was the comment wall, which I know FB has in common with Ning. My advice to them is that the comment wall isn't about you, it's about them. The main principle is, as you've said in other ways, Chris, build trust, gain respect (and karma in your words) by posting useful stuff, and, yes, asking for help, too.
  • In this world of blurred social media lines, my opinion will probably represent a dissenting voice...but that's ok. I drove around in a hand-painted minivan for a year--I'm comfortable flying my freak flag high.

    I keep facebook for personal friends or people I want to connect with on a personal level. As a rule, I do not accept friend requests from co-workers or day job associates. I WANT to post stupid yearbook photos (yearbookyourself.com) and see my friends. I WANT to join groups like I Have More Foreign Policy Experience Than Sarah Palin and not worry about how it impacts me professionally. I do not, however, want to receive a million app requests to be kidnapped or to see who has a crush on me...but I just ignore them and, if they keep coming, tell the friend to cut the crap or just delete the person.

    LinkedIn is my professional social networking place. I am still ME but not to the 567th power...you know? My creative writing projects are visible but my freak flag is not flying quite so high or in your face. (I no longer know how/care to hide it completely.) The personal groups I join are not included in my public profile so I am not representing my employer as a fan of Mad Men or Obama (although I really, really hope they are supporters of both).

    Twitter is kind of like the demilitarized zone between my personal and professional lives. Some work, some play. How much professional damage can I really do in 140 characters? (She asks, like the naive newbie that she is.) Because I blog under my actual real name, people who want to find dirt on me, certainly don't have to look very hard or long, but I don't hang the sign on the door in professional settings.

    Thanks for the article. Food for thought.
    Julie
  • Nat
    IMO, the creepiest thing one can do on Facebook is send me a hug or a heart if 1. I don't know you personally 2. You are the opposite sex! I unfriended some one for doing that 1x too many. Sure, I want friends and want to grow those online friendships - but not THAT way!
  • Love the post Chris and the comment about company's putting a fake persona for an online spokeswoman to befriend the world.

    But there are organizations that people might want to check in with and see what events they have going on. How should the organization use facebook? Can't they have a page and have a real person update it mixing social networking with "organization news?"
  • Great post Chris!

    I am also not a fan of the crazy applications that you always get invitations to. Some of it really reminds me that facebook was initially for college/HS kids (including the Poke feature).

    It has been very cool to recontact old friends, as well as have someone remind me of friends' birthdays.
  • I agree about the profile picture. I just ignore app requests and leave them pending. Out of mind out of sight. Some people think it's fun to use these apps and send it to everyone and I try to respect that. It's different for me tho, everyone on my friends list on are people i know in real life.

    I think spam messages happens when you use facebook to "connect" with strangers or to grow your network for business purposes. Kind of like the cold callers on your business phone and fax line.

    I'm in agreement here with @julie about using it as a space for friends and family. Maybe we're using it wrong....
  • @Wendy - absolutely. There are business pages and fan pages and that's what those are for. People be people, and then power the fan/business page appropriately. Make sense?
  • I just joined MyBlogLog to join Chrisbrogan.com. I immediately got a friend request. Clicking on the avatar shows that that persona has been sending requests to every person who creates an account.

    Grow your network? Not like that you won't!
  • FYI- Another Facebook tip for businesses that I learned yesterday at Katie Paine's session on social media measurement was that the vast majority of what is shared on Facebook amongst friends is video... so marketers, trim some of the text you've got on your fan/business pages and start sharing some video. :)
  • @Joe Dager, it all depends on how you use Facebook. I, like @Julie Baker, keep Facebook almost exclusively for personal things. And you can bet I have pictures of my dog :) You can have pictures of your dog as a professional user as well, it's even encouraged because it shows that you're really you and not some little corporate drone!

    Chris, as far as groups go, I usually join friends' groups to show support, but if after a while I realize I don't feel strongly about the message I'll remove them. I'm not usually very active in groups, so for me the question isn't so much whether or not I've been active but rather whether or not I think that by reading the title of the groups I'm in someone could get a feel for who I am and what I believe in - whether it's that I do in fact have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin or that I think my high school was better than your high school, the important thing is that I agree with what I'm putting out there.
  • Back in the Facebook hey-day of 2006 I remember reading an article on C|Net which laid out the data retention policies of Facebook, which essentially stated that if you wish to cancel your account you must contact Facebook directly.

    I remember not paying this too much attention until a friend of mine who had deleted they profile months earlier to go traveling returned and signed up again. Instantly all their personal photos, friends, and wall comments returned - just as though they had never left. After hearing this, and stories from people that they were being befriended by strangers or people they just met once I decided that I wouldn't open a Facebook account, since, as my thought process at the title would have determined "facebook is for idiots & jerks" - which was essentially social suicide seeing as at the time I was a 20 year old college student.

    Fast forward to 2008. I still have never opened a Facebook account - partly to prove my friends wrong who said I would cave, haha - but because services like Friendfeed and Twitter have established themselves in the niche that I would have used Facebook for...communication, rather then putting your whole life on display. Which is fairly hypocritical of me to saying, seeing as all tweets (unless you make your profile private) are open to the general public. Unlike Facebook, which at least makes you sign up!
  • Signed up for Facebook a few weeks ago, and was genuinely surprised by its power and am loving it. Been on LinkedIn for a couple of years. I have taken the same approach as Julie Baker - Facebook for friends, no work colleagues or assoociations at all, and LinkedIn for the professional stuff. Can't yet imagine having all this stuff in one place.

    That said, I am feeling a distinct and increasing pressure to meld the two. Is it possible to keep your work life and your social life apart? It would be a lot easier...

    Whilst it makes no sense to me that people reading my blog would want to see pictures of me diving, out in London or at my nephew's birthday party, it would appear that those elements are humanising and people do want to see them. I guess I am only starting (3 months in!) to find my own voice online and explore what I'm comfortable with.
  • One guys dumb "seminar" is another guy's bread and butter. i understand your stance on getting random invites to attend seminars as well as install apps, however, some people use FB as a social tool. others use FB as a biz tool. and then others use it as a combo. the happy medium is out there....somewhere....

    good article!
  • @karim - but let me ask you this: if I had no prior business experience with that guy, do you think his cold pitch was a good one? Do you think he inspired me to attend just by dumping that in my inbox?

    My point is that Facebook isn't a direct marketing mass mailing campaign.
  • web2marketing
    you are a jerk the moment you JOIN facebook!

    you are an even bigger jerk, if you continue using this crap!

    you are the biggest jerk, if you think that facebook will help you in marketing!

    bottom line!
  • Chris,
    I recently took over my company's facebook account, and am in a quandry about how I should be utilizing it. I decided to friend request all my personal contacts, and many of them accepted, but I really want to use it for business, and my "friends" aren't a part of that. I have no trouble with Myspace, having a business and personal page respectively, but fb seems a bit harder to manage. I have not joined a lot of business groups, maybe that should be my next step towards building business contacts. I don't want to be a jerk, so thanks for your post.
  • Roberta Wedge
    @Julie Baker: rock on! It is fine to have a dividing line between work and play. The alternative is Blackberries on the beach -- some want to live like that but many do not. You can decide how to present yourself, and people who are "expecting" you to be more professional or conversely more friendly can be given the message that they are looking in the wrong place. If someone phones me at nine a.m. they are likely to get a different response than if they call at nine p.m.
  • Thank you Chris. As always, you are insightful + provocative (in a thoughtful way :) in your observations.
  • I have come to the same conclusion as @JulieBaker and have shut off my twitter stream flowing into Facebook. Many friends in FB don't need to see my day long posts that mostly related to business.

    However, I am very intrigued to see how the rollout of Facebook Connect identity authentication changes my thinking. I have set up a client's blog to incorporate photos that are posted on Facebook as a first step to using this integration. The particular business will benefit from the communications / community building expected to be provided by FB Connect.

    Waiting for it to come out of beta.
  • Timely & helpful for me as I get ready to set up the FB account for my campus, after having one for myself for a while first. I'm wrestling with how broadly I invite people to join it so we don't come across as a jerk while still reaching people who will welcome an invitation they wouldn't have sought out. That's the balance everyone struggles with, seminar presenters included.

    First, though, I have to find out who set up a page already and ask FB nicely to give it to the communications dept, since we're responsible for this kind of thing. (I understand they'll do that; tell me if I'm going to have a problem!)

    For myself, I have my Twitter stream set to update FB because there's no way I'd have the time to keep both current, and if you don't there's no point in using either. I'll do the same for the campus group page. In Twitter I'm going to search with roughly the same criteria I use for FB, follow people who have my campus or my city in their profile so they become aware of our account, and tweet regularly so our personality gets out there.

    Interesting effect of the Twitter feed is that a professional communications colleague/friend who's on my FB page noticed on the day that I was tweeting highlights from an event--she thought it was great. She never would have seen them in Twitter because she's not there yet.

    I thought about keeping parts of my life separate as does JulieBaker, but I just can't. A lot of my volunteer and civic efforts build on my community relations role for my employer. I figure as long as I'm authentic and honest, I yam who I yam.

    I don't friend anyone I don't want to have reading something about taking my kids to see the pumpkin cannon, or knowing about my politics. (For that matter, my PR colleague who liked the tweets is the only one posting pro-Sarah Palin stuff--a touch of vertigo-inducing cognitive dissonance when I look at her update on my page, and she must feel the same.)

    Recognizing that it's far too late, I just wish they hadn't Al Haig-ed the language by making "friend" into a verb...

    @BarbChamberlain
  • I agree with the person who said that poking is creepy. There is a guy on facebook who keeps poking me. What does that mean? Is he virtually poking me like the Pillsbury dough boy? Seriously? Why?! Does he think that poking me will make me want to join his facebook group or buy his product?!
  • Amen to this! I just posted a blog over the weekend about the five no-no's for marketing through online communities. You may not believe this, but a guy joined the community I managed and uploaded 750 images of wristwatches. I kid you not!
    It was his entire catalog, and he posted it very shortly after creating a profile. Needless to say what happened to him. Can you say, Scarlet letter "S?" S-P-A-M. I am all about telling people NOT to do that. this guy branded himself for life, and not in a very good way.
  • Great tips, Chris. I have debated with changing my Facebook photo (it is my headshot I use for business!) as I have both business and personal contacts that I interact with through this site. I don't appreciate the "application spamming", as I don't want to install all those apps on my account.

    I do encourage my social media marketing students to create a Facebook account and use it for class. I set up a discussion group for the class to use, which is slowly picking up pace but is a great place for dialog!

    The main reason I have them create a profile there is so they can understand how it works. How can we think about building relationships with our customers via social networking sites if we don't use them ourselves? I believe it is important to be part of the customer conversation wherever they are. If it is Facebook, great! Bring it on. :)
  • I agree, I hate the spamming and usually delete the person as a friend. I love the birthday tool cause I never remember birthdays and this helps save me. I don't like or understand the poking function and it's usually a creepy process.

    Craig
    www.budgetpulse.com
  • A.
    I try not to totally indiscriminately join groups so I won't have to unjoin them, but the vast vast majority I don't participate in - they're more a way for me to say hey I belong to this group. Even one group I made for my college choir's alumni functions in this way most of the time (though we've put up some pictures we all found to share amongst our selves) its simply a way to easily say "I'm a member of this group or this interest outside of Facebook" For that matter the only groups I've posted on at ALL are closed groups of people I know from real life.

    So no I don't think you need to unjoin groups you're not active in unless you don't see any point to it at all...
  • Great post, Chris. Love the fact that you mention that people should actually put up a human picture! I'd take it one step further -- don't put up a stinkin' URL next to your human picture. Facebook is supposed to be a networking tool foremost. Adding URLs to your profile is just in poor taste. Sadly, I know some marketers who do that, and it makes me wonder if they're really "marketers" or spammers.
  • yabbi
    One issue I have with facebook is that it has so many features that most people don't know how to use it. For instance, you find an old friend, make Friends, send a note or say something on their Wall. Then you hear nothing back from them. Why? Because the interface is so confusing. Are you looking at your page or someone else's? They really need to get page customization up to speed there, so we can tell the pages apart. But the interface will still be confusing.
  • yabbi
    I HOPE facebook does NOT become a haven for business marketing. How insipid and annoying is that? That'll kill it faster than you can type myspace. What is it with marketers that they think such things will work for them? The ads on facebook are bad enough. They've already ruined cable. Back when Pay TV was first touted, it was supposed to be commercial free. Now they cram it with commercials AND you pay for it, plus they track everything you watch, commercials included. That plus all the snooping that goes on with your credit/debit cards and at the supermarket. Marketers are their own worse enemy, they annoy the heck out of people, but we civilians are losing the battle against them.
  • I just wrote a giant comment here relating to this but then realized that I went off on my own tangent and decided it was better left for a blog post of my own in the near future.

    Instead, I'm bringing myself back to the original questions at hand. I agree with @Lolly, who said "if you're going to invite me to an event, at least make sure it's in my own country."

    This past week I got the same invite 5+ times from a former college classmate who now lives in England, and he's in some drama group there. Good for him, I thought, but 1) I'm across the pond, and 2) He barely said a word to me in the classes we had together, I sincerely doubt he wants me to support his acting club THAT much. If I get the invite again, I'm deleting him and telling him good luck and break a leg with the spamming.

    In general, I only add people on Facebook that I either know in real life, have met online via Twitter, or know are in the same online "circles" as me. I got a friend request yesterday from a 17 y/o girl I had never heard of that lived in a local metropolis, went to her profile looking for clues as to know I might know her, and saw that she had 2000+ "friends." Obviously, I denied her request and am not going to be another number in her popularity collection. I graduated from high school longer ago than I'd like to admit, and I'm not about to jump back into that arena.

    Personal v. professional? Like it or not, the line will always be blurred no matter how hard you try to separate them. Knowing this, I don't bother trying. I'm just myself and that's all I know how to be. If people in my personal circle don't want to know about what I'm doing say, in the local chamber of commerce, they can still enjoy looking at pictures of my cats. If chamber members don't want to look at my cats, tough. They don't have to, and I'm still active in their circles doing things with them online and off.

    I think the bottom line is that people need to stop trying to separate their two "lives" and just accept the fact that the two will always overlap in some capacity. Instead of separating personal/professional, think about how you can use the tool (and yes, Facebook is a tool) to propagate both.
  • (Okay, so that ended up being a giant comment probably better suited for its own post, too. Whoops.)
  • Hi Chris

    you information is very helpful as usually. But the funniest thing is that FB spammer guy has been spamming me too. I am think about un friend him. What do think?

    Giovanna Garcia
  • Not sure how much I can add after 50 very thoughtful comments, but here's my take on the spammy Facebook activity that I've been the victim of.

    Social networking is like a cocktail party. Think about it: you're at a party, quietly talking with a circle of 5 friends or so, when suddenly, the door bursts open, a loud guy comes in and skirts around the room handing out his business card to everyone, and then leaves.

    Not much of a meaningful interaction, is it? Have you created an impression? You bet. But is it a lasting and valuable impression. No way.

    Social networks are no different. Use some common sense.
  • Thank you for echoing my sentiments! I've got a lot of classmates there dating up to preschool, bu if we don't chat regularly, don't start hitting me up for special online favors and don't invite me to every application you want to try just for the heck of it.
  • I have both friends (dating back to school) and work colleagues on Facebook. I don't mind mixing the two, as I want to be able to build trust with folk - so they see me as I am... whether that's a good or bad thing I leave to them.

    I won't accept friend requests from people I don't know (usually, I know folk online rather than F2F), and I don't add applications from *anyone*.

    Spam me, lose me as a contact.
  • Angel Galloway
    I am surprised that nobody has mentioned what I consider a major FFP...updating to all your friends about how someone else you know won't friend you?

    As you can see from the comments, different people have different comfort levels with regards to their interactions on any given social media platform. Some do not want to interact with business associates, only friends. Others interact with both freely. Beyond overtly spammy behavior, understanding how each person wants to interact on any given platform and respecting that is key if you're going to use the platform, don't you think?
  • Facebook etiquette :)

    Thats a funny topic. Man, facebook is popular..

    Thanks for the post though. I think your idea of sending a
    regular email for a HAPPY BIRTHDAY message is cool. As if you go to their profile on someone's birthday, it is littered with birthday messages.
  • I can tolerate just about anything on Facebook except people making sarcastic or uniquely witty remarks about my status or photos. That can be really annoying, especially if it's from someone I don't know well. Death by application can be a bit tiresome, and the join this group, join this cause, attend this event 'chatter' can be a bit grating. Filters would be useful, for example don't invite me to events in Paris when I'm based in London. There are ways to make that more sophisticated of course, but a preference filter would really help shield the invite noise.
  • The ways you have mentioned are good, I think. A human approach is required before selling the product n only in this way we can add more users to our friend network.
  • Just to sound like an old grey haired guy for second, the kids have this all figured out.

    I listen to my teenagers talk about their extensive facebook relationships and they have rules for who gets added when, who gets ignored when and for what reason, what happens when you poke someone, what the criteria are for deletion, etc... The rules are complex, elaborate and well understood by their communities. Some one needs to send Margaret Mead out to the field to study this strange new tribe.

    Us old folks are just catching up with them, or trying to keep up with them as they zoom away on their advanced social network skills.

    Doug
  • as a youth pastor who uses facebook, the birthday feature is gold for me. i'll try to not be a jerk.. are we even friends on fb?
  • Great post, Chris. Haven't been to your blog before. Will definitely visit again.
    I'm relatively new to social networking (less than a year on Facebook and Twitter) and I'm always interested to learn how to best use the sites and not be a jerk.

    Becky Williamson
    www.beckywilliamson.com
  • I was glad to read your post, and also happy to read comments by Julie Baker and Justin. I've been debating what to do about my "friends", too. I was thinking about keeping FB only for personal use. I don't have a lot of FB friends yet, and only one is a former co-worker. After reading through the rest of the comments, though I think that I like the idea of blurring the line a bit (it makes things easier), but only adding people I actually know as friends (sorry, I don't remember who said that). I like having a social network that's just people I haven't seen in 20 years and people that I still know well -- without either of us trying to promote anything to each other.

    @Chris - Funny you mentioned the photo. I actually just uploaded one today. My preteen took it and I've been using it on all my sites. He's been trying to help and I finally found a good contribution for him.

    I tend to ignore applications,too. I don't know what they do or what information they get access to -- so I just let those requests sit.
  • Jilly
    poking = creepy

    I'm at 576 requests for application downloads, I don't want a snowball fight, and I have no interest in zombie wars = meh

    the friend who sends a personal note and posts it on my main page

    Human pets - You've be Pet. wtf does that mean? I've been pet?

    Save the rainforest = so and so has saved 8 square meters of rainforest -yeahhh, mkay.

    And finally, the app is slow like molasses.
  • I think there needs to be an honorable mention for "not being a jerk in Facebook" about controlling your friends.

    Most of us use Facebook in a blend of personal and professional purposes. Many of your professional friends hope not to get bogged down with status updates of you tossing fuzzy animals or snowballs at one another--or worse yet, them. And, most of your personal friends don't care to get bogged down about the true media value of the impressions from your latest blog (although some of mine do...haha).

    But, the biggest catch in that mix is controlling friends from tagging you in a picture of you at a kegger doing your favorite lampshade trick. You get tagged, and all-too-quickly it is served up to all your professional friends who now know you look good in a lampshade. Not to mention, if they're a little savvy, the rest of the album is fair game as well.

    I live my life somewhat openly and I'm pretty consistent across the board, but I still know there's a few minutes in my life I'd rather not have shared with my clients. Just sayin...
  • I use FB, Twitter and LinkedIn and have found ways to make each of them work for me. I don't care for the spam emails. I limit any promo stuff I send to people who join my groups or are fans. I do like to be mindful of geographical location. Seems silly to send an invite to an Austin event to someone who doesn't live here!

    I really love that FB has brought me back in touch with old classmates (even ones I wasn't close with in school), current colleagues and friends, and I've been careful about who I accept as friends by checking out their profile and figuring out which friends we have in common.

    The apps for the most part annoy me, but occasionally I play along when I'm feeling silly. Otherwise I ignore a lot of them. I've been able to get business leads and help through Facebook and have built some connections with people I never thought I would, so it's been great. I think Facebook is a wonderful way to get a peek into friends' lives. I learn so much about people and it's a bit more intimate than the random email. I feel like I keep in touch with the people I like in Facebook.

    With Twitter I feel more free to share in random conversation. I have rather loose rules on who I friend. I've only been offended a couple of times and in those cases simply unfollow those people. Twitter is great for business, for discovering great new stories, and it's just not very serious. And I'm making new friends this way.
  • Thank you for your information on what not to do. You should invite people to a teleseminar... just kidding. These social platforms are so exciting that people like myself just jump on and start spewing on people and not understanding that the medium has changed, but the way of interacting with human beings hasn't.
  • Marth
    Is if there's a way to block other "friends" from seeing when you're on FB? It's annoying to go on FB and see other "friends" pop up. I feel like I'm in the same room with people I know, but choosing to ignore them. It's rude...and I don't like to be rude...but I prefer to FB alone.
  • Thanks for the wonderful post.

    I have been struggling with facebook, trying to find where it fits in the scheme of things. Much attention is given to how to manage, develop and operate successful outposts (Twitter, Vimeo groups etc.) however little has been said about how to best manage the outposts that you 'have' to have, however potentially provide little value.

    I have just been and 'culled' a number of 'friends' from my Facebook page and am now wondering if I should just accept all friend requests and just log in to check birthdays :)

    Keep up the great work!

    Matt.
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