Improve Your Social Network
Sometimes we forget that social networks are more than just software. We forget that beyond a bunch of friend-adding, and asking for links or votes, that there’s more to building online communities and keeping relationships. A strong social network requires some tending and care, just the way real live relationships need attention and deliberate effort. Here are some ideas on how to tend your digital networks and reach the people on the other side of the screen.
Drop a line - Send a brief note to three or four people you haven’t spoken with recently, just saying hi and seeing if the person needs anything. Keep it to one or two short paragraphs, and make sure you expressly tell the person you’re thinking about her. Sometimes, it’s fun to remind him or her about a time you shared together in person, or even online.
Comments and Linking- In the blog world, comments mean that you dropped by, paid someone attention, and thought enough of their work to leave a note. We forget to do this, especially when we read a lot via an RSS reader (like I do). Click through and comment on a post here and there, and not just “good post,” but something pertinent to your friend’s efforts.
Make Introductions - Share a connection between someone you like and someone you imagine might also like this person, were they introduced. It’s a lovely thing to get an email saying, “Daniel, meet Jon. I think you two would appreciate each other on the spiritual level, because Jon shared something that made me think of you the other day.” Sometimes, connecting others is one of the most powerful gestures one can make.
Arrange Some Face-to-Face - Nothing beats the real world, and taking virtual contacts to the next level is a beautiful thing. If you’re geographically unlikely to make this happen, at least arrange time for a phone call. With Skype and/or most cell plans, this won’t break the bank. Talking to someone makes it all the more real. Bonus points if you send the occasional video note to friends (easy to do on Facebook, by the way).
Share Something - Lots of people hold back. Sometimes, they’ve had bad past experiences. Other times, they just think that they should be more professional. It’s a sure thing that sharing a part of yourself to your community will strengthen and deepen your connection to people there. Be brave.
Look to Bridge - Another powerful way to improve your social network is to find ways to connect your community with another community. Are you a passionate Flickr photo group that loves visual thinking? Match that to a creative writing group that works from pictures to write stories. Imagine! Bridge your business group with a pleasure hobby, and think beyond golf. Was it Joi Ito that said the golf of future businesses is World of Warcraft?
Questions and Opinions - What do you think would help improve social networks? Hint: asking for people’s feedback is one way. Hint: making it easy to have conversations is one way. Hint: bringing the story out to your blogs, your networks, your circles of friends for more discussion is one way.
What’s your take?
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Comments
But, Micahel, part of the struggle is not with the technology but with the intention. To maintain connection in 0.0 takes going to places or writing notes or willing myself to lift my head up from my work to say hello. With a little attention, like choosing this morning - before reading the post - to write to a couple people who I haven’t said anything to for awhile, I maintained connection.
I love this, Chris. You should talk to….
Jon,
Maybe you are right. Maybe it’s the fault of the majority of people.
Point: It’s not technical at all to write a letter and mail it to someone. Yet, how many people really take the time to do that anymore?
Looking at this another way, perhaps technology has made things too simple.
Fast food from drive-thru’s (sic) made getting something to eat extremely easy - so easy in fact, that many people willingly give up eating healthy.
None of what I wrote reflects the technology. I’m writing about the humans behind the keys. The tools are there to be used, and in the old days, it was appropriate to drop a letter. Now? It’s just as appropriate to leave a facebook message or what-not.
If your social networks are outside the technology sphere, use different tools.
But making things easier is a generally nice sentiment.
There is a depth question in all this, and there is the perception that socnets are shallower somehow. But you, Chris, are pushing for deepening - relationally - the connections. And you, Michael, are pushing that deepening by turning this into a conversation, like would happen if we were standing in a line somewhere and Chris’s post were someone talking and michael saying, “interesting, but …” and me saying “yes, but” and Michael not letting it stop there but continuing to talk so that he an I found out that each other were really people.
Ahh my dear Mr. Brogan - I’m afraid that saying things like “It’s just as appropriate to leave a facebook message or what-not.” only shows part of the circle of friends that you could have.
If you are only choosing the people who make up that circle-of-friends because they have the means and understanding to be connected online, then that is your choice -
The next time you are out driving around, if you see a construction worker holding a sign - wonder for a moment if when he gets home, does he log into facebook and blog about how his day went?
True, perhaps you or I wouldn’t have much in common with him, at first glance (esp. since he has a real job and all ;-)
But what if he has a family of four, goes camping, takes a bunch of digital photos and wants to share them with his brother in Oklahoma?
Where is the supporting socnet system for him?
According to the HP commercials, we’re supposed to believe that he’ll just print out his pictures at home and mail them to his brother.
Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places - or perhaps I cannot see the forest because of the trees.
So is this now a conversation about how to reach the unplugged masses? Because even still, my original post stands. Just replace “comment on blogs” with “visit and have some lemonade.” Go back and read the primary post and look at how much of that can be done without a computer, in an alternate setting.
You’re looking to solve a different problem. Which is certainly one to look at, and is a lucrative marketplace. Finding a way for Joe-road-sign-holder to build a social network that’s meaningful to him is a great target to take on.
Is that a new focus for you, Mister Bailey?
Well, I think that Joe is actually plugged in -
Assumptions about Virtual Joe.
- If he has kids and all, there’s probably a computer in the house.
- He’s probably not into keeping up with what the A-list bloggers are doing
- Probably has heard of “blog” but doesn’t understand the scene.
- He’s watched a few videos on YouTube and thinks that is what people are talking about when he hears “Internet TV”
- His kid has a MySpace page, but he doesn’t know where it is.
So yeah - what kind of system can capture and benefit Virtual Joe? Because I think that there are 200 million Joe’s out there and at this point in time, the cost of acquisition is still too high since he doesn’t live in our fishbowl.
Summary: I want to capture the unplugged masses much like AOL did. (Remember when AOL said, “This is your version of the Internet, don’t look behind the curtain!”)
Good advice all around, but I would add one item that applies to all of your points: be sincere.
Even if you have an agenda (job networking, promoting your blog or community, etc.) don’t make that the only reason you’re sending email, leaving a comment, and so forth.
For example, I have a blog page (and this is a bit embarrassing) about Paris Hilton getting in a car wreck: http://literally.barelyfitz.com/2005/11/28/literally-a-car-wreck/
I occasionally get comments on that post, then I notice that the commenter’s URL is something relating to car accidents. Even if it’s a “real” comment, I usually just delete it because I know the person just searched for “car wreck” and wanted to get some Google-juice.
…and many times, the individuals in those networks act differently within that network than they do outside it.
What a lively discussion!
My two cents on reaching the “unplugged masses”: I think it all depends on how much time they’re willing to invest. I spend most of my day on this stuff, someone with a “real job” (heh) and a family isn’t necessarily going to head home after a rough day and climb on the computer to spend an hour reaching out to his online community. Isn’t a “real life” community enough for some people?
And there are others with an online community (like a MySpace page) who are still nowhere near as invested as we are. Many of my friends with MySpace pages wouldn’t even begin to know what to do with Twitter, think blogs are silly, and wouldn’t understand why flickr was necessary when they can share their photos with friends already via Snapfish.
So capturing the unplugged may just not be possible–not everyone is willing to let social media saturate their life the way others are.
None of this really has worked for me without a “real world” connection. As long as friendships, links & comments are regarded as currency I’m not inclined to trust the sincerity of any of them when they’re offered from someone whom I’ve never met. I suspect my feelings are by no means unique and may well be on the minds of a many people inside and outside of the bubble.
To that end, Chris, I agree strongly with your point about the face-to-face meeting. Everyone has a different tolerance level on this. Mine happens to be low. I want real friends, real connections, sincerity, and I want to not feel like a politician or someone else’s social (or marketing) revenue.
As I read this, I am in the depths of planning Podcamp Philly- a face to face meeting and community building event.
The first Podcamp was so powerful because of the face to face meetings that occurred- there are more than 30 people I met there, or directly related to people I met there- that I now consdier close personal friends. People I would put up in my house, call and have coffee with if I’m in town, and that circle keeps expanding with each new PodCamp I attend.
These contacts have lead to real business, and to me, more importantly, simple human socialization and friendships. I know the circle will continue to expand. It enriches my life tremedously, even if it is easier to sit quietly and ignore life.
We all have many different communities we belong to; many people within different circles of closeness. yet by reaching out and including more people in the circle- not just collecting them like trading cards, but using things like twitter to keep in touch, even passively- it helps strengthen that bond.
It may seem silly and unprofessional to hear about my kids going off to camp, or About Mrs. B’s dog, or Chris’s trip to the beach, but Twitter keeps all of us in touch through it’s social network, in an efficient way, that helps make those passive bonds easier to deepen and expand when you add the face to face.
You can look at it as building a network for some purpose, or you can get real about it, and let it also just be about making new friends and helping each other out in small and big ways. It is forming a virtual town, a community where we can all live and propser.
Connecting with people does take effort. Take your own siblings - when was the last time you spoke/wrote/visited with them? Now take out Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s Eve - are you connecting with them?
I have 5 siblings, and was able to convince 4 of them to Twitter. The 5th won’t - she would rather call and talk to us individually, or fly in once a year and do a mini-reunion. The rest of use have expanded our conversation to include microblogging and the occasional viewing of another’s mac.com or flickr photos.
I’ve thought about this in relation to old friends (college/work), new friends and my neighbors. The intention is there, it’s the time that gets me. To connect/converse outside of your normal family/work time takes a real effort and commitment. How do you fit that in a GTD lifestyle?
I didn’t know about the video messages on Facebook. Thanks for the idea! I may use it on my LJ network, which contains more people I know personally.
Randy - your point about the time factor is a big one, too. There’s the sense of spreading myself out too thin if I’m tapped into 239 different social media tools. I’m more likely to miss something. Conversely, it also really bums me out if my attempt to communicate with someone gets missed/overlooked for that same reason. Twitter bugs me in that way.
Lost in the shuffle…
After reading your post I was thinking of ways to strengthen my own social network, and realized I was staring at the perfect example!
It’s been a while since I commented on something here, even though I’m reading. Just wanted to let you know that I’m paying attention, and even taking advice. And happy August to you too.
[…] Improve Your Social Network Chris Brogan is reading my mind and offers some advice on a topic I’ve been thinking about. (tags: social) […]
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basically Chris, i wanted to know how to go beyond just adding people to your list of contacts. i find your suggestions realistic and down to earth (!). Now i know what to do after i am plugged in and how to enjoy the fishbowl. thank.
I’ve been really surprised with some of the connections I have made on my social networks. I’ve used them to reconnect with people I had lost touch with, I’ve gotten together with with some one and did an unconference, I even spawned the whole idea of PodCamp New Orleans 2008. You have to be willing to put in some time building and PARTICIPATING in the network to get any advantage from it.
People who are friend collectors(I’ve been one in the past) on some networks, like the TopLinked people on LinkedIn, have a different agenda than most of us when joining a network. They are in sort of online popularity contest. It’s impossible to keep in touch on a regular basis with 15,000 people, 400 or 500 would be difficult.
Chris Penn brought up a good point on a recent Financial Aid podcast about the value of these people to the network. They create very large and well connected mesh networks that can help you get access to people you wouldn’t normally have access to.
Think about what you want to achieve from your network and make that your focus when building it.
Social Network Fatigue? Depends how you define your purpose with using it….
You may recall a post I did here a few weeks ago, that was a shoutout for your opinion on Facebook and other social networking sites: Learning Best Practices on the Internet. I had come to this reckoning: I’m okay…
I have tried all the social networks. I actually like Congoo the best because I use it for news. The other ones are either too noisy or too young. My profile is here: http://www.congoo.com/user/publicprofile?profile_id=1665525
I like facebook but its all college kids, they wont get me anywhere career wise.
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Completely agree! That’s why everything we do at http://www.FindLikeMinds.com is geared towards more genuine connections than ‘other’ social networks.
[…] week, bloggers Shannon Clark and Chris Brogan shared their networking tips, which begin to answer the question of how to be human in your […]
good post.
:)
commenting is a huge part of the online world. Like you said it lets them know you were here and allows for some conversation. Not to mention it links back to your site which allows others to find you. I will admit I will leave “nice post” a lot because I may not have anything really constructive to say but again want them to know I was there.
I was here.
thanks brogan! I read tons of blogs daily but rarely leave a comment…. I always want to make sure I am bringing something new to the table… yet I forget that comments are in and of themselves a show of support…. thanks for enlightening me!!!!
best! best! best!
K
I stumbled upon your site here while looking for information on how to actually network with people online; specifically just for meeting and talking with new people - just for the fun of it. I believe improving my interaction with others will translate into the real world when working with my business associates and people I kind of know. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your article and the interaction of comments posted here on this article.
I don’t understand why Patrick in comment #9 said “I occasionally get comments on that post, then I notice that the commenter’s URL is something relating to car accidents. Even if it’s a “real” comment, I usually just delete it because I know the person just searched for “car wreck” and wanted to get some Google-juice.” I mean if there is an option for people to put a weblink of interest that is ‘real’ associated with their comments… i dont “get” why he would delete those comments. Commenting on blogs is supposed to enable visitors to interact with blogger.
Other then that, I think I like your blog. I also agree with Kathryn (comment 32). :)
@vangeli: you raise a good point, and perhaps I was a bit harsh. It’s a judgment call - if I think the comment is sincere AND it adds value to the conversation, I usually let it through. But personally I hate the scent of spam, so I don’t feel too guilty about erring on the side of deletion.
Hey Chris,
Great Article! Great content in your Website in General! I am a Publicist/Media Specialist and Techie covering the NY and the Atlanta, Georgia markets, and have been working on Improving my Social Networking skills so that it matches my Face-to-Face Networking Skills. It’s a daunting task, but doable and requires a little bit of a system in place so that I keep it as an top of mind thing.
As a Publicist and Consultant it is my job to teach my clients how to do the same thing so that they can incorporate online communities into their PR and Marketing strategy.
I’m looking forward to perusing your site and learning more. Thanks again!
Debra Dixon
Light of Gold PR and Marketing
info@lightofgoldpr.com
http://www.lightofgoldpr.com
Hey Chris - just dropped by after seeing your Tweet on Twitter.
I think that SocNet Systems could be improved if they weren’t so technical, and there weren’t so many things to copy and paste.
As easy as that might be for some of us, there are many more people who just don’t “get it” - a lot like when 80% of the VCR clocks used to blink 12:00