No Enemies

I Have No Enemies

There’s a passage in one of Pema Chodron’s books that calls one daring if one chooses not to shut anyone out of their heart, or to call anyone an enemy. It goes on to say that if we do this, then we have to accept that we can’t make things absolutely right or wrong, that we can’t find one “true” take on any situation, because there are as many takes on a situation as there are people in the world.

At my Crossfit gym, even though I exercise with a class, and we’re all trying to complete certain exercises for time, or for some number of accomplished sets, we’re not competing with each other. Danny, my trainer and the owner of the gym, says that after about five minutes, you won’t even be able to notice that there are other people in the class, because you’re locked into doing what YOU need to do to succeed. You compete with yourself and yourself alone.

It’s a difficult philosophy, but one that I admire for thinking about business.

No Enemies

When I remember to think like this, business settles back into being about what it should be about: satisfying my buyers and creating value for them. When I accept that others will see things differently, and if I can really accept that and just nod at the sound of my name in their complaints, then I can go back to thinking about the people who’ve gathered around me as a community to seek tools to move things forward in their own lives and businesses. When I realize that my main competition is myself, and that I could’ve done this better, or I could’ve added that value to their experience, then I can work on what truly can be changed: my own efforts.

Competition is Real

Competition is “real” to most people. They worry that I (or you, or Google, or the other plumber) will steal their customers away, that they’ll be lured away by shiny talk and pretty pictures. Competition, to most people, is about fears of an outside source affecting their plans and intentions.

To me, competition is to remember to stay focused on my community and my buyers (not always the same people, by the way). My competition is with doing the research that doesn’t get attention or praise, and then making that research into something that is worth time and sometimes money to my audience. My competition is with struggling when I’m not succeeding, and finding the belief within myself that I’m going to succeed, if I can keep my community first and foremost in my mind when working on things, instead of worrying about myself.

Hard To Do, But Worth It

This philosophy has been quite worthwhile to me. I have been quite successful in my business, when I do this. It’s when I worry about what others think and do, when I worry about pleasing everyone instead of serving those who matter, that I make mistakes. Is it something for you to think about? I’m not saying that. But I’m over here working to make this philosophy my traveling companion.

What about you?

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  • http://www.KarmicKappuccino.com Steve Rice

    Really insightful, Chris. I love the distinction you make between your wanting to please everyone and serving the ones who matter (and the results of the two actions).

    I also can relate to the distinction you make between your community and your market.  I love that. I”d never really considered it that clearly before.  This distinction is one that will be really helpful to me in my business.  

    I’ve been focused a lot on building my community, which is important, and trying to make them into my market, instead of serving them and connecting with them, and then marketing to my market.  Great food for thought. THanks!

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Community definitely grows your market. But you can’t have a viable, sustainable market for very long without addressing your community. : ) 

  • Simon Allard

    Cool insights! My takeaway: “Competitive Analysis” begins with a deep look at oneself. Thanks Chris.

  • Simon Allard

    Cool insights! My takeaway: “Competitive Analysis” begins with a deep look at oneself. Thanks Chris.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      True that, Simon. It’s not what we think it is. : ) 

  • http://www.charlottesvillebydave.com Daveshockley

    Great article Chris.  It has always been a problem with new agents to get them to understand that “it’s not personal it’s business”.  Rejection is just part of what we do, and if you can’t live with it and figure out how not to make that mistake again real estate is not where you belong.  Keeep the great articles coming.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Rejection is a whole other matter. i agree with that. : ) 

  • Erin Hoffman

    Just this week I heard that Abdul Baha said that stopping at loving your enemies is hypocritical–it’s meant to be a step toward seeing everyone as a friend. I’m surprised to find the same message in another format–guess I need to start implementing it.

  • http://aremorch.com Are Morch

    To me it’s all about having a servants heart.

    I just love this great definition of servant leadership: A servant leader is someone who is servant first, who has responsibility to be in the world, and so he contributes to the well-beeing of people and community. A servant leader looks to the needs of the people and asks himself how he can help them to solve problems and promote personal development. He places his main focus on people, because only content and motivated people are able to reach their targets and to fulfill the set expectations.

    Cheers…

    Are Morch
    Hotel Advisor and Social Media Strategist

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Agreed. I love the language of your response. 

  • Anonymous

    I was just pondering the same sort of thought this morning. Thank you. You really expressed what I was trying to tell myself when it comes to setting a goal and reaching for it. I’m setting up for a big jump in business and was worried about others. It’s really just about focusing on my community, my clients and how I can help – not worrying that someone a few sites away is undercutting their prices. Thanks Chris!

  • http://www.TheDADvocateProject.com Anonymous

    Chris, Your thoughts are something I need to keep in mind. I am all to often my own worst enemy and thereby my toughest compteitor. I need to stop looking at other success and feeling that I failed. Rather I need to look at my progress and continue pressing forward to my own success. I just wish I could always remember that.

  • http://www.digitalshepherds.com/blog Tshaka

    Great post! It’s one of the key lessons I’m teaching my children… the greatest enemy is the one within. Focus on being the best you and the other things either won’t matter so much or, by extension, will take care of themselves.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  • Nancy

    I’ve been reading 5 different blogs for the past year and a half(this is my first comment on any of them) you truly are my favorite! 
    The following quote on my website goes well with your “no enemies” post:
    “The only competition that really matters is the one between who we are and who we want to become.”-Edna Talboy-toastmasterThank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with me!

  • Anonymous

    No human being can be your enemy. If you make him into an enemy, you are simply living in a delusion by making him an image and making that image an enemy.

    This is a wonderful perspective on economics and business.

  • Chris R

    Cool article.

  • http://www.blistmarketing.com Brandon Yanofsky

    As you mentioned, I too am starting to realize the biggest competition for my business is myself. There are days when I sit and complain about all my competitors and say, “I could do better.”

    But then I realize, what’s holding me back is I’m sitting here complaining rather than going out there and actually doing better.

  • http://homeremediesmd.com Home Remedies MD

    If you don’t have any enemies, that mean that you are either not doing anything right or not doing anything at all

  • Anonymous

    I like Thich Nhat Hanh myself. I actually got to meet him two years ago. I booked a retreat, my first zen retreat in two years, and can’t wait. I feel like I have been in a desert for months.

     He said that there should be boundaries, but only so their can be peace later, similar to Pema. He also mentioned that there are times to have tea when there is long standing conflict. Tea to be mindful, and work through listening to each other.  But first we have to nourish ourselves, embrace our suffering and heal before we can heal others. Healing is what matters.

  • http://www.online-business-virtual-assistant.com/ Virtual Business Assistant

    No human being is an enemy by himself,  We only create enemies by our own actions..

  • http://www.i95dev.com Henry Louis

    Brogan, I dont think we would be having enemies only in the field of business, we might have them from our families, friends or communities or from anywhere, so I think there should be philosophies which would help us to handle enemies from anywhere! By the way I liked your tactic of handling competition in business!.

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  • http://cashwithatrueconscience.com/rbblog Ryan Biddulph

    Hi Chris,

    The competition doesn’t exist.We go against no one.

    Sure, other people provide similar services, but in a Universe of unlimited supply, who, or what, are they going to beat us to? Infinite supply?

    Keep creating and the competition ceases to exist. Keep connecting with leaders. You have less and less competition, the more you reside on a creative plane of thought.

    If you do choose to believe in the concept, I’d look at it like you do. Simply target more on your   customers and buyers, reminding yourself who you are working with.

    Thanks for sharing your insight with us.

    Ryan

  • http://www.ryanhanley.com/about Ryan Hanley

    This is one of the more powerful concepts you have talked about on this Blog and something I love to hear you elaborate in a more extensive work.

    Thank you!

  • http://cluelesstechie.blogspot.com Nikhil Bhandari

    This is a great concept and worthwhile for everyone to follow. I am going to try it for sure.

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  • http://www.onlinejobs-income-athome.com/ IncomeatHome.com

    I totally agree with your blog and thought…I must admire it…I am very knowledgeable after reading this. Not because I liked this article, but I got this in a very well manner. 

  • http://www.onlinejobs-income-athome.com/ IncomeatHome.com

    I totally agree with your blog and thought…I must admire it…I am very knowledgeable after reading this. Not because I liked this article, but I got this in a very well manner. 

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