September 18, 2010 51 Comments

Paring

Jim's Wood Turning

I was listening to Tony Robbins’s work Lessons in Mastery (amazon affiliate link) on my drive to Montreal recently. I’d listened to it once before a long time back, but after having met him while recording the Internet Money Masters project, I’ve been revisiting some of his works. I took a lot out of the CDs, but wanted to offer one thought.

Tony said that we’re creatures of deletion, that we have to eliminate a lot of things that don’t matter at any given moment so that we can focus on what matters. For instance, we don’t think much about the car noise, about the way the seat feels, about the way the floor mat needs cleaning when we’re about to merge into traffic. We focus on the cars, on merging, and we delete all the other distractions.

In social media, you’re being told all the time to grow bigger ears, to listen, to stay up to date on everything. You’re being told to join all the conversations you can, to monitor your brand or your opportunities at every step. You’re given lots of examples to interact with humans and their stream of personal media.

But there’s no one reminding you to pare back. My recent post where I suggest that you find your blinders might be something in that direction. Leo Babauta tells you to pare back in The Power of Less.

That message is very quiet compared to the larger message of CONSUME, CONSUME, CONSUME.

Just a thought for you to consider. Are there things you could (should?) pare back?

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  • http://twitter.com/judymartin8 Judy Martin

    Hey Chris,
    I’m in agreement. Doing it as I write this. I’ve limited weekend activities with regard to my work, even though I love what I’m doing. I spend one third consuming, 2/3 on creation. Nice reminder

  • http://reallifemadman.wordpress.com Marjorie Clayman

    It’s a good message, but I would add that “paring” doesn’t have to mean “throwing away.”

    I am going through my clothes right now and stuff that is in perfectly good shape but that I just don’t wear – it’s going to Goodwill. I wish there were more ways to trickle down possessions like that. I love that some restaurants give leftover food to the homeless, for example.

    I am perpetually looking at my life, the lives of my friends, the lives of people I generally interact with, and I think, “Man…do I need all of this stuff when that person over there would really treasure just one of these things?”

    Always on my mind.

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I’m evidently giving away speaking gigs. : )

      • http://reallifemadman.wordpress.com Marjorie Clayman

        I saw a little comic while I was looking through Google the other day. A little guy is looking up at signs overhanging 2 doors. One says “Damned if you do.” The other says, “Damned if you don’t.” The guy is clearly torn, but another fella is telling him something like, “Well, make up your mind already!”

        I’ll have to find that again.

        Not that that would mean ANYTHING to you whatsoever :)

      • http://reallifemadman.wordpress.com Marjorie Clayman

        I saw a little comic while I was looking through Google the other day. A little guy is looking up at signs overhanging 2 doors. One says “Damned if you do.” The other says, “Damned if you don’t.” The guy is clearly torn, but another fella is telling him something like, “Well, make up your mind already!”

        I’ll have to find that again.

        Not that that would mean ANYTHING to you whatsoever :)

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      I’m evidently giving away speaking gigs. : )

  • Anonymous

    Interesting thought, Chris.

    I am working to pare back everything in my life because I have created so many things that SEEM important but are not. When they interfere with my family etc I have to weigh the costs and then jettison the extra stuff.

    Personally I don’t subscribe to the consume, consume, consume message and the more is better with relationships etc. As humans we have limits and we reach those limits more quickly than we like to admit (at least I do). As a result we give a smaller percentage of ourselves to a larger number of people (mile wide, inch deep stuff). That may make money but in the end it’s cheap and it devalues real relationship (Just my opinion of course. I never preach that I have this stuff figured out because I don’t.).

    Each person has their own limits. I am finding mine which I would never suggest for anyone else because they are who they are and I am who I am.

    That’s another thing about this new world order we have. We all love to give advice as if it’s a one size fits all world and there may never be a time in human history where nothing can be used as a blanket statement (other than truths that have nothing to do with social media etc).

    Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m paring down because I want real value. Not sure what it is worth to anyone else really and in the end I can’t worry about it either.

    Thanks for making me think this AM.

  • Anonymous

    Interesting thought, Chris.

    I am working to pare back everything in my life because I have created so many things that SEEM important but are not. When they interfere with my family etc I have to weigh the costs and then jettison the extra stuff.

    Personally I don’t subscribe to the consume, consume, consume message and the more is better with relationships etc. As humans we have limits and we reach those limits more quickly than we like to admit (at least I do). As a result we give a smaller percentage of ourselves to a larger number of people (mile wide, inch deep stuff). That may make money but in the end it’s cheap and it devalues real relationship (Just my opinion of course. I never preach that I have this stuff figured out because I don’t.).

    Each person has their own limits. I am finding mine which I would never suggest for anyone else because they are who they are and I am who I am.

    That’s another thing about this new world order we have. We all love to give advice as if it’s a one size fits all world and there may never be a time in human history where nothing can be used as a blanket statement (other than truths that have nothing to do with social media etc).

    Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m paring down because I want real value. Not sure what it is worth to anyone else really and in the end I can’t worry about it either.

    Thanks for making me think this AM.

  • Anonymous

    Interesting thought, Chris.

    I am working to pare back everything in my life because I have created so many things that SEEM important but are not. When they interfere with my family etc I have to weigh the costs and then jettison the extra stuff.

    Personally I don’t subscribe to the consume, consume, consume message and the more is better with relationships etc. As humans we have limits and we reach those limits more quickly than we like to admit (at least I do). As a result we give a smaller percentage of ourselves to a larger number of people (mile wide, inch deep stuff). That may make money but in the end it’s cheap and it devalues real relationship (Just my opinion of course. I never preach that I have this stuff figured out because I don’t.).

    Each person has their own limits. I am finding mine which I would never suggest for anyone else because they are who they are and I am who I am.

    That’s another thing about this new world order we have. We all love to give advice as if it’s a one size fits all world and there may never be a time in human history where nothing can be used as a blanket statement (other than truths that have nothing to do with social media etc).

    Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m paring down because I want real value. Not sure what it is worth to anyone else really and in the end I can’t worry about it either.

    Thanks for making me think this AM.

  • Anonymous

    Interesting thought, Chris.

    I am working to pare back everything in my life because I have created so many things that SEEM important but are not. When they interfere with my family etc I have to weigh the costs and then jettison the extra stuff.

    Personally I don’t subscribe to the consume, consume, consume message and the more is better with relationships etc. As humans we have limits and we reach those limits more quickly than we like to admit (at least I do). As a result we give a smaller percentage of ourselves to a larger number of people (mile wide, inch deep stuff). That may make money but in the end it’s cheap and it devalues real relationship (Just my opinion of course. I never preach that I have this stuff figured out because I don’t.).

    Each person has their own limits. I am finding mine which I would never suggest for anyone else because they are who they are and I am who I am.

    That’s another thing about this new world order we have. We all love to give advice as if it’s a one size fits all world and there may never be a time in human history where nothing can be used as a blanket statement (other than truths that have nothing to do with social media etc).

    Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m paring down because I want real value. Not sure what it is worth to anyone else really and in the end I can’t worry about it either.

    Thanks for making me think this AM.

  • http://www.basketsbybonnieblog.blogspot.com Bonnie

    Instead of paring down, I prefer to prioritize and focus. While I try to keep open ears and monitor what is happening around me, I will narrow my focus to only a few areas of importance. I hesitate putting blinders on for fear of missing a link to an enlightening tidbit.

  • http://www.basketsbybonnieblog.blogspot.com Bonnie

    Instead of paring down, I prefer to prioritize and focus. While I try to keep open ears and monitor what is happening around me, I will narrow my focus to only a few areas of importance. I hesitate putting blinders on for fear of missing a link to an enlightening tidbit.

  • http://www.basketsbybonnieblog.blogspot.com Bonnie

    Instead of paring down, I prefer to prioritize and focus. While I try to keep open ears and monitor what is happening around me, I will narrow my focus to only a few areas of importance. I hesitate putting blinders on for fear of missing a link to an enlightening tidbit.

  • http://www.basketsbybonnieblog.blogspot.com Bonnie

    Instead of paring down, I prefer to prioritize and focus. While I try to keep open ears and monitor what is happening around me, I will narrow my focus to only a few areas of importance. I hesitate putting blinders on for fear of missing a link to an enlightening tidbit.

  • http://twitter.com/Brainzooming Mike Brown

    Creating a stop doing list can be tremendously freeing. In a business setting, it’s about identifying where you’re doing things out of routine that really don’t add value for customers/clients (or for you) and eliminating these activities. If something’s not contributing to your most important goals why invest the effort.It’s also important to see if there are other activities not delivering as much value as they could because you can’t devote time or resources to them. This list is a good one to look for things to either move up in priority so you really perform or to eliminate as well since you’re not delivering your best.

  • http://cashwithatrueconscience.com/rbblog Ryan Biddulph

    Hi Chris,

    I concentrate on the idea of effective thinking. Is what I’m thinking about “impact thinking”? If not, I release the thoughts which aren’t serving me and move forward.

  • http://cashwithatrueconscience.com/rbblog Ryan Biddulph

    Hi Chris,

    I concentrate on the idea of effective thinking. Is what I’m thinking about “impact thinking”? If not, I release the thoughts which aren’t serving me and move forward.

  • http://twitter.com/blacksburgbelle April Bowles Olin

    Hey Chris! This is definitely something to consider, especially on social media. Twitter, facebook, and other social media platforms make it really easy to build relationships with people, but can you really have authentic, engaging relationships with thousands of people?

    In a consulting session I recently had with Srini from BlogcastFM and The Skool of Life, he challenged me to focus on growing my inner circle and to build relationships with no more than 150 people. I still interact with a lot more than 150 people on social media, but my focus is now on select group. I’ve only been doing this for a week, and the results are pretty amazing. I’ve been able to start “real” conversations with people who I’d only been conversing with on twitter.

    When you think about scaling back, it might seem like you’re going to have less success…but actually, the opposite can occur. I’m going to keep focusing on building solid relationships with a select group and see where it leads me :)

  • http://twitter.com/blacksburgbelle April Bowles Olin

    Hey Chris! This is definitely something to consider, especially on social media. Twitter, facebook, and other social media platforms make it really easy to build relationships with people, but can you really have authentic, engaging relationships with thousands of people?

    In a consulting session I recently had with Srini from BlogcastFM and The Skool of Life, he challenged me to focus on growing my inner circle and to build relationships with no more than 150 people. I still interact with a lot more than 150 people on social media, but my focus is now on select group. I’ve only been doing this for a week, and the results are pretty amazing. I’ve been able to start “real” conversations with people who I’d only been conversing with on twitter.

    When you think about scaling back, it might seem like you’re going to have less success…but actually, the opposite can occur. I’m going to keep focusing on building solid relationships with a select group and see where it leads me :)

  • http://roblaughter.com Rob Laughter

    “But there’s no one reminding you to pare back…”

    “Leo Babauta tells you to pare back in The Power of Less.”

    That’s a heck of a contradiction, Chris. Rather than speaking in absolutes (i.e. “There’s no one…”), I believe it would have been wiser to say, “Here are a few people who are reminding you to pare back.”

    My approach: Be selective when choosing to whom you give your precious attention. Like Leo Babauta says in The Power of Less, TIME is our only non-renewable resource. Protect it.

    When you follow that hot new “guru” on Twitter, when you subscribe to that new marketing blog, you’re spending valuable a valuable resource: your attention. Before you hit “subscribe,” ask yourself, “Am I actually going to pay attention,” and if so, “Can I really afford to give this person my attention?”

    Take a lesson from Lao Tzu:

    “In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.
    In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.
    Less and less is done until non-action is achieved.
    When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.”

    (Tao Te Ching)

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Yeah yeah. I’m glad you pointed out my flaw. : )

    • http://chrisbrogan.com Chris Brogan

      Yeah yeah. I’m glad you pointed out my flaw. : )

      • http://twistedbyjacks.blogspot.com/ Will Ross

        Now, about those 140,000 people you’re following on twitter… :o)

  • http://johnmclachlan.posterous.com John McLachlan

    Paring back is a huge challenge for me in this information glutt world but something I need to do a lot more of.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  • http://www.allofusrevolution.com Kristin

    @April, I did an interview for Srinas on Blogcast FM yesterday, and we talked about the exact same thing – finding success from a “small” network. We have 100 Twitter followers and find it hard to manage even that! @Chris B, it’s nice to have a wildly successful person remind you that it’s not quantity, but quality. Thanks for the post.

    Kristin

  • http://www.allofusrevolution.com Kristin

    @April, I did an interview for Srinas on Blogcast FM yesterday, and we talked about the exact same thing – finding success from a “small” network. We have 100 Twitter followers and find it hard to manage even that! @Chris B, it’s nice to have a wildly successful person remind you that it’s not quantity, but quality. Thanks for the post.

    Kristin

  • http://www.contentdivergent.blogspot.com Georgiawebgurl

    Great thoughts. I’ve struggled with this, too and have recently started a plan to pare down. I think it’s about focus and energy. The less important things (people, projects, etc.) should not consume the majority of your energy. There really is more to life than a popularity contest. ;-)

  • http://thepaisano.com Paisano®

    We need more of you Chris. Wait, we need less? ugh… just kidding. this is a perfect summation of the whole quality over quantity theory. A wise man told me… the sun can warm an entire field of daisies or it can burn a hole through solid steel…all depends on how the light is focussed. Same thing applies to how we focus on things in life. That man was my friend Chris Brogan who told me those original words during one of our many conversations. Never forgot it.

  • commoncents

    Hello Chris and thanks for the reminder. Yep I am pared down to the core. When I began traveling to Europe, I learned to take one small carry-on and it was totally freeing and exhilarating at the same time. Have not carried a purse in years, either. Can create a single room w/bath into a comfortable home for weeks. Automobiles and furniture are not happiness makers.
    I believe this ‘less is better’ movement that’s happening, is to get the middle class citizens in the mindset and used to not having the space we once could afford. Single family homes, automobiles and high energy consumption will be for the more affluent.

    Public transportation, using less energy and paring is the new in thing that will probably stay. In social media I think focus is better than general overviews. Pare away.

  • http://www.AbdulKarmach.com Abdul Karmach

    I used to pride myself on multitasking and accomplishing more and more. The problem with more and more is there is no end- it’s never enough.

    There is a saying that you can never get enough of what you don’t need. When your cup is full stop drinking.

    Find peace and contentment here and now, with less, and you’ll be happier for it. Ironically, you’ll get more [meaningful] things done.

  • Babs4104

    We are always looking for happiness in things and other people. Funny how it never seems to work out. Once we grasp that happiness comes from inside us, it is easier to let go of attachment to the next best gadget or hot pundit.

  • http://www.danieldecker.net Daniel Decker

    For me I go through seasons of binging (growing bigger ears) and purging (deleting). In the information world, that’s how I focus on what matters. I open the doors wide, listen for a while and narrow down the conversations that are most relevant. Then I purge the rest. Then I rinse and repeat over and over. Works for me, at least so far.

  • http://www.ospopshoe.com ospop

    Thanks for posting.

  • http://www.ospopshoe.com ospop

    Good idea! Just have a look .

  • http://www.type-shop.com Justin Norris

    Interesting post Chris. The idea of paring down is relevant on a lot of levels.

    There’s a section of the marketing classic “Positioning – The Battle for Your Mind” by Ries and Trout where they break out some stats on the volume of information produced in a single year. They basically conclude that there is more information being produced than anyone could possibly consume, even if they devoted all their time to it day and night. And this was written in the late 80s, before the internet!

    Since then we’ve obviously become an even more overcommunicated society. Understanding what information is important to consume (and what information should be disregarded) is a bigger and bigger task — no doubt there will be some interested tools developed soon to help with it.

    On a more personal level, I also find it really important to make conscious decisions about what you should / can focus on. An idea can be great, but if you don’t have adequate time to do it well, if it distracts you from what’s really important, than what’s the point?

  • http://www.reptileapartment.com John F Taylor

    Couldn’t agree more Chris. I started not too long ago to pare back on what blogs I followed as well as other social networking sites that I was using and who I was following on those to focus on those that actually matter. But this is a great reminder.

  • http://www.kherize5.com Suzanne Vara

    Chris

    Having read the post then the comments and then the post again, I am feeling I am in a different place.Tony is powerful as he is able to make us change our mindset. We dwell on what is stressing us and are unable to see past that but there is a “past that” that we can get to. He feels that any situation has no barriers or cannot be changed which I generally agree but, well … me and Tony would have a lot to talk about, = )

    Creatures of deletion and eliminating things that do no matter is scalable.We are all at different points in our lives but yet deleting something where we feel a loss of that is an emotional tie to that. That is defined by the person going through it. Turning it around an feeling a sense of gain as opposed to loss is what I believe makes us helpers or grabbers. The helper no matter what feels a sense of gain whereas the grabber feels the sense of loss. It is somewhat of a push/pull as there are times where we are compelled by our own emotions to be the grabber but yet some are inherently the helper. The helper is what we talk about in SM. Helping others some may say masks the what I call the grabber part of us which may be true but yet the helper is always gaining.

    You, as a helper, is always gaining which helps us gain and personally I am grateful for that. You make the mind go and when it goes it invokes the helper that deletes the grabber within us (at least for me).

    @SuzanneVara

  • Marge

    Chris – Thanks for reinforcing this idea. I’m just starting out – targeting an online product launch for November – and the amount of info is Overwhelming! So hard to know when enough is enough – at least for the present time. As always, the magic word seems to be balance, doing a feung shui process of mind and material. Clutter, both physical & mental can distract from the energy flow. Your thoughts & open sharing are very much appreciated.
    All the best, Marge

  • Anonymous

    Nice post Chris – The level of noise with social media just continues to increase and to make it effective for people there needs to be a level of intelligence that can be added to all of this data so that they know the right places to focus. Then you can start responding as necessary but really using your cycles on areas that are the most important. Other industries have had similar issues. I currently work in the IT security industry. There are products that collect log files but that can be millions of events a day. That is why they invented SIEM products so that they could add a layer of intelligence to those piles of data and tell you what you really need to care about. Even that is a lot at times. I think this is the next wave of products that start to make the scale of social media very functional and thus allow you to pair back.

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  • http://www.blackfridayplanet.com/ William Hushburn

    I’d like to be paired with something good.

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    I think it is a effective thinking chriis!Paring back is a huge challenge for me . go on Chris……….

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    Valuable post Chris.
    You can never get enough of what you don’t need.
    Thank you Chris.

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     Your thoughts & open sharing are very much appreciated. Thanks Chris

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