October 17, 2009 44 Comments

Playing the Emotional High Ground

Andy Bloch and Chris Brogan

The guy in the photo is professional poker player Andy Bloch. I met him last night at Annie Duke’s charity poker event last night in Las Vegas, and by “met,” we played in the event against each other. He would have crushed me, but my new friend Hal Lublin kicked my butt before Andy got the chance. What I learned about Andy within five minutes of meeting him was that he was a real stand-up guy.

He staked a guy at our table who washed out really quick so that the guy wouldn’t have to go run and get more money to stay in the game. It wasn’t a lot of money, and Andy was there to support charity, but none of that matters. The guy had lost, was feeling bad, and Andy saw it and kept him in the game. With that one move, he became a champion to me.

You have a chance like this every day. In the use of these tools, at a distance, we sometimes forget that people on the other side of the glass have emotions. We say snarky, angry, dismissive things. We see a moment like what Andy saw and we crush the opportunity instead of holding out a hand to keep someone afloat.

One thing that will separate those who make these tools work to do human business, the trust agents among us, is that we’re going to be more like Andy Bloch and recognize opportunities to play the emotional high ground.

It’s your choice.

Related posts:

  1. Playing in the All Star Game
  2. Attacking Emotional Eating
  3. Setting up a High Performance WordPress Blog
  4. Playing Pool
  5. Holiday Box Project Two

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  • http://uptownuncorked.com geechee_girl

    I love this. It's all about connecting. :)

  • http://brentnewhall.com/ BrentNewhall

    Amen! And thanks, Chris, for pointing this out.

  • pamcourt

    Living: Love – the Killer App! Thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.susancrosswrites.blogspot.com/ Susan Cross

    Ah, random acts of kindness. Bravo, Andy. I'm a fan & watch WSOP every week. This week I had someone do something that changed my day. I was leaving the hospital after sitting for 2 hours with the husband of a friend who had been hit by a car & is in critical condition. When leaving the parking garage, I stopped to pay my $4 but was fumbling so much because my hands were shaking that the attendant told me, “Just go ahead. Don't worry about paying.” I tried to insist and said I had the money I was just upset. He said, “I can see that. Just go ahead. I hope everything turns out okay.” I thanked him, drove 2 blocks and pulled over to calm down. One little thing in a very dark day put a ray of sunshine over me, even if just for a few minutes.

  • http://twitter.com/freedomlance Bethany Harris

    Awesome. Uplifting the spirit of another is extending blessings received.

  • mlkeone

    I will never forget the young boy who gave me a free latte with a heart swirled foam top one day when I was visibly upset at the coffee drive-through. He said, “I hope this makes your day just a little better.”

    Isn't the world a more wonderful place when we are kind, generous and thoughtful? I think so.

  • http://theasley.wordpress.com/ Tyler Heasley

    Seems like a neat guy.

  • http://www.kherize5.com Suzanne Vara

    In the hustle and bustle of everyday life and people looking straight ahead, some lose focus of what is around them. A simple holding the door or helping someone carry things to their car makes a difference. The good doer walks away and is on another thought where the person they help walks away thinking about it.

    People who do what they love are generally the biggest helpers to others. I guess when we are at our happiest we are able to reach out and share with others.

  • http://twitter.com/rockinrobync Robyn Cobb

    Chris
    There are people on the other side of the glass who have emotions….so well said. The snarky, dismissive comments are divisive and always at the expense of someone else and in my opinion is not worth it. Thanks so much for sharing Andy's move last night and making us aware not only of the story but how it made you feel. I hope it motivates and inspires others to keep their arms wide open because it's easier to reach out from that posture.
    We are the author of our own story and sometimes what seems like a tiny moment can be a powerful chapter in our story. Keep communicating the vision and highlighting these moments and I will do the same. I am convinced if we continue to mobilize we can affect great change and at the end of the day that's so much more satisfying and rewarding to me than money or a laugh at someone else's expense.

  • http://www.ryanhanley.com/about Ryan Hanley

    Too often people who have “made it” or are naturally gifted forget that for others the same task is a constant struggle. An unsolicited gift or suggestion can often be the difference.

    Thanks Chris

  • fabulousphotogifts

    Hi Chris

    Here's an interesting thing – it's often said that people are far more likely to pass on a grumble or complaint about a person, product or service and that's probably true.

    But how much nicer it is to get a genuine referral passed on from someone who you went the extra mile for. It not only re-affirms your faith in human-kind – it gives you the opportunity to do it all over again & again & again.

    People are equally likely to remember service that was so personalised, like the examples already shared….. I know how we want our business to be referred to and remembered.

    P.S If you're new here – then you ought to RSS Chris's site – He really is an inspiration.

  • kevineblake

    I suspect those that use these tools to tear others down are the same peopple that do the same thing in their everyday lives.
    These are the water cooler group, the gossip mongers, and the nay sayers.

    Using Social Media tools seems to only enhance and extend our natural tendencies. The groups I just mentioned usually never say anything directly to people in real life, but feel completely obligated to tear someone on the other side of the glass down.

    While the people that go out of their way to help others in real life find that that most of the time it's even easier to extend a kind word or to give help online. So this forum just gives them a new platform for helping others.

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  • http://hallublin.blogspot.com Hal Lublin

    You really captured the essence of that moment and I'm flattered to be included in your post and proud to call you a friend. Andy's class and compassion made the evening all the more special.

  • http://www.thinking-outside-of-the-square.com/blog iconic88

    Empathy and compassion are keys to building trust and building relationships. The more empathy and compassion we feel for one another in life and in business, the more people will connect with you.

    It's good business and good karma.

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  • jeffcutler

    That's awesome. The meeting of Andy is just icing on the cake.

    Love the support we're all able to give each other in our endeavors and daily lives. That's what it's about, really.

    By the way, those guys are like mind readers (the Andy Blochs of the poker world).

    Chat soon.

  • http://www.simplyzesty.com Niall Harbison

    These are the sort of guys that you want on your team :) Get as many people like this around you and you will be laughing!

  • partywedo

    I was in a seminar yesterday and heard a story about great customer service from a company called Rackspace and their use of Twitter to solve an issue. The story was good, but it made me very nervous about what might happen if a company messes up, even just a little in this highly connected world. This is now becoming place were highly connected individuals can kick the butt of the little guy in 140 characters, instead of lending a hand.

    We each gamble that our products and services will meet ALL the needs of our customers. But if they don't we could be crushed by snarky, angry, dismissive things, even when we have the best of intentions.
    I agree that we should respect the humans that we interact with and reach across the table to keep them in the game.

  • terryeast

    Wouldn't be great if we all could get over ourselves and notice the other people in the room… we are all going through the same stuff… different phases of the same cycle. The online domain is merely a reflection of what is happening in the “brick and mortar.”

    There has never been a time where we need each other more, as a community, than the present moment. There is no where to run or hide.

  • moonheart009

    This article is really great. Well both of guys are looking great on the picture.

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  • http://twitter.com/RiverwoodWriter Elizabeth Cottrell

    You did it again–made that essential connection between what's right in life and what's right in business… there's no difference! Here's another great little poem, this one about inclusion — by Edwin Markham (1852-1940)

    He drew a circle that shut me out –

    Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

    But love and I had the wit to win:

    We drew a circle that took him in.

  • Carla Douglin

    Amazing. Absolutely amazing. This, PLUS the Overnight Success posts. Thank you for not only showing that hard work pays off, but it's not glamorous. It's not “make millions on the Internet and look at my easy lifestyle”. It's about connecting, sacrifice, emotion, passion, and integrity. You're Superman.

    One note on Overnight Success: last week, I was knee deep in project details for a launch I'm doing this week. I'm stressed, freaked out, etc… and then I get the 1st Overnight Success post. It knocked my socks off, I tell you, and made me sit up straight in my chair, cut my whining, and get my project finished. Thank you for the inspiration and words of wisdom.

  • gloriabell

    Chris, Thank you for the reminder. All too often we forget the importance of actively watching for those moments and then choosing to act on them.

  • http://www.worldtree.tv/ Tony Farley

    Truth

  • Togetherwf

    I remember hearing my parents talk about how things were during the depression. In order to survive, families supported not only each other, but in many cases there neighbors. These are the famiies who emerged from the depression on strong, solid footing. We need to look at this history. If we lose campasion for one another and the ability to extend a hand, we will find ourselves in much more difficult times than we face today.
    Thank you Cris for reminding us to continue to extend a hand.

  • http://www.livinghalffull.com/ Peter Mis

    Chris,

    Great story…thanks for sharing. How great would it be if we could all use compassion as a filter in all of our human interactions. Compassion builds better people, both the recipient and sender. If we ever hope to fully realize our own individual and collective capacity for greatness, compassion is a cornerstone of that world we hope to someday build.

    Peter

  • rob19

    Andy sounds like a great guy. He could have easily let that guy leave the game but he helped him out. Alot of times we have the chance to help others but for some reason we are so focused on our own activities we never give others a second look. Glad you got to play and meet a really cool guy.

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    Great, I can't agree more

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  • http://twitter.com/christammiller christammiller

    On Friday I received an email from someone I thought was a friend, who pretty much informed me that his work was far more important than mine. It was part of a pattern I hadn't wanted to see in the past, but now cannot ignore.

    I think some people are not mean and nasty by nature — they just get caught up thinking they have paid their dues, and they don't “owe” anyone anything else. They got where they are through the school of hard knocks, they feel, and so should everyone else.

    I can't think they got to be successful all by themselves, even if it seems that way — and even if it does, what's the harm in lending a helping hand, making it just a little easier for someone else?

    Sad to say this guy has made me a lot less trusting of “good” people, but this post has restored my faith, if even a little. Thanks, Chris.

  • http://www.jeffjohnsonproducts.info/ Dan Mihaliak

    I agree Andy is a real standup guy as is many of the poker players I've had the pleasure of knowing.

  • jeffreylapointe

    Fantastic. I always like how you are really connected to the human side of life whether in business, play or whatever. You see the world of humans for what they are – human – rather than a means to get to, something to be had or something to leave in order to do something better. Very few can maintain this type of awarenesss – bravo.

  • richdixon

    Some teachers use a piece of chalk and inspire students to explore the depths of their souls and the expanses of the universe. It's not the tool, it's the heart, passion, creativity, and love of its user.

    These tools are no different. Some will use them to inspire and help, others to do small, self-centered stuff. Thanks for the example of how to do it right.

  • stevebrogan

    I have played with Andy Bloch online. We have a group of amateurs and semi-pros that play a weekly Twitter Poker Tour on the Full Tilt Poker Site that Andy is affiliated with. While he played quite well, I think that he was being easy with us. He is a master mathematician and could easily have won the tourney, barring random chance. He is a stand up guy. I hope to play him face to face some day.

  • http://twitter.com/pnstlion Gabe Young

    Looks like you had a great time. Lots of the WSOP folks are some of the friendliest bunch you'll ever meet!

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  • http://www.davidberonja.com/ David Beronja

    Great post I just wish it was about 24 hours sooner. It would have changed the way I handled a situation at Barcamp Nashville. I said via twitter what everybody else was thinking but I should have instead taking the high ground. Less learned and blog post about it will be forth coming. Thanks for the advice.

  • Birdlike

    Hi Chris,

    It is very uplifting to hear or witness stories like the one you're relating in your post.

    Playing the high emotional ground is a choice which is easy to make, especially for those who have experienced how it feels to be on the receiving side of it.

    Being on the giving side then feels even better.

    Tearing others down instead of building them up whether in real life or through social media is a symptom of low self-esteem.

    If we play the high emotional ground we'll spread it to others and they in turn will pass it on.

    Vance

  • http://www.vancesova.com Vance Sova

    Hi Chris,

    It is very uplifting to hear or witness stories like the one you're relating in your post.

    Playing the high emotional ground is a choice which is easy to make, especially for those who have experienced how it feels to be on the receiving side of it.

    Being on the giving side then feels even better.

    Tearing others down instead of building them up whether in real life or through social media is a symptom of low self-esteem.

    If we play the high emotional ground we'll spread it to others and they in turn will pass it on.

    Vance

  • marryroy01

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