Small Talk is Big- Overnight Success

Your one hundred % right. I hate the term over night success. That's all.

That's one of the advices that I follow from Keith Ferrazzi. He also point out to talk something meaningful. I guess he knows what he is talking about since he is the master of networking. Is almost midnight in a Saturday and I'm here working, I guess I'm applying the "Overnight Success" trick *sarcasm*
Have a nice Sunday Chris

The details matter, always. Rock on.

Like we say in the Army, attention to detail.

So true.

Couldn't agree more. When I ran a retail store I studied a training program where the guy said "When someone comes in the door, the first conversation you have with them should never be about business." He called it "Schmoozing" and you know what not only did it work, I ended up closing a lot more business, but it was a lot of fun! People have a lot of interesting stories and backgrounds that you can learn from. At first you may feel a little fake doing it, but as you do it more and more you find you really are interested in them as a person and where they're coming from. There are a lot of interesting folks in the world!
Added benefit: when you schmooze with people, sincerely, it builds trust. You don't reek of desperation and when they trust you, they end up buying from you, usually.

good advice, I try this with people but sometimes they just look right through me and seem to not care, but I just smile and move on. So, basically if people don't like small-talk because their in a bad mood or something, just hit them with kindness, maybe your be the one who breaks that bad mood. :)

I love small talk. Used to be good at remembering names, but age and children have taken my memory away from me. I'm always amazed by people who remember and pronounce my name right. It tells me they either care or I made a good impression.

Small talk is something that does not come natural to me. But it is like any other skill the more you do it the easier it becomes.

Yes....I'm not good at that either. I marvel at the people who do it so well. I wish you luck in acquiring that skill. Wish me luck too!

Chris

Take it a step further, convenience store, trash collectors, walking past someone on the street, holding a door ... it can go on and on. Everyone is someone and just taking the time to even acknowledge that someone goes a long way. Everyone knows your name when you know everyone's - even if it is for a short time when you are at a hotel or using a car service.

It feels like sometimes we live in a world of I will acknowledge you if you can do something for me. And never thinking what can I do for them. Small talk with people that are not in our industry provides insight into how we can be better within ourselves which flows over into our industry.

Think about this - how people treat us by how we are dressed. In jeans and a sweatshirt and sneakers I certainly do not garner the same respect as I do in a suit. I am still the same person but in a suit or even a dress I am am much more received than when I am in jeans and sweatshirt. My hair is the same, the make-up is the same but the clothes are not so treatment is different.

We scoff when we are not acknowledged or no attention is given but how much do we give to others?

The first thing I ask my waitress (or anyone else for that matter) is: "I'm sorry, what was your name?"

It changes everything (the whole experience; for the better). Yes, small talk is important. And so is remembering people's names. You might not think it, but it really does matter :-)

Couldn't agree more. It is nice when people remember your name and have a conversation before tying to jam something down your throat. Most people know it is a tatic to sell you something or to get you to do something but that is ok. If the person treats you like a human and talks first before selling it goes a long way.

Thanks for another great tip in the Overnight Success Series.

You are so right Chris
I travel the world to give lectures and I can;t tell you how mant times my level of service is "upgraded" just because I take the time to ask someone's name and repeat it during our short visit together.
John Asaraf from
"The Secret"

What may be considered "small talk" to some could be a moment saver, a day saver or even a life saver to the recipient. We never know what kind words, respectable words may mean to the people who are receiving them....never know how the kindness at that moment is needed for that persons self worth! So yeah.....let's all be overnight successes and be kind, respectable and above all be caring!
As always, thank you Chris!

My Dad taught me to always find out someone's name and use it... That one small thing can really take a conversation to new level.

Never really liked the word schmoozing - it sounds so artificial and calculating. You're just doing this because you want something. So important to be genuine and sincere. Smile and eye contact are also huge!

Yes, the word 'schmoozing' has bad connotations. And some people do obviously schmooz - which is why I rejected the idea in the first place. I'm observing people to find the formula I'm comfortable modeling after.
I'd love to meet Chris (Brogan) one day.

This isn't a little thing. It's a huge thing! For some of us, small talk doesn't come easily. I'm good at it now, but I had to practice it. A lot. Still practicing!

Hi Chris, I couldn't agree w/you more. Small talk is a skill, and it doesn't come naturally to everyone. I had to learn how to do it and in the process I learned that I find human beings to be really interesting (I was surprised to find this out about myself!).
BTW: a salesperson at JCrew put some boots on hold for me on Friday. When I went back yesterday to pay for them, she wasn't there. But I remembered her name so she got the commission, not the person who pulled them out of the back room for me. I remembered her name: it was Laurel!

Good for you for remembering her name. When it comes to sales commission we should be deliberate in making sure the right person gets credit.
Congratulations on your small talk skill. I am still learning.

like I said, watch talk shows...it really helps! I just wrote a blog post about Small Talk skills, maybe some tips for you there. http://bit.ly/1biBuF

Thanks Betsy. Read your blog. Good post.

Chris - I think one of the things that is necessary for this is that you actually DO care about the people you are talking to. It would be utterly exhausting to "act" like you care everywhere you go. I don't know if you are acting, but I truly get the sense that you do care.

Chris- Great VIDEO! Thanks again for sharing... This speaks to the fact that we really truly are brothers and sister's, and we should treat each other as such...
Thanks again... Brian-

Small talk should be more than just another a gimmick used to manipulate others - Small talk is an opportunity to create a comfort zone by identifying little commonalities of our human experience.

Chris -

100% agree in the power of small talk and names - 2 of your major strengths. Another person who is AMAZING at this is Stephanie Miller - @StephanieSAM - of Return Path. It is incredible how she not only recalls peoples names, but also what they do and spits back a few interesting facts about their personal life. You already know this, but Justin Levy is also great at this. I've been impressed with all three of you in this area. Working on it myself...

One thing to add: I think if you can drop in some humor to the small talk, you become even closer to earning the title of "Mr. Overnight Success." Do you agree?

DJ Waldow
Director of Community, Blue Sky Factory
@djwaldow

Great video, Chris. Working in radio in a large market, we have club gigs and always meeting new people. I always invite them to add me on facebook. This way their names are always fresh in my mind when I see their updates. It works for me, people really love it when you know their name. I have taken a lot from this series.

Chris, I am enjoying your series, On Overnight Success. When a person hears their name, it makes them feel important.

Its Great!!!I think people respond well to you because you really do care; you can't fake that... Keep the great tips and insights flowing Chis.

@Ricardo I work for Keith as his Social Media Manager. Small Talk was always something I did, but I never knew how to take it to the next level like Keith advocates (until I read Never Eat Alone). He also has a device called the "Deep Bump" which is like small talk with a purpose. You take the conversation very deep very quickly. This technique is usually reserved for making small talk with a "target", not necessarily the receptionist at your hotel.

The goal of small talk is simple: start a conversation, keep it going, create a bond (this part is a little harder), and leave with the person thinking, "Wow, I really dig that person."

To create a bond, make it a practice to ask "So, what are you passionate about?" or "Do you like your job? What is it about your job that makes you the most happy/satisfied?" or even "what's your biggest goal in life?"

All of these questions make it easy to dive deep with someone very quickly.

BONUS: They also work when trying to take the conversation to the next level with someone of the opposite sex...

Check out our post on small talk - it might help expand the dialog: http://www.keithferrazzi.com/relationship-devel...

Ah small talk!! Some people are born with the gift of gab and then there are those of us whose heart pounds and palms sweat when entering a networking function. It can bring you back to grade school and being passed over in gym class when someone glances over you and deems you not interesting enough to speak to. I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and smile, say hello, and give an opening to strike up a conversation. Kudos to you for demonstrating a natural ability and some learned skills along the way.

Chis, I just listend to Overnight Success series and you make a lot of great points! I could not agree with you more. As for small talk being important. I just read a Customer Experience Matters blog entry by Bruce Temkin the "Ritz-Carlton's Customer-Centric Culture" that is along these lines. One of the things that struck me is that they view their people as "ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen". Wow, if you treat people well and truly show an interest in them it is amazinge what happens. And in reference to your series, success is not usually easy, so don't expect it to be ... but enjoy the process.

Well said, Chris. I wholeheartedly agree with this. I refer to people by name whenever possible and try to teach my kids the same. My nine year old asked why and I said it is just polite (plus you get better treatment). Keep these videos coming.

You already know this, but Justin Levy is also great at this. I've been impressed with all three of you in this area.

It's amazing that such a small thing can make such a HUGE difference. Thanks for the reminder!

But not everyone can do this naturally. I think this is one of those soft skills that are very difficult for some people to learn. The trick is not just pretending you care about people, but actually caring about people. Many people will try this but really won't care. Some of their recipients will be able to tell the difference.

Having said that, yes, truly connecting with people during small talk is a good skill to have.

Right on Chris... Be human, care about other people and be genuine in your all your interactions whether they be face to face or virtual.

Chris,

Thank god you pointed this out! a huge component of truly engaging with someone is LISTENING more than you talk. Hear the person you are engaging with, put your phone in your pocket, don't check your email, look them right in the face and hear what they are saying. Listening to the words that are said are one thing, hearing the meaning behind what is said is entirely different. Understand this piece and the entire conversation moving forward gets a whole lot easier.

Erik Boles
http://ErikBoles.com
http://twitter.com/ErikBoles

That's a very interesting title. I like the video.