Ways to Be Human at a Distance

October 23, 2009 · Comments

Anthony Edwards and Chris Brogan I talk to companies all the time about being human at a distance, and how these new social tools allow us to engage in human business, which I consider more relationship-driven than numbers-driven. There are lots of things I mean when I say this, and lots of ways to implement it online. I’ll give a few here as a starting point for your consideration. As we uncover how human business works, these topics are pertinent to how we weave: to move from solo player to interconnected node. Add what you will to this in the comments.

The Basics of Presence

  • Faces matter – On all online accounts, use a picture of you, or you with a logo, or you in front of a logo, to represent yourself.
  • Backgrounds matter – I realize it’s superficial, but having a custom Twitter background, or using more than a rudimentary blog design, and/or personalizing your platforms of use give off the sign that you’re part of the system, and that you’re there to interact.
  • Fill out your bio – Add your name and contact information (and you can choose HOW you want to be contacted) to your various profiles online. Make it easy for people to do business with you.

Conversational Matters

  • Make each conversation unique to the platform – By this, I mean that I prefer individual conversations on Facebook that aren’t cloned into Twitter and/or back again. I believe it’s more authentic to be in one place at a time. Even if you say similar things in both places, I prefer it that way than to blanket automated clatter.
  • Talk about them – It’s easy to talk about yourself. Listen to what others are saying and reach out to them about them. This gives so much more richness to when you start talking about what you’re into.
  • Be the #1 commenter on your blog – If you’re maintaining a blog, be sure to comment back to what people have offered you. It extends the relationship, acknowledges that you’ve seen what they’ve said, and gives people the sense of feeling heard. (I work hard at this, but it’s not always easy when things get busy).
  • Be brief – This is easy to accomplish in Twitter, but strive for the same in email, in blogging, in all the ways you seek to connect with people.
  • Remember – When someone says their cat is sick, it’s good to make a note to inquire about it later. People like when you remember. It goes far in making a relationship feel two-way, because believe me, they remember about you.
  • Ask – Often, if someone is talking a lot about you, they’re hoping (at least a bit) that you’ll return the favor and ask about them. Be sure to do that.
  • Be helpful – Conversations are a great starting point to finding out what someone needs, but offer help, not just sales of your products or services. Be genuinely interested in someone else’s success and you’ll find all kinds of reward for this down the road.

Motion and Sound

  • Add video to the mix – When I record my videos for book reviews or things like overnight success, I get an overwhelming response back from people. Video has power. I tend to use it as part of my communications deck, because video isn’t yet very well searched by Google, and because people can read text much faster than they can appreciate a video, but it’s there, just the same, because video conveys emotions in ways that text can only emulate.
  • Don’t shy away from sound – Using something as simple as BlogTalk Radio is a great way to mix voice and conversation into your online presence and communications plans. It’s just as important, I believe, and gives people lots to go on.
  • Pictures help – I use Flickr to share photos of events, of people I meet, of my family, of whatever catches my fancy. I do this also because they connect us, they give us common experience points, they share faces with we humans (who have a thing for faces, if you didn’t know). Pictures are a strong way to add humanity to what you do.

Topics of Conversation

  • Mixing Personal and Professional – I’m for it. People ask me all the time whether they should talk about personal things on their business account. I say yes, absolutely. But be measured. There’s a huge difference between self-aware and self-involved. In my personal case, I’m lucky. I’m my own brand, so if I want to scare you with tweets about my doctor’s office, I can. You might not be as lucky, but please, in the name of all that is holy, don’t be boring. That’s a worse crime.
  • Talk about the space, not you – As much as you can, talk about what equips your customers/prospects/audience and not about your stuff. Talk about music and your passion for a certain band if you’re Sonos. That’s what Thomas Meyer does very well. (Hi, Tom)
  • Share the spotlight – People know you’re awesome. Point out others who are awesome, too. If you can, point out customers and prospects who are awesome. They appreciate the attention, too. The point is, it’s not about you.
  • Talk about great causes – If I could write about causes in every post, I would. Mark Horvath at InvisiblePeople.tv wouldn’t complain (would you, Mark?). This shows that you care, that you want bigger things for the world than just your own personal success. It helps people gauge what matters to you.
  • Don’t brag – At least not much. People just don’t like bragging. They might accept the occasional self-deprecation-laden quasi-boast, but don’t be that guy. (Man, and don’t retweet when people say something nice about you. It just looks icky.)

    There are many more ways to talk about, but this is a good enough start.

    How else do you think companies and people on the web should learn to be human at a distance?

    If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

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    • William James: “The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

      If every internet act is viewed and conceived through that prism, we add humanity to all we communicate. William James would be proud of this blog post.
    • xo1226xo
      Mike....this added feedback is SO true......Great reference/quote! :)
    • Chris....Great post. I am trying to incorporate alot of your points listed above slowly. Dont want to make to many drastic changes all at once. The biggest thing I am doing now is just trying to make relationships out in the blogesphere.
    • mariannesnow
      I love working globally, everyone has different cultural norms and we can't assume all the rules apply to every part of the world. People are people and everyone appreciates respect. But showing respect means different things depending on regional culture norms. When we learn a bit beyond our own geography the international community really appreciates it. A good friend of mine from Vietnam once explained that the reason Microsoft signed a big business deal in his country - Bill Gates visited and ate something that indicated his deep commitment to the relationship. He gained instant respect and secured his relationship with the Vietnamese people. Sometimes you gotta eat the local cuisine to show authenticity.
    • I agree that even with business accounts, you need to include a human element to the conversation and that it's important to use these social platforms as means for conversation, not a broadcast of your message.

      I have been thinking lately though, about the way different generations view social media. A 22 year old who never new a world without the internet is (in general) more comfortable sharing personal information than people my age and older, who grew up in a world before the interwebs (in general). The catch is, that if the demographic of your target audience is older, if they are on these platforms at all, they may be as uncomfortable hearing about personal information as they are about sharing it.

      This may seem obvious (keeping your customer's point of view in mind) but many people I have talked to lately in their 20s, new to the workforce, do not even realize this generational difference exists. Just something to keep in mind.
    • larrybruce
      Thanks 4 the help Chris with eveything hope we can get together and catch up soon.
    • Very helpful indeed. I really like the idea of using mixed media in the communication approach. People process information differently and provide avenues that address that show that you consider those realities.

      Thanks again Chris.
    • This is really very nice information. I will learn by this article about human relation.
    • heroweb
      Excellent post, Chris. Another thought: for the people/relationships that matter to you, take the time to learn about them. Go to their website/blog and find out what makes them tick. Do a Google search. Getting beyond the typical Twitter banter will make the relationship more real and valuable.
    • Thanks for putting together such a great & concise list Chris. If everyone who was starting out on the social media journey were to read and then act on the points you make, the web would be an even better place to network!

      I'm going to include a link to this post as a 'must read' for my contacts.
    • These are all good tips. I think people try to be so impersonal online that they end up hurting themselves. It's good to be real with people. Genuine connections are just so valuable.
    • Another great post - I chuckled when I read "They might accept the occasional self-deprecation-laden quasi-boast, but don’t be that guy."

      New mantra running through my head as I blog, post, etc. to keep myself in check - "Help, don't sell... Help, don't sell..."
    • First of all, I can't believe there are only 8 comments to this post as I write this.

      I work for a large travel agency here in Australia and have been given the responsibility to work on their facebook page. This is something I'm really excited about and something I really feel the company needs as it's lacking some personality.

      I totally agree with you on the mixing business and personality. I've read a lot of text in the past stating that you should keep personality and business totally seperate but I think this is evolving more and more with the huge upward trend in social media. I absolutely love it. I recently converted from having a just a logo for my beginner blogger brand to combining both the logo my mug and the element of fun and happiness.

      I see people with twitter accounts displaying just a logo, they're great brands but they are just lacking personality. These days I think a lot more people are buying 'people' and not 'products'. It works even better when these 'people' actually listen.

      Keep up the awesome work Chris, I can't remember how I found you but you're someone I really look up to. Fantastic role model. (Yes I know I have to learn how to be 'brief' :P)
    • I think you’ve pretty well nailed it with your list. My one thing to add... I think being human also means not always being agenda driven. People can smell that out. Don’t use tactics that "appear" to make you real or “authentic” because someone said to be that way, just be real and authentic. Sure, we all need to monetize and have some sort of ROI at some point but you can easily trip over the pursuit of short-term gain instead of creating long-term sustainability, engagement and relationships that matter. Not every post needs to convert. I don’t recall ever trying to “upsell” a friend while spending time together at Starbucks while just BEING and conversing together.

      Finally...a word of wisdom to echo the end of your post.
      “Don’t praise yourself. Let someone else do it.” Proverbs 27:2
    • I'm with you, Daniel, and that's a great Proverb to throw in there. : )
    • OK Chris, here's an example you used in Trust Agents. Scoble came right out and said that his own company's browser IE sucked in comparison to Firefox. That's a pretty good way to be human: tell the truth.
    • I'm with you, Jon. Truth rules. : )
    • As always you are an inspiration for me. I have several companies expressing interest in my skills/knowledge of social media from a recruiting & business development perspective. This is great info that I can use to translate their needs into social media inclusion. There's a lesson in here for me, too. I sometimes get trapped behind my computer & forget that meetings "in person" (web conference, phone, face to face) garner more positive response.
    • This post contains the kind of fundamental advice we should all hear, but I'm not so sure about mixing personal and professional online. I talk with hiring manager who are worried when they find candidates sharing personal details online. It can be totally safe for work, but they are concerned that, if hired, you'll start talking about the company. I don't really agree with this policy, but I often advise people it is better to be safe than sorry.
    • Thanks Chris! I often forget that there are other tools available to help drive the human factor in business. Video, photographs, audio and sharing are things I've used, but not on a regular basis. I'll have to incorporate all of these into my communications to keep things fresh and interesting for my communities. And, you've also given me a great reminder to keep it about the community, not just me and my products and services.

      Thanks!
    • Nice post, Chris. My favorite quote is, "There's a huge difference between self-aware and self-involved." Good reminders of what we must do to be relevant.

      Mary
    • Wow, this is awesome advice! It's like you've been doing this a while or something... I especially appreciate the faces part. It's magic to see someone real.
    • I feel like Anthony Edwards is slowly consuming my soul from that picture. (Soooo intense)
    • Thanks Chris. Great post. I have often wondered about the mixing of personal and business and I will wonder no longer.
    • Chris,
      Another simply FABULOUS article. Thanks for providing such a clear voice on the way to keep business personal. Relationships are the heart and soul of an effective business, and I love how you've outlined ways to keep that personal touch, even as businesses go high-tech. You're a great resource! Thanks for being so generous in all you share.

      Cheers!
      Jennifer Fong
    • tamivroma
      Chris,
      Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I love your posts to begin with but while reading this post I came up with an incredible idea!
      I am a short sale Realtor in West Michigan. It makes me so incredibly sad that more people do not understand how much better a short sale is than a foreclosure. People are letting their homes foreclose left and right because they don't know there is a better option than foreclosure when HAVE to sell the house. But I have had a hard time figuring out how to get this info out to the masses in the West Mi Home market.
      As I was reading through your blog, it suddenly dawned on me that I could do a webinar or do a spot on blog talk radio. People are embarrassed and this would offer them the they want!!!
      Thank you so much!!
    • Glad to click on a lightbulb or two. : )
    • Great advice here Chris - I especially agree with "being the number one commenter on your blog" - Some people will say responding to every or most of your comments is excessive (and impossible at time) - but I personally schedule in time out of my day that is entirely dedicated to comment-response. I want to make every one of my readers feel valued and appreciated - because without the conversation and engagement of your community, what is your blog anyway? Nothing.
    • I don't hit each comment, but I try to do enough that folks know I'm here. : )
    • You are very good at consistently doing that Chris - we know you're out there listening.
    • Hi Chris,

      Loads of great tips here, but I hope everyone stops to let your first sentence sink in, especially the part about "and how these new social tools allow us to engage in human business, which I consider more relationship-driven than numbers-driven."

      Picking up on Daniel Decker's comment, I think "numbers-driven" thinkers are more likely to "trip over the pursuit of short-term gain" to the detriment (or destruction) of the long-term human relationships that sustain us in our business and personal lives.

      If people can get that part internalized, then they can work themselves silly creating the "overnight success" you've talked about! ;-D

      Tom
    • kirknickey
      Chris, Excellent post. You make a lot of excellent points and should be required reading for anyone using social media.
      Do you know what percentage of companies are using social media now?
      I will also share your site with my followers from Twitter,Facebook,and my friends.
    • Not sure, Kirk. If you check my case studies file, you'll find some stats:

      http://delicious.com/chrisbrogan/casestudy
    • This was a great post. thanks for the advice and help. You have been a great model of all of these behaviors.
    • I definitely like the bit about separate communication styles for different media. The medium you use matters, and respecting that medium matters even more today. I've been abusing this in the past and you have shaken me out of my slumber.
    • valeriesimon
      Great tips! One question though regarding your suggestion to use video; Is video really for everyone? I'd argue that although it works for you, it is not necessarily something everyone should do. I've seen too many of my favorite bloggers fail when attempting to Vlog. Engaging, brilliant bloggers can suddenly appear flat and even uninteresting on video. While I agree that video can provide an excellent opportunity to convey passion and emotion, I’d urge those who want to use video to be sure that they carefully consider how they come across. Watch yourself and have someone you trust do the same and give you feedback
    • Okay, good point. Do video WELL. You're right. It's not everyone's medium. But I encourage more people to try. You don't know until you fail horribly. : )
    • Taken without example, this list looks difficult - but having watched the video about your Day In The Life in a previous post, having seen you demonstrate this with (at least viible) grace, there are certainly a number of things on this list that simply aren't happening with enough public persons, no matter their profession.

      If the message is to be believed, the messenger must be believable.
    • Maija
      I totally agree with this: "(Man, and don’t retweet when people say something nice about you. It just looks icky.)"

      I just don't understand why so many companies do this. It isn't giving me any valuable or worthwhile information, so I get irritated with that kind of junk cluttering my feeds.
    • bkjrecruiter
      Thanks for the post... I agree it all matter.. Every single incy minute little bit... Can be overwhelming, but in the end we ALL become better.. Better products, better service, better communication, better relationships, better lovers, better everything!
      Best, Brian-
      http://www.johnstonsearch.com/about.php
    • It's amazing how many blogs are missing a bio. The background of the blogger is pretty important!

      However, there is a fine line between bragging and providing supporting evidence. Building credibility takes time but the bio/about page needs to help move that process along.
    • Great point. I love reading people's "about" pages. It's weird when there's no human there.
    • Chris:

      It's funny, but I feel like I know you even though I have never met you. You are living proof that your 'ways to be human at a distance' really work.
    • Michael Jones
      As always, your comments provide some real substance to think about. When I think about creating community, your underlying themes of sharing, promoting others, and providing for the greater good are inspiration to us all about what real community is.
    • Hi Chris,

      Being human at a distance starts with being human at close range. With all the tools we have the distance can be easily bridged.
      I think you have covered all the points how to do that that I could think of and some.

      What I think is very obvious but often not done is replying to e-mails and messages in all forms.
      Not doing so can be excused for a while but not for too long.

      Vance
    • joyceschneider
      All very relevant, helpful tips, Chris! Never thought about using sound (blog radio) and think that is could be an interesting addition. I'll look into that. Again, all great points to remember, and more inportantly, to use when you're in the social space.
    • xo1226xo
      Chris, thank you for all that you do to help others learn and grow in this ever-so-rapidly-changing-world we live in! I appreciate/value all that you write and teach about.... :)

      This post "Ways to Be Human at a Distance" keeps us mindful to so many points many seem to be losing sight of and/or sadly just not acknowledging....

      Best of continued success to you! :)
    • Ha! It's like you've figured out the formula to fake closeness. Kudos to you, but no.
    • Ian makes some great points as well. I've never thought too much about that generational gap that definitely exists. There is so much informality connected to the internet and if you can display your human qualities online, I think they will be more inclined to do business with you.
    • Kathy
      Great post, Chris. I love the way you complete the cycle from The Basics, to Conversation, to Topics of Conversation. One of my favorite tips is Share the Spotlight. It's so easy to get wrapped up in what we are doing, that we forget the others who help us get where we are today, as well as the good will passed around when we lift up others.

      Cheers!
    • LeanneWatson
      What a great post. A virtual friend of mine Sabine Pyrchalla allerted me to this and I'm grateful that she did. We've become good friends through a lot of the things your referring to in the post.

      Personally, for the I find the one post for different mediums is the way I choose to do things, even though it makes life busier in the process.

      My reasoning is that my facebook is a combination of family, friends, business associates and colleagues, and my in the flesh friends already think I spend too much time in and on my business :D so if I'm too in their faces there ... well !!!

      My twitter on the other hand is more people I've connected to in a business sense so it's much easier to chat about what I'm doing and the things I'm finding useful to help me grow myself and my business.

      I think it's simply awesome how I now have people I chat to all around the world, people I never would have had the opportunity to meet let alone build relationships with prior to the advent of facebook, twitter, linkedIn, plaxo and the like ...
    • I've been wondering how much time everyone spends keeping up with all the social media. When business is slow, this doesn't become much of a problem and is easy for me to keep up; but when I have a lot of websites waiting to be coded, my twitter and facebook feeds, as well as my blog posts tend to be pushed off and forgotten. It seems like hours need to be spent trying to read what everyone is writing...or am I trying to keep up too much? :)
    • Chris,
      I am always learning from you! Although I follow you on Twitter & a a Facebook fan- I actually do follow you -- your advice, blog, book, etc., and work to put your advice into practice.
      And your advice is applicable beyond social media, it applies in non-web life!
      Thanks,
      Judy Rey
    • markinsonmarshal
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    • aishamalik
      Hi Chris!

      I am new to the field of blogging. I really liked your post.
      Its great!! very informative, simple and concise.

      I want your guidance that how should I take a start for a successful blogging??

      You know what, the reason I am writing to you is that I know you are there to reply me. Mostly bloggers don't respond to the comments.
    • sajwest
      balancing personal and professional is a hard to quantify. I see some TMI posts on FB and it definitely makes me wonder what people were thinking. Same goes for Twitter as well.
    • Great advice as usual.
    • Hi Chris,

      I skimmed the post when I saw it and thought I need to read this deeply. So happy that I took the time to do so today. You post is systematic and easy to follow. Something I know my customers will appreciate; I know I do.



      Christina
    • mikemarn
      I just love the phrase "being human at a distance." It actually made me a little bit angry with myself. For many years, in the non-cyber world, I was the ad creative director who preached against stiff, over-rehearsed presentations and praised being human, funny, etc., because "clients are people first." But when I started blogging, I think I was a bit too concerned with looking like I belonged to the on-line club, and afraid too much humanity would lump me with the less-credible/amateur/beer-and-baseball-cap part of the blogosphere. This post reminds me to act on my beliefs in whatever format I'm using. Human is never wrong; in fact, it's always essential. Thanks, Chris.
    • This is an excellent post. I sure wish more people would understand these simple things. Too many people more interested in clogging bandwidth with nonsense than actually creating bonds with others online. Thanks for this.
    • annascott81
      Great article, great tips!

      That's what most people don't understand while doing business.

      Chris always come up with really nice blogs to educate people.
    • As always, you've written a perfect post. In other words, "Be the kind of person you want to follow, the one you want to see in the mirror." I'll definitely be sharing this post with clients. Thank you, Chris.
    • Chris I do like this, having written about it myself (albeit, in a measurable framework)

      And kudos for point out invisiblepeople.tv. I am certainly starting to believe you must be a Christian, with all the Christian content you point to.
    • Thank You for the valuable information. This is most definitely a terrific piece of work. Let me know if you'd like to exchange links. I allow people to post their fave quote linked to their site on my static website. You have a lot to offer! God Bless!
    • marryroy01
      I like one of the reviews that The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.A good friend of mine from Vietnam once explained that the reason Microsoft signed a big business deal in his country - Bill Gates visited and ate something that indicated his deep commitment to the relationship.

      aminosäuren
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